He tilted his head, the fleecy beany he wore pulled down to his eyebrows.
‘Can you begin to imagine the grief I would get from Janey if you turned up somewhere tomorrow morning frozen solid like an ice pop.’
I gave an eyebrow rise of acceptance.
‘Bye Pilot. See you in a couple of days.’
‘Last big push, eh?’ Michael said, his face showing a hint of concern.
‘One of them. Not long to go now but I’m confident we’ll get there in time for everything to be just perfect for you all.’ I gave his forearm a gentle shake. ‘Really, it’s going to be finished in time. Stop worrying. Now, thanks for the company but you need to get that dog back into the warm.’
‘All you care about is the dog. You’re a hard woman Katie Stone.’
I shrugged, half smiling.
He glanced at the entrance then back at me. ‘I suppose it’s pointless me asking you to stand him up.’
I shook my head a little sadly. ‘Please let’s not do this again tonight? We’ve managed to move past yesterday’s…moment and had a really good day. I don’t want to argue with you any more Michael. Please?’
He nodded, his eyes still fixed on a point behind me. I waited for a moment and the intense green gaze moved and found my face.
‘I’d better go.’
He nodded, then leaning forward, he kissed me on the cheek.
‘You look really beautiful Katie.’
A smile flickered on my lips as I tilted my face up and met his eyes. He held the look a moment then stepped back, calling the dog and set off at a jog back towards the house. I watched their retreating figures, the touch of Michael’s lips on my cheek still clear in my memory and warm on my face. Giving myself a mental shake, I turned and began walking through the concourse, heading for the escalator down to the trains. Clearly I’d missed Calum’s touch more than I thought if a simple, innocent kiss on the cheek from Michael O’Farrell could have me feeling like my insides were made of melting chocolate.
***
‘So how was the trip? Did you get to see much outside the office?’ I asked, as I finished the last mouthful of delicious cheesecake and laid the dessert spoon to the side of my dish.
Calum had been talking about work for most of the dinner and I was happy to listen. Although it might have been nice if he’d asked how things had been going for me too once or twice.
‘Oh. Yeah. Well, no, not much.’
‘That’s a shame. It looks like you got a bit of tan though, so you must have done a bit of bunking off,’ I teased.
He chuckled. ‘So long as you don’t tell the boss. There was a pool at the hotel so I grabbed a couple of swims when I could.’
‘Why not?’
‘Exactly. That’s what I thought.’ His eyes drifted over my face and his hand, under the table, drifted over my thigh. ‘God I missed you.’
I dropped my gaze and smiled. It didn’t matter what Janey or Michael or Bernice thought: He did care.
‘I missed you too.’ Which was true. In the times that I hadn’t had back-to-back appointments or been up to my elbows in kennel detritus. ‘In fact, I was thinking that maybe I could take a few extra days off at Christmas and we could go – ’
‘I can’t Kate. I’m sorry.’
I sat back, confused. ‘You don’t even know what I was going to say.’
He let out a sigh. ‘You were going to ask to spend some more time together over Christmas.’
‘It’d be nice if you didn’t make that sound quite so distasteful to you! And frankly, I shouldn’t have to be “asking”! Most normal couples would automatically assign some time together over Christmas, because they actually want to be together.’
‘Kate, don’t do this. Not tonight.’
My anger began to bubble. ‘Frankly I’d have liked to have said something before now but I’ve hardly bloody seen you and you’re not exactly what anyone would call chatty on the phone.’
‘I’m busy!’
‘Everyone’s busy!’ I said, my teeth gritted in an attempt to keep my voice low. ‘All I want is some time with my boyfriend! Is that really too much to ask?’ Much to my disgust, my voice broke on the last words and Calum’s face immediately softened. He reached for my hand.
‘Kate, please don’t be upset. I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s been crazy lately and I’ve neglected us far more than I should have. Look, I’ll work something out and we’ll definitely have a few days away together, like you said. OK?’
I nodded and took a deep breath. I hated rows like this. I’d witnessed too many and, although Janey was right in that I didn’t take any crap from people in my work, I still always did my best to avoid confrontation when I could. Apart from with her brother, but he really was a case unto himself. And luckily, it seemed that we had managed to get past that stage now anyway. Mostly.
‘So, what about you? Things going well at work? You said you had a new client who was proving a bit difficult. Did you move him to Bernice in the end?’
I took a sip of red wine and shook my head. ‘No I couldn’t. He wanted to continue with me.’
‘Did he now?’ Calum said, leaning back and picking up his own glass.
‘It’s nothing like that. He’s just quite…private and didn’t want to go through everything again with someone else. Janey had recommended me to him so he just wanted to stick with me.’
‘Ah, the delightful Janey.’
I gave him a look. ‘Yes. She is delightful.’ The tone in my voice warned him not to push that way.
‘It’d be easier if she liked me a little more.’
‘She does like you. She likes everyone.’
This time it was Calum that gave me the look and we both knew I was being diplomatic. Also known as fibbing a little.
‘Once things settle a bit with your work and we get to see each other a little more, she’ll come round. I promise.’
Calum said nothing.
The waiter drifted past, stopping momentarily to top up our glasses from the wine bottle sat on our table. He then left the bill on the side of the table and glided away. Beside us, a table of eight began singing happy birthday and I looked round to see several waiters accompanying a large cake being wheeled on a dessert trolley. I smiled at the family gathering as photos began being taken, the flashes illuminating the area in bursts. Glancing back at Calum to share the enjoyment, his head was down, brow furrowed as he studied the bill. I was about to look away again when I noticed something.
‘What the hell is that?’ I asked, my voice raised to compete with the singing opposite. Which of course finished just as I spoke, resulting in my question being heard by far more people than just the one I’d directed it at.
Calum’s face darkened.
‘Keep your voice down, for God’s sake!’
My eyes widened. ‘I beg your pardon?’
‘You heard me! What the hell’s got into you, drawing attention to us like that?’
I felt the blood rise in my face. ‘It wasn’t intentional! And right now I don’t actually care. I want an answer to my question?’ I grabbed his left hand and pointed to the distinct tan line on his third finger. ‘Why the hell does it look like you’ve been wearing a wedding ring?’
Calum pulled his hand out of mine, both of us aware that the birthday party was now far more interested in our discussion than in the cake in front of them.
‘Because I have.’
‘Oh God. I’m going to be sick.’ I gripped the edge of the table.
‘Wait.’ He stopped me. ‘It’s not what you think.’
I held up my hands, palms upward, silently asking him what the hell else it could be.
‘Come on. Let’s go to the hotel and talk about it there.’
I shook my head. ‘No. I want to talk about it now.’
‘Kate please. You’re – ’
‘Now Calum.’ My voice was calm and back to its normal level. But even I could hear the steeliness in the tone.
‘Fine. It’s kind
of silly really.’ He gave a laugh. I didn’t join him. He cleared his throat and continued. ‘The company I was working with, they’re really family-orientated and they like all the people they deal with to be “on the same page”, as they say. I heard another company lost a contract with them because the guy mentioned something about him and his girlfriend living together. I didn’t want to lose the contract so I bought a cheap ring just to wear whilst I was out there. Once things go through, it’ll all pass to a different part of the company and I won’t be dealing with it any more.’ He looked at his hand, the telltale sign barely noticeable in the candlelight. ‘I guess I must have forgotten to take it off on one of my swims.’
I sat watching him, wanting to believe him.
‘Honestly babe, that’s all it is. You know. Playing the game. You know how traditional people can be out in places like Alabama.’
He reached for my hand and I pulled it back away from him.
‘Babe come on, I – ’
‘Alabama?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Not Arizona?’
‘What?’
‘You told me the firm you were visiting was in Arizona. Not Alabama.’
‘I don’t think I did. You must just be remembering wrong. Like you said, you’ve been crazy busy too lately.’
‘I’m not remembering it wrong Calum. I know what you told me.’
‘Fine. Then I guess I said the wrong state. It’s not a crime. You’re making a big deal out of nothing.’
‘Am I?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Why don’t we go to your house tonight, instead of the hotel?’
He picked up the napkin off his lap and put it on the table. ‘I’ve told you that’s not possible. It’s still being worked on.’
‘I don’t mind. I’d like to see it.’
‘I don’t want to drive out there tonight, besides we’ve both been drinking.’
‘I’ll pay for a taxi.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. It’d cost a fortune.’
‘It’d be worth it to see this amazing house.’
‘What’s got into you?’
‘Me?’
‘Yes!
‘Nothing. I think the fact that I’d actually like to see where my boyfriend lives after six months of dating is pretty damn normal! In fact, I’m wondering if me letting it go this long is something I’m going to regret.’
‘Of course it’s not. Kate I told you. It’ll be done soon and we – ’
‘Are you married?’
‘What?’ Calum asked. ‘Of course not!’
But I saw it. That moment of hesitation. That flicker.
I dropped my head, my eyes focused on my hands as I held them on my lap, the knuckles white as I twisted the linen napkin between my fingers.
‘How could you?’ I whispered. ‘After everything I told you about my parents?’
There was a pause. He knew he was caught. ‘Kate. I’m sorry. I never meant…’ He stopped as I lifted my head, my eyes dry, gaze boring into him.
‘Where were you really? These past few weeks? On holiday with your wife?’
He nodded. ‘Mexico.’
‘Do you have children?’
The hesitation again.
‘Shit,’ I whispered, my throat feeling tight and raw as I swallowed.
Downing the rest of my wine in one go, I pushed my chair back. ‘I need to go,’ I said, throwing the twisted napkin on the table.
‘Kate. Wait.’
I unhooked my bag from the back of the chair and stood. As I turned to grab my coat, the woman sat across from me caught my eye. A look passed between us and she momentarily dropped her gaze to the table before catching mine again. Abso-bloody-lutely.
‘Do you mind if I borrow this?’ I asked her.
‘Be my guest.’
‘What the fuck?’ Calum spluttered as red wine dripped down his face. ‘Do you know how much this shirt cost?’
I leaned towards him. ‘You know what? I don’t give a shit because whatever the price, it’s far less than your lying has cost me!’
‘Oh come on Kate! You can’t tell me that you didn’t have your suspicions? It’s not my fault if you decided to blind yourself to them and just saw what you wanted!’
I stared at him, open-mouthed, my brain whirling.
‘The fact that you even think that shows how little you really know me.’
He looked me up and down, his eyes lingering. ‘I wouldn’t say that.’
And with that I flung what was left of his own red wine on top of the already spreading stain on his previously pristine white shirt.
Turning my back on Calum, I faced the other table, just as a waiter hurried up beside us.
‘Please could you replace this lady’s drink,’ I instructed him, opening my bag to reach for my purse. Her hand reached out and rested on my arm. I looked up.
‘That one’s on me love.’ She winked and patted my arm.
I have to say that, ordinarily, I’d have been mortified at someone overhearing such a personal conversation, but bearing in mind my mortification levels were already off the scale by this point, it didn’t really seem to matter all that much right now.
I nodded and briefly laid my own hand on top of hers before stepping back and walking out of the restaurant, head high with not one glance back.
Chapter Sixteen
Janey opened the door, took one look and pulled me inside without saying a word.
‘I am such an idiot!’ I declared as Janey handed me another mug of tea.
‘No you’re not. Don’t you dare start thinking that any of this is your fault!’
‘But he was right, wasn’t he? I should have had an inkling that something was amiss. A normal person would haven’t just swallowed everything he told me about always working or travelling!’
Janey’s expression changed, her face taking on a seriousness that I was used to seeing on her brother, but rarely on her. Leaning across, she grabbed my hands so that I was turned to face her on the sofa.
‘Now you listen to me, Katie Stone. You’re not an idiot and you’re not abnormal. You trusted the man you were in a relationship with because you are a good, sweet, loving woman. And all that is good stuff! It’s nothing to be ashamed of or sorry for. The villain here is that shit Calum who took complete advantage of all of that.’
‘I should have sensed something, Janey,’ I said sadly.
‘Why would you? You’re a lot of things, love, but you’re not a mind reader.’
‘I should have seen the signs. You know I should. God, I saw them enough at home! How could I have missed them here?’
‘You can’t compare all that to this,’ she said, softly, gently rubbing my back as more tears trickled slowly down my face, plopping rhythmically onto the fabric of my dress.
‘But I do. It’s the same thing.’
‘It’s not. Not at all.’
‘Perhaps it’s something in the genes. Maybe I’m not meant to have a normal, happy relationship.’
‘Well, that’s the biggest load of bollocks I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.’
‘I hated my dad for what he did to Mum; cheating on her, sending her further and further into depression. I wanted her to just leave him. I couldn’t see why she wouldn’t. And every time I begged her, tried to get her to see that we could start again, just me and her somewhere else, she just shook her head and told me that she loved him.’
Janey reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear.
‘Not everyone’s as strong as you Kate.’
‘It’s not that, Janey. I think I’ve spent so long trying not to be Mum, that I’ve turned into my father.’
‘What? Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I’ve been sleeping with a married man, for God’s sake!’ I said, leaping up from the sofa. ‘Maybe I did know! How could I not have some sort of suspicion? Jesus! My mum was in a drunken stupor for most of the time and even she knew my father was
up to something. And here I am, an apparently intelligent, successful businesswoman who just accepts that her boyfriend can’t see her very much, who has his phone switched off at the weekends most of the time to “destress”, and who can never take me to his house because it is continually being worked on. Maybe I did know, or suspect, and I just buried it deep inside because I didn’t want to admit that I’m just as bad as my father!’
Janey began pushing herself up a little awkwardly from the sofa and I automatically held out my hands to help pull her up.
‘Thanks. Now, I’m going to ask you something and you have to give me the absolute honest truth.’
I pushed my hair back from my face.
‘OK.’
She took my hands and met my eyes, her intense green gaze boring into mine. ‘Look me in the eye and tell me if you ever had any, even the tiniest, thought that the man you were seeing was married.’
I looked back, the answer tumbling about in my head, frustrating me, yet freeing me at the same time.
‘Oh God, Janey. I didn’t have a bloody clue.’ I felt the tears prick my eyes again.
My friend pulled me to her, the baby bump making me stick my bum out in an inelegant and slightly uncomfortable manner, but I didn’t care. It was true. I hadn’t known. It hadn’t even crossed my mind. Calum must be a pretty good damn salesmen because he had sold me a scenario and I’d bought it without question.
Janey tipped me back. ‘Right. Now. No more guilt. No more thinking you’re like your dad. You’re you, Katie. Underneath that efficient, organised, put together exterior is a fallible human being, just like the rest of us. You had no reason to doubt that what Calum said was true. And now you know, you can’t go feeling guilty about it all.’
‘But his wife…’
‘Yes I know. It’s shitty. But you have to remember it’s not your fault. You didn’t know. You had absolutely no way of knowing and if you’d known he was married when he first came onto you, you’d have told him to get on his bike! He’s the one responsible for all the hurt here Katie. Not you. And don’t you ever think anything different.’
‘I just feel so horrible.’ I flopped back onto the sofa and Janey followed. And then a thought hit me.
‘Janey, would you do me a favour?’
Christmas Project, The Page 18