Her voice dropped to a low whisper. “I was just so scared to let go. As unhappy as I was with them, my family provided security. As much as I wanted to leave all that behind, I was afraid. Afraid that I’d fail. Afraid that you’d get bored with me, or that you wouldn’t want me anymore if I wasn’t perfect.” Her voice cracked, and she bit her lip.
“Maybe I hadn’t ever really planned to leave it all behind. But tonight, sitting alone in the dark, I just wanted to go away, to leave everything behind. For good. I sat there and decided that I had to do something drastic. So, I opened my purse and pulled out my wallet. I took out all my credit cards. Fourteen of them. My credit limit is astronomical because my father pays all the bills. I just flipped them, one by one, into the center console of my car.”
She took a deep breath, grasping for a modicum of control, and looked back up at me again, her gaze narrowed and contemplative.
“I have a savings account. It’s pretty much all the money I’ve made working for Lily. My father doesn’t know about it. It never even told him I had a job. It isn’t a lot, but it’s enough to maybe get by until I can figure things out. I only had forty-two dollars in my purse, though, so I needed to find someplace to hold up until morning.”
“And you came here,” I said.
“I didn’t mean to, really,” she shook her head. “I thought I was close to Perkins, that maybe I could go there and have some coffee. Just wait around until the bank was open so I could get some money out. I thought I’d maybe get a bus ticket to Big Sky, to get a job at the resort in housekeeping or something.”
“Your dream job,” I whispered in a somber jest. My own eyes were closed at this point. Every word she said was unbearable.
“I just wanted to do something normal people do,” she sniffed and laid her head on my chest. “So, thinking I’d walk to Perkins, I picked up my phone and sent an email to my father. I told him where the BMW was, that all his stuff would be inside, but I’d be gone. Then I put my phone in with the cards, pulled the keys from the ignition and threw them in there, too. I locked the doors as I got out, and left it all there.”
“How did you get here?” I asked, wanting more than anything for her to say it was because she loved me.
“I don’t know how long I walked when the snow began to fall more heavily. I guess I wasn’t really paying attention, but it seemed like, all of a sudden, it was falling in thick flakes that were clumping together, melting against my skin and hair, seeping into my jacket. My boots were soaked from sloshing through it, and my toes were beginning to hurt because they were so cold.”
She paused for just a moment, and I leaned back to look down at her. Her lashes where spiky from her tears, and lay stark against her flushed cheeks.
“I figured it couldn’t have been that much farther. Things around me looked sort of familiar, as much as I could tell in the dark and the swirling snow. And then I turned a corner and realized I was nowhere near Perkins.” She lifted her eyes to look at me. “I was standing there staring at your building. I could see lights on in your apartment. I could see your Christmas tree.”
“Mira just brought me that tonight,” I said dumbly, trying to ignore the bleak realization that she hadn’t meant to come here at all.
“I was so cold. I wasn’t really thinking very clearly at that point. I probably shouldn’t have come up, but I just wanted to get warm.”
“I’m glad you showed up, Soph,” I murmured.
The corner of her lips lifted in a weak, wry smile. “I’m sorry I fell apart. Your sister must think I’m completely nuts.”
“Well, she’s related to me, and you can’t get much worse than I am. Don’t let that get to you too bad.”
For a while, she didn’t say anything. She just leaned up against my shoulder, deep in thought. I had my own shit rolling through my head. Mostly about how abominably I had fucked up. But I also just wished she’d come for me, even though I didn’t deserve anything from her, not even the foolish sense of contentment I got just from holding her in my arms.
Just this one last time.
“Can I borrow your phone?” she finally whispered quietly.
“My phone?”
“Yeah,” she nodded against my chest, “so I can call a cab.”
“Sophie, you don’t need to call a cab.”
“I’ll just go to Perkins, Bran,” she contended. “It’s right across the street from the bank, and I’ll just hang out there like I’d planned.”
“Just stay here,” I suggested.
She lifted her head, her eyebrows knitted tightly and a renewed pain flickered through her eyes. “I can’t do that.”
“Yes, you can. You can sleep in my room.” She swallowed hard, studying me closely before she started shaking her head. I quickly continued before she could speak again. “I’ll sleep out here on the couch. It will be fine.”
“Bran—” She closed her eyes tightly.
“It’s okay, Sophie. Just tonight. You’ve had a shit day, you need to get some sleep.”
“But, I—”
I tipped her chin up to look at her. “You don’t have to read anything into it. It’s just one friend helping out another.”
Her lip trembled as her eyes dropped back down to her cup, and I reached for it, leaning forward to set it on the coffee table. “Hop up,” I said, trying my damnedest to sound unaffected. To ignore the brutal war inside me. I wanted to come unglued, to tell her how badly I just wanted to hold her tonight. Every night. But I’d fucked up so stupidly, and that comfort from me was probably the last thing she needed.
As she climbed off my lap, she shivered and pulled the blanket around her chilled body, still damp from the snow. I turned her towards my bedroom, guiding her with my hand low on her back. I could feel her trembling, clueless if it was from cold or emotion. As we entered my room, I pulled a clean flannel shirt from my closet and set it on the bed, then turned to my dresser to grab her some thick socks and myself a pair of sleep pants.
I held out the socks to her, and saw that she had focused on my bed, a sad frown on her lips as she seemed a bit dazed by the ghosts of this room. She and I sleeping curled into each other’s arms. It happened to me a lot, too. All the time. I sometimes closed my eyes at night and could almost feel her there beside me, cocooned in the warm, dark flannel sheets.
“Here, Soph,” I murmured, jolting her back to the present, and she slipped a hand out of her blanket to take the socks from me.
“Thank you,” she replied as she grabbed the flannel shirt, not looking up at me, and taking a step towards the door. “I’ll go change in the bathroom.”
“Here, just a sec.” I went around her, going into the bathroom as she followed quietly behind me. I opened up the top drawer of the cabinet, right next to the sink, and pulled out her aqua-blue toothbrush. The one I’d looked at every day, but had never quite brought myself to get rid of. “Your toothbrush,” I murmured, setting it on the counter with a tube of Crest.
I looked at her for just a second, just long enough to see the raw sorrow in her eyes. My voice sounded hoarse when I spoke. “I’ll just change in my bedroom really quick while you’re in here.”
Sophie nodded, and I stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
As shitty as everything else seemed at the moment, it felt kind of awesome to get those clammy clothes off and get my sleep pants on. I hadn’t realized just how wet she’d gotten me, sitting out there on the couch. And without her in my arms, I'd become chilled. I grabbed a Henley and headed out to the living room to turn the heat up just a touch, tossing the shirt on the couch. I heard the click of the door and looked up to see Sophie coming down the short hallway from the bathroom.
Sophie in my flannel shirt. Just like before.
“Brannon,” she softly said, “I can sleep on the couch. It’s fine. If you just want to get me a dry blanket, I’ll be okay.”
I shook my head and walked over to her, placing my hands on her shoulders to turn h
er back towards the bedroom. “No, Soph,” I argued. “You get the bed.”
I guided her into the bedroom and towards the bed, pulling back the blankets so she could slip between the sheets. She gave me one final tormented look, as though she was trying still to talk me out of this. But there was no fight left in her, and she settled in my bed as I pulled the warm quilt up to her chest, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.
“Just try to get some sleep,” I urged. “Tomorrow, I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”
“Bran, I don’t—”
“I don’t want to argue with you anymore, Soph,” I said with a sad smile.
“I’m not trying to argue. I just… I don’t want to rely on you.”
“You don’t have to be alone.”
“This might sound kind of weird, but I do. As lonely as I’ve felt my entire life, I’ve never been alone. I’ve never taken care of myself. Taken responsibility. I need to know, Bran,” she whispered, “I need to know I can do it. Does that make any sense at all?”
“Actually,” I sighed sadly, “it kind of does. But I can help you get started.”
I turned to shut off the bedside light, leaving a faint glow streaming in from the open door to the hallway. Looking back down at Sophie, I absentmindedly smoothed the blanket over her, brushing against the soft curve of her breast before I realized what I’d even done. I froze solid, and Sophie’s eyes shot up to catch mine, her breathing shallow, almost halted completely.
It was there, that electricity that had always pulled us closer together. That longing. And, for a moment, my mind screamed at me to kiss her. To lower my head to her soft, surprised lips. To taste her sweetness once more.
She trembled under my hand, and that little quaver shook me from my daze. I closed my eyes, centering myself, realigning my composure, then looked back down at her again.
“Good night, Sophie,” I whispered.
I saw the faint glint of her teeth catching her trembling lower lip before she breathed back her shaky response.
“Good night, Bran.”
So, I forced myself to stand, to turn and to walk from the room. Every cell in my body wanted to stay. Walking out of that room was one of the most difficult things I’d ever done. Especially when she called out to me right before I closed the door behind me.
“Bran?”
Stopping in the doorway, not turning around, but tilting my head to the side to listen more closely, I waited.
There was a slight catch to her voice, and then she simply said, “Thank you.”
I closed my eyes tight, not really trusting myself to speak. To look back at her. To do anything but offer her a slight nod in response.
And then I closed the door behind me.
The whole time I stood in the bathroom brushing my teeth, I fought it. That intense urge to go back in there. To beg her not to leave. It was like it grew stronger every second. Like it was overpowering my will. Going against my better judgment.
You don’t deserve her, I kept telling myself. You never did.
And I kept my internal lecture going as I stared at myself long and hard in the mirror, as I left the bathroom. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t seem to stop turning to look at the closed door. I stepped closer and set my hands against the doorframe, holding myself back. Literally.
And just when I thought I might have it under control, just when I was a split second from releasing the doorframe and heading out to the living room, the door suddenly opened before me.
Sophie seemed flustered. Agitated. Her breath came in sharp gasps as she stood there before me. As she stepped closer, and tears filled her eyes. Her lip trembled as she curled into me, leaning up against my bare chest and wrapping her arms around my waist. My grip on the doorframe became painful, fighting the intense need to wrap her in my arms.
“I miss you,” she whispered in a broken sob.
God. Her touch…
“Every night,” Sophie breathed against my chest, “I close my eyes, and I see you. Sometimes it’s you and me.” She lifted her head, pressing her face against my neck. “Sometimes it’s you and her. And that breaks my heart. It makes me angry. It makes me sick,” she whispered. “But I still miss you.” Her lips brushed my collarbone to press soft kisses on my bare skin, intermixed with her soft whispers. “I feel like an idiot for it, but I miss everything about you.”
I fought it. My fingers ached to touch her. Loving her had been overwhelming. Losing her had been harrowing. Living without her had been pure hell. I’d tried so hard to forget her. To leave behind what I felt for her, everything that I remembered and cherished.
But this was Sophie. I couldn’t deny her anything. Even now, knowing this was a bad idea, I couldn’t turn her away.
“Sophie—” I breathed, one last hold on my restraint.
“I love you.” She straightened and looked up at me as a silver trail of tears coursed down her cheeks, reflecting the faint hallway light. “I’ve never even really known love… until you.”
That was it. The final straw. There was no way in fuck that I could fight that.
She loved me.
For a second, I just stood there frozen still, letting it sink into that thick head of mine. I pulled back and searched her eyes for a sign that she had actually just said what I heard.
Then in a rush, I dropped my hands from the door frame, tangled them in her hair, and pulled her lips up to mine.
I was starving for her kiss. It was like nothing else. Nothing. With a desperate thrill building in my chest, I swirled my tongue with hers. I breathed in her air and tilted my head to deepen the touch. Her hands crept up my shoulders, and she flattened her body up against mine with a frail moan. One of my hands slid from her hair, down the curve of her spine, and she rose on her tiptoes to melt into me.
Lifting my head, I cupped her cheek in my hand, holding her tightly with my other arm.
“Sophie,” I breathed with a thick, jagged groan, “I don’t even know who I am anymore. Not without you.”
She surged against me, and my hand slipped down over her bottom, lifting as her legs curved around my waist. I stepped to the bed, lowering her to the mattress and following her down, my lips locked with hers. Her legs spread wide beneath me as she pressed her hips up into mine.
“My Sophie,” I murmured against her lips. “You’re mine.”
“I’m yours,” she whispered again. “I love you. I missed you.”
I pulled at the buttons of her shirt, baring her skin, kissing and nipping my way down between her breasts. My lips veered to the side to capture a tightly pebbled nipple as I pulled the soft flannel from her skin. Her body arched against me, her fingers threading through my hair, urging me more firmly against her. Her breathy sob echoed throughout the quiet room, reverberating through my very soul.
My body was on fire. Every inch of my skin burned with the need to touch her. Everything felt rushed with the need to bury myself inside her and experience the ecstasy that only Sophie could provide. I rose up over her, and she hastily shoved at my sleep pants, slipping her fingers along the front to free my pulsing, aching cock.
I lifted my head to look down at her, holding her gaze steady and determined. “I want you bare, Soph. Never had a woman that way, not once in all my life. But, God, just to feel you so deep inside.”
“Yes,” Sophie breathed.
She shifted, bringing my throbbing head to her wet center, then tilted her hips up as I filled her. The sweet, smooth slide of her pussy nearly undid me. Amazing. So different and so… fuck.
“Jesus, Soph,” I moaned. “God, I… oh fuck.” I couldn’t stop the mumbled, incoherent rambling that seemed to take over.
And then Sophie made it all that much better with her breathless whisper.
“I love you.”
Her voice feathered against my ear. It echoed in my mind. I felt completely possessed by her, enraptured by the sweet and gentle warmth of her touch. I lifted my head to look down at her, and sh
e placed her palms on either side of my jaw.
The delicious slide of my bare cock sent thrills through my entire body every time I pushed deep inside her. The incredible slick, silky heat, the tightening of her muscles as she lifted her hips to meet my slow, deliberate thrusts.
It had always been different with her. Before Sophie, sex had been entertainment. Meaningless and amusing. In the weeks that we’d been apart, the self-loathing over my behavior had torn me to shreds. The knowledge that I’d lost it all. The bitter craving for the slightest glimpse of what we’d had. Even the empty thrill I’d had before her. The complete surrender to her memory, knowing I’d never touch such perfection again.
But right at that moment, it was as though we passed through the mortal bonds of our flesh, as though our very souls twisted together, each claiming the other.
“I love you, Sophie.” I couldn’t stop the words, over and over, as my body melted into hers.
And her words echoed my own. Swirling around us, wrapping us in pure, raw emotion.
“I love you, Bran.”
I rolled to my back, pulling her with me and sitting upright to draw her into my body. She circled her hips to a heartfelt rhythm, her fingers caressing my shoulders, my neck, and my jaw as she kissed me, as she breathed the words into my very existence. We were one being, one mind and one heart, moving together. The tempest began to rise inside us both. Her body mesmerized me and squeezed me tight as she began to soar, as she sobbed against my lips and her movements grew erratic and shaky.
And then she lit up around me with a desperate gasp. I pushed her back down to the bed, rolling on top of her and pumping into her with a bruising force. She lay wrapped in my arms, panting and keening into my chest as I thrust just a few more times, and then I lost myself inside her, feeling the flood of heat that filled her, wrenching a gasp from her tender lips.
I held myself deep, relishing in the silky feel of her pussy, the wetness of her release and mine mixing together, hot and erotic. An orgasmic epiphany.
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