by K. L. Jessop
“You too, Fiona. Sorry I haven’t been around much. Work has been crazy.”
I question if that is true or if he’s just using it as an excuse to hide behind. I don’t know the true depths of the life leading up to Sandie’s death, only that it got to the point where her alcoholism was the route to her passing. Even then, Grayson had kept those cards close to his chest.
“Are you coming in for some pancakes, too?” Mom asks, a slight plea in her voice. “Pete would love to see you. It’s been too long.” I can sense Grayson’s hesitation as he shifts on his feet.
“Hmm. I don’t want to intrude—”
“You won’t be,” I add. “Dad would love to see you. Having breakfast will be like old times.”
This time, his eyes finally find mine, and I can see that he’s fighting—what I don’t know. He is soon outnumbered, though, when both Mom and Asher tell him to come in. With a reluctant nod, he follows us.
“Hey, Pop,” I shout, heading into the kitchen where Dad is still doing his jigsaw puzzle. “Look who I found lurking outside.”
The smile on Dad’s face when he sees Asher and Grayson behind me is priceless. Dad, too, looks tired after having a restless night. Since his stroke, he can often get bad headaches as one of the side effects.
“Boys.” Dad beams, now abandoning his puzzle and turning his chair around.
“Hey, Pop.” Asher clasps Dad’s shoulder and kisses him on the head like he has always done, but it’s not long before Dad’s attention is shifted to the man standing behind my brother, and I swear his eyes glass.
“Gray.”
“Hey, Pete. How are you doing?” Grayson takes hold of Dad’s hand and leans in toward him. Their heads are almost touching, and I notice Gray’s demeanor change as the two of them share a moment.
“Miss… You.”
“Missed you, too,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I’ve not been around much.”
“Pete, are you wanting pancakes?” Mom asks. “I need to know how many to make as Wade will be here soon.”
“Who’s Wade?” Asher questions.
“He’s Dad’s new carer. He was here last night to help out while Mom was at work.”
The look in my brother’s eyes is predictable, and I wait for the torrent of questions as I see the scenarios racing his mind.
He was here with you?
How old is he? Is he single?
Does he know you have an older brother who likes to play with guns?
“And you were here, too?”
“Yeah. We all hung out for a bit.”
“How old is he?”
“He’s a few years older than me. He’s nice.” And he is. Wade has the ability and the equipment to take Dad out so he’s not always stuck in the house. He’s a handsome guy and incredibly friendly, but that’s as far as it goes for me.
“When is he here? I might stick around and meet him.”
“Do you want me to get the pen and paper out so we can start writing down the questions you want to ask him?” I joke, but I just receive a glare from him. It’s the same every time there is a new male in my life. He just doesn’t know when to give up.
“Is he Married?”
And there’s another one.
“No. We are going to talk dates when he arrives later. I’ll let you know so you can have your suit tailored.”
Grayson and Dad snort.
“Very funny, Nora.”
“Then stop asking so many questions. The guy is here to care for Dad and nothing else.”
“Asher, can you help me with the food, please?” Mom asks.
While Mom and my brother chat in the kitchen, I notice Grayson has hardly moved from his spot as he stands with his hands in his pockets like he feels awkward.
“Gray, you can sit down, you know,” I say, sitting myself at the table to help Dad with his puzzle.
“Here, Pop.” I give dad a piece, “Does that bit fit in there?”
Grayson has now taken a seat opposite me, and I notice him pick up a puzzle piece and play with it between his fingers. I’ve got so much I want to tell him, and so much more to ask, but something inside of me is telling me to wait. It’s like he needs time to adjust to the world he was once a part of.
Dad takes the piece I’ve just offered and studies it for a moment before looking at the board. He tries to fit it in and eventually turns it around when he realizes it’s wrong. “Good job. Let me find another.” Looking in the box, I remember the online purchase I made late last night. “Oh, I ordered us another puzzle. It’s a little harder than this one because it’s battle ships, anchors, and everything to do with the Navy, but I thought we could do it together. How does that sound?” I look at him and my smile widens when I see his grow.
“For… me?”
“Yeah. I thought it would be nice as it’s everything you love.”
Lifting his hand slowly, he cups my face, the love in his eyes noticeable. It’s hard to know what to do with Dad at times because, although he can do some things in a limited way, there are days when his disability gets the better of him and he just wants to sit and do nothing as he falls into a depressive mood. After the chats I’ve had with Mom, she said that keeping his mind active as much as we can helps his mental state. But the look in his eyes—the one he has now—makes my heart want to burst.
“Love. You.”
I kiss the palm of his hand and whisper. “Love you too, Pop.”
As I look across the table, I find Grayson watching us. When his gaze moves to mine, his intense stare pins me in place, causing my cheeks to heat and a tingle to cascade down my spine. He’s still got that look of uncertainty, but now there’s a look in his eyes that I can’t work out.
“So, the bar is busy at the moment?” I ask, shifting my gaze from him.
“Yeah. I mean it’s always crazy, but this time of year can get insane. I’m constantly busy.”
Is he though? Because that last comment sounded like he was looking for an excuse.
“I’ll have to come down for a beer one night when you’re working.”
“Sounds good,” he says, but the tone of his voice suggests that he’d rather I didn’t. He takes a different piece of the puzzle and connects it to the rest on the board. His action tells me he’s done talking. Only I’m not. Wanting him to keep going, I steer the conversation toward the subject of Dad.
“Apparently, Dad was disappointed when Mom returned home with this puzzle.”
“Oh yeah. Why is that?”
“He’d asked her for something with chicks on.”
He grins. “Pete. You naughty boy.”
“That’s what I said.” I place another piece on the board. “I said I’d get him one, but Mom was having none of it.”
“That’s a shame. Talk about ruining the fantasy, hey, Pete?”
“Yeah.” Dad chuckles.
“Well, his fantasy isn’t ruined because I’ve got him one,” I say quietly so only we can hear. “It’s to do when Mom is at work.”
His brows rise. “You bought your dad a jigsaw with women on it?”
“Sexy women in bikini’s, I may add. And it felt really wrong making the purchase.”
His low, husky chuckle causes the butterflies to take flight in my stomach. I’ve missed that. “Well, I might just have to check this puzzle out sometime.”
“With. Beer,” Dad says.
“That would be nice,” I add. “It will be like old times. Right, Pop?”
“Yeah.”
Grayson smiles sheepishly as he looks at Dad. “Beer sounds good, Pete.”
When his eyes find mine again, I hold his stare, hoping he can hear the sincerity in my voice and that he keeps his word. “He’d like that. We both would.”
“I don’t think I will ever get enough of this,” Makenna sighs happily as she devours her cotton candy. The girl is obsessed with the stuff and is on her second helping already.
“I don’t know how you can stomach that much.”
“For someone that has a sweet tooth, I can’t believe you don’t like it. What is wrong with you? You weirdo.” She side-eyes me with a grin as we head toward Ocean Front beach.
I’ve had nothing but constant texts from her all morning, stating she wanted cotton candy and the sand between her toes, and loving the beach, I couldn’t wait to come here either.
“I never said I didn’t like it. What I meant was, I don’t know how you can eat as much as you have in one sitting.”
“It’s the only form of excitement I have in my life right now. Well, that and Ryan.” She stuffs another piece into her mouth and makes an over exaggerated hum, brushing her long blonde hair from her face.
Taking off our sandals, we step onto the soft, warm sand and head toward the water. The sun is scorching in the clear blue sky as people gather in groups along the beach. I’ve missed this place. Even though college is only a short drive from Virginia Beach, on the weekends I’ve often found myself too busy with extra studies to come here. And when Makenna would demand that I took some time out to catch up with her, we often ended up doing other things.
Coming to the beach is like giving a gift to the soul: the calmness it provokes the moment you step foot on the sand is something I don’t think I will ever get over. The picturesque postcard view draws you to it no matter what, but for me, it’s what goes on beyond the depths of the ocean that I love more. The day I knew I wanted to explore the life in the abyss, I had been four years old. My dad had taken me to the aquarium for a father/daughter day out, and I’d fallen in love from that moment. I’d loved the different color fish that I’d never known existed, the beauty of the coral reef—an under-water rainbow. I had been mesmerized from that very second, and life under the sea became my obsession.
“So, you’re definitely set on taking a year out of studies?” Makenna asks.
The cool water tickles my toes as we walk along the shore front and head toward the pier. “That’s the plan.”
At times I’ve felt guilty for not being with Dad, even though I’d seen him most nights at the hospital. But even that had got too much when my workload became more intense. I’d had to cut down on my visits. At that point, though, it hadn’t been so bad as Dad had turned a corner and had been responding to the treatment and therapy.
“I can always go back to college and continue to further my degree next year. Or even the year after that if I’m not ready.”
“So, you’ll just be staying at home all summer?”
“I don’t know. I mean, Dad now has Wade coming in every day, so I tend to leave them to it. And when Mom’s work shifts cross over with Wade, I’m kinda at a loose end. So, I was going to see if I can get some part time work for the summer or something.”
“Hot Tuna is hiring,” she says in a bit of a rush, and it has me looking at her.
“I’m not really a bartender kinda girl.”
“Good job it’s for a waitress then. Ryan mentioned it the other day when we hung out.” Ryan is Grayson’s right-hand man when it comes to working and running Hot Tuna and a good friend with benefits when it comes to Makenna.
We head up out of the water and sit on the sand. Makenna sits with her legs crossed while I rest back on my elbows, looking out toward the ocean.
Numerous people swim while others play about, kicking and splashing at those they are with. The atmosphere down here is one that brings a smile to my face, even when I don’t feel like smiling at all. It’s intoxicating in the best way. Well, for me it is anyway.
“I don’t know. I mean it would be a good little job, but there’s just the small problem of Grayson. I don’t know how he’d feel about it.”
“I take it you’ve seen him since you’ve been back then?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, thinking back to earlier. “He rocked up, hungover, with Asher this morning.”
“And how was it?”
That’s what I’m still trying to work out. One minute it had been like he wanted to run and the next as if nothing has changed. I’d tried to include him in conversations for the sake of Dad and everyone else, but at the same time, I’d wanted to scream at him for his avoidance.
“Odd. He was his usual ‘boy next door’ self, but also acted where I felt like I hardly knew him at all. I can see that the world is on his shoulders, I can see that there is guilt in his eyes, but what frustrates me more is the fact I’m willing to forgive him even after the way he’s treated me. Then I question whether I should be bothered about it at all.”
“How do you mean?”
“Because at the end of the day, he’s Asher’s friend. I’m just… me.”
“You’ve been a part of his life just as much as Asher has, Nora. You’re his Shortcake.”
“I’ve clearly been nothing recently, which is why working alongside him may be difficult.”
I lay back on the sand and think about all the times I’ve texted him and got no reply, all the times I’ve phoned him and left voicemails, and all the times he’s practically run away from me when I’ve been home on a break from college.
Has he really been that busy that he couldn’t call me back? He had been there for us when Dad had his stroke, but then once his mom died, there was nothing—not even an open door for us to help him in his time of need. Now I feel like a total bitch for sounding selfish when I know he’s been through hell, too.
“Do you think I’m overreacting?”
“The job opportunity, yes. Grayson in general? I don’t think so. I mean, I would be pissed if the love of my life went cold on me without a good reason.”
I roll my eyes as I look at the sky. “Grayson is hardly the love of my life.”
“Bullshit.”
“I mean, am I overreacting at his behavior because the reason behind it could be because of his mom? Something like that would knock anyone down.”
“If that were the case, though, why hasn’t he cut your brother or my dad off? They go away, too, but their friendship with Grayson hasn’t changed.”
“So why has mine?”
“That’s something you’re going to have to find out.” She taps my leg. “And you’ve got the chance to do that by working at his bar. Call Ryan. He’s expecting to hear from you.”
I raise a brow. “You’ve told him I’m interested already?”
“That’s what friends are for, is it not?” She grins. “This could be your perfect opportunity, Nora, and one that has your brother out of the way.”
She’s got a point. Talking with Grayson would be hard when Asher is often lurking around the corner. Maybe working at Hot Tuna is my only escape from him and my only direction to go if I want the answers I’m after.
I just don’t know if I’m ready for the punch in the stomach when his reasons come.
Chapter Six
Grayson
The base of the music coming from the bar vibrates against the walls of my office.
I’d wanted to work tonight in the hope it would take my mind off all the shit that is racing through my thoughts—try and work out what the fuck the other morning was about whilst at the Nelsons’. Once again, though, I am distracted. The atmosphere is only making me more agitated when it’d usually have the adrenaline racing inside me.
I’ve seen her once—once—and I’m already going out of my fucking mind. I hadn’t thought it would be this hard given the fact I’ve kept my distance, but now I know she’s home, I know it’s going to be difficult to keep away.
I’m not one to be nervous, but being around the Nelsons made me feel more on edge than I’ve ever been, and I can’t work out if that was from guilt or her presence. If I had just been able to relax, it would have been like it used to be; like the days where I’d loved being a part of their family and when no shadows had hung over any of us. Times change, though, and life has a way of moving on faster than you’d like. And we all have moved on. At least, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself.
Truth is that my pull toward Nora hasn’t faltered, and I don’t
think it ever will.
I can still remember the day my feelings began to change for her. I’d tried so hard to not let them expand further than friendship, but the more I tried, the harder it had become and one day, I lost the battle completely when she walked into her living room and took my breath away.
I’d had contact with her on many occasions before, but that day had been different. It had ignited something inside of me. The way my heart had sped up at the sight of her and the way my blood rushed through my veins, had been something I’d never experienced in all the times I’d been with a woman. The burning desire in my gut had been hard to get my head around, and it was enough to cause panic within me because of who she was—and still is.
It had been her seventeenth birthday, and all I’d wanted was to take her by the hand and kiss those sweet lips so badly. I’d known it was wrong and very much forbidden, but in that moment, those feelings had overruled everything else, and all I’d been able to do was watch her, even if it had been from afar: her long brown hair that draped over her thin arms; the blue of her eyes, prominent against her pure skin; and those pink lips that had looked so soft.
Nora seems to have this way of making everything around her tranquil. She has always been older in her ways—more mature than most girls her age. I guess that’s what had drawn me to her. The fifteen-year age gap had never mattered when it was just me and her—it still doesn’t—but it would be forbidden in the eyes of others. Keeping my distance has been another battle altogether—a battle that is only allowed to be in my head.
Now, not only do I have the tidal wave of desire swirling up inside me, I’m also questioning why the words ‘call Nora’ are scribbled on a post-it note that has been placed in the center of my desk—one I’ve been staring at since I got here and one I’m hoping is not the answer to the dilemma that is currently running through my mind.