by Nikki Steele
There you see her
Sitting there across the way
She don’t got a lot to say
But there’s something about her
And you don’t know why
But you’re dying to try
You wanna kiss the girl
I couldn’t believe this. They were looking at… me? Singing to me? Rose petals began floating through the air all around me, thrown by the singers. The dancers released their balloons, hundreds of them, everywhere.
My gaze suddenly focused on a person standing at the end of the street. Archer. And the lyrics changed.
Yes, you want him
Look at him, you know you do
Because he wants you, too
There is one way to ask him
It don’t take a word
Not a single word
Go on and kiss the boy
My eyes filled with tears. What was going on here? He had done this, for me. I kept walking, slowly, through the storm of petals floating around me. He was standing there, waiting, a smile on his face. I couldn’t believe it! He’d given me the big Hollywood dance scene of my dreams.
Go on and kiss the boy…
I wanted to. More than anything, I wanted this scene to end in a kiss.
Go on and kiss the boy…
All I had to do was walk into his waiting arms and kiss him. Just cross through the curtain of rose petals between us and let him love me. We’d find a way through this together, wouldn’t we?
Suddenly the voice from the phone call filled my mind. He doesn’t know the real you. The words drowned out the song. If he knew who you really are he wouldn’t like you so much, would he? Don’t forget that.
I faltered, slowing down. Archer didn’t know me. He’d never feel the same about me if I told him the truth.
Mom’s smiling face, swimming in front of me. He’d made her so happy last night, and that had made me happy. She’d be crushed if she knew the truth about my pictures, about the debt I was in because of her. She might never recover.
But I think I might love him. Freaking hell, how did this happen?
Go on and kiss the boy…
I couldn’t. I couldn’t kiss the boy. I couldn’t even look at him for fear I would burst into tears. He would hate me once he knew the truth.
But we were so close, now, only feet from each other. The singers and dancers dispersed; I guessed to give us our big moment in private.
I stopped and shook my head. “I’m sorry, Archer,” I whispered, backing away now.
“Wait, what? What are you doing?” He moved toward me.
“No, please! Please, let me go!” I turned and ran, fleeing as fast I could.
I hated myself for this. And I hated Janus, Inc. more than I ever had before. They’d managed to kill every single one of my dreams, now.
Chapter 5
I sprinted back to the office, not caring if anybody saw me. All I wanted to do was get my things and go home. I couldn’t be here anymore. This was all a huge mistake; I would tell Janus that I had quit. Anything was better than breaking Archer’s heart.
But then they would ruin me. They’d publish those photos. They’d make sure mom found out.
Maybe I could tell her about them instead? Maybe if I told her the story and explained how naïve I’d been, she would understand.
And what about the money? That gave me pause; I held on to the back of my chair when the enormity of the situation hit me. If Janus foreclosed on Mom’s house, what would I do? I couldn’t afford a nursing home, and she didn’t have the money for quality care herself. I slumped forward, hands on my desk now, breathing deeply to keep the panic attack at bay. If there were a pack of cigarettes in the vicinity, I’d have smoked the entire thing.
At that very moment I heard my name being called. Archer. He’d followed me. Freaking hell, why couldn’t he just leave me alone?
“Josie!” He appeared in the doorway, breathless. He must have sprinted after me. We were both breathing heavily, staring at each other.
“What the hell is going on?” he asked, hands on his hips. “Why are you doing this? What happened?”
I closed my eyes, unable to navigate the space between the two opposing needs warring within me. On one side, foreclosure, a terrible public nursing home and Mom, deteriorating. On the other, Archer.
If I chose either side, I’d never forgive myself. I’d hurt someone, regardless. But, as I looked into his eyes, I realized that only on one side could I hold my head up high, at the end. It was time for the truth, no matter how much it hurt. Archer deserved that before I left. Because I would need to leave, once I’d told him. As long as I was around, Janus would find a way to get to him, through me. Not that he’d want me around after, anyway.
I stood up straight. I had wanted to be an actress, right? Time to give my greatest performance.
“I work for Janus, Inc.” I said, my voice cold and impersonal. “Specifically for Richard McNamara, the CEO. I think you’ve heard of him?”
I watched as his face registered recognition, then a horrible sort of understanding. “The voice on the tape.”
I nodded. “He sent me here to steal that audio recording, to stop you using it in your documentary. My instructions were to erase any copies—which I already have—and deliver to him the original version.”
Archer looked at me then, betrayal skating across his face. I’d never seen such pain in someone’s eyes. “I can’t believe it,” he murmured, his eyes boring holes into me. “How could you do this? I was so sure…”
I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms, fighting to keep from sobbing as I watched him crumble inside. I wanted so much to tell him why—to throw my arms around him and beg his forgiveness. But that wouldn’t push him away. I’d decided to tell the truth, but I’d tell it on my terms—for his good. “Hollywood’s full of actors. You should know that,” I said coldly.
“But why? I mean, why would you go so far? I trusted you. What are they giving you to do this for them?”
He was getting too close to the truth. I had to bring an end to this before he wore me down and the story came tumbling out. “I work for them. It’s just a job.” I blinked back tears. “And you’re just a man.”
He stared at me, hard. “This feels wrong. I don’t believe you. What aren’t you telling me?”
I actually felt my heart break as I told him the lie. “You really think you’re that special, don’t you? Get it through your head—you’re a mark, nothing more. And if you don’t believe that, you’re just as naïve as I used to be.”
I got my things together and pushed past him to storm down the hall. He called after me, his voice faint under the sound of the blood rushing in my ears. I just had to hold it together until he couldn’t see or hear me anymore. Once I was through the doors and somewhere private, I could break down.
I ran out the door, the tears immediately springing to my face. I couldn’t drive home like this; I could hardly breathe. I found the first open door I came across, and ran inside.
Chapter 6
I found myself on a movie set—the vast hangar stretching out before me in a kaleidoscope of weird objects that I couldn’t quite discern through my tears. It was quiet, the crew and actors having left a long time ago. I made my way to a corner, and threw myself into a chair, crying.
The enormity of what I’d done threatened to strangle me. If pushing Archer away had been the right thing to do, why did I hate myself even more, now that I’d done it? Archer’s face kept flashing before my eyes, his expression ripping my heart out again and again. If it had been anyone else—a heartless creep like that Richard McNamara—it wouldn’t have been so tough, I might not have minded as much. But Archer was good. He was trying to do the right thing. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve me.
I finally had the chance I’d been wishing for. And I’d ruined it. He’d made the mistake of falling for me, which of course would have made me the happiest girl in the worl
d under normal circumstances—a dream come true. Now it tore me apart.
I lost track of how long I sat with my head on my arms; I cried until there were no more tears left in me, and my breath came in shuddering gasps. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and hide from the world.
I raised my head and nearly shrieked when I saw Archer standing there, arms crossed, only feet from where I sat. I hadn’t heard him come in, but the expression on his face told me he had been there long enough.
“Are you going to stay in here all night?” he asked quietly, his voice echoing softly in the empty space.
“I might,” I replied, my voice cracking, my throat raw. He looked around the room, his eyes landing on a table filled with water bottles. He crossed and picked one of them up, holding it out to me. How could he still be so kind after the terrible things I’d said?
I knew I should turn and walk away, through the door and out to the parking lot. But I didn’t. I went to him, instead. “Thank you,” I whispered.
“Now. Why don’t you try telling me the full story?”
I looked at him and knew he wasn’t going to let this go. Why couldn’t he just leave it be? That tenacity would be the end of me.
I looked around, stalling for time. My eyes fell on the set and I walked toward it. It was beautiful, but somewhat bizarre. Giant toadstools, topiaries of all shapes and sizes, carpets of flowers, trees hung with butterflies and crystals, and a table filled with teapots, fake food, more flowers, colorful top hats with feathers in the brim… overwhelming, like something from a dream. “What is this place?”
“The Alice in Wonderland remake,” Archer explained. He walked up to stand beside me. “This is the set for the Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.”
I laughed bitterly. “Fitting. Sometimes I feel like I fell down a rabbit hole.”
Archer turned to me. “Why won’t you tell me the truth?” he asked. “Maybe we can find a way back up, together.”
My eyes searched his face. Should I? I wanted to, was struggling not to. And I was so tired of fighting.
He approached me, slowly. “I know that night, on the film set, it wasn’t an act. Nobody’s that good of an actor, even the ones that do it professionally.”
His hands took me gently by the shoulders. “But that person you just showed me, back at the office? That was an act, through and through.”
He pointed toward the open door, then let his arm drop to his side. “That wasn’t the girl who looks after her Mom every evening, or the girl who hums when she’s daydreaming about a musical, or the girl who looked so happy when we were handing food out to those kids. Remember? I saw your face. It wasn’t pretend.”
I stood, frozen in place, as he continued. “The girl I’ve gotten to know these past weeks? She couldn’t have done what you confessed without a very serious reason. There’s something more going on here, and I want to know what it is.”
I remained silent, torn between not wanting to open my mouth for fear of the truth pouring out, and wanting more than anything to confess the whole sordid mess. Eventually, my mouth opened of its own accord. “Do I really hum when I think about musicals?”
He smiled. “It’s one of my favorite things about you. It’s almost at the stage now where I can pick the movie based on the tune you are humming.”
I felt my neck go red. “I didn’t know I did that.”
His eyes were genuine. Imploring. “Talk to me, Josie. Tell me what the problem is.”
I was exhausted. I couldn’t fight anymore. I sank into one of the chairs at the Mad Hatter’s table. “He’s blackmailing me,” I murmured, my eyes on the floor. “He got his hands on some photos I was tricked into taking. I was… naked, and um… compromised.”
Archer stayed silent. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “He threatened to show them to my mom and humiliate her. Her heart… it’s so bad. I don’t know if she could take it. She’s a little… inexperienced when it comes to the reality of Hollywood. Everything’s beautiful to her, you know? She would be destroyed if she knew what I’d done. You know how McNamara would portray it, too. He wouldn’t tell the real story, that I was tricked.”
Now a sound did issue from Archer. It was a growl. “That pig.”
I nodded, my eyes still downcast. “There’s more. My mom’s house… gosh, I was so naïve—I bought it for her with a loan from Janus.”
“I think I see,” he murmured.
“She needed it. It’s near the hospital and the nursing center. Otherwise I would have had to put her in a public nursing home and… I just couldn’t…” I’d thought the tears were all gone, but I’d been wrong.
“Shhh…” He knelt in front of me, taking my hands. “It’s okay. Don’t get upset.”
I couldn’t help it. I began to sob. “I owe them so much money, you have no idea. I’m barely scraping by, the payments are killing me. They promised that if I got the tape for them, they’d clear my debt. Oh god Archer, I’m so ashamed!”
I still hadn’t looked at him. “This was my chance to be free of them forever. I hate Janus so much, everything it stands for! Everything they do is poison!” The words were tumbling out now. I was miserable, but it felt good, too, to say this out loud.
“I know, I know,” he said, his voice calm and soothing. I stared at my hands, and his hands on top of them.
Then they pulled off mine, leaving my hands alone, and cold. I’d known this would come, but it still hurt. I’d told him the truth, now I had to pay the consequences. I wiped at an eye, then looked up. Whatever the price, I’d pay it.
Archer’s hand was in his pocket. Then he pulled out the tape.
I gasped. “What… what are you doing?”
“Giving this to you,” he said simply.
I looked at him in shock as he placed the tape in my hands. He smiled. “You’re more important than a hundred audio recordings. I want you to have it, if it makes you happy.”
“You… you would do this for me?” I searched his face.
He nodded. “I’ll find another way to take them down. They have their hands in more than just that tape, trust me. I couldn’t use it anyway, now that I know what’s at stake. Trust me. It’ll be okay.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
He took my face in his hands. “Just say you’ll take it and use it for yourself, and that you’ll finally let us be together. That’s all I want.” He hesitated. “Your… your love is everything to me, Josie.”
I was crying again, but now my tears were of joy. Because just like that he’d changed everything. I didn’t know what to think. I should say no. I shouldn’t let him do this.
But then he leaned in even as I slipped the hair band off my wrist, and erased all of my doubts with one, sweet, kiss.
Chapter 7
It seemed my emotions were turning on a dime today. I’d gone from complete heartbreak to complete joy in the space of just a few minutes.
Archer was willing to give up his project for me.
He’d said my love meant more to him than anything.
He’d used the word “love.”
Sitting, with him kneeling before me, I returned the kiss like someone starved—which in a way, I had been. After that first taste, in a film studio not that far away, I’d been able to think of nothing else. Once I’d felt him that first time—tasted him—I’d been hungry ever since.
The best part was, my conscience was clear now. I could be with him and not be filled with regret later. My heart was open, and so was his. This was so much sweeter.
That didn’t mean things didn’t heat up, however; soon we were both overcome, our kisses more passionate, more frantic. His mouth, his touch, even the sound of his heavy breathing and the little noises coming from the back of his throat—they unlocked something deep and primal inside me. He was mine. And I was his.
His hands slipped beneath the back of my blouse, roaming over my skin. I noticed him fussing with the clasp of my bra, and I giggled. “Here?” I breathed
, his mouth traveling down my throat and setting me on fire. “Are you sure?”
“Would it be the first time?” he murmured, unhooking the strap and bringing his hands around to the front, under the cups. I moaned when he fondled my breasts; I’d feared I’d never feel this again, this passion and pleasure.
He had a point—stopping now would kill me. I needed him too much. I pushed his jacket over his shoulders and down his arms, then yanked his shirt from his jeans so I could touch his skin. He let go of me long enough to pull the shirt over his head.
I was rewarded with the sight of tanned, toned skin and sunk my mouth over his neck and shoulders, nibbling and licking him, loving his smell, and his taste.
He was still kneeling before me. As he unbuttoned my blouse, his mouth planted kisses along each new piece of skin revealed. I ran my hands through his hair, gasping for breath, giving in to the passion growing within me the further down he went.
Finally the blouse was on the floor. My bra, hanging loosely, soon followed. He pushed me back, gently, against the Mad Hatter’s table. I leaned on my elbows, pushing teacups aside, and watched as he crawled up between my legs and licked slow, soft circles over my nipples. Watching him pleasure me made it that much more intense. When he took the sensitive pink flesh of one nipple in his mouth and sucked, I threw back my head and cried. The sound echoed across the cavernous room.
Then he stopped; I was surprised enough to open my eyes and look back down to where he knelt. He got up, reaching for something behind me on the table.