I thanked the stranger for the walk over, and wandered away as he asked for my number. Let’s not fool ourselves, I needed a guy with better lines.
I bee-lined for Candace. Brad practically sprinted up to hand me a beer. I can’t say it wasn’t welcome, but I needed boys to clear out. I just wanted to hang out with Candace and let my troubles slip away.
“Jessica!” someone shouted.
Adam was waiting by the banister. He motioned me over. I thought very hard about ignoring him. I didn’t want to deal with him, his friends, or anyone but Candace. I just wanted to sit, relax, and pretend I wasn’t mortified.
But Adam had always been nice to me. He’d helped me out a few times by now, and I didn’t owe him rudeness. I didn’t owe him my bitch side.
With Brad shadowing me, I walked over.
“Where were you?” Adam asked quietly when I bumped against him.
“I don know. Dancing. Drinking. Peeing. Being stopped at the top of the stairs because I don’t look VIP like all y’all.”
He ignored me. “Willie, put down the pretty blond and come up here.” William was sitting next to Boobie McGee.
Bitch was going to get punched in the mouth.
“What?” Adam asked. He had a giant smile on his face and leaned all the way down to put his face right next to mine.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“What about bitches getting punched? Jessie girl, are you violent?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I didn’t even care that I had resorted to saying my thoughts out loud. Adam had pure glee on his face.
“Shut up,” I muttered, shooting William with angry eyes.
William, in his turn, glared back.
Over it!
Adam loudly cleared his throat. “Okay drunk boys and girls, we got here the two contestants in tonight’s dance-off. Let’s give ‘em a round of applause for probably the most interesting dance-off to date.”
Interesting?
“Cert’nly the most entertaining!” he continued. Everybody laughed. The males of the group, which were most, nodded their heads.
“The judges have convened and the winner has been chosen.” He paused to draw out the suspense. “And the winner is...” He looked at William, which was smirking and looking at all the guys at the table. I looked at Candace, who was smiling and chanting my name.
“JESSICA!”
“Oh my God!” I shouted. “I won! Yay! I won!”
I lit up! I was so excited! I do hate losing, but if William had won it would have been insult to injury. At least I did something right.
With light feet I stuck out my hand to William to shake. Beaming, I met his eyes. Then my grin faltered. All I saw was distance. A great, wide open space. No friendship, no past, just good-bye. The Kung Fu master gave me a spin kick to the gut as I stuck out my hand anyway for good sportsmanship, my eyes burning from held back tears.
Why he then looked deep into my eyes as he took my hand, I couldn’t say. He probably noticed that I was a hair’s width from bawling. Or maybe checking that I wouldn’t brain myself on the dance floor because not one, but two guys, rejected me in the same night. Whatever it was, it had him lingering, my hand in his. Thank God for the darkness.
When I got my hand back, I skulked back to Adam, trying not to let my head droop.
“Well done,” he nodded at me, then got a hug. If it was a little too tight, well, hopefully he could keep a secret.
Next I found Candace, crawled into the booth next to her, and let the night flow by.
Chapter Fourteen
Sometime later the lights started blinking, showering our table with light. Everyone blinked and groaned, those sitting down were too drunk to stand, too lazy, or too thrilled with the entertainment Ty and I were providing. He was my new sidekick, and Candace was our laugh track.
As I collected my handbag, then had to awkwardly stand back up after I fell over it onto my face, Adam grabbed hold of me.
“Hey, Adam. How’s it hangin’?” I slurred.
“C’mon, Jessie, let’s get you home.”
“Well, down the stairs at any rate, huh? Death trap, those are!”
As I suspected, the stairs were a fiasco. Adam nearly had to carry me. Half way down he said, “What the hell would’ve you done without dad-gum help?”
“Someone always helps drunk girls,” I mused. “It’s getting away from those guys that is tough stuff.”
Adam huffed. Then started a weird sort of buzzing.
“Huh?” I said.
“How did you get here?” Adam must have repeated himself, judging by the slow speech and thorough enunciation.
“Oh, that guy. The date. He dumped me. Not even together, and he dumps me. Thought I was in the pursuit of money, or some damn thing. I rent a pool house, Adam. In Texas, were land is a forth the price of my home town, I am renting a pool house. But yeah, I’m after money. What a f**king turd!”
He chuckled.
“What a shit night. Some parts were okay, I guess. The end was, anyway. And you. You are cool. Cool man dango.”
“I need to get you home.”
“Funny story—I can actually get my own self home. I have been worse off than this and made it home...somehow. Don’t recall the details, but I made it. I am magic. Poof. Yes, sir.”
“Well, tonight you are sharing my cab. C’mon.”
I struggled out of his grasp. “No! I am not going home with you. Not with any man. No men! Need my own house. My own bed. I need my own ride. Cab. Own cab. No mistakes. I’m too drunk. Please, too drunk!”
He could’ve been hurt because I suddenly felt bad. My sober mind was picking up the signals and feeding the corresponding emotions to my drunk brain. It was still hazy, though. What was happening was mostly a blur. But he kept his distance, so I must’ve stepped over the line again.
“Jessica,” he said quietly, “I ain’t gonna take advantage of you. I wouldn’t never do that. ‘Specially not after that other weekend. This is my way of making up for...what happened. I shoulda been watchin’. I knew what he was capable of. I knew he wouldn’t stay gone. I shoulda been there, I--”
“Sorry Adam,” I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear any more. I reached out to put my comforting hand on his chest, but missed, hit off his arm, and face dived into him. I was met with solid muscle.
Through his shirt I said, “Ouch." It was too much work to struggle back up, so I kept talking into his shirt, "Sorry. I am a super ass. Drunk arse to boots. Please don’t be mad. I am not used to guys wanting to look after me. Men, they are strange, yes?”
“Does that mean you’ll let me guide you now? I’m not too sober, but I’m at least headed in the right direction.”
“Yes. Can you steer me like this, ‘cause man-oh-man, I am tired.”
A chuckle rumbled out of his chest as his arm came around me. He tried to walk with me sleeping on his chest, but after a few steps, when I actually did start to fall asleep, he straightened me.
“Can’t sleep yet. C’mon now, gotta walk.”
I moaned but started walking on my own. Kinda. He kept a hand on me to keep me mostly erect. Truth be told, I wanted to lay down on the ground and fall asleep, but I soldiered on.
That was, until we hit the crowded bar. Everyone was yelling for one last drink. Laughing girls and desperate guys prowled, looking for someone to take home. The party was still raging on. And when a party is in full swing, I rally.
It was a huge failing of mine.
“Jess—now, c’mon. We gotta go, c’mon,” Adam kept saying, over and over, trying to prevent me from talking to everyone I saw.
Finally he guided me out outside. That’s when I saw the horse’s ass. My chest hurt. Or was it my head that was ultimately responsible?
“Willie,” Adam shouted, “you gotch’ur own or do you wanna split one?”
William noticed me, then gave Adam a searching look. I glared at him for both of us.
“She goin’ with you?” Wil
liam asked in a way I thought was too slow for normal speech.
“Volumes are spoken. Volumes,” I said in a slur. “Everybody is looking at me. I have a speech problem. It is like diarrhea. You, sir, are a douche.” I stabbed the air in William’s direction.
Adam’s chuckle rumbled through his chest again. “Yeah, she’s at Peek’s place, right?”
“Yup. Out back in the cottage, but Gladis will find you before you get that far.”
“Hey,” I said, “that’s what I call it—the cottage. I think that is a title of a horror movie, too. The Cottage. Everyone is looking again. Shut. Up. Jessica.”
“So, whatcha doin’?” Adam asked, an insane ability to focus through all things.
“Well, there’s only one cab I see, so let’s grab it.”
We, all four... wait... four?
Oh look, William was taking home that ugly blond with the bad boob job. He planned on climbing Mt. Boob. I am not good enough, but she is?
“Oh hell no. It’s on like Donkey Kong!” I said, rolling up my sleeves—which I didn’t actually have—and heading straight for her. I was absolutely going to punch her. I barely remembered why, but I was mad and hurt and pissed and mad—bitch was getting punched.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jessie girl. Let’s take it down a notch. Slow your roll.”
“Adam,” I said, struggling against the hand he had on my shoulder, “are you trying to sound…I don’t even know what you are trying to sound, but it ain’t workin’ compadre.”
“Cool,” he said, to apparently mimic a Californian.
With the cab right in front of us, I relented my assault. Barely. Fighting was just too hard with Adam’s opposition, and walking too hard without his help. He was almost as good as Lump, but he didn’t talk me down while he was keeping me awake.
“I miss Lump.”
William got in the front of the cab and I got in the middle with Boobie McGee on one side and Adam on the other. I really wanted to say something to William, but didn’t want to embarrass myself anymore.
I think I actually said Boobie McGee out loud, though, because Adam tried to stifle a chuckle and I got a glare from the girl next to me.
How do ya like me now?
Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t pay attention to the ride home, but I was the first to get dropped off.
“Alright, Jess, you need help getting’ where yer goin’?” Adam asked, dragging me out of the car.
“’M good.”
William was there, too.
“Getting out to sit next to your lady lurve?” I asked belligerently.
“Be nice, Jess,” Adam droned.
“Meh. He doesn’t deserve it. Hug, Adam. Thank you.”
I was about to step away from Adam and head toward home when William was in my way. God I was sad. Drunk and sad. He made me sad. And now he was taking that horrible girl home. So gross.
Not letting tears come to my eyes, I tilted my head back and met those beautiful blue eyes for what I hoped was the last time.
“Good-night,” he said softly, his breath dusting my eyelashes, his hand on my shoulder.
I could have easily hugged him. I was pretty sure that’s what he wanted.
“You, too. Sweet dreams,” I said sarcastically. Then I was walking away. Stumbling across the wide expanse of grass, tears surfacing, then overflowing.
“Your home or mine?”
Gladis was silhouetted in her large entryway, the door thrown wide, welcoming light and warmth a beacon.
“Yours!” I shouted back. She was a mind reader.
“Do you ever sleep?” I asked, not allowing myself to turn around when she waved at the cab.
“Looks like someone needs some aspirin.” She laughed at me.
“Yes,” I was already crying.
The disappointments of the night caught up to me and I just let it all out. Gladis had seen me through worse nightmares.
She quickly closed the door and put an arm around me. She escorted me to the parlor, sat me down on the cushy couch, and went to get me coffee. Old people always thought coffee sobered a person up. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that water was the real cure. And sleep.
When she came back I drunkenly told the whole story of the night. All the gory details. For some reason I was never embarrassed to admit all to Gladis. She never judged.
When I finished, she said simply, “This too shall pass.”
I sighed deeply. “But, Gladis, he went home with Booby McGee! I am classier than her. Well, maybe not right this minute, but I am prettier.”
“Oh, that doesn’t mean a thing. You surely got him riled up with your dancin’, and the one thing you must always remember, when it doesn’t count, mind, is that boys will be boys. Even those that are gentlemen the rest of the time will still find a way to be bad news some of the time.”
“But why not me?”
“Oh honey, he has more respect for you than that. And more respect for me! I said gentlemen would be boys when it doesn’t count. With you, it counts. You are connected to his family, so he wouldn’t dream of smearing your name.”
“I am not connected to anybody here.”
“You are connected to me, and I am connected to that boy’s family. He would have another thing comin’ if he used and discarded you like a piece of trash! I would have his skin, for one. And he knows it, too.”
I continued to cry through the pain.
That night and for the next couple months following I slept poorly. I often dreamt that I was falling or being chased. I always woke up right before I hit the ground or the person caught me.
I stayed away from anywhere William might be. Candace was repeatedly frustrated that I wouldn’t go out with them. We did a girl’s night here and there, but when I would hear that Ty was going to show up I would take off.
I just didn’t want any contact or any reminders of William until I was over the whole experience. Any at all. He was the crack dealer to the gremlins, allowing them to rip me up during the day and in my dreams at night. He was the fury to my Kung Fu master who occasionally connected well-placed blows. Bottom line, it just hurt too much.
I didn’t even stop to ponder why I was so far gone on a guy I had just met. Yes, he was my rock, my safety blanket with the whole life altering Dusty situation. But I was working that out with Dr. George. Finding a sense of power in myself, which diminished my desire for William’s safety net, but it had no effect on my desire for William as a man.
He was also the most gorgeous guy I had ever met. Granted, there were, of course, better looking men in the world, but not to me. He had that right amount of manliness, that body, those broad shoulders, that smell, those eyes, that ability to reach into me and pull me to him—
Those thoughts felt like an arrow piercing my chest.
Regardless, those were just looks, and looks go. So why would I be hanging onto this? It just didn’t make sense. This whole stupid thing didn’t make sense.
At Gladis’s urging I was dating again. I was told, "Get back in the saddle, young lady! Get up when life knocks you down!"
Somehow that stranger from the bar managed to find out who I was and call me. That guy that said Jessica was a beautiful name. And because I was a glutton for punishment, I had gone out with him a couple times. I couldn’t say I was really into him. He was good looking with Auburn hair, wide set brown eyes, probably six feet, and great sense of style. He had a slight build—not as thin as me, but thin for a guy.
He seemed to have gobs of money. Usually that was a good thing, but he splashed it around and made a big show of it. We went to nice restaurants that were expensive just because they looked gaudy—the food was not great. He drove a Porsche that had fairly cheap leather interior. He tried to show off his new Gucci watch, or his Prada sunglasses, but they were put on the market a couple seasons before and were probably on the sale rack, which isn’t impressive to those who know designers, of which I was one, even though I could never afford the clothes or acces
sories.
But I got back in that saddle, like Gladis said. I dated again. Got flowers. Got praised and fawned over. But I didn’t get laid. I let him spend a little money on me, enjoyed a few bits of otherwise dull conversations, and headed home. A couple kisses, no feeling, no petting, definitely no sex!
Gladis never said boo about me dating him, but I could tell she wasn’t real enthused. He had good manners and always stood up to code with whatever rules Gladis had, so he wasn’t like Randall, but she just never seemed to say anything nice about him. She never said anything at all, actually, which meant she probably had only discouraging things to say.
So no sex with him, and no sex with anyone. Gladis had me worried I would be viewed as some kind of “painted lady” or something. I didn’t even know what that meant and I was afraid of it.
Instead of dating and going out, I started working out a lot instead. Every day I hit the gym or dance classes. Why not? What else did I have to do?
When my body needed a rest, or after I was done working out, I would cook or read. I either had Gladis and Lady over to eat in my place when I was cooking, or went to the Big House when I wasn’t.
Three months this carried on. Three long, miserable months. Gladis was getting worried about me, and Dr. George, whom I had stopped seeing, called “out of the blue” for a follow up appointment.
The bottom line wasn’t that there was something wrong with me, it was just that all my friends in Texas were either married and went home evenings (JP and a couple other people from work) or were connected with William (Candace, Ty, Adam, Moose).
I finally just gave in, called a spade a spade, and started looking for jobs in L.A. I hated to leave the company I currently worked for, but I had friends and a life in L.A. Or hell, maybe I would go off to Australia with Lump and find me an Aussie.
It was a day after that decision that I received the phone call.
“This is Jessica,” I answered in mild surprise. I didn’t get many calls on my work line.
“Do you have to yell it across the world?” Juniper shouted from behind her plant. Professional was her middle name.
“Jess? Jessica?” Lady asked confusedly.
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