by Ann Bakshis
“I’m not hungry,” he replies, his eyes glued to the plasma screen that’s showing some sort of news program from Demos.
“What the hell is the matter with you?” I ask, standing in front of him with my arms folded across my chest. “You haven’t been violent towards Grimm since we were kids, or anyone else for that matter. Why now?”
His gaze drifts up towards my face, anger clearly pulsating from his irises. “So, we remember things now, do we? Good for you,” he says sarcastically.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“Everything… nothing!” he yells, then leans forward and runs his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know,” he says, sounding concerned. “Ever since that bomb dropped on Lymont, I just can’t stop thinking about how I almost lost you. I don’t want to go through that again.” He reaches for me, wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him, resting his head against my abdomen. “Seeing you with Grimm makes me feel as if I’m losing you, and I just can’t let that happen.”
“You’re being ridiculous. I married you, not him. I love you, not him.”
“Then why did you go out there?” Keegan asks, looking into my eyes. “You knew it was forbidden to go outside into that harsh environment, so why would you disobey a direct order?”
I put my hand on the top of his head. “I wish I could remember.”
“I know why,” the Arliss hisses in my ear. “Come back and perhaps I’ll tell you.”
I ignore him, or at least try to. I want to respond, but I know I can’t without Keegan asking all kinds of questions. I stroke his hair while I wonder why the Arliss would want me to return, since he sent me back here to begin with.
As if he hears my thoughts, he responds.
“I need you to bring me a replacement,” he says. “One of my loyalists has deceived me and needs to be punished for the betrayal. You need to bring me their replacement so my plan can be placed into motion. Preferably Grimm… he seems like a capable fellow, and he’s already wearing my mark.”
I feel sickened by his words. I wouldn’t want the Arliss to come into contact with anyone I know, but inside I feel compelled to follow… to obey. I try to pull myself away from Keegan, his touch feeling toxic. His grip on my waist tightens and he begins to pull me down on top of him, reclining against the couch.
“Please don’t go,” he whispers just before our lips meet.
I’m very confused by his behavior and clinginess. He’s always been a take-charge type of person, not someone who falls apart easily. What could’ve caused this rapid change? My mind swirls with emotions as we cling to each other. Heat builds to the point of ignition. Our clothes are strewn around the room as we make our way into the bedroom. I try to focus on the moment, to love my husband for who he was, and not the stranger I feel he has become. After several moments, I finally lose myself and try not to look back.
Seven
Keegan falls asleep quickly, but I’m wired and restless. I toss on my clothes and sit on the couch. According to the time on the Daily Slate it’s a few minutes after twenty-hundred hours. I’m in the process of changing the channel when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Wavern.
“I came to see if Keegan is here,” he says, hovering in the doorway.
“He’s sleeping.”
“Can I come in?”
I step out of the way then close the door behind him. “How’s Grimm?” I ask as he takes a seat on the couch.
“He’ll survive. Andra saw the fight on the security feed in her apartment. Keegan has been placed on a five-day suspension and is confined to quarters,” Wavern tells me.
“He’s not going to take that well.”
“Nope, but then again he shouldn’t have gone after Grimm like he did. He’s lucky the punishment isn’t harsher for attacking a superior officer. If I had my way, he’d be spending the next week working in the farms for the Factory. Those people are barred from leaving, so they never see sunlight.”
“Why do you think Keegan attacked Grimm?” I ask.
“Keegan’s had something stuck up his ass since Grimm came to live in Rinku, especially once Grimm was promoted to lead Squad Two. Technically, Keegan should’ve been placed in charge, but because of his arguments with some of the other leaders he was passed over.”
“He doesn’t get along with the other squad leaders?”
“Not so much them, but certainly the compound leaders. He and Andra are constantly butting heads, and he and Demmer have gotten into it a couple of times.” Wavern pats the cushion next to him for me to sit. “We were all surprised when you married Keegan,” he says quietly. “It felt rushed. You two had only been dating for a few weeks, at least from what we could tell. The minute Grimm came onboard after Virtus was destroyed, you and Keegan got married. I think it was more his idea than yours.”
“It was, and then again it wasn’t,” I comment.
“What do you mean?”
“I loved the attention Keegan gave me. I’d missed being close to someone for so long that over the years we became intimate,” I say. “We hadn’t been dating for only a few weeks; we’d been sleeping together for several years. When Grimm moved into the compound I was afraid I’d made a mistake with Keegan, so we decided to get married to keep our relationship together. At least, that was my reasoning for the union. Keegan wanted to make sure Grimm had no chance with me.”
“Had you known Grimm before coming to the compound?”
“Yes. He and I grew up together in the abandonment home. We were close… really close up until the day Tennison recruited him,” I say as I rub the butterfly tattoo before abruptly standing. “I resented Grimm for leaving me there,” I blurt out. “Especially when the home was destroyed a short time later.” Tears begin pouring down my face. “He left me there to die… tossed me aside like garbage, when I’d given him everything.”
“You were only fifteen, Sara. Surely by now you know none of that was true. He had no control over leaving the home… none of you did.”
“I wanted to punish Grimm,” I say, balling my hands into fists as the tears stop. “I thought marrying Keegan would do that… that he’d feel discarded like I did.”
“That’s toxic, Sara. If Keegan is aware of any of this, I can see why he reacted the way he did today. I’m sure if Andra had known about how far back you and Grimm go, she never would’ve moved you into his squad.”
“But she did know!” I shout. “Keegan told her right before Grimm moved in.”
“Why would she put you on Grimm’s team if she knew the type of reaction Keegan would display?”
“Because that’s exactly what she wanted Keegan to do. Probably hoping that he’d kill Grimm in the process. And me as well,” I say, sinking back into the couch.
“Why would she want either of you dead?”
“I don’t know… I’m just rambling. Why did you recruit me at fifteen?” I ask.
“The abandonment home’s head mistress called me up and told me about you. It wasn’t an unusual request of hers, as she would often tell me about kids that were showing exceptional talent. That’s how I learned about Grimm, but Tennison got to him before I could.”
“But I was three years below the minimum age.”
“And one of the smartest people in that awful place. Haron felt horrible when Grimm left. She thought you’d do well with me, seeing as you’d already mastered every class and were becoming difficult for her to handle. I think she wanted to make sure you were placed correctly and quickly, before you got out of hand and wound up in the farms at the Factory.”
Haron. Where have I heard that name before?
“You know where, Sara. Give it some time, it’ll click.”
I glance up and notice Keegan standing in the doorway to the bedroom. He’s put on pants, but nothing else. He has his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes are focused on Wavern.
“I didn’t hear you get up,” I say, stumbling as I get to my feet.
“I didn’t
want to interrupt the conversation,” he says heatedly. “Why are you here, Wavern?”
“To tell you that you’re on notice,” he says, standing. “Per Andra, you’re on suspension and confined to quarters for the next five days.”
“What the hell for?”
“Attacking Grimm,” Wavern says authoritatively. “You know damn well you can’t just hit a superior officer.”
“He’s no officer,” Keegan mumbles.
“Your opinion about his ability aside, those are the orders. I’ll have someone in the squad bring you your meals when Sara can’t.” Wavern heads towards the door. “Try to listen, Keegan. You’re overreacting to Sara being placed into Grimm’s squad. Once the memorial is over, I’ll put in a request to have her returned to Squad Eight. In the meantime, keep your fucking temper in check or I’ll have you arrested for dereliction of duty.”
Wavern opens the door and slams it as he leaves, which causes the plasma screen on the wall to shake slightly. I turn to face Keegan and scowl at him.
“You’re unbelievable,” I say as I cross the room.
He grabs my arm. “Are you going someplace?”
“Yeah, to bed,” I say, jerking my arm away.
“We’re not done talking,” he says, following me.
I dig in my locker for something to sleep in, but I only find a shirt. I need to do laundry desperately or I’ll be walking around naked.
“There’s nothing more to say,” I comment as I change.
When I pull the shirt over my head, Keegan is now standing in front of me. I didn’t even hear him move from the doorway. He takes my wrists and shoves my arms down to my sides with such force they feel as if they might snap. A darkness falls over him, turning his eyes red.
“Who are you?” I moan as pain shoots up my arms.
“I’m your husband, Sara. Who else would I be?”
“Why are your eyes red?”
“They’re not,” he says calmly as they change back to blue. “You must be hallucinating.”
“I know what I saw.”
He shoves me onto the bed. “I’m sure you think you saw something,” he says, crawling on top of me. “But with the trauma you’ve been through lately, it’s obvious your mind is playing tricks on you.”
“It’s not,” I say hesitantly.
“Are you sure?”
I think back to the encounter earlier in the Factory. Maybe I imagined seeing Tennison standing before me. He’s been gone for months now, or at least that’s what we’ve been led to believe. I guess it could’ve been someone else. Maybe Keegan’s right and I did imagine his eyes changing colors. The lighting in the bedroom isn’t the greatest, so I could’ve been mistaken. It’s been a long couple of days, I haven’t been sleeping well, and I survived a nuclear blast.
My mind is definitely playing tricks on me.
“I’m just so tired,” I say, relaxing as he strokes my arms.
“I hope not too tired,” he says with a slight laugh.
His lips touch my body and I light up. He hasn’t even started yet and I’m already moaning with pleasure, which my mind tries to tell me is odd but my body won’t allow the message to be heard. Painful pinpricks cover my skin with each motion, just like it did with the Arliss, but this feels gratifying. I don’t want him to stop even as the pain intensifies. I’m not sure why he’s hurting me, but I don’t want it to end. Everything about this is wrong, but right at the same time.
He’s gone when I wake, which means he’s going to be reprimanded or worse when Wavern finds out. I take a shower and put on the clothes from yesterday as that’s all I have. I make sure my wrists are covered with the leather bands before heading out. I’ve missed breakfast, but since it’s the memorial today the mess hall will serve food all day long. Many people usually spend this time hanging out in the rec room, trying to keep their minds occupied on other things. I decide to go to the firing range to get some practice in when a thought occurs to me. We have a lot of weapons and ammunition stored, but we only use them for practice down on the range, so why do we have so much?.
Am I missing something? Could Jules be right about our leaders fearing the Arliss’ return? Is that why we have a large arsenal?
I shake my head to clear it since I can’t afford such distractions when I’m about to shoot my gun. Mishaps happen that way. When I enter the weapons bunker I go right to my locker, completely forgetting that it’s empty until after I’ve opened it. And besides, the guns aren’t kept here, so why did I go to it?
“Looking for this?” A hand pops around my face, holding one of my weapons from the other day.
“Thanks,” I say, taking it from Grimm’s hand.
I turn to look at him. He has a bruise on one of his cheeks, a cut just above his eye, and scraped knuckles.
“You don’t look too bad,” I say with a casual smile.
“Huh, you should see the other guy.” His joke falls flat, which causes an awkward pause between us. “Do you want company down at the range? I’m free for another couple of hours.”
“I kind of need to be by myself at the moment, but come and get me when it’s time to leave for Demos.”
He forces a smile and leaves.
I head towards the stairs and go down. I and a few members of Squad Five are the only ones in the range. I get quizzical looks from them when I step up to one of the counters and request several clips of ammunition and a couple of targets. I’m sure Andra would have a fit if she knew Grimm gave me my gun, but I really couldn’t care less at the moment. I load the clip, slide the target down the line, put on a pair of hard earmuffs that dangle from a nail along the back wall, and fire off a few rounds. With each pull of the trigger, I can feel the tension in my shoulders ease. I change out the targets and fire off another round, all while picturing the Arliss as my target.
His words echo in my head. Which loyalist betrayed him, and how? Why do I have to bring him another victim? What is his true purpose with me and the others? From there my mind wanders to the abandonment home and its destruction, then on to Cody, Keegan, and then Grimm. While all of this is running around in my head, I’ve automatically changed clips and targets several times over without even thinking. I don’t snap out of it until one of my shots hits the back wall and ricochets towards the other side of the targeting aisle. I set my gun down and remove the earmuffs. As I turn to leave Wavern is standing in the doorway, blocking the stairs. I go over to the counter, and hand in my weapon and empty clips before joining him.
“Andra wants to see you,” he says, then abruptly turns and heads up.
His severe tone catches me off guard, but I begrudgingly follow.
From Wavern’s attitude I can tell he’s not in a talking mood, so I refrain from asking the questions that are circling in my head. I wonder if Andra found out that Grimm gave me one of my guns back, or perhaps that I’m finally starting to remember things, or that Keegan left our apartment against her orders. My nervousness increases the closer we get to the barracks. Once we enter the area, Wavern takes a hard right and stops when we’re halfway towards the women’s locker room. He knocks gently on the door marked with Andra’s name. We wait for several seconds before the door finally swings open, exposing a very luxurious apartment on the other side. I practically sink into the carpeting the moment I enter.
The living room walls are covered in white wainscoting with watercolor paintings sporadically placed on them. Two U-shaped couches sit just beyond the door, around a glass coffee table. To the left of the couches is a square metallic table with eleven chairs surrounding it. Next to that is a half wall supported by a thin column separating a kitchen and dining room from the rest of the area. Across from the front door is another door, but it’s closed, so I have no idea what lies beyond. Along that same wall are three plasma screens: two showing rotations for Rinku and Quarn while the other one is off.
The third must’ve been for Virtus.
“I’ll call you when we’re done,” Andra says to Wave
rn, then slowly closes the door on his stern face. “Have a seat, Sara,” she says.
I sit on the couch by the long table, scooting myself so far back that my feet almost come off the floor. Andra takes the seat across from me and straightens her red silk shirt as she does so. She’s formally dressed in a red pencil skirt, her hair neatly set into a bun at the nape of her neck. Her attire strikes me as odd considering where we live, but it could be because of what day it is.
“I’ll make this conversation brief since you’ll be leaving for Demos in a little while,” Andra says very casually.
She clears her throat and offers me a glass of water from a tray resting in the center of the coffee table. I decline the drink, but thank her for the offer. I know she’s stalling, but I can’t figure out why.
“I’ve heard that your memories are starting to return,” she says, pouring herself a glass.
“Yes, but slowly,” I respond, emphasizing the word slowly.
“That’s wonderful news.” Andra looks like she’s trying to smile, but it’s forced and awkward. “What have you been able to recall?”
I have a feeling she’s fishing for something in particular, so I try to be as vague as possible. “Just snippets of daily life here in Rinku. My normal routines such as weapons practice, observing through the lookouts, working in the kitchen, that sort of thing.”
Her face fills with disappointment. “I was hoping you would remember why you went into Lymont. You know the rules about leaving the compound unauthorized.”
“Yes, I remember the rules,” I respond with a slight tone.
She frowns before taking another sip of her water.
“Why was I removed from Wavern’s squad?” I ask.
She sets her glass down, crosses her legs, and leans forward. “Wavern acted recklessly when he ordered the others to follow him outside to look for you. I feel his attachment to you has clouded his judgement, so to remedy that you were moved.”
“But why to Squad Two? Especially if you knew it would cause issues with Keegan.”
“I knew nothing of the kind,” she says quickly with a hint of anger. “Grimm and Keegan have had troubles, but that was in the past. I assumed they’d been resolved, especially after you married Keegan. The two of them have been warned of what the punishment will be the next time they’re caught fighting.”