Grit? Being a spineless prick was what he called grit?
I didn’t have anything left to say, so I walked out of the room before I did something I’d regret.
For a long time, constantly butting heads with Steve had been tiresome and annoying. But I always wanted to believe that deep down, there was a good person under the suits and the rude remarks. That maybe he was just jaded by the business or life in general.
But I was wrong. He was just a selfish, narcissistic asshole.
There were a lot of things I could look past, but leaving Estelle high and dry wasn’t one of them.
Maybe I should’ve had my lawyer look into my contract too. Because right then, I wanted to say to hell with it and quit.
Legally, I was locked in with the network until next summer, and the execs had already mentioned renewing it for another three years. I had always assumed I’d stay on with the show, but maybe that wasn’t the best idea.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have a plan. And I felt completely lost.
I climbed into the van, but I didn’t start it up.
Resting my head in my hands, I thought about the conundrum I’d gotten myself into. It was partly my fault we hadn’t found homes for all the cats. I’d purposely delayed the process for my own selfish reasons.
And now Estelle might get kicked out of her apartment.
I couldn’t let that happen. I’d made her a promise and I intended to keep it.
There was only one solution. Only one way to make things right.
I was going to have to adopt Peter. Not that I was complaining. Sure, we’d had our conflicts, but he seemed pretty loveable now that he felt better.
A text from Estelle let me know she was still at the shop, and this wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have on the phone or in public. So, I decided to kill some time at Windsor Lakes.
When I got there, the receptionist told me my dad was resting in his room and I was surprised to find him awake and alert.
Looking up from the encyclopedia—Edition K—he smiled. I smiled back. One of my favorite quirks about my dad was his unusual reading habits. If you asked me, encyclopedias and the dictionary weren’t entertainment, but Dad used to tell me he always learned something new, and that was exciting to him.
“Hi,” he said, his face lighting up with clear recognition in his eyes.
Good day.
“Hey, Pops.” I pulled the chair closer to the bed.
The ballcap he almost always wore was on the bedside table. His salt and pepper hair had been trimmed recently, reminding me of how well he was taken care of.
Closing the book, he set it down next to his hat. “I’m feeling like myself today. They started me on a new medication and I’ve been told it’s working well.”
I let out a relieved sigh. “That’s great.”
“How are things going with your girlfriend?” He didn’t waste any time getting right to the good stuff.
“Ah…” I let out an uncomfortable laugh. “I don’t know if she’ll be my girlfriend for much longer.”
The look of tragedy on my dad’s face might’ve been comical if I wasn’t so damn upset. “Well, why the hell not?”
“I’m not sure it was ever going to work out,” I told him, trying to hide my sadness but failing. “She’s not really into traveling and my job doesn’t allow me to stay in one place for long. This will probably be my last visit for a while. My time here is getting cut short.”
His frown deepened. “You work too hard.”
“It’s necessary,” I replied cryptically.
He speared me with his ‘dad look’—the one I remembered from when I was a kid.
“You think I don’t know what you’ve sacrificed for me? I don’t always know what’s going on, but I know you.” He pointed to his chest. “In here. I know you, Emery. All those years you should’ve been in college. You were working so I could be here.”
I wasn’t about to apologize. “Best decision I ever made.”
“It’s not your responsibility to take care of me.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed. “It’s an honor. You did a great job raising me, and I’m returning the favor.”
“When you were a kid, no one could stop you from doing anything you wanted to do. Once your mind was made up, that was it,” he said, smiling. “Always admired that about you. But it made me worry, too.”
“Why?” My eyebrows furrowed.
“Don’t let your determination be your downfall. Don’t let it cloud your judgement and blind you from the end goal. Sometimes we get so caught up in doing, that we forget why we’re doing it in the first place.”
“And what’s the end goal?” I asked, feeling desperate for the wisdom he once possessed all the time.
Shrugging his shoulders like it was the easiest answer in the world, he said, “Happiness.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sometimes it is.” A small smile played on his lips before a frown took over. “Some days it feels so hopeless for me—knowing I’m losing my mind, but there’s nothing I can do about it. But you know what the best part of all this is? I get the opportunity to see what my kids are really made of. And you?” His eyes got misty. “You’re my greatest something.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I whispered, overwhelmed by emotion. I needed to change the subject before I lost it. “How about you tell me a story.”
He smiled. “Which one?”
“Anything.”
Glancing down at his hands, he said, “You were six pounds and eleven ounces. Tiny little thing. I could hold your entire body with these hands.”
Following his line of sight, I looked at the width of his spread-out fingers, the wrinkles and age spots on his weathered skin, the place where he once cradled my body.
Suddenly, I felt like crying and laughing all at once. I couldn’t remember the last time he was able to tell me something specific about my life. About our life.
“But this was where you wanted to be,” he continued, holding his palms up. “Right here, in my hands. Boy, you gave your mother hell when I had to leave the hospital. Nikki was home sick with strep throat, so your mom had to brave it alone. Said you screamed bloody murder for the whole eight hours I was gone. I wish you could’ve seen how offended she was when you quieted down as soon as you were in my arms.”
Then I really did cry. Just let the tears fall down my face because there was no stopping it.
We both chuckled as I wiped the wetness off my cheeks.
“My boy.” He lovingly patted my hand.
“It’s so good to see you, Pops.”
“You too, Son.”
If I’d ever doubted my decision to pay out the ass for his topnotch care, any uncertainty I might’ve had vanished. I truly believed the reason he was still alive was because of Windsor Lakes.
And that meant one thing.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t quit the show. Not now and maybe not even next summer. If I did, the medical bills would drain my college fund again in just a few short years.
I’d come full-circle to where I was two years ago—forced to choose between my dad’s health and my dream. There was no contest between the two.
Only this time, there was more at stake—my happiness.
CHAPTER 27
EMERY
Knocking on Estelle’s door for what might be the last time was agony. I’d wanted to use my key, but I didn’t think it was a good idea with Joel standing right behind me.
When Estelle opened the door, her eyes widened with surprise when she saw the camera, then she immediately looked concerned when she noticed the slump of my shoulders and the hair on my head that was surely a disaster from repeatedly raking my hands through it.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, biting her lip.
“Yeah,” I answered, then looked over my shoulder at Joel. “Can we have a few minutes?”
“Sure.” He casually leaned against the wall and placed the camer
a on the floor.
As soon as the door shut, Estelle started fixing my hair and asked, “What’s going on? You look so serious.”
Her scent overwhelmed me. The fingers gently sweeping through my strands gave me comfort I didn’t deserve. I stepped back.
“We have to leave. The show, I mean. There’s another project to be filmed back in Chicago,” I told her, then answered the question I could see was on the tip of her tongue. “Tomorrow. We pack up tomorrow.”
Her pretty mouth fell open in shock, disappointment written all over her features. “Tomorrow?”
Distressed, I paced the room. “I’m so sorry, Estelle. I didn’t expect this. Steve just dropped it on me today. I think he’s pissed at me because I didn’t do things his way. Oh, and by the way, he won’t be showing the dildo debacle—I made sure of it.”
The unhappiness on her face was replaced with hero-worship. “Really? Thank you so much, Emery.” Then the sadness took over again. “But what about Peter?”
“He’ll be taken care of. I want to adopt him, if you’ll let me.”
The hero-worship was back. “Emery…”
“Don’t look at me like that.” I stopped pacing. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Of course you do.” Estelle plastered the fakest smile ever onto her face and a shadow fell over the openness I loved so much. “Hey, we both knew this time was coming. It’s just a little sooner than we thought.”
“Estelle.”
She started scrubbing her already-clean countertops with a yellow dish cloth. “And all the cats have homes now, thanks to you. I bet you and Peter will get along just fine.”
“Estelle.”
Bending down to scratch the orange tabby’s head, she continued to ignore me. “Isn’t that right, Peter? You’re a new man now. You’ll be very happy—”
“Estelle,” I said again, more forcefully this time.
She finally stood and faced me. I almost wished she hadn’t because the devastation in her eyes made my chest ache.
“We need to talk about this.”
“Okay,” she conceded, but we were interrupted by Joel knocking on the door. He had a flight to catch in a few hours, so he was pressed for time.
“We’re supposed to get one more interview, but you don’t have to do it,” I told Estelle. “I’m not going to make you sit there and lie, pretending like this is okay, because it’s not.”
She straightened her shoulders. “No, I want to do it. I have things I want to say, and I won’t lie.”
Good.
Truth be told, I hoped she’d give them hell. This was a shitty deal, and I wasn’t about to censor anything that came out of her mouth.
I opened the door for Joel, and Estelle headed straight for the couch.
She hadn’t bothered with the normal preparations she usually made before being filmed. No lipstick. Hair in a messy bun. She was wearing my gray T-shirt, the excess material baggy on her petite frame.
This was a woman who had zero fucks left.
After Joel gave the thumbs-up, I thought she’d open with a rant full of profanity. Instead, she surprised me.
“Emery Matheson is more than just a guy who says pussy a lot on TV.” Estelle’s eyes flitted past the camera to me as she spoke. “He isn’t a miracle worker—he’s just really damn good at his job. He succeeds because he sets his mind to it. He’s a great person and an even better friend. I couldn’t have done this without him.” Finally allowing a chink in her armor to appear, her voice shook as she finished. “We were lucky to have him in our lives, and we’ll miss him after he’s gone.”
As awesome as her words of praise were, it sounded way too much like a final farewell speech.
Lowering the camera, Joel stepped forward and extended his hand to Estelle. “It was a pleasure working with you, ma’am. Emery, I’ll see you back in Chicago.”
After he left, it was just Estelle, me, and the deafening silence that would be filled with the inevitable goodbye.
CHAPTER 28
ESTELLE
“We were supposed to have more time,” I whispered, standing at the sink, my hands gripping the counter.
I’d been prepared to give Emery up—that was what I’d told myself repeatedly. Sometimes I had to remind myself of it several times a day.
But not yet. It wasn’t enough time.
As I stood there, the reality of Emery’s job hit me full force.
It had been so easy to pretend we could have a future together. But the truth was, Emery was never supposed to belong to me.
The heat of his body warmed my back as he stepped behind me.
“I know.” Emery placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. “Plans changed.” His pleading eyes burned into mine. “We can change our plan, too. It doesn’t have to end here.”
A desperate suggestion. Words that sounded good when said out loud, but actually doing it? Living it? That was a different story.
“And how would that work?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I could come here in between shoots.”
“How often?”
“Once a month or so. Maybe more, depending on my schedule. I’ll be back in a few weeks for Thanksgiving. And then again at Christmas.”
“And how many years would that go on for? How long would I have to wait for you?” It was starting—the chin trembling. And I really didn’t want Emery to see me cry.
“Until next summer, at least.” Frustrated, he growled and tugged at his hair. “I’m thinking I might not renew my contract with the show. I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now, except that I don’t want to lose you.”
“We have to be practical.” I pivoted toward the fridge because it was too hard to look at his beautiful face while trying to be rational. “You live in Chicago. I live here. You travel all over the country for your job. My shop is here. Besides, you’re the pussy tamer. You’re this big star—”
“Stop,” he interrupted, his voice sharp. “You know that’s not me. That’s not who I am.”
I hung my head. He was right.
“This is crazy,” I muttered.
“People make long-distance relationships work all the time.”
“Yeah, when they have a solid foundation to go on.” I turned back toward him. “We’ve known each other for what? Two weeks?”
“Twelve days.”
Throwing my hands out, I made an exasperated noise. “See? Crazy.”
“I love you,” he blurted out, and I sucked in a breath so fast I thought I might choke on it. “I love your potty mouth and the way you don’t give a fuck if anyone approves or not. I love that you bottle fed kittens. I love that you lose at strip poker on purpose. I even love the way you drive.” He took a deep breath. “You’ve shown me everything about you, Estelle. I see you. And I love all of it.”
The trembling in my chin spread throughout my entire body until I was hugging myself to try to hide it. “You just said the word love a lot of times.”
“I meant every single one.”
A tear tried to escape, but I swiped at it before it could fall.
It was so tragic. I had finally found something I thought I’d never have—someone who loved me for me. And I loved him too, even if saying it out loud was too scary at the moment.
Emery and I were right for each other—a perfect match—but our lifestyles simply didn’t mesh.
“I’m so sad,” I said honestly. “And disappointed. And scared.”
Closing the few feet between us, Emery took my face in his hands and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Me too.”
I wrapped my arms around him, slipping my hands beneath his T-shirt and clinging to the strong muscles of his back. His scent simultaneously comforted me and tormented me. I was so addicted to his smell. Burying my face at the place where his shoulder met his neck, I ran my nose along his skin, breathing him in.
He threaded his fingers through my hair. “We still have tonight.”
Another des
perate suggestion.
But this was one I was absolutely on board with.
If I only had one more night with Emery, I was going to make it count.
CHAPTER 29
EMERY
She turned off the lights.
She never did that—not once in all the times we’d been together.
When darkness cloaked the room, I didn’t ask her why because I already knew. Our connection was too deep, and seeing it reflected in my eyes would be too much for her. Too emotional. Too painful.
Fine. If she didn’t want to see it, I’d just make sure she felt it instead.
I took my time with her.
Slow.
Gentle.
Sweet.
Every time she tried to take control, I snatched it back.
Letting out a tortured moan, she clawed at my ass, the dig of her fingernails begging me to go faster. I didn’t.
I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head before continuing the painfully slow rhythm of my hips.
“Emery, Emery, Emery,” she chanted my name like a prayer.
A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand told me we’d been going at it like this for forty-five minutes. Sweat slicked our bodies. We were both panting and shaking with the need for release.
But I didn’t want it to end yet. I was drawing it out on purpose, wanting to savor every second with her.
Outside in the parking lot, someone started up their car and the headlights hit the window, throwing light into the room. In the dim glow, I saw wetness on Estelle’s eyelashes, but I wasn’t sure if it was sweat or tears.
“I love you.” I kissed her nose. “I love you.” Her forehead. “I love you.”
A tear slipped down her temple. Fuck.
She’d been right to turn the lights off. Because the eye contact was too much, and seeing her fall apart wrecked me.
Gazing down at her unfocused eyes, I kissed her lips so softly I almost didn’t feel it.
She bit me.
I definitely felt that. It wasn’t hard enough to draw blood, but the slight pain sent a jolt straight to my cock.
Untamable Page 19