Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

  I threw on a sundress and tied my hair back. I didn’t really care what I looked like, a thought that surprised me. I slipped on a brown pair of flip-flops and headed down the open-slat stairs and through the living room. Anne stopped me before I’d made it out the door onto the patio.

  “Are you ready for breakfast?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “Not hungry.”

  “I’ve heard breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but I’ve never eaten, so I wouldn’t know.”

  I stopped in my tracks. Was Anne engaging in casual conversation with me? Did she really reference the fact that she never eats?

  “Do you wish you could?” I asked. “Eat, I mean?”

  Anne’s eyes flickered. “It appears to be a pleasant experience for most humans.” She tossed me an apple and I caught it by reflex, again amused by another very human-like gesture. “In case you get hungry while you’re out,” she added.

  I rubbed the apple against my thigh. “Is that something you want?” I ventured. “Do you wish to be human?”

  “I desire excellence. Therefore, I have to aim higher than human.”

  She had a point, but I found her answer unnerving. Then I realized I’d been thinking of Anne with the pronouns “she” and “her,” and I shivered.

  “Um, I’ve got to go,” I said. “Bye.” I was confused by my response. I never said goodbye to humanoids, and I’d never before felt like it would be rude not to. I’d just leave. The humanoids were slowly bewitching me.

  Linden was already on the beach when I arrived.

  “Hey,” he said as I approached.

  “Hey.” I took a seat beside him in the sand. The salty wind blew against my skin, and I took a long breath. I’d never tire of the ocean. The waves were higher and stronger than the day before, and the yachts out in the harbor bobbed aggressively. I ran my fingers through the sand and discovered a shell. I held it out to Linden.

  “Nice,” he said. “You’re giving it to me?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll take it to camp, to remember you by.”

  “It’s a shell. It’ll probably break.”

  He stroked it like it was priceless. “I’ll be extra careful.”

  I ignored his attempt at flirting. “So, what’s the next step?”

  “Boot camp next week.”

  “Wow, they’re not wasting any time.”

  “No, but if I’m going to do this thing, I want to get on with it. Honestly, I’m bored out of my mind, and if it weren’t for you…”

  I blushed and turned away. I didn’t know how I felt about being the girl the soldier leaves behind. “What about your internship?”

  “It’ll still be there for me when I get back. But really, once you’ve seen inside one humanoid, you’ve seen them all.”

  He scooted closer. “I don’t want to talk. I only have seven days…” he checked his ComRing, “and three hours left to kiss you.”

  He leaned in, and I didn’t stop him. I enjoyed the touch. I liked feeling wanted. I let my lips respond to his, my tongue to his tongue, but the whole time, I kept thinking that this was just another boy who was going to leave me. Who would disappoint me. I mentally tallied how long I’d have to kiss him before I could tactfully pull away and change the subject.

  “Hey, lovebirds!”

  That was my cue to lean back. Jackson’s voice reached us from lower down the beach. He was walking our way, hand in hand with Isabella. I squinted at him. How was it that Jackson always seemed to know where I was? I almost felt like he had somehow injected me with nanotrackers again. I’d been taking sleeping pills on occasion, and my mind raced, wondering if there had been a way for Jackson to get his unscrupulous hands on them. He’d used painkillers to get the trackers into my blood stream last time.

  “Hi, Zoe,” Isabella said.

  “Hi. What are you guys doing here?” I asked.

  “Just going for a walk,” Jackson answered. To my chagrin, he sat on the beach close to me. “Gotta enjoy our last days of freedom.”

  “Aren’t you mad at Grandpa V?” I asked. He’d worked with my grandfather before, and I held them both responsible for my brother’s death. “He’s the one making you go.”

  “Nah,” Jackson replied lazily. “He’s doing what he thinks is best, and I agree with his tactics. Those rebels need to be put in their place and the sooner, the better.”

  “So you don’t care that you might die?” I asked incredulously. “I thought living forever was your thing?”

  “I’m not going to die, Zoe.” He cocked his head and his signature self-confident grin crossed his face. “Though someone else might.”

  He meant Noah. I sprang to my feet.

  “Hey, what’s going on here?” Linden said, jumping up beside me.

  Isabella pouted. “That’s what I would like to know. You guys are so intense all the time. Jackson? Are you still into her?”

  What? Isabelle was as clueless as ever.

  “No,” I answered. “That’s absurd.”

  Jackson’s eyebrows jumped and he cracked a smile. “Don’t speak for me, Zoe Vanderveen.”

  Oh, my God. I lived in Crazyland. I couldn’t keep up with the absurdity.

  Chapter 49

  I left Linden on the beach with Jackson and Isabelle. I hated how Jackson could rile me up so quickly. Linden had chased after me, but I’d told him I needed to be alone. He’d exhaled hard and frowned, but he did as I asked and walked away. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended things with me before he took off to boot camp. I would if I were him. I’d given him every reason to. I was moody, unpredictable, and uncommitted.

  I stopped at our eternity pool and stared at the water as it fell off the edge into the fountain below. I imagined myself on the tip of a waterfall and jumping. What it would feel like to free fall like, that knowing that when you landed, it would all be over?

  I would never kill myself. But I could join the army, effectively achieving the same end. Even though Grandpa had only drafted the guys, girls could volunteer. Equal opportunity and all that. Wouldn’t that make a great headline: President Vanderveen’s Granddaughter Enlists!

  My lips pulled up slightly at the irony.

  I wasn’t cyborg, (unless you counted my heart), and I wasn’t a true GAP because I was a clone. I was human, but without purpose. Even surrounded by all this luxury, I barely had a reason to get up in the morning.

  There had to be more.

  My ring buzzed, and when I saw the name, my knees buckled, and I almost fell into the pool. I eased myself down until I sat cross-legged on the stone patio.

  Noah.

  My hand shook, causing his holographic image to quiver. I held my palm still with my other hand and studied his image. Noah looked older and war worn, but he was still handsome. I placed a hand over my heart. I missed him so much.

  Why was he contacting me now? I almost tapped in response but then I remembered all the months I’d waited for this, all the nights I’d hoped and dreamed he’d reach out to me and the drowning disappointment I’d fought each and every time. A flare of anger burned in my gut. Why should I answer him now, a half-year too late? Why does he get to decide to upset my world by contacting me out of the blue? I wasn’t over him yet, but I had been making progress. With this one action, he’d masterfully unhinged it all.

  I pressed ignore. It was my turn to do the rejecting.

  With a self-righteous puff, I returned to my feet and made my way into the kitchen where I dropped heavily into a chair. Anne eyed me, then brought over a slice of chocolate cake. “I understand that chocolate works wonders for a broken heart.”

  I glanced at her sharply. “What makes you think I have a broken heart?”

  “Oh, just from files I’ve read. Girls your age. It’s a common malady.”

  The cake did look good. I picked up the fork and took a bite. Heavenly. Maybe all I needed to get over Noah was to consume copious amounts of chocolate cake. I’d be the size of a gorill
a, but I’d be happy. Once I’d started I couldn’t stop and I ate until I’d devoured every crumb.

  “Thanks, Anne,” I said, wiping my mouth.

  Paul was sitting on the white leather couch in the living room with his legs stretched out along the length of it when I walked in. A virtual screen originating from hardware on his left forearm hovered above his torso. He studied whatever he was looking at with a perplexed expression.

  Alison came down the stairs and moved toward us. She noticed it, too. “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  Paul shook his head. “Something is screwy with the data. Has to be a mistake. I’m contacting tech. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  I skipped past them up to my room, tapping my ring for Charlotte the moment I shut my door behind me.

  “Can you come over?” I asked when she accepted my call.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah, fine, just you know, with the news?”

  “Oh, I know. Outrageous, right? I’ll be right over.”

  I didn’t need to talk about the draft with Charlotte so much as I needed her support when I announced my plan to volunteer to my parents. I knew they were less likely to fight me if we had an audience.

  Charlotte wasn’t kidding when she said she’d be right over. Within ten minutes, Bette was answering the door, letting her in and guiding her through the plant-laden foyer.

  “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Vanderveen,” she said as she bounded into the living room.

  “Good to see you, Charlotte,” Paul said, standing.

  “Don’t leave,” I said. “Mom, Dad, I have something I want to talk to you about.”

  Alison and Paul sat carefully, their looks uncertain. Charlotte flashed me a confused frown.

  I started, “We’ve all heard about the draft.”

  Paul and Alison shifted uncomfortably. They wouldn’t disrespect Grandpa V or publicly slam his policies. Charlotte’s confusion deepened.

  “Honey?” Alison prompted.

  “I want to volunteer.”

  The room seemed to deplete of oxygen as everyone took in sharp breaths. Paul stood. “Absolutely not.”

  “Why not?” I challenged. “I’m an able-bodied GAP.” I patted the left side of my chest. “Stronger than many.” Charlotte didn’t know about my cyborg heart, but my parents understood.

  “That’s not the point,” Alison said. “Something could happen to you.” Her voice hitched. “We couldn’t bear it.”

  I felt sympathy for her, but I couldn’t let it stop me. “It’s only fair and right that I contribute to the cause. The president is my grandfather, after all. It would be hypocritical if I didn’t.”

  Alison wasn’t bending. “I’m sure they have enough soldiers now.”

  “She wouldn’t have to be a soldier,” Charlotte inserted. “To volunteer, I mean. She could help out in other ways. Pack up supplies, maybe?” She fidgeted with her hands, a telltale sign she was uncomfortable being dragged into family matters, but I had to give her credit for taking my side. Even if she’d offered a lame compromise.

  “I’m a good shot. I know how to handle a firearm as well as any guy.” I pleaded. I pulled the “lost year” card. “I wouldn’t have made it through the last year if I weren’t.”

  Alison put a hand over her mouth. “I don’t understand. Aren’t you sympathetic with… the other side?”

  I didn’t respond. She didn’t understand that this move was for the rebellion. I didn’t believe that people would support a president who would permit his own “damaged” granddaughter to fight in his war.

  “Charlotte’s idea is not a bad one,” Paul conceded. “Having you volunteer by serving those who are going into battle would serve as a sign of comfort to the people. Ensuring them that everything will be okay.

  “How?” I demanded. “Everything’s not okay.”

  Paul placed his hands on my shoulders, and I tensed under his touch. “If you want to volunteer, fine, but you won’t be a soldier. Your mother and I have been through enough. The subject is closed.”

  For now, I thought.

  Chapter 50

  NOAH

  One month after our latest skirmish, my arm still hung in a sling. It was frustrating to be out of commission like this. At least Jonathon and I were still alive. The rebel forces had lost a lot of guys. Jabez was thanking God that we didn’t shoot him when he surprised us last time. He should know better than to sneak up on two spooked, wounded soldiers.

  Anthony called me inside, his face twisted in what had become his regular look of trepidation. “You’re not going to believe this?”

  “What now?”

  “Vanderveen called a draft for the GAPs.”

  I laughed out loud, a sound that shocked me. I hadn’t laughed in months. Years maybe. “I don’t have time to mess around,” I said back.

  “I’m not kidding.” He pointed to a holographic talking head. The volume was down, but the ticker-tape was clear. Anthony was telling the truth.

  “When?” I asked. A thick sense of foreboding replaced my previous joviality. This would be the end of the rebel uprising. GAPs were enhanced, and when combined with the regular cyborg army, they would outnumber us four to one.

  “They’ll be active sometime in the next month.”

  It felt like a countdown to a death sentence. A doctor’s solemn proclamation, “Son, the cancer has spread. You have approximately four weeks to live.”

  “Gather around,” I called out. The guys stopped what they were doing: cleaning ammo, repairing vehicles, tending the garden. They stood in a cluster with folded arms and stern faces, waiting for my announcement.

  “Word just in that Vanderveen has drafted the GAPs.”

  Quick gasps and murmurs followed.

  “Our mandate is the same. Fight until the end. I’ll be honest and say that our chances of winning this thing are next to none, and the odds of coming out alive are just as slim. I for one don’t want to live in a world run by machines and men with no hearts. Anyone wanting out should leave now.”

  I waited and watched the grim faces, catching their eyes one by one, including Jonathon and Jabez’s, but no one moved.

  “Good. Be prepared. We will move out again in the next few days.”

  I went to my own tent and lay down, fully absorbing the weight of what I’d just done. I’d basically called all of my men to a suicide mission. I should tell them to flee, disband this troop. Then, at least I wouldn’t feel personally responsible for their deaths. But it was too late to unwind this now. I wouldn’t leave, and I knew these guys. They wouldn’t either, even if I ordered them to.

  I tapped my ComRing, which Anthony guaranteed me was completely secure, and buzzed Zoe. I no longer felt obligated to keep my bargain with the Vanderveens. I’d be dead before I could ever see their daughter again, I just wanted to talk to her one last time. My heart stuttered in anticipation as I waited for her holographic image to pop up.

  No response.

  I didn’t blame her for ignoring me. I didn’t know what I would’ve said anyway. Nothing I could say would make up for leaving her.

  Chapter 51

  ZOE

  It turned out that the draft was a huge distraction, cloaking a much bigger threat. While we had our eyes fixed on the civil war and how the president would effectively stamp out the rebels, the real danger to humanity grew without much notice or fanfare. By the time it was upon us, it was too late.

  Paul and Alison had just returned from a morning tennis match. It amazed me that we somehow managed to continue with our normal lives while the rest of America was spinning out of control.

  “Anne?” Alison called. She wiped her sweaty forehead with a towel. The humanoid appeared from the kitchen. “I’m going to shower, and then we’ll be ready for lunch.”

  “Of course,” Anne replied. “What would you like?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. How about salmon and asparagus wraps with a side spinach salad.”

  Anne nodded
and left the room.

  Alison caught my eye as she lumbered up the steps. “You’ll join us?”

  I shrugged. “Sure.” It wasn’t like I had anything else to do, and Anne was a great cook. I flipped through the channels on the TV to pass the time. Mostly news on the war and updates on the draft. I flicked to a cheesy daytime drama.

  Twenty minutes later, Alison and Paul descended the stairs, both freshly showered and dressed in crisp, clean clothes, laundered by Bette. Paul paused to check his tablet, a normal activity. Alison stopped at the mirror in the foyer to examine her image. She’d applied makeup and styled her hair, and she looked every bit the upper-class GAP “career” woman that she was.

  Paul’s expression soured.

  “Is something wrong?” Alison asked.

  “We’ve been experiencing data glitches with the humanoid tech program.”

  I looked up when he said that. “What kind of glitches?” I asked. I turned the TV volume down.

  Bette entered the room before he could answer me. She had a broom in her hand, which was odd because the humanoids were usually good about doing the cleaning when my parents were absent. I watched as Bette’s eyes flickered strangely, like a ticker tape with new info coming in.

  Then she approached Alison from behind, drew the broom stick horizontally across her throat and tugged. Allison’s neck broke with a sickening crack. She dropped to the floor, and I screamed.

  Paul was on his feet in an instant, his eyes wide and glassy with horror. Bette left calmly through the open glass doors onto the patio. Paul rushed to my mother’s side, but before he could utter a word, Anne came in from the kitchen with a sharp meat carving knife in hand. She marched toward him.

  “Stop!” I yelled. She just ignored me. I knew she was going to kill my father next, so I jumped on her back.

  “Zoe, no!” Paul cried. Anne flung me across the room as if I weighed no more than a rag doll. My back slammed against the wall, knocking the wind out of me, and I slid to the floor gasping for breath.

  “Anne,” Paul said, trying and failing to keep his voice calm. His eyes darted from my mother’s body to the knife in Anne’s hand and then to her face. “What are you doing?”