by Baker, LJ
"You asked me that." He stared at me with a blank expression.
"Sorry. I guess I just have a lot on my mind."
Will's face dropped and he let go of my hand. "Yeah. I guess I just thought you'd want to talk about it with me."
I reached out and took both his hands into mine. "I do. Please don't think that I don't. I just need to figure things out in my own head first. Can you understand that?"
He nodded and slid his hands under me to pull me off the chair and into his lap. Before I had a chance to respond, I was pressed against him and his mouth was on mine. Any thoughts I had, were quickly lost in the warm wetness of his tongue against mine and his hands stroking up my back. Every part of me responded and brought me a peace that no amount of talking ever could.
Will pulled away, both of us panting, our lungs starved for oxygen. "You will come to me when you're ready though, right?" His eyes searched mine and I knew in that moment, he needed confirmation.
"Of course I will." I nodded and slipped my hands up into his hair to pull him back.
Dan knocked on the door and waited for a response before peeking his head in.
"You wanna give me a hand with the stove? I can't really reach in there and I think you might be able to fit better." He glanced from Will to me, then down, and noticed I was sitting on his lap. "I'm uh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." His face flushed and he turned to go.
Will shrugged and kissed the tip of my nose. "Pick this up later?"
"Uh huh." I slipped off his lap and watched him go catch up with Dan.
They were getting along too well to try to keep him all to myself. Seeing them working together and talking like friends was more than I could've hoped for.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Will helped Dan fix the oven while I prepared what was hopefully our last dinner on the camp stove, while Dan shot me constant instructions so I wouldn't ruin it. After we ate, the guys went over the new finds from our supply run and I took the opportunity to check out the books I found. They were mostly mass market romance garbage, but one or two actually looked like they had promise.
I settled into the old chair in the living room and cracked open the book to start, when I heard a noise from upstairs. Dad did a decent job of sound proofing the place, but every so often, we heard a thump or creak from the house above us. It could have meant there were people in the house, and usually they would leave without incident, but we still had to be on alert.
I tip-toed over to the guys and motioned toward the upstairs. Dan jumped to his feet and went for the gun we had stashed under the table. We kept a few hidden around, just in case there was ever a problem and we needed to get to one quick. Will headed into the back to get another weapon and I grabbed my knife from my belt.
Dan stood in front of the door and waited. There was another loud thump and I knew there was definitely someone up there. I hated the idea of unwelcome visitors in my house, especially ones that were making that much noise, but as long as they left without an issue, it wouldn't be too bad.
I thought about the house Dan and I found the boots in. If looters trashed my home that way I would be heartbroken.
Please, let them just take what they need and leave.
Please.
Part of me wanted to go up there, see what they were doing, and demand that they leave. Of course, I knew how ridiculous that would be. Besides, there was no way the guys were letting me out of the basement if there was any chance I could get hurt.
The waiting and wondering was giving me too much anxiety, and my hands were starting to shake. I was attached to that house and invading it was like being personally violated. When my legs started to shake, I knew I needed to take a seat and wait it out. Will shot me a sympathetic look, but kept his place a few feet from Dan.
The two of them discussed at length, what we would do if anyone broke into the house or tried to get into the basement. The way down was camouflaged pretty well, so I held onto a shred of hope that it would never come to that. But just in case, we were prepared. Or the guys were. I wasn't exactly sure how I would handle it. I wanted to say that my training would take over and I'd behave just like I would in any other location. But in reality, I knew my attachment for the place was likely to get in the way.
We held our positions, in silence, for what seemed like an eternity. It was probably more like twenty minutes since the last noise we heard, before anyone took a chance and spoke.
"I think they're gone." Dan shoved his gun into his jeans and walked over to where I was sitting. "You okay, love?"
"I guess so. Can we go check?" Visions of the possibilities of what they might have done to my home flashed through my mind. I wouldn't be able to relax until I saw the damage and knew for certain they were gone.
"Not yet, babe. We should give it some time just to make sure they are long gone." Will took the seat next to me on the couch and draped his arm over my shoulder for comfort.
My heart sank. I didn't want to wait. Every minute that passed, I imagined the scenarios, one worse than the next. "How long?"
Dan sat on the coffee table in front of me and tried to give me a comforting smile. "Will's right. They could still be up there, or not far gone. We should wait at least an hour, probably two. Then we'll all go together and check everything out if it will make you feel better."
I sucked in a deep breath and let it out in one quick swoosh. "Okay."
Will slid his hand under my shirt and scratched his nails over my back. He knew it was one of the best ways to calm me down, and this was no exception. When I was a kid, it was how my mother soothed me after a bad dream or when I was sick. It reminded me of better times and before I knew it, my eyes were heavy and I was starting to doze off.
***
"Hey, Love. Wake up. If you still wanna check things out upstairs, we can head up now." Dan ran his knuckles over my cheek and looked down at me.
Dan's smiling face above me wasn't a bad way to wake up. For a moment, I even forgot what made me so upset before I closed my eyes.
For a moment.
I sat up straight as the reality set in and reminded me what was going on. "Yeah. Okay. I'm ready." I glanced around for Will, but didn't see him. "Where's Will?"
"Right here." Will appeared from the hallway and shoved a gun into the waistband of his jeans.
Dan went up first, followed closely by Will. I hoped the house wasn't in too bad of shape, but even more, I hoped whoever was there, had gone. We checked the first floor, room by room. The front door was broken in, wooden shards laid in a splintered mess on the pale tiles. The couch was overturned and the end table was smashed into pieces. There was no reason for that kind of destruction, other than the destruction itself. Those were the kind of people who pissed me off and made me want to smack them hard, with a brick, in the face.
The first floor, though a mess, was clear, so we headed upstairs to check the rest of the house. Mom and Dad's room, which had been in the worst shape to begin with, had graffiti painted on the walls. It looked like someone used their bed frame for a trampoline, because the wood was broken into a million pieces as if it was repeatedly stomped on until it no longer resembled any sort of furniture. A small tear fell from my eye as I took in the finality of it all. I wiped it away and braced myself to check my old room.
After the guys gave me the all clear, I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few hesitant steps into the room. For a moment, I wanted to turn and run, spare myself the knowledge that any trace of my old life no longer existed. But I had to see. It was silly and childish for me to hold on to that house like it was some anchor to the past, to my family. It wasn't. It was just a house.
I opened my eyes and took a look around the room. Unlike the rest of the house, nothing was destroyed. In fact, everything was exactly the same as the last time I'd been in the room. Except that they left a message in red paint, that looked more like blood, across the wall over the bed.
We know you're here.
I looked over the letters one b
y one, and committed them to memory. Every bubble or drip in the paint was etched into my mind.
"What the fuck?" Dan climbed over the junk on the floor and ran his finger over the writing. It was dry and he tried to scrape it with his knife, which sent red flecks flying around and only made it look worse.
I took a step back. What was once my safe haven, my own private oasis from all things 'real life', had been violated. My teenager self wanted to help Dan scrape the words off and return my precious room to the way I left it. The zombie apocalypse survivor in me wanted to get the hell out of there before whoever wrote it, came back.
"You think they are going to come back?" I looked to Will for rational thoughts.
"I think it's something we have to consider, but probably it was just some kids fooling around." Will slid his hand into mine and forced a smile.
Dan stopped scrapping and turned to look at us, then back to the words that were half scraped off the wall. "If they do, they'll know someone was in here now. Shit."
I tensed and squeezed Will's hand a little harder. "Maybe we should go back downstairs now."
"Is there anything else up here that you wanna keep, babe? I think you should grab it now, if there is."
The last time I was up there, I made sure to take what was most important to me. My old journal, my favorite quilt from my grandmother, and some other trinkets from my previous life, all went with me back to the basement. I'd left behind plenty of other stuff that had once been so valuable, but after what I'd been through since then, it hardly seemed to matter.
"Can I just have a few minutes alone?"
The guys shot each other an uneasy look, before Will nodded and the two walked from the room. I knew they wouldn't go much further than just outside the door, but I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and make my peace with what I'd lost.
A deep foreboding filled me and I couldn't shake the feeling that it would be the last time I'd stand in that room. So much had changed since the outbreak began two years before. I had changed more than I could have imagined. Even in just the previous few months, it was like I'd matured a decade or more. I wanted to say that I was okay with growing up so fast, that I'd come to terms with the fact that my world would never be the same, but the truth was, I never would be. Sure, I'd stop dwelling on it, push it to the back of my mind and pretend like it wasn't there, but it always would be.
Looking around that pink room with butterfly stickers and posters of Maroon 5 and Jensen Ackles, I knew a part of me would always mourn that life. But I needed to take the opportunity to accept that those days were gone forever and to say goodbye, once and for all, to my old life.
I pulled a few of the photos down that hung around the mirror over my dresser. The last time I was up there, I left them as they were. Somehow it felt wrong to disturb them, as if it was dismantling my old life. With each one I pulled, it became easier, and before I knew it, they were all off in a pile.
I moved the corner of the dresser over and used my knife to pry up one of the floorboards. It was my old secret hiding spot that I made when I was nine, after I saw someone on television do it to hide fake passports and illegal cash. Inside was a small wooden box, similar to the one my mother hid in her floor safe. But instead of being beautiful and intricately carved like Mom's, mine was nailed together at Daddy and Me day at Lumber Barn and painted blue and green.
I glanced around the small room and tried to think if there was anything else I wanted to take. I had most of the things I wanted from the very first week of the outbreak when we moved into the basement, and what was left, I didn't really miss.
So this is it.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tight. I said goodbye to my old room. It was time to leave it behind.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Both of the boys tried to get me to talk about what we found upstairs, but I needed to put it behind me and move on. I was a little creeped out by the writing on my bedroom wall, but there wasn't much I could do about it then, so there was no use talking about it.
"Are you sure you're all right, babe?" Will handed me the toothpaste and started scrubbing over his teeth.
We brushed together like an old married couple, and despite the crappy day I'd had, it made me smile.
I spit minty suds into the sink and rinsed off my brush. "I'm not sure anything will ever be all right again, but if I don't find a way to be something close to okay, I'm going to lose it for sure."
"I'm sorry, Andi. I wish I could make things better for you."
"You do make things better for me. You make everything about this shit-hole world tolerable." I rested my head against his shoulder while he finished up brushing and smiled.
Maybe Dan was right. Things might not be the way I planned before the outbreak, but I could still have what was important. I had Will, and Dan. We had a place to live and food to eat. We might not have heat, but we had enough warm clothes so we wouldn't freeze. Things could be so much worse.
Will dropped his toothbrush into the cup with the others, flipped off the light, and led me across the hall to the bedroom. Dan was out cold on the couch and we were turning in early too. It was an exhausting day and I just wanted to put it behind me.
Will and I climbed into bed and snuggled around each other. It was already starting to get chilly in the basement, but we would hold off on using the small amount of fuel we had until the weather was at its coldest. I was grateful that we didn't live further north where the snow and cold would be a much bigger problem. For the time being, all I needed was Will's body heat to keep me warm.
"You ready to talk about what's been on your mind yet?" He pushed his chin down against his chest to get a look at me.
"What are you talking about?" So many things had been on my mind that I wasn't quite sure which he was referring to.
"You've been really quiet. And you've been spending more time with Dan so I—"
"If you are going to start this jealousy again, Will, I swear, I will punch you in the throat."
Will laughed and pulled me in a little tighter. "You might want to let me finish."
"Okay. Finish."
"I was saying, you've been spending more time with Dan and I know that you talk more to him. I wish you felt like you could talk to me about what's bothering you, but I get it. You guys are like besties now." He couldn't manage to get the last few words out without a chuckle.
I nudged his side with my elbow. "It's not like that. I do feel like I can talk to you. I guess sometimes I just don't know how. It's just, I don't know, easier with Dan."
Will furrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together. Even though he knew I was close with Dan, I was sure it still stung to know I found it easier to talk to him.
I reached up and pushed his hair off his face. "Having kids."
He pushed himself up on his elbows. "Huh?"
"That's one of the things me and Dan talked about. Getting married, starting a family, a career. Ya know, all the things I thought I'd be doing with my life before the outbreak. I sort of thought those things weren't possible anymore."
Will smiled and lifted me up so that we were both sitting. "Of course they're possible, babe. This world may seem impossibly different, but really, it's just the same. We might have to work a little harder for some things, but in time I know things will even out. Maybe we'll never get back to exactly how things were, and maybe that's not a bad thing. But we'll find our way. It's human nature."
"You really believe that?"
"I absolutely do." He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand over my back. "Now, about these kids..."
***
There was something not right when I opened my eyes. The basement was mostly dark, though hints of dawn peeked through the small basement windows. Will was asleep next to me, but I could no longer make out the faint snores coming from the couch.
I threw my leg over Will and climbed out of bed. The floor was cold through my socks and sent a chill up my spine.
; Or maybe that wasn't the cold.
I made my way out to the living room to check on Dan where we left him. I peered over the top of the couch, but all I found was a crumpled up blanket. I shined my light around the room and right away noticed the coffee table was pushed several feet away from the couch. It was not something we ever did, so I couldn't imagine why it would be like that.
My heart thumped hard in my chest and I knew there was something wrong. I reached down to grab my knife, only to realize I didn't have it.
Why the hell didn't I grab it before I came out here?
The closest weapon was in the kitchen, so I went to grab that before I checked the rest of the house. I reached under the table to grab the gun and found nothing but a strip of duct tape and some cobwebs.
Dammit.
Will must not have put it back after we heard the noises upstairs. I noticed what sounded like a scraping noise coming from the back. I tried to reason with myself. Maybe it was just Dan rearranging stuff in this room, or cleaning, or who knows, but something. There was a loud thump and I knew that it wasn't Dan. I tried to take slow deep breaths and slow my heart down to a manageable pace, but it wasn't working. I never really thought I'd have to worry about anyone getting into the basement. We were pretty secure down there and I lived happily in my denial.
I had to do something. Dan was unaccounted for and Will was oblivious in dreamland. I took a few tentative steps from the kitchen toward the bedrooms. My room was the first room down the hall and if I could get safely back there, I'd have my gun and knife. And Will for backup.
The floor no longer felt cold. In fact, the hard cement burned into the bottoms of my feet. My whole body felt like it was on fire, tingling with fear. I cleared the corner of the kitchen and headed for the hall. Just as I reached for the handle on the bedroom door, I felt a hand come around my mouth and something hard stick into my back.
"Hello there," he whispered into my ear. His breath smelled of nicotine and filth, and I gagged against his hand.