When I wake up, I can’t see much. I can only see blurs of light on one side of the room. The rest of it is a dark blob. My entire body feels leaden and weak, like they’ve drained out all of my blood this time. I’m tempted to go back to sleep, but not yet. Not until I make sure.
I have to concentrate as hard as I can just to move my arm. I raise my hand up to my face. It looks like a light brown blur against the dark blur of the background. I take a deep breath and then move my hand closer. It’s about a foot away from my face before I can see it clearly.
What I see is a hand darker than my own, the skin almond-colored instead of pasty white. The fingers on this hand are much smaller than I remember. They’re chubbier too. It’s a child’s hand. The last moments of consciousness come back to me. I’m ten years old, just a little girl.
Like a little girl, I start to cry. Maybe I’m not as young as Maddy, but I’m still a child. I can’t drive or smoke or drink or even see a PG-13 movie, not unless someone older is with me. I doubt I’ll get a chance to do any of those things, not after Dr. Ling has finished with me.
I must be back in my cell, because I hear Maddy’s voice through the wall. She shouts, “Where’s Stacey? I want Stacey!”
“I am sorry, Madison. Stacey is not feeling well.”
“I want Stacey!” Maddy howls.
Her voice wakes something inside me. I have to get off this bed and go to my daughter. She needs me. I’m still her father, even if I’m ten years old. With a groan I roll towards the edge of the gurney. Some helpful person has put up the rails on the sides. I’ll have to roll over those too.
That would be a lot easier if I were still a man. Even at nineteen I could manage it. At ten, it’s impossible. Especially since I’m not only ten, but still groggy and sore from the change. I give the rail a few feeble pushes, but it doesn’t budge. I decide to change tactics and try to lift myself over it. That works just as well. I’m too weak to do it. With a choked sob I collapse onto my back to stare up at the whitish blob of the ceiling.
That is until I hear Maddy again. “Leave me alone! I want Stacey!”
I roll onto my side. Then I roll as fast as I can towards the rail. I slam against it hard enough to make me wince, but I stay on the gurney. I’m not about to give up just yet. Instead, I roll all the way to the other end. I bang against that railing. I go back and forth, to build up enough speed to send me over the railing.
It takes about five tries before I get the speed I need. Physics has never been my strong suit, so it’s no surprise I miscalculate. Instead of flying over the railing, I end up on top of it. I whimper as I try to swing my legs around. Again this would be a lot easier at full size. At pint-size, I have to stand on my toes to touch the floor. Before I can steady myself, my hands slip off the railing.
I fall onto my back and land in a heap on the floor. I take a few deep breaths to clear away the cobwebs. Ten years old or not, I’ve got to get on my feet, over to the door. I roll onto my stomach and then do a sort of push-up to raise my chest. From there I struggle to get traction with my legs. I scramble for a few seconds before I collapse back to the floor.
I start to crawl. It’s slow going at first since I don’t have much strength in my limbs. With my blurred vision, it’s hard to tell how far I’ve gone. I try not to worry about that.
I crawl for a few minutes before I hear the door open. I squint, but I can’t make out more than a dark shape in the doorway. “Who’s there?” I ask. My voice sounds so tiny now, as if I’ve taken a hit of helium.
The blob grows larger before me. I try to back away, but I’m even slower in reverse. At last the blob takes on a shape. It’s Qiang. She kneels down beside me and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Stacey? What are you doing?”
“I heard Maddy. She needs me.”
“Madison will be fine. You must rest.”
“No! I want to see her.”
“You are not well. You need to rest.”
“I want to see Maddy!” My voice sounds so childish that it gives me pause. “Please? Just for a few minutes? So she knows I’m OK?”
Qiang considers it for a moment. “All right. For a minute.”
She hooks one arm under my armpit to help lift me to my feet. I’m at least a foot shorter than her now, so that my head leans against the side of her breast. We take one step and then rest for a moment. It would be easier for Qiang to carry me.
I’m exhausted by the time we reach Maddy’s cell. The thought of lying down for a while sounds really, really good. “I don’t think I can make it,” I tell Qiang.
She finally does carry me. I hear her grunt softly as she scoops me up in her arms. I lean my head against her chest; my eyes flutter. One of her hands strokes my hair. “Stay awake, Stacey. Just a little longer.”
“OK,” I whisper.
My eyes are closed as she carries me into Maddy’s cell. I’m almost asleep when I hear Maddy say, “Stacey? Is that you?”
I open my eyes, not that it does much good. All I can see is a pink-and-brown blob in the distance. I try to squint, but I can’t squint enough for it to make much difference. “It’s me. It’s Stacey.”
“But you’re so little.”
“I know.”
Qiang carries me over to the gurney. Maddy slides aside enough that Qiang can set me down next to my daughter. Maddy crawls on top of me to look into my eyes. “Are you really Stacey?”
“Yes.”
I’m not prepared for Maddy to throw herself at Qiang. Her tiny hands claw at Qiang’s eyes. Qiang easily deflects the attack. She lets Maddy tire herself out. My daughter sinks down next to me on the gurney. She puts her head on my flat chest. “Oh, Stace,” she says.
“It’ll be all right,” I say. “We’ll find a way out of this.”
“Sure we will,” Maddy says.
I will my arm to drape across Maddy’s back to stroke her hair. “I’ll be fine, Maddy. I just need some rest.”
“But—”
“You have to be good until then. All right? Do what Qiang says.”
Maddy is close enough that I can see the tears in her eyes. “OK.”
“Good girl.” Then I fall asleep.
***
When I wake up, Maddy isn’t around. I still can’t see much more than light and dark blobs. I try to squint, which again doesn’t help. From nowhere a hand touches the back of my head. I turn and see Qiang a little behind my bed. “It’s all right,” she says. “No one is going to hurt you.”
“Maddy?”
“Madison is sleeping. As you should be.”
“How long have I been out?”
“Twelve hours.”
“That long?”
“You have been through quite a lot.”
“No kidding.”
“How are your eyes?”
“I still can’t see much. What’s wrong with me?”
Qiang bends down. She looks into my eyes. “You have her eyes.”
“Whose?”
“Ming’s. My daughter. She was nearsighted like you are.”
“Was? I thought your daughter—?”
“She may still be alive. I have not talked with her in ten years. Not since she was arrested.”
“What did she do?”
“She was a student. She wrote something critical of the government. They took her from me. They put her in prison.”
“And Dr. Ling is going to get her out?”
“Perhaps. He has much influence in my country.”
“That’s why you’re helping him?”
“Yes. It is the only way to save her.”
“And all you have to do is sacrifice me and Maddy.”
Qiang says nothing for a while. Then she reaches into her pocket. I’m not sure what she’s doing until I feel something heavy on my face. The background becomes a little clearer, though there’s still some blurriness at the far edges. I touch the side of my face and feel the pair of glasses.
“Thank you.”
“T
hose were Ming’s.”
“You kept them with you? All the way to America?”
“They are one of the few things of hers I have left.”
I start to take the glasses off. “I shouldn’t take these.”
Qiang puts out a hand to stop me. “She does not need them. You do.”
I let her resettle the glasses on my nose. “Thanks.”
“I brought you some clothes, if you feel like getting dressed. There is also food if you are hungry.”
“I’d really like a glass of water.”
Qiang takes a glass off the silver food tray. She puts the cup to my lips; she tips it so all I have to do is open my mouth. Cool water rushes down to soothe my dry throat. When I signal I’ve had enough, she pulls the cup away.
She brushes hair away from my face. “You look just like her at that age. It is remarkable.”
Not so remarkable since Ling said he used Qiang’s DNA in his serum. “I’m sorry about your daughter. I’m sure she’s still alive.”
“I hope so.” Qiang forces a smile to her face. She holds up the clothes she’s brought for me. There’s a pastel yellow T-shirt and a pair of white sweatpants. She’s even brought a pair of white Crocs for me to wear.
I struggle to get off the pajama top that’s become like a nightshirt since the change. Qiang finally helps me out of it. It’s strange to see my chest so flat and brown. I put a hand on my belly and pinch the roll of fat there. “This is really happening,” I say.
“I am afraid so.”
I lift my arms up so Qiang can put the T-shirt on me. She gathers up my hair to pull it out of the shirt. It’s so long now that it goes all the way to my thighs. “I really need a haircut.”
“You look very pretty.”
“I’m sure.”
Qiang’s come prepared with a compact. It’s no surprise that in the mirror I see a little Chinese girl. The glasses Qiang gave me are bright red and so big they take up most of my face. That makes me look even younger than I already am. My nose is little more than a bump and my cheeks pudgy, though not as much as Maddy’s.
Qiang tears a strip off of the old pajamas. With this she ties my hair back into a ponytail. It still dangles down past my rear, but at least I won’t have hair in my face so much. “Such a beautiful child,” she says.
“I guess.” I turn away from the compact; I don’t want to see my cute little face anymore. Like Maddy I don’t want to be a kid. I want to be a grown-up again. Whether I’m Stacey or Steve doesn’t really matter. I just want to be able to take care of myself. As it is, I can’t even pull on my own underpants. Qiang pulls on the sweatpants for me too. Then the socks that match my pants and the Crocs.
“Can I see Maddy again?” I ask.
“If you feel up to it.”
“I do.”
It’s still a long, slow walk for me. I make it under my own power this time. Maddy stirs as we enter the room. She rubs her eyes before she focuses on me. “Hi Stace.”
“Hi.”
“The glasses look cute.”
“Thanks.”
She manages to crawl off the gurney all by herself. “You want to color?” she asks.
“Not right now,” I say. Qiang helps me over to the gurney. I need her help to get on top of it. Maddy tugs at Qiang’s blouse until the woman picks her up. Qiang sets Maddy down next to me. Maddy has the teddy bear, which she presses against me—a present. “Thanks.”
“Are you going to be all right?” Maddy asks.
“I’ll be fine. I’m just tired.”
“OK.” Maddy lies down next to me, the teddy bear between us. I drape my arm over the bear, my hand on Maddy’s shoulder. That’s how we fall asleep.
Chapter 14
Maddy and I are both on the gurney in her room when the door opens. I scramble to find my glasses to see who it is. “Qiang?” I ask.
She appears at my bedside. She finds the glasses before I do and pushes them onto my face. “I am sorry, but you two must go. Right now.”
“Go? How?”
Qiang puts a finger to her mouth. “Be very quiet. I must get you out of here. Tonight.”
“What’s going on?” Maddy asks.
“Dr. Ling is preparing to take you back to Beijing with him.”
“Beijing? China?”
“Yes. Once there you will be subjected to further studies—including dissection.”
“So he is going to kill us,” I say.
“Yes. In time. After he has finished his studies. I must get you out of here tonight, before he can take you from here.”
“How are we going to get out of here?”
Qiang points up to the ceiling. I remember when Maddy tried to climb up there. She was too big back then. We’re not big anymore, though. “Hurry, children. Dress warmly. It is chilly outside.”
She helps us put on a couple extra layers, which for me consists of a sweatshirt and a jacket. Maddy looks like the Michelin Man in three layers of clothes. “Very good. Now, we must go.”
“Wait,” I say. “If you do this, Ling isn’t going to free your daughter.”
Qiang nods sadly. “I know. But she would not want me to let two innocent girls die, even to save her own life.”
“Thank you,” I say.
“I am sorry for everything.”
“It’s not your fault,” Maddy says. Qiang hugs both of us.
The moment lasts only a few seconds before Qiang pulls away. She gets up on the gurney so she can reach the ceiling tiles. She pushes one away. Then she bends down to pick me up. “Go straight to the first junction and then turn right. At the next junction, turn left. That will take you outside.”
“What about you?”
“I will meet you outside. I cannot fit in there.”
“Oh. Right.” I let Qiang pick me up. She hefts me into the ceiling and gives me a push into an air duct. It’s a tight squeeze even now. Too bad they don’t make air ducts like in the movies where a grown man can walk upright through them.
I crawl forward a few feet, enough so Qiang can lift Maddy up. I wish I could turn around to help her, but there’s not enough room. I wait until I hear her grunt behind me. “Stace?” she whispers.
“I’m fine. Try to keep a hand on my shoe.”
“OK.” I feel Maddy’s hand on the bottom of my Croc. Then we start out. It’s slow going; I don’t want to make a lot of noise or lose Maddy. Since she’s smaller than me, she’s bound to tire before I do.
“How are you doing?” I ask as we reach the first junction.
“I’m fine,” she says. I can hear the indignation in her voice as she says, “I’m not a baby.”
“I know.” I think for a moment to remember what Qiang said. Then I go to the right. We crawl down the air duct until we reach the next junction. By then I can hear Maddy breathing hard. There’s enough room with the junction so I can turn around to look back at her. It’s too dark to see much. I reach out to touch her cheek. Her face is warm and slick with sweat. “We can rest for a minute, OK?”
“I can do it,” Maddy says.
“It’s all right. I’m feeling a little tired still,” I say. “Come here.”
I let Maddy crawl up against me, that way we can talk easier. It’s not just that she’s little; she’s also dressed in all those clothes in a warm air duct. I stroke her sweaty hair and whisper that everything will be fine. I hope she believes me.
After a few minutes, Maddy’s breathing is regular enough for us to head out again. The hard part now is to remember which duct we came to the junction from. They all look the same in the dark. In the end I take a guess and hope we don’t get lost in the ventilation system.
I crawl for a little while, until I see a grate up ahead. I hope it’s the right one. Even before we can reach it, I smell what passes for fresh air in the city. “Come on, Maddy,” I hiss. “We’re almost there.”
I don’t hear anything. “Maddy?”
There’s no answer. Shit, I lost her. I have to lie down an
d then awkwardly roll over so I can turn around. I crawl the way I came and whisper her name. Where did she go?
After a few frantic minutes, I literally run into her. She squeals from either pain or surprise as I topple her. “Stace?”
“Maddy, where did you go?”
“I was tired.”
“Why didn’t you tell me to stop?”
“I did! You didn’t hear me,” she whines.
I wish I could see Maddy’s face right now to look her in the eye. Instead I fumble around until I find her shoulder. “Madison, please, we have to get out of here. Don’t you want to see Grace again?”
“Yes.”
“Then we have to go. Come on.” We settle back into crawling position. “Try to keep up this time.”
“OK.”
We waste another twenty minutes at least to backtrack to the grate. This time we make it together. I can hear Maddy pant hard from the effort. Even for a little girl she’s badly out of shape. “You can rest now,” I say. “I’ll try to get this open.”
I push at the grate. Nothing happens. Didn’t Qiang loosen it? Maybe we’re at the wrong grate. Maybe it’s a trap, a test set up by Dr. Ling.
I decide to change tactics. I roll onto my back and then kick at the grate. It takes three times before my little Crocs finally knock the grate loose. It makes way too much noise as it hits the ground. At least now we can get out of here.
Except when I look down, I see it’s at least a ten-foot drop onto to solid concrete. I’d probably break both of my legs if I jumped. “What’s wrong?” Maddy asks.
“We need a ladder or something.”
“Where are we going to get one of those?”
“I don’t know.”
“This is stupid,” Maddy whines. “We should have stayed in the room.”
“Be quiet,” I snap. “I need to think.”
“Who put you in charge? You’re younger than me. I should be the one in charge.”
“Well if you can think of something, go right ahead.”
“I will think of something. That’ll show you.”
“Oh, girls, there you are!” Qiang whispers. “I thought I had missed you.”
“I think we went to the wrong place,” I say. “Can you help us down?”
“Just a moment.”
Chances Are Omnibus (Gender Swap Fiction) Page 34