Belonging

by Maria Bernard

  “He’s right, Crispin,” Iris said, stepping in from the hall. “Pardon my interruption, but I was just walking past when I overheard you both talking. I did try to warn your mother, but she refused to listen to me.”

  Crispin turned and nodded in acknowledgement at Iris, Jones’s wife. He had taken a liking to the slight, older woman the moment they had been introduced. He could tell she was curious about him, too. No wonder. It shouldn’t surprise him since she had indirectly been responsible for his existence.

  “So, it’s you I should thank for my coming into this world,” he said with a stern voice. When the old woman frowned, he winked at her, and her frown turned to a blush.

  “Oh, what could I have done?” Iris said guiltily. “I’d never seen Cassandra smile before your father came to work for the family. They were so in love. I wanted to see her happy. I had no idea things turn out the way they did. I blame myself, truly. If I had told on her, your grandfather might have run him off before she got with child. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just wanted her happiness. I didn’t mean for her to be sent away. You shouldn’t have had to grow up alone, an orphan. I’m so sorry, Crispin.”

  “Iris, please,” Jones said, coming forward. “You couldn’t have known the old man would be so cruel.”

  “He’s right,” Crispin said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “None of this is your fault. Not really.” He punctuated his words with another wink. “I don’t regret being born. I do regret never having met her, my mother.”

  “You look so much like her.” Iris reached out and cupped his cheek. “Listen to me, son. Your mother loved your father, and she loved you too. She told me so before she left. She vowed to keep you. She had no intentions of giving you up for adoption. If she hadn’t died, she would have brought you home herself. But sadly, we were all led to believe you had both died. We were all devastated. Young Piers was inconsolable and–”

  “Please stop,” Crispin interrupted, holding his hands up, overwhelmed with a sudden wave of emotion. He then closed his eyes and visibly shuddered. “Forgive me, but could you both give me a moment?”

  “Of course,” Iris said.

  “Take all the time you need, sir,” Jones agreed.

  “Jones?”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “The family cemetery?”

  “I can take you there whenever you’re ready.”

  “I’d rather go alone. Just point me in the right direction.”

  “Of course,” Jones said, leading Crispin to the window. “Just beyond the trees there, you can’t miss it.”

  Chapter 35

  Gwen realized she should be enjoying herself more. Piers made a wonderful tour guide. Not only was he sophisticated, handsome and charming, he was also a fountain of knowledge. While visiting Stonehenge and Salisbury Cathedral, he hadn’t stopped talking, telling her everything he knew. Yet in her heart, she couldn’t help but yearn for Crispin’s company. She had gotten used to having him with her. Travelling sure had a way of accelerating feelings, she surmised. They had gotten so comfortable in each other’s presence that being away from him, felt unnatural, or at the very least, unpleasant. As much as she was enjoying the views, she couldn’t wait to get back to him. Nearing the end of their day out, she was quite relieved to get back in Pier’s expensive car. She wanted nothing more than to be with Crispin again.

  But instead of heading back to Harlow Manor, at the well-marked roundabout, Piers turned towards Bath. Confused, Gwen frowned and started to get twitchy. “Aren’t we headed the wrong way?” she asked.

  “Well, I figured you’d want to be dropped off at the B&B. You must be tired after all.”

  “Oh, no, well, yes I am, but Crispin’s expecting to meet me back at Harlow Manor. He’ll wonder why I didn’t return with you.”

  “Don’t worry about Crispin.” With a flick of a wrist, he waved off her concerns. “I’m sure he’s got a lot more on his mind now than your whereabouts.”

  Gwen frowned at the notable change in Piers’s demeanour. He almost sounded dismissive in his tone, as if she were of no significance to Crispin.

  “Oh come on, don’t look at me that way,” Piers said as he eventually pulled up in front to the B&B.

  “I don’t understand what you’re getting at,” Gwen said, confused. “What’s with the attitude?”

  “Let me get straight to the point.” Shutting the engine off, Piers then turned to face her. “Whatever this relationship you have with my nephew is now over.”

  “What?” Gwen gasped in disbelief. Was he serious? She searched his face and found only contempt staring back at her. “How dare you? I love Crispin and he loves me!”

  “Oh, please, you said so yourself, you’ve only just met. You can’t possibly believe you’re already in love. Lust maybe, I’ll give you that, but believe me, it’s not love.”

  “You’re wrong!” She glared at him.

  “Am I?” He laughed her off. “Listen, whatever fantasy you’ve got going on in your head, is just that, a fantasy.”

  “You have no right!”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, young miss,” he snapped at her. “I am Crispin’s uncle, his blood relative, am I not? I have every right to look after my nephew’s best interests. This attraction you have for each other, well, it’s nothing more than a passing fancy. Trust me, been there, done that. Anyway, you and Crispin aren’t at all compatible. You’ve got nothing in common. Anyone can see that, especially now. He’s just learned he’s worth billions. What could you possibly bring to the table? Besides, the boy has a lot on his mind. The last thing he needs is to be tied down to any one woman. If you truly care about him, you’ll realize that and agree that the best thing you can do for him is set him free.”

  “That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard!” Gwen shouted, incensed.

  “Is it?” Piers said, reaching into the glove box. “You saw for yourself, Crispin’s confused. He’s got a lot on his plate right now. A relationship, especially a new one, is the last thing he needs to deal with. If you really loved him you would understand. It would be cruel of you to put your needs ahead of his.”

  Sitting away from him, she watched in disbelief as he pulled out a chequebook. He then proceeded to scribble away before tearing it off and presenting it to her.

  “That should be enough to get you on your way. Surely, you can find use for the money.”

  Gwen’s eyes grew big at the cheque for one million pounds. He couldn’t be serious! Stunned, she couldn’t find her voice.

  “We all have our price. If that’s not enough, just say the word and I’ll up the amount. In fact, let me save you the embarrassment.” With a flourish, he tore it up and wrote another, this one for two million pounds. By now, Gwen’s heart was racing. He had to know what he was doing. With that kind of money, she would never have to worry about anything. She could repay her parents and go back to school. She could open up a bookstore anywhere in the world.

  “Right then,” he said with a smug smile as he placed the cheque in her hand. “Now… I’ve gone ahead and planned your trip home. I have a driver picking you up within the hour. He’ll take you to the airport tonight. You’ll get on my private jet, and be home before you know it.”

  “Tonight?”

  “That’s right, the sooner the better. No point in dragging this out.”

  “What about Crispin?”

  “Crispin is no longer your concern. Now go on, get packing. You have a plane to catch.”

  Unable to respond and realizing that arguing further with the impossible man would be pointless, Gwen slowly got out of the car and watched as Piers drove off. Staring at the cheque in her hands, she thought about what he had said and wondered if there was any truth to it. Would Crispin be better off without her complicating things? He did have a lot to deal with already. She wouldn’t want him making any decisions based on her. She wouldn’t want him to regret it later. She didn’t want that kind of guilt.

  If he
did decide to remain in England, he had every right. She knew Crispin was overwhelmed. It must be a shock to learn that his grandfather was a heartless tyrant, to learn that his young mother had died giving birth to him and that his grandfather had turned his back on him, telling everyone he had died with his mother.

  Surely, a relationship with someone like her, with all her issues, was the last thing Crispin needed at this time. She didn’t want him putting her needs in front of his. It wouldn’t be fair. Could Piers be right? Should she leave and give Crispin the freedom to come to his own decisions? The thought of it broke her heart but she loved him enough to leave if it meant it would help. Staring at the cheque in her hands, she thought of her parents. She could pay them back the money they had wasted on her tuition. She could try university again, and pay for it herself this time. Did she really have a price like Piers had said?

  ***

  Feeling quite self-righteous, Piers Harlow pulled his car into his parking spot and made his way toward the house. He braced himself in anticipation of having to tell Crispin of what had transpired with Gwen. But convinced of having done the right thing, he truly believed his nephew would eventually be thankful for his intervention.

  Just as he had suspected, Gwen had accepted his bribe without much of a fight. The slight indignation she had shown was to be expected. But whatever inkling of guilt he might have felt moments before handing her the cheque, soon vanished the moment she got out of his car.

  At twenty-two years of age, Crispin had no business tying himself down to any one woman. He needed to spend time at Harlow Manor with his uncle Piers. He had vowed on his sister’s grave to find her son and bring him home. He would do whatever necessary to keep him here, away from the unfortunate life and whatever dreary connections he had made thus far. Crispin had suffered enough and he would soon realize his place was here with his loving uncle. With his nephew around, he might even consider staying instead of returning to his villa in Spain. The place might not seem so intolerably lonely.

  “How did it go?” he asked when Jones greeted him.

  “He took it all quite well,” Jones responded.

  “Good. Where is the young man now?”

  “After spending quite a long while in his mother’s room, Crispin made his way out to visit her gravesite. He’s probably still there now, perhaps on his way back. Is Gwen waiting outside? Maybe if she isn’t too tired, I should take her to his side. He’s probably looking forward to seeing her.”

  “Oh, never mind Gwen. I dropped her off at the B&B.” Piers said, handing Jones his keys and jacket. “I’ll go. There’s a lot my nephew and I still need to discuss.”

  “Sir?” Jones said with a frown.

  “You heard me!” Piers tossed over his shoulder.

  “Oh dear,” Jones said to himself. “Here we go again.”

  Chapter 36

  At his mother’s gravesite, Crispin sat slumped under the shade of an old oak tree, staring glassy-eyed at the humble headstone bearing her name. Just moments ago, it had hit him like a tidal wave, the grief, and it had knocked him off his feet. He had crumpled to the ground with the tree trunk at his back, his head in his hands. He hadn’t cried since he was a child, yet he couldn’t keep the tears from streaming down his cheeks.

  Thoughts of his lonely young mother broke his heart and he silently begged her forgiveness for the years he spent blaming her for his unfortunate childhood. Despite their very different circumstances, he realized, they weren’t so different. Even though she’d had a father and a home such as this, she had grown up with little or no love and affection just like him. So much so, the lack of it had left her as vulnerable as he often felt. Crispin realized then, that rich or poor, surrounded by family or not, loneliness could be a terrible soul destroyer when neglect prevailed.

  Not far from his mother’s headstone, he noticed a few more. One with his grandfather’s name. Another, he assumed belonged to his grandmother, Anne Harlow. Beyond those, were a few more bearing the surname Harlow. It was the strangest feeling to be in the presence of so many deceased ancestors after having believed he’d had none.

  Focusing again on Cassandra Harlow’s gravestone, he noticed that besides her date of birth and death, there was no mention of a child. This gave him cause to ponder. Surely, if the old man had led everyone to believe both mother and baby had died during childbirth, wouldn’t he have buried the baby together with his mother, or at least made it look that way?

  Just as he thought of this, approaching footsteps caught his attention and he stood up quick and pulled himself together. He had gotten distracted and time had gotten away from him. Hours had passed since he had been with Gwen and he missed her terribly. He couldn’t wait to see her. Knowing he now had her in his life, gave him strength throughout this ordeal. However grateful he was to finally know of his origins, his only hopes now were for a very different type of future.

  Making sure to clear all evidence of tears, Crispin turned and frowned when he only saw Piers. Perhaps Gwen was tired and waited for him at the house, he thought to himself. Maybe she was having another cup of tea.

  “I see you found the family cemetery,” Piers said, coming to his side. “Dreary place, isn’t it?”

  “Uh, yes, I suppose. Question, though, why is there no mention of a child on my mother’s headstone?” Crispin inquired.

  Piers hesitated with his answer. With a great sigh, he eventually spoke, “I asked him the same thing when I was old enough to know better. My father said it was for the sake of the family name. See, none other than Jones and his wife Iris were made aware of Cassandra’s pregnancy. Prior to her death, he informed everyone else that he had sent her to off to Canada to attend a private boarding school. So when she died, to save face and hide the shame, he kept the true cause of her death a secret. He simply made something up about her dying in a car accident overseas.”

  “Bastard…” Crispin muttered.

  “Agreed,” Piers said with a sigh. “Anyway, have you come to any decisions?”

  Crispin frowned, irritated by Piers’s sudden change of subject. “About what exactly?”

  “About staying on at Harlow Manor,” Piers said incredulously.

  “The only thing I’ve decided is to go on with my life as normal,” Crispin explained.

  “What does that mean?” Piers asked, confused.

  “It means, before I commit to anything here, I intend to return to Canada and finish my education. I’m not saying I don’t want the place or the money, just that I need to look after my responsibilities first.”

  “You can finish your education here in England at your choice of universities,” Piers suggested.

  Crispin took a calming breath. For some reason, his uncle refused to listen, or more likely refused to respect his decisions. “Perhaps, but that’s not the point. Right now, I need to consider Gwen. I need to be with my friends. I have my commitment to the band.”

  “Oh, come on, all that can wait.”

  “Have you not heard a word I’ve said?” That was it, the last straw and Crispin’s patience snapped.

  “Of course I have,” Piers insisted. “I just think you’re not looking at this the right way.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Not in the slightest. I am very serious,” Piers persisted. “And as far as Gwen’s concerned you no longer have to worry about her.”

  “What?” Crispin gasped.

  “Yes, I got rid of that little problem for you. In fact, she’s probably halfway home to Canada.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Come on, you can thank me later. I’ll tell you what I told her. You’re too young, too rich and too handsome to tie yourself down to any one woman. What you need is time on your own to figure things out.”

  “Time on my own?” Crispin glared at Piers as though he were insane. “That’s all I’ve ever had! Damn you.” Unable to hear anything else at that moment, Crispin stormed off towards the house. />
  “She’s not there! She’s gone. She took the bribe like the gold-digger I knew her to be and didn’t give it another thought!” Piers said, chasing after him.

  Crispin came to an abrupt stop at his words. “What did you just say?”

  “It’s all true. I paid her off and had a car sent for her.” He looked at his watch. “By now, she’s probably mid-flight to Canada on my private jet.”

  “I don’t believe any of it! You’re full of shit. No wonder you were so eager to take her off for the day. I swear if you’ve hurt her–”

  “I never laid a hand on her. I simply sent her on her way!”

  “Bull shit! Gwen wouldn’t just leave.”

  “Crispin, come on, think about it! This is where you belong. Okay, fine. Maybe I’m being a bit selfish. I want you here. Your place is here with me. We’re family, you and I. We should be together.”

  “Is that what this is all about?” Crispin asked. “You want me to stay here just to keep you company?”

  “Pathetic, I know. But it’s the truth. I can’t stay here on my own anymore,” Piers confessed. “That’s why I would rather hand the place over to the National Trust. But with you here, together we could be a family. Cassandra would approve. I’m sure she would want us to be together.”

  Blinded with rage, Crispin hauled off and the next thing he knew, his fist connected with Piers’s jaw knocking him on his ass. “How dare you!” Crispin shouted, shaking his head. “You’re just like your father. Can’t you see what you’re doing?”

  “Crispin?” Stupefied, Piers clasped his jaw and held up his other hand to ward off anymore blows. “I’m doing this for you, for us.”

  “No! This is not happening!” Crispin spat with disgust. “This is real life, my life, and I refuse to play the part of a helpless fictional character from a tragic Victorian novel. This insanity ends here!”