by K. L. Jessop
“You won’t be on your own, Nora. You have me, your mom, and Asher. We’ll all be here and in this together. Just remember that.”
“Okay.”
He kisses the top of my head and we fall into a comfortable silence, my heart still aching for the man I rest against and everything he’s been through yet still doesn’t speak of.
“What were you thinking?”
I frown. “What?”
“You said you were thinking as well as overthinking. We’ve covered the over part, now what were you thinking?”
I smile, snuggling into him. “I was thinking how different the day started to how it’s ended. Not so many hours ago I was a wreck, and now I’m here with you and more relaxed than I’ve been in so long.”
“I must admit, I’ve not felt this chilled in a while.”
“Maybe you need to slow down. Enjoy life.”
He chuckles. “You make me sound like I don’t have one.”
“You don’t. You know you don’t.” I tilt my head up to look at him, holding his gaze. He can’t lay here and say he has fun and freedom in his life when he’s constantly working all hours to forget the reality of his mom. “But you can change that.”
“Why do I get the feeling you are going to play a part in this.”
“Because you know me too well and know I won’t let you hide away.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. Cupping my jaw, he strokes his thumb over my cheekbone, watching his movements.
I’m yet to get to the route of his demons, and I know they go a lot deeper than he shows, but for as long as I am home, I’m going to make sure he doesn’t retreat. Where I came home to spend time with Dad and my family, I believe Grayson is the one person who is lost amongst the shadows and in one way needs more help than the rest. Dad has us. He has medical staff, equipment, and a mindset that helps him through the tough times. And although now he will need more care should he have to live with seizures as well and not knowing if and when his next stroke will happen, I believe Grayson is swallowed up by grief so deep that he can’t find his way out. He may smile, he may laugh, he may say anything to make us believe he is doing okay, but I’ve grown to know those eyes of his, and I know when he speaks the truth and when he hides it.
“You said you think of me,” he whispers, breaking my thoughts. “How long has it been?”
I can’t tell him the truth about it. Somehow, confessing now that he’s been in my thoughts ever since my mind and body knew what feelings were, wouldn’t feel right. And as contradictive as it sounds because I’m now laid here with him, I still haven’t forgotten how quick he was to cast me aside—regardless of the reasons I now know of. I need to protect my heart as best I can. Revealing my truths will only make me more vulnerable should he walk away from me again.
“I’m not sure. I’ve tried hard not to because I was sure you’d never see me the way I wanted, but I couldn’t get you out of my head,” I look up at him again and tease. “Now I think you’ve gone and made it worse for me.”
“Sorry about that.” He chuckles, rolling me on to my back before resting over me. His strong arms cage me in right before his mouth makes contact with the sensitive spot on my neck. His delicious wet kisses make patterns on my skin causing my heart rate to spike with each one, awakening the ache between my thighs that’s not yet recovered from earlier.
When he lifts his head and finds my eyes, there’s a look of conviction in them. "I didn’t tell you the truth. When we talked in my office after we’d argued, I didn’t tell you the whole truth about why I kept my distance.”
“Tell me now,” I whisper.
“You’ve not been the only one trying to get someone off their mind. You’re in my thoughts every second of every day, too. I’ve needed to try and gain some form of control when it comes to you."
My heart skips and I run the tip of my finger over his jawline with a wicked grin on my face. "How's that working out for you?"
He chuckles. "Well, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve no control whatsoever."
“However will I make it up to you?”
“I can think of many ways.”
“Kiss me.” I smile, needing him more than ever.
Bringing his mouth to mine, he takes his time, massaging my lips tentatively before he slips his tongue inside and kisses me in a way that sends my mind crazy and my body humming. He kisses me slowly, taking his time to explore and taste.
They say you have to kiss many frogs before you find your prince and believe me, there have been a few, but never have I been kissed the way Grayson kisses me. From the tip of my toes all the way up my body, he creates a sensation that makes me feel like I’m floating yet gives me a hunger that wants more.
“Grayson, please…” I need him in places he’s yet to explore as he grinds against me. His hands roam, and his hips move while his mouth covers my nipple through the fabric of my top. Needing to feel him, I find the hem of his shirt and lift it, guiding it up his body for him to help me remove it completely. His tight, toned torso is perfection, and I cover every inch of it with my hands, needing to not miss a single spot because I’ve longed for this moment.
“I can’t stop kissing you,” he breathes.
My stomach muscles tighten in anticipation when he drags his mouth over my skin, but he soon has me laughing when he playfully sticks his head under my top, hiding himself from me as he continues his path of kisses.
“What are you doing?”
“Enjoying the adventure.”
When he swirls his tongue over my nipple, my back arches and I whimper. “Yes.”
He does it again and the throbbing between my thighs strums harder. “Please, touch me.”
Suddenly, he stops. “Oh, hello. And what do we have here?”
I smile, knowing full well what he’s found.
He comes back out, pushing my tank top up over my breasts and running his finger over my skin. “You got a tattoo?”
“I did.” The very first one I got. A simple, single line in the shape of a wave is inked along the top of my ribs at the side of my breast. It’s not the only one I have, but I’ll let him discover the other. “I got it not long after starting college. It’s to represent my love for the ocean.”
"I like it. I take it your brother doesn't know?"
"Why do you think it's in a place where he can't see it," I grin.
"It suits you. And it's sexy."
“Thank you. Now, please continue.”
He resumes his position on my breasts, this time holding up the fabric of my tank with his hand as his tongue trails and tastes my skin. My fingers lace in his hair and I tug, eliciting a groan from him.
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight, Nora. But Jesus, I need to touch you,” he breathes.
“Then do it.”
“What shall I do with you?”
“Anything. Just do something because this is fucking torture.” I feel him laugh against my stomach. But the lower he goes, the harder my pulse beats and my breathing becomes scattered when his fingers brush over my shorts and introducing themselves to the place I need his touch the most.
With his eyes on mine, he teases me slowly, pressing his fingers against the damp fabric and circling my sensitive bud, causing me to whimper as heat races to every nerve ending in my body. I crave his touch more because the thin line of material between us is tortuous, yet the sensation has my body withering with each second he rotates.
“Grayson…”
“I want to make you feel like never before, Nora.”
“Then don’t stop,” I pant, now on the brink of desperation. “I don’t want you to stop.”
“I want to taste you, but I only want that if you’re ready. I don’t want to push you.”
A surge of electricity hits my stomach and the need for him heightens even greater. I want this. I need this.
“Please. I want this.”
He holds my heated gaze and slowly, yet tortuously, removes my bed
shorts. Nervousness covers my body the moment I’m exposed to him, but the need for him takes over, outweighing everything else.
The muscles in his jaw flex and a low growl rumbles from the back of his throat indicating he’s finding it hard to remain in control. But when his eyes lower a little more, a grin slowly forms on his lips when he spots my other tattoo.
“Oh, my Shortcake is naughty.”
I laugh as he trails his fingers along the small rose that sits on my hip, just below my bikini line. “Secret tattoo number two.”
“Now, this is sexy,” he exhales. “Fuck you’re killing me already. You’re goddamn beautiful.”
“And he definitely doesn’t know about this one. I don’t think somehow he’ll—Oh, God.” My back arches as his mouth presses against my hip. He drags his lips across my lower stomach to the other before nudging my legs further apart. I’m wet, high, and so fucking hot for him right now.
“Grayson, please.”
“I’m going to make you feel so good, Nora. I’m going to rock your fucking world.”
When he sweeps his tongue over the bundle of nerves, my hips buck and hot tingles race up my spine. But he doesn’t stop. His magical tongue continues again and again in a figure eight, making me beg him for more with every breath.
“You taste so fucking good,” he groans. Looking up at me, he holds my hooded gaze and slowly pushes a finger inside me to work the sensitive spot that has my toes curling.
“Oh, God...”
"Jesus, Shortcake. You look breath-taking lying there.”
“More. I need more.”
My body becomes a hot mess when he adds another finger and lowers his head, returning to doing dangerously devilish things with his tongue. My legs tremble, my vision blurs and my body comes undone at his touch. Need, want, desire, lust and extreme amounts of pleasure fill every part of me from top to bottom with an orgasm that races to the surface thick and fast.
This. All of this. Every part of this.
“Grayson… I’m…”
“Let me hear you, Nora. Let me hear what I’m doing to you.”
When he grazes his teeth against me, that’s all it takes to have me pressing my thighs against his head and crying his name as the orgasm rips through me.
“Holy shit,” I pant, trying to control my breathing.
Before I can do anything, he’s back over me, crashing his mouth to mine with a kiss that’s full of pure hunger as I taste myself on his tongue.
“Thank you,” I whisper, holding him close to me and not wanting this moment to end, loving the fact his weight is on me, protecting me. “That was better than my dreams.”
“I want you, Nora, because you consume me more than you know. But that only makes this harder.”
After the almighty high, I’m suddenly hit with the reality of what will happen when the sun rises in the morning. And I know that after tonight, not only will I have to fight with my feelings even more, I’ll have to pretend that this night never happened because, in the eyes of others, it never can.
“What happens now? How do we make this work?”
I’m met with silence, his hot breath beating against my neck as I’m left waiting for a response until my heart sinks when he whispers, “I don’t know.”
Chapter Seventeen
Grayson
Resting with my hand on my head, I lay next to Nora and watch her while she sleeps, stroking her nose with the tip of my finger like I used to do when she was younger. I don’t know how long I’ve been watching her, but it’s been long enough for me to realize that for the first time in forever, my heart and mind feel at peace. There’re no anxieties, no demons, no memories that like to come back and choke me when I least expect it. I can’t remember when I last felt this way—so tranquil that my body feels like it’s floating. I usually have to contend with the wall of concrete in my chest making me feel like I can’t breathe, or the vice at my temples that gets tighter and tighter as time goes on. I’ve felt that way most of my adult life, and it all started when I was punched in the ribs and thrown up against the wall by my asshole of a father.
After so many years, I thought freedom had finally arrived when he decided for once in his life to do the decent thing and leave the family home. Only that freedom never came, because like the fucknut he was, he made sure as hell that Mom wouldn’t be able to live a happier life once he’d gone and continued to play mind games with her.
From that day forward, I was back to taking care of a fragile woman who became more broken than she’d been when she was with him. He’d controlled her while he was deployed. He’d controlled her when he was home. He’d had the power to make her quiver just by looking at her, and even when he’d left, he still controlled her from the other side of fucking America.
Life then got twice as hard, and I’d been out of my depth on so many levels—some days worse than others depending on her moods—and I’d accepted the fact that the way I felt was normal. Over time, I’d held onto the hope that one day, I’d find solace, a chance to breathe and escape the twisted world I’d grown up in, no matter how many years it took.
And I believe I have found it.
She lies beside me, she’s entwined around me, and she’s tugged at my heart so hard that I know damn well that she is it for me.
However, no matter how good it might feel now, there’s the little problem that comes in the name of Asher: my best friend, Nora’s older brother and a man who would kill for his family. He won’t see this as it should be; I know damn well he’ll never accept it, and a part of me won’t blame him. I’d told her I wasn’t sure what happens next, because honestly, I have no idea. But lying here in her bed, the taste of her on my tongue after hours of kissing her until we were both breathless, watching her come undone beneath me, and now watching her sleep, what I do know is that I can’t walk away from her.
“Grayson…” she whispers breathlessly with her eyes still closed, running her hand up my chest. “Why are you not sleeping?”
“Because I’d rather lie here watching you,” I murmur.
“What time is it?”
I glance over at the bedside clock before dipping my head to kiss her lips. “Almost five.”
“Too early.”
Rolling her onto her back, I continue to kiss her neck between talking as little whimpers leave her. “Too early to be kissed?”
“Never.”
Her eyes are now open and they glisten from the early morning light that catches them. “Good morning, baby,” I grin. “Sleep well?”
“I had the best dream. There was this handsome guy and he made me feel all kinds of crazy before he held me all night long. And just like that, my dream came true when I opened my eyes to still find him here.”
“Prince Charming really does exist then?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
I pinch her nose playfully, going in for another kiss and trailing my tongue along her bottom lip before I slip it into her mouth and kiss her senseless.
Tongues dancing, fingers gripping into my back as I grind against her...
The blissful moans that leave her are heaven, and I mentally tell myself to stop because she is not helping my erection, but I can’t. She’s like a drug, and I’m counting down the hours when I can have her fully. I could have taken her last night—I could have taken her all fucking night—but once those words had slipped from her lips, everything changed.
I want her to feel comfortable, and more importantly, I need her to trust me, no matter how long that takes.
But Jesus, she’s killing me.
“I need to get going soon, or at least go down and lay on the couch. Your mom and brother could come home any time.”
“I want to stay like this forever,” she whispers, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I wish we could.”
“I can’t believe we hid our feelings for each other for so long. Now, within a few hours, everything will change again. I won�
�t be able to touch you when I want. Kiss you when I need it.”
She sounds disheartened and I get it completely, but I need to do this right. Walking on eggshells will be a measure we’ll both have to take for a while before I figure out how to tell Asher.
Resting up on my elbows, I look down at her, brushing my finger along her hairline before I tuck the hair behind her ear, speaking with honesty. “I don’t want to keep you a secret, Nora because you don’t deserve to live like that. I want to walk along the beach holding your hand. I want to kiss you in public whenever I want and let everyone know that you are my girl, but right now, that will have to wait.”
“I wish things were different.”
“And they will be. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but they will be,” I vow.
“Why can’t he be more like you? Protective but let me live, too…”
“Isn’t it an older brother’s prerogative to be that way? You’re the miracle baby remember. And, naturally, being a miracle means you need to be wrapped in cotton wool your entire life and become a nun,” I joke.
“Well in that case, I’ve sinned already.”
“He just loves you, that’s all.”
“I know.” She grips my jaw, pulling me down so our lips are a breath apart. “Now, kiss me a little more before this night is over.”
I smile, needing to touch her. “I can think of something better than that.”
“Oh really. And what do you have in—”
Her soft whimpers and pleas become music to my ears when I slip my fingers between her thighs, awakening her body in the most beautiful way and having me mesmerized by her all the more.
“Post-stroke seizures? Shit. I can’t believe it,” Mark says, leaning against the bar of Hot Tuna waiting for Asher to arrive.
The lunch time trade is busy as usual as the hot weather outside only entices people out more.
“But he’s good now, right?”
“He’s as good as he can be. He’s had a good night at the hospital and looks set to come home later today or tomorrow.”
“Jesus. I’ll have to call round and see him once he’s home and settled. How’s everyone coping?”