by Kim Loraine
Chapter 20
Sloan watched as Logan got in the rental car with his parents. It had been an emotional day to say the least, but watching his mom fall apart when she saw him, pull him into her arms and cry, tell him she was sorry, had broken her. It physically hurt to see him with them. But she knew it would. Carson stood next to her on the porch, his lips a tense line as he held back his own emotion. His fingers found hers while they let their son go home with this family and the moment the car was out of sight, she lost all hold on her control. Sobs rolled through her, silent and painful.
Carson immediately pulled her against his chest and let her cry. He didn’t offer any words of comfort, pressing his lips to her temple and holding her tight.
“Carson?” she whispered after the tears finally let up.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Thank you for finding him.”
He rested his chin on the top of her head. “He’s our kid, Sloan. I’m never going to let anything happen to him . . . or to you.”
Her heart broke all over again at the pain in his voice. She couldn’t keep this up any longer. The hurt between them was too great to bear. Especially when she remembered his declaration that they didn’t have anything between them anymore. She needed to let him go for good. Holding on to this man for the last fifteen years had done nothing but bring her heartache.
She shook her head as she pushed him away. “You don’t need to hang around out of a sense of obligation. I understand. We’ve tried to make it work, to push through our baggage, but we can’t make another start when the path has been completely torn to pieces.”
His brow furrowed as he listened to her. “What are you talking about?”
“Just because we share a child, that doesn’t mean we’re meant to be. If we were supposed to be together it wouldn’t be this hard. Every time I think we’ve made progress, something gets in our way. God’s telling us this isn’t supposed to happen. We aren’t supposed to happen.”
He took her hand but she jerked it out of his grasp, needing her space. “Sloan, you ca—”
“No. I’m done being hurt over and over. I’m done with the stress of never knowing if something is going to reopen old wounds for one of us and ruin our relationship.”
He closed his eyes and took a long breath. She could see him working through his frustration. “I’m sorry I said we didn’t have anything. I was upset and I say stupid shit when I’m mad.”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat and worked to keep her voice steady when she said, “Can I have my key back?”
Eyes wide, he let his mouth fall open before an indifferent mask replaced his hurt expression. Fishing his keys from his pocket, he worked the silver key off the ring and placed it in the center of her palm. “Fine. You’re making a mistake. I hope you know that.”
“I’m doing what’s best. What we should’ve done all along.”
He clenched his jaw and she could see him fight with himself before he responded. “You have no idea what’s best if you think this is what we should do.”
It made her sick to see the resignation slumping his strong shoulders, but neither one of them could move on to something healthier if she didn’t let him go. “Goodbye, Carson. Take care of yourself.”
His voice was a harsh rasp when he said, “Yeah, you too, Sloan.”
Before she lost it, she walked into her house and closed the door behind her, not allowing herself to watch him leave. She heard the slam of his car door, the sound of his engine turning over, and the tires on the driveway as he left. Finally, when she was sure he was gone, she slid down the heavy wood door. She held her head in her hands and cried in her silent, empty house.
~ ~ ~
Thanksgiving came and went without much ceremony for Sloan. She and Logan’s mom had exchanged a few emails and it helped ease the ache of watching her son leave again. She lived for the occasional updates about Logan. Other than that, Sloan had retreated into herself. Grace had invited her over to celebrate, but the fear of seeing Carson or any of his firefighter buddies caused her to decline the invitation. She was doing what she always did, pulling away from the people in her life who’d tell her she was being stupid.
She hadn’t heard from or seen Carson at all since the night Logan left. Part of her was thankful, but a bigger part cried out for him. Dreams filled with his body next to hers, his lips and hands, his words whispered against her skin, kept her tossing and turning. She may have convinced herself they were better off apart, but her body and heart disagreed.
As she strolled through the aisles of the grocery store, searching for the one final ingredient she needed to make her cranberry-ginger coffee cake, she let the audiobook she was listening to take her out of her own life and into a romantic prince-meets-commoner story. The narrator’s accent made her sigh with a near swoon and the storyline was so far removed from her own, she was able to forget about everything else for a while. She scanned the spices for crystalized ginger, not finding the specialized ingredient. It had to be here somewhere. She blew out a frustrated breath and crouched so she could peruse the bottom shelf.
“Aha! There you are,” she murmured, reaching for the jar. As her fingers closed around the glass, her phone rang, startling her and making her knock over a display of frosting. “Shit.”
Her phone was still ringing through her earbuds while she tried to clean up the mess she’d made. She answered without checking to see who the caller was as she carefully picked up the plastic tubs and started putting them back where they should be.
“Hello?”
The person on the other line cleared their throat before speaking. “Sloan, this is Logan’s mom.”
She tensed. “Is he okay? What’s wrong?”
“He’s fine. Actually, he’s doing great. I’m calling because my husband and I had a long talk with him after we came home. We’ve been meeting with a family counselor because we feel it’s really important to work through what Logan has been dealing with together.”
“That’s good.”
“He’d really like to have a relationship with you and Mr. Sullivan. I wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but it’s important to him.”
Tears sprung to her eyes. “He would?”
“Of course, it would be something we slowly build. I thought maybe you’d like to start with a once a week video chat. My husband and I need to get to know the two of you as well.”
“Yes. That sounds fantastic. When?”
She could hear the woman’s smile in her voice. “Why don’t we try for Saturday afternoon? Do you think Mr. Sullivan will be available?”
Her stomach flipped. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask him. Either way, I’ll be available.”
“Thank you, Sloan. This means a lot to Logan.”
“It means a lot to me, too.”
With shaking hands, she ended the call and stood in shock in the middle of the grocery store. Logan wanted to know her even after his disastrous visit. Her son wanted her. Joy unlike anything she’d known filled her chest and was rapidly replaced by apprehension. She had to talk to Carson about this, which meant she’d have to see him. But her fear wasn’t rooted in regular contact with Logan. If she saw Carson, she’d want to be with him and the only way to do that was by admitting she’d been wrong to make him leave.
~ ~ ~
“Chief?” Donovan Miller called into Sully’s temporary office as he walked through the open door. “Wow, that’s weird. I honestly can say I never thought I’d be calling you chief.”
Sully didn’t think that would happen either. When Chief Roman went on administrative leave after his son confessed to and was charged with multiple counts of arson, manslaughter, and child endangerment, Sully had been tapped for stand-in Battalion Chief. He was swamped with work as he tried to get used to the respons
ibilities of his new position.
“What’s going on, Miller?”
“You, um . . . you’ve got a visitor.”
The look on Donovan’s face said it wasn’t someone he’d want to see. “Fine. Send them on in.” It was more than likely another reporter wanting to catch him at a weak moment and get a comment about the scandal surrounding Chief Roman’s son being a serial arsonist. He sat up in his chair, then ran a hand through his hair and made sure his uniform was presentable.
His stomach clenched when Sloan’s heartbreakingly beautiful form graced his doorway. He stood immediately, his body desperate to go to her. “Sloan,” he breathed.
“Hi,” she offered with a little wave. “Sorry to drop by like this. I went to your house but Dot said you had duty.”
He stood and swallowed hard as he fought with his desire to cross the room and kiss her until she realized how stupid her decision to make him leave had been. “It’s fine. What’s going on?”
She let her gaze roam the office before it landed on him again. “Battalion Chief Sullivan. It has a nice ring to it.”
“It’s only until Roman comes back.”
She pursed her lips as she considered his statement. “They picked the best man for the job though. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.”
Frustration took hold in his chest. “Sloan, what is this about?”
“Logan’s mom called.”
“Is he okay?” He couldn’t keep the worry from his voice.
“He’s fine. That was my first reaction, too. She said he wants to build a relationship with us, and they’ve agreed. They want to do weekly video calls.”
He couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Yeah? Okay. That’s great.”
“Are you working this Saturday?”
He glanced at the calendar on his desk, quickly calculating his time off and shook his head. “No. I’m off all day.”
“Good.” She shifted as though uncomfortable. “Why don’t you come over in the morning for coffee? We can get some things cleared up between us and then we’ll wait for his call.”
He grinned, grasping onto the thread of hope in her words. She could have easily kept this strictly related to Logan, but she wanted to talk. “Sounds great. I’ll bring breakfast.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to.”
A soft smile turned up her gorgeous mouth. “Thank you. I’ll see you Saturday.”
Unable to stop himself, he crossed the room. He needed to be closer to her. “Thanks for doing this in person. I’ve been trying to give you space, to stay away.”
“I appreciate that.”
“It’s been so fucking hard. I know you think we’re wrong for each other, but I think the opposite. I can’t stop thinking about you. About how much I love you.”
Her gaze snapped up to his at those words sending fear and longing careening through him. “What?”
“I told you I never stopped loving you and that hasn’t changed. I love you. I’ve loved you since we were in high school, but if it’s possible, I love you more now. I don’t want us to be apart. I want you. I want your body next to mine at night, your scent on my pillow, your voice in my ear when I wake up. These last few weeks have been the worst of my life. Even worse than when you left the first time, because you’ve been here within my reach but I couldn’t touch you.”
“Carson—” she began, but he held up a hand.
“Don’t. Don’t break my heart again by telling me how wrong I am. I had to get that off my chest because I need you to understand how much you mean to me. You might not feel the same way, but that doesn’t change how I feel. I love you and I will for the rest of my life. You ruined me for loving anyone else.”
“Carson.”
Panic took hold in his chest. This was it. The moment she crushed him—again. “Sloan—”
“I love you, too.”
All the air left his lungs as he processed her words. “Wait. What did you just say?”
“I said I love you, too. I miss you, us, everything we had and could have. I want it all with you and I was stupid to think I could live without your love.”
With a tender touch, he cupped her face with both hands. He stared down at her in wonder. Was he dreaming? This was what he’d wanted for weeks. Months, if he was honest. “I’m never letting you go again. Do you understand me? You and me.”
“Infinity,” she finished.
He couldn’t go another second without kissing her. Sully leaned down and claimed her mouth with his. There was never another option for him. Sloan was his first, his last, his forever.
Epilogue
Six months later
Sloan ran her fingers over the delicate lace of her wedding gown as she stood inside the tent she was using as a dressing room. She glanced at herself in the tall mirror and smiled. This was how she’d imagined her wedding. Simple and elegant with only close friends and family in attendance.
“You’re beautiful,” Grace said, adjusting Sloan’s vintage birdcage veil. “Sully is going to lose it when he sees you.”
“She’s right. He’s going to be a mess.” Meg came up to her other side and took her hand, squeezing gently. “I’m so happy for you.”
“I can’t believe this is finally happening.”
Grace smiled. “I know it took you a long time to find each other again, but I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Sometimes our paths are twisted and riddled with challenges, but that makes it more special when you finally come together.”
Ellie and Evie burst into the tent in their matching flower girl dresses, both laughing and smiling as they chased each other around. “Oy, you two, stop it. Come out of there right now.” Drew’s admonishment carried little weight from his place outside the tent. “Can I come in there and collect them, love? The ceremony is about to start.”
Grace laughed and grabbed the twins by the hands and delivered them to their father. “We’ll be out in a second.”
One last look in the mirror had Sloan’s chest tightening with excitement. “Okay, ladies. Let’s get this show on the road.”
Meg handed her the simple bouquet of lilies and Grace lifted Sloan’s short train. In less than a minute she’d see her husband-to-be waiting for her on the beach. Her heart hammered in her chest, making everything seem surreal. But then, after exiting the tent and walking a few paces toward the small crowd, the world came into sharp focus. Carson stood a few feet away from the surf and when their eyes connected her heart swelled with a love so strong she couldn’t catch her breath. His smile was laced with love, joy, pride and what she interpreted as relief. She understood. They’d walked separate paths for so long, to finally be meeting and joining their lives felt like a weight lifted from them.
Her heart caught in her throat when she saw Logan sitting in the front row with his parents. She stared in shock and then looked back at Carson. He just shrugged and grinned. He’d arranged this. When she finally got to him, all she wanted was to kiss him, but as she leaned in, he backed away.
“Not yet,” he said, giving her a wink.
The officiant began the ceremony, but Sloan couldn’t focus on anything other than the man holding her hands. After they both promised to love and honor each other for all the days of their lives, Carson whispered, “You are my future, my forever.”
She nodded and tightened her grip on his hands. “You’re my infinity.”
He kissed her then, long and deep, without a care for the audience. They’d taken too long to get here but she was certain they’d never break their bond. Carson Sullivan was impossible to get over, and now she never had to try.
Also by Kim Loraine and Soul Mate Publishing:
RESTORATION
After the tragic death of
her fiancé, Grace McConnell turns to the only remaining constant in her life, her work. So when she’s offered the lead position for an international restoration project, she jumps at the chance to get away from her small town, full of John’s memories.
Drew Tensley has always been a hard worker. Dedicated to his family and community, he put aside his own London career to take over the family business after his mother’s terminal diagnosis. Five years later, he’s ready to start living for himself when he literally runs into his hometown’s newest architect.
Grace quickly discovers that traveling halfway across the world was the best decision she’s ever made. Until she meets Drew, a man whose personality and lifestyle are the exact opposite of John’s, but whose face is the spitting image. Struggling with her own motivations and feelings, research uncovers secrets she isn’t ready for; secrets that could ruin her second chance for true love.
Available on Amazon: RESTORATION
RENOVATION
Valerie Peters is done with bad boys and ready to start living for herself. She’s determined to settle for nothing less than a romantic, sweeps-you-off-your-feet, nice-guy. So when a sexy firefighter with the hottest reputation in town saves her from near-drowning, there’s no doubt he’s everything she shouldn't want.
Donovan’s looks and image have kept his nights entertaining and his ring finger empty. One-night stands serve as a short-term distraction to the flashbacks of his past he increasingly struggles to ignore. But a chance encounter with his best friend’s sister makes him realize that one night is no longer enough.
Together they discover that bad can actually be the best and forever is worth everything.