It was with relief and excitement she discovered all her credits would transfer. Kellan could hardly wait to tell him her good news.
It had never dawned on her that there had not been any real discussion about the future. It didn’t matter. She knew there could be no future unless, hands entwined, they forged one together. She sat in the library of her soon-to-be school, spinning plans, waiting for the time when she would see him.
“Thanks for doing this, Al,” Gregory said as his cousin came through the back door into the kitchen. “I appreciate it.”
“Don’t call me Al.”
“Right. You know what you’re supposed to do?”
Warily, his cousin nodded. “Save your butt from someone who doesn’t hear the word no.” His cousin frowned. “You didn’t seem to have much trouble saying no to Melanie. Why is this one such a pain?”
“She’s spoiled, definitely used to getting her own way.” It pained him to lie, but he couldn’t see any way out.
It sounded logical, until Al really looked at Gregory’s face. Haggard and white, this man was not a bit happy with what he was planning on doing this night.
Why?
Al skimmed him with skeptical eyes. “Right. When have you ever needed my help to break up with someone? What’s really up?” Suspicion darkened his cousin’s face.
His head was pounding again and he felt his stomach lurch. This had been the worst two days of his life.
He heard his own feeble answer and hated himself even more.
“She just won’t take no for an answer,” he insisted and then looked away, not wanting his cousin to see the lies burning in his eyes.
“When she gets a look at you, when you tell her we are a couple and for her to get lost, it should make things real simple. And clear.”
Then he turned back to offer a sick grin. His cousin Alex, short for Alexandra, was tall, slim with waist-length blond hair, and gorgeous. She was the definite beauty in the family. If she had been an only child, she might have ended up being obnoxious, but with two younger and two older brothers whom she idolized, she had turned out sensible. One of the guys. Growing up as a tomboy, she had always disregarded her looks.
She certainly earned their respect, Gregory thought, hating himself for using her like this.
Then again, since he had done the same thing for her last year, he figured this would make them even. The bottom line was, he and Kellan could no longer see each other.
He knew it without a doubt, but, frankly, he didn’t think he could look into that beautiful face and say those words, because he could never mean them and she would know it and see the lies.
Alex was still suspicious, but she had agreed to help her cousin. After all, he had done the same thing for her. But the whole thing stank. She had discovered it was always harder to break off a relationship if you were a girl. It seemed, in her wide experience, men were like little boys who hated to let go of anything they wanted. She never realized it was because no one ever wanted to let go of her.
She shrugged.
Looking at her cousin objectively, she could understand why someone would not want to let go of him. He was attractive, had a killer smile, and was just so damn nice. But she had never known him to have trouble ending a relationship. Look what he had done to Melanie. Poor girl, she was still devastated. She cried tears of real sorrow whenever she saw Alex, sniffling that the sight of her was too vivid a reminder of what Gregory had done.
She tapped fingers on the table restlessly, eyes darting around. “You heard about Mark?”
It shouldn’t have been possible but Gregory’s face turned whiter. He nodded.
Disgusted, she shook her head. “Our family’s got a curse on it or what? I swear, when Mom called to tell me the news I almost stuck my head in the gas oven right then and there.” Her eyes rolled, and her small grin reflected the foolishness of her statement.
“Have you thought of being tested?”
The words slipped out before Gregory could stop them. He really didn’t want to talk about it. Her reaction, though, caught him off guard.
She vehemently shook her head, the long blonde hair swinging across her shoulders.
“Nope. No way.” She was so sure about it, so adamant, he couldn’t believe it. How could she not want, not need, to know?
“Why not? I mean, how can you plan anything not knowing what might happen?” He was incredulous.
She tilted her chin up, her face stubborn. “I’ll be damned if I’m going to live my life making decisions based on what might be and maybes. Even if I carry the defective gene, it doesn’t mean I’ll actually get it. Look, I could walk out of this door, get on the interstate, and get creamed by one of those crazy truckers who think they own the road—”
“Or you could end up with this damn disease and become nothing but Jell-O, not being able to do anything for yourself.” His face was grim, thinking of their uncle Charlie and now his son, Mark, who was only ten years older than he, who had just been slammed with the diagnosis. ALS. The kiss of death.
Alex stared, her eyes suddenly clearing.
“You got tested! You know!” Her voice was breathless, as if he’d done something extraordinary, but her next words knocked that notion out of the park.
“You’re an idiot. You may die before anything happens. Or it may never happen. Besides, there will be treatments sometime soon, certainly within our lifetime.”
“There weren’t any for Charlie.” Gregory’s voice sliced the air like a knife.
“We are not our uncle. You are letting this whole thing get out of hand and besides—” She stopped as another thought suddenly made her livid.
“That’s why you broke Melanie’s heart! And that’s why you’re going to break up with this girl, too, isn’t it?” She stood up and started advancing toward him, hands clenched and fury shaking her.
He stood also, wanting her to understand.
“Alex, how can I ask anyone to marry me, to commit to me with this shadow, this . . . God, it’s worse than a death sentence. How can I expect anyone to take this on?”
His voice was hurting as much as he was and that stopped her. Anger drained away as she realized he really meant what he said.
She put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You let them make up their own mind. That’s how you do it. You didn’t ask Melanie; you made up her mind for her, and that wasn’t fair or right. This girl you’re trying to get rid of tonight—does she know?”
He averted his face as he whispered, “One of the few who do.”
“And she’s still coming around to see you?”
He nodded.
“Then what does that tell you? Can’t you see it doesn’t matter to her? Besides, who’s talking commitment here—has she mentioned marriage?” She waited for him to say something, but he remained silent. “So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is”—he rubbed his face with a weary hand, wondering if he could trust his voice to say it—“the problem is that I already love her. But I can’t ask her to marry me. Not with this . . . curse, like you said, hanging over me like a shroud.”
Alex hit him so hard on the arm, he yelped. “It’s not your choice to make. It’s hers.” She had never thought of her cousin as positively stupid before. Now she faced him with an ultimatum. “Do I stay here and make sure you’re honest, or do I just leave and believe you’ll do the right thing?” Her stance was belligerent, one foot tapping the floor with impatience.
Even as his thoughts raced furiously for a logical way out, he knew there was none. He tried one more time.
“I think it would be easier just to break it off now. Before she and I get too involved. Besides, what if she wants to be with me . . . out of pity?” His voice had dropped and was so low Alex almost didn’t hear it.
“Gregory.” She waited for him to look at her. “I have always figured you for a fairly intelligent man. You, of all people, should be able to tell the difference between pity and love.”
He just stare
d at her, his mind numb from too many disturbing and distressing thoughts colliding like a pinball machine run amuck.
Making a quick decision, she walked over and sat down on the sofa, crossing her legs.
“All right. That does it. I’m staying. I see you need someone to keep you honest. And keep you fair. Oh, and just to make it easier on you, I’ll try to grill this girl and see if she knows the difference between pity and love.” She grinned wickedly. “At least I’ll try to be subtle.”
With both arms stretched out on the back of the sofa, she gave him a clear look. “This should be one interesting night.”
Gregory sat down glumly in the recliner, thinking that was not the way he would describe this evening at all.
An hour later the doorbell rang and Alex jumped up to get it. “Stay,” she commanded Gregory, who had started to rise. “I’ll bring her back.”
When the door opened Kellan was only mildly startled to see this beautiful blonde standing there. “Hi, I’m Kellan Whittaker. I’m here to see Gregory.” Her smile was confident and embracing.
Alex liked her on the spot. They shook hands. “I’m Alex, Gregory’s cousin. Come on in. It’s a pleasure to meet you; Gregory has told me so much about you.”
Gregory, hearing shared laughter as the two women came into the family room, stood up and tried to smile. His legs were shaking, his stomach was flipping out of rhythm with his heart; this made him unbalanced, and he knew he had never felt worse in his entire life.
Kellan stopped at the doorway, her smile fading like dusk as she saw the love of her life, his face drained of color, looking like he had just escaped from a horror film in which he was the victim. She couldn’t get to him fast enough.
“Gregory, what happened? Oh, God, not your mother? Sister? What?” Her arms around him, she was shocked at his coldness. What terrible thing had happened?
“Are you going to tell her or should I?” Arms folded, Alex leaned against the doorjam, stern and impatient.
He couldn’t speak because he was drowning in Kellan’s anxious eyes, feeling a rush of love that was so real his heart stopped hammering, his legs stopped shaking, and somehow his stiff mouth tried to smile. Shoulders straightened and arms wrapped around her, he desperately wanted to clear those beautiful eyes and bring light and laughter back to them. God, he had been thinking only about himself, he suddenly realized with a shock. But what else could he do?
Suddenly he was overcome by shame for what he’d almost done to his wonderful girl. Using Alex had been a ridiculous, cowardly idea. He hadn’t trusted Kellan, had never thought about telling her the truth and making her understand why they could have no future. He had never felt like this when he had made the decision for Melanie. This story had nothing to do with that one.
Suddenly he was touching her face, smiling into her eyes, and he somehow knew that whatever happened this night, everything would somehow be all right. But he still needed to make her understand and somehow try to live without her.
“No. I’ll tell her.” The words were spoken like the man Alex knew her cousin to be. As the couple sank down onto the sofa, she made herself quiet and comfortable on the recliner, eagerly waiting to see what would happen next.
The silence was long but comforting. Finally Kellan picked up his hand in hers.
“I went to Mary Washington College and found out all my credits will transfer. They have a great school of social work and I can start an internship in the spring if I want. Isn’t that great?”
Instead of saying a word, he gently took back his hand and looked at her without expression.
“There are some things you have to know,” he began and then told her everything. About the cousin just being diagnosed, even about Alex and what he had tried to make her do, about his right and strong feelings that told him they should end this relationship now—for her sake.
He told her he loved her but that he knew sometimes that just wasn’t enough. “I cannot and won’t ask you to take this burden on. It would be unconscionable for me to expect you to do that—”
Her hands slipped over his mouth to stop him from saying anything more. She smiled into those anxious eyes, knowing the strength of her love would endure anything for this man.
“Then I’ll ask.” She made certain he was looking as deeply into her eyes as she was his. “Gregory, will you marry me?”
The question was simple, sincere, and direct, and he wanted to say yes more than anything. The unfairness washed over him like acid and he closed his eyes, trying to think of a way to make her understand the true reality of what she was asking. “Do you realize what the hell you’re getting yourself into? Bedpans and diapers, for God’s sake, making the decision when to put me into a nursing home, because I’ll need twenty-four-hour-a-day care, seven days a week. I won’t be able to help you do anything. You’ll need to do everything for me.”
“Let me correct you right now,” she said fiercely. “You may need that kind of help. The fact is, you may never develop it. There’s a fifty-fifty chance—”
He interrupted her. “I can’t stand those odds.”
She faced him, and the look she gave him made him know he was a coward. “But I can,” she said forcefully. “No one knows if you’ll ever develop the disease.” In the background she could hear Alex whispering a triumphant “Yes!”
“Kellan—” he tried again.
“Will you marry me, Gregory?” Kellan looked at him with a stillness that demanded attention.
He opened his mouth and then shut it, trying to figure out precisely what he should say. “I want to, Kellan, God knows I want to—”
“Then it’s a yes,” Kellan declared, giving him a bear hug that was never going to end. Alex was shouting and jumping up and down.
Gregory was desperate and put his hands on Kellan’s shoulders to force her to look up at him. “Dammit, Kellan, you don’t know what you’re doing or asking me to do. You don’t—”
Then she stepped back, hands on hips, glaring. “Oh, yes I do. I know precisely what I’m getting into; I’ve done my research. I’ve visited two ALS patients in Charlottesville; I’ve talked with their caregivers. And I know what I want.”
Her hand reached out to touch his face. “And I would rather have a few days of you now and thirty years of living with you and ALS than a lifetime without you at all. That’s as cut and dried as I can make it, Gregory. Now . . . will you marry me?”
Alex was beside herself. Tears brimming, she looked over at him. “Well, I think we can all forget about pity, don’t you, Gregory? This woman knows exactly what she wants.”
She saw his eyes start to glisten and sparkle at Kellan, and Alex caught her breath. This was better than any romance novel or movie she had ever seen or would ever see. She jumped up and clapped her hands.
“Why are we wasting time? Let’s go find a justice of the peace,” she urged, not wanting them to let any more moments slide by.
Startled, Kellan started laughing. “Uh, I can’t do that. My mom would probably be fine, but my grandmother would disown me.” After those words were said, Kellan added thoughtfully, “That might not be such a bad thing.”
“No, we can’t tonight. I have to talk with Kellan’s parents, lay everything on the line and”—he turned to Kellan, his face sober and dead serious—“we have to get both of them to approve of our marriage, with them knowing everything. Agreed?”
Kellan nodded with ease, secure in the absolute knowledge her parents would agree to anything that was so necessary for her happiness.
Alex moved toward them, arms held wide, laughing through tears, and wrapped them both in an intense hug. “God, I just love happy endings.”
Chapter Thirty-five
Serenity Brown was as emotionally precise as a rubber band, Louis D’Angelletti thought darkly. Pull her one way, you got the desired response. It was his job to pull those strings and make her dance because he was one of the best acting coaches in the world. He had waiting lists and his fees
were legendary. The highest bidder usually bought his talents. On occasion he had been known to take on an assignment for the challenge. This was one of those times. He was here because of his friendship with Carol Stephens, and because he was intrigued and wanted to get inside this child’s head.
Her timing, the nuances, the emotions were impeccable. Her face was so fluid, expressions so real, it was like she was talking to the audience instead of just curling her lip, cocking an eyebrow, narrowing those stunning eyes to dangerous slits.
The problem was, she was essentially unavailable to him; he had not been able to snatch out her real self. So far he had not seen one honest feeling that spoke anything about her essence.
Everyone he had ever helped to learn the fine art of acting fell all over themselves letting him inside their heads, their hearts, their fears.
What was wrong with this girl?
As she finished one more scene with a young actor, he thought again about the way she treated him. It was as if there was this underlying snort of amusement; the girl just didn’t seem to get it that this was extremely serious business.
He was right. He did not impress Serenity at all. She felt that this playacting was meaningless. The love of money was the only motivation she needed to keep doing whatever she was told to do.
The money let her and her grandmother enjoy walking the streets of New York, going to the theaters, museums, taking in the culture that everyone said was so important. Serenity was tutored three hours a day, and with this kind of one-on-one supervision, her excellent mind absorbed and retained more than enough to zip far past where she would be if she were still in the public school.
At work and in acting class, Serenity observed the world of egos and hopes and dreams that kept colliding in this city that never slept. She had a practicality to life that had been borne of time spent with her mother. Living meant minute-by-minute survival, a chase always for food and her mother’s attention, and then knowing instinctively when to disappear into the background.
Comparatively, what was expected of her now was a piece of cake. When she went to meetings at the television studio with Carol, she could see biting envy in the eyes of other young actors. She could read their thoughts: They resented that it had come so easy for her.
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