I didn’t know where to go, but I walked out to my beat-up Mazda anyway, climbing into the driver’s seat and starting it up.
I sat for a moment. What I needed was to clear my mind and drive around for a while to sort out my thoughts. My head was a mess of Sam and Ella and the baby, not to mention me.
Pulling into the street, I drove around the block at first, and then went a little farther. I put the window down to let the cool night air flow through the car, breathing deep to try to calm myself.
I pressed the call button again.
This time, it rang, and Sam answered the phone, and I swallowed down the urge to scream at him for what he’d done.
“Where are you?” I asked.
He mumbled a nearby address, his voice echoing through the Bluetooth, and I turned the car around, the wheels squealing on the smooth asphalt.
Take a deep breath.
The longer I drove, the greater my anger. I gripped the steering wheel tight at the thought of the woman I’d left behind, sleeping in the bed she’d shared with her husband. My former best friend.
I drove around the streets. At times it seemed as if I was going in circles as I struggled to find the place. I was distracted by my building annoyance, with Ella’s tears so fresh in my mind.
Finally finding the right road, I slowed as I drew closer, peering out the window at the letterboxes, looking for numbers to guide me.
I spotted it. The letterbox with the fading number, barely visible in the dark. The fence beside it was overgrown with vines. A little more growth and no one would ever work out what number this place was.
Pulling over, I opened the door and stepped out into the street.
I stood outside the rundown old house. If it weren’t for his car parked in the driveway, I would have thought it deserted.
Knocking on the dirty old wooden door, I waited for a moment before Sam opened it, and I had to stop myself from punching that smug look off his face. The one I’d seen before.
“Hey, Matt.”
“What do you think you’re doing?” I hated him for leaving her as much as I loved her.
“I guess you’ve spoken to Ella. I was going to call you and let you know.”
I shook my head in frustration, resisting the urge to smack him in the mouth. “She invited me to dinner.”
His lips turned into a frown. “It’s not what it seems.”
“Tell me if I have any of this wrong. You ask your wife to have a baby. When it gets too hard and all she wants to do is make you happy, you screw around and leave her. Do I have it right?”
The silence was uncomfortable as we stared at one another. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”
That was all he said.
“I thought you were going to make things right. I thought that was what we talked about.”
Sam swallowed hard. “It’s not that I don’t love her, Matt. Come on.”
“But you’re happy to leave her alone at home, devastated. At least I could be there for her, but I shouldn’t have needed to be. You’re her husband, Sam.” I bit down the temptation to tell him about Ella’s pregnancy. That was her news, not mine, no matter how much it might hurt him now he’d made his choice.
I scraped my palms with my fingernails, resisting the urge to fist my hands. “What do you think you’re doing?”
He grabbed my arm, a look of desperation in his eye. “You know how I feel about Ella, but I needed more. I needed to feel wanted again. It was once, and then Petra tells me she’s pregnant. What was I supposed to do?”
My breathing sped up as I looked at him.
“You weren’t supposed to get involved with anyone else. Even once is one time too many. You were wanted. Are wanted. Ella loves you more than anything, man. How could you do this to her?”
A woman appeared behind him. This must be the one he’d left Ella for. She was young, maybe around the same age as Vanessa, and about the complete opposite of Ella. Tall and thin with blonde hair, she eyed me up at a distance.
“Matt, this is Petra.”
“No disrespect, but I don’t give a fuck who she is.”
Sam’s face distorted in agony, and Petra recoiled. “You can’t treat her like that.”
I’d had enough. “Really? You cheat on your wife, my friend, and you want me to accept this?”
“Dude, we’ve known one another all our lives. You can’t let a woman come between us. And you can’t blame Petra.”
My blood boiled, the fists trying so hard to form. “She’s not just a woman. It’s Ella.” I glared at him. “I don’t blame Petra. I blame you.”
I turned, walking away rather than making things worse. Screw him.
“Maybe you’ll do a better job with her than I did.”
I closed my eyes at his words. How long had he known I was in love with her? Had he walked away knowing I’d be there to pick up the pieces? Him knowing didn’t matter anymore.
“Maybe I will.”
I walked the short distance to my car. As I reached the door, I looked back. Sam stood in the doorway, Petra wrapped around him, but there was no joy in his eyes, only sadness.
What an idiot.
I started the car, sighing as I buckled my seatbelt. What the hell had happened? Whatever it was, I wanted nothing more to do with him.
My phone buzzed, and I picked it up before taking off. Ella had clearly woken up.
Thank you.
I smiled. At least she had me. I had no idea how she would have coped with no support. When she was at her most vulnerable, the man who was supposed to take care of her had walked.
You’re welcome. I’m on my way back. Want me to pick up anything on the way?
Chocolate? I’ll be okay. I wanted to say thanks.
Oh no, lady, you’re not pushing me away that easily.
Chocolate it is. And I’m hungry again. Might stop off at KFC and be back soon.
Hahaha you’re always hungry
At least she was laughing, even if it was only via text. I put the car into gear, indicating and moving out into the street, driving away from Sam, the man I’d known from childhood, the man I’d always shared everything with. Never again.
After all this upheaval, when she was on solid ground again, if Ella would have me, I’d be hers. I’d always felt bad about wanting my best friend’s girl, but after the way he had treated her, I no longer cared.
Now I got to take my time, give her the romance she needed, and support her through her pregnancy. Nothing else mattered but her.
I drove to Westgate. It was between Ella’s place and where Sam was, and I could get both chocolate and KFC there.
People milled around me as they did their evening shopping, but all I could think about was Ella. Ella, who made me laugh, Ella, who made me cry, Ella, who had me twisted around her little finger from the moment we met. It didn’t matter who I was with or, where I was—everything always came back to her.
Now I was free to revel in it.
I grabbed a trolley at the supermarket, buying grapes, her favourite fruit. I swung past the deli to pick up some smoked salmon. We both shared a love of that. Sam had never been keen on fish, or any other seafood for that matter, and we had often grossed him out gorging on the stuff.
I found the chocolate she liked, Cadbury Dairy Milk. Throwing two big blocks of it in the trolley, I made my way toward the checkout.
Only one line was open, and I waited in the queue, tapping my foot impatiently. My phone buzzed in my pocket again, and I smiled. I’d bet anything it was Ella telling me to hurry up.
Instead, it was Vanessa. She had gone home for the holidays at the end of the semester.
I’m trying to get hold of Ella. She’s not answering. Is she okay?
I guessed she either hadn’t got an answer out of Sam either, or had assumed I would know. It sucked that she was back on the farm and not here; the more support we could give Ella the better.
After paying, I threw the shopping bags in the car, climbing into the driver’s seat
. The KFC drive-through was nearby, and I dialled Vanessa before starting the car and put the speaker on Bluetooth.
“Matt.”
“Hey, Ness. I thought it was easier to call you instead of text.”
“Is Ella okay? It’s not like her to not answer. Her phone is never far from her.”
I took a deep breath. “I need you to promise me that you’ll keep this to yourself. No telling your parents until Ella’s ready.”
I had to pull the phone away from my ear; her squeal was so loud.
“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?”
Shit.
“There are a couple of things you need to know.”
“Is she pregnant? Please tell me.”
I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, knowing that her happy, excited tone was about to disappear. “It’s not that simple.”
“Are you two finally a thing? Did she dump Douchebag?”
Oh, Vanessa.
“No. I don’t even know where to begin, but Sam dumped her.”
“What?” she screamed down the phone.
Good one. Your parents will be curious if you made that much noise.
“Shhh. Sam left her. Which is why you can’t get hold of her. She’s shut up at home. I’m grabbing some junk food and going back to her.”
She sniffed. Vanessa had as big a heart as Ella did. Even if she didn’t like Sam, she’d take this hard.
“She’s pregnant, and he doesn’t know. And you have to keep all of this quiet and act like you don’t know when she tells you.”
“I’m glad you’re with her,” she whispered.
“I’ll take care of her for as long as she needs it. You know that.”
On the other end of the line, she took a deep breath. “I know she’s in good hands. I was calling to let her know I’d be back in town next week.”
“I’ll let her know. Maybe she’ll call you.”
“Thanks, Matt. You know, it’s weird. You went away not long after we met, but you feel more like part of my family than he ever did.”
My heart caught in my throat. I’d felt that, denied it, and thought I was imagining it. “I love you guys, that’s why. Don’t worry about Ella; she’s in good hands.”
Vanessa laughed. “Those hands I always wanted on me?”
I rolled my eyes. “Some things never change.”
“That’s why you love me. Call me if Ella needs anything.”
“Will do. Bye.”
I started the car, pulling out of the car park and onto the road. A quick trip to pick up the chicken, and I’d be on my way home to Ella.
Home.
I couldn’t start thinking of it that way. Hell, I’d never been more certain of my feelings, but who was to say how she would ever feel about me.
That all had to go on the backburner, to be resolved another day. Right now, I had a friend in pain. One who needed me.
It took half an hour to get through the damn queue, and my stomach grumbled, as if reminding me to feed it. By the time I pulled up outside Ella’s place, it wouldn’t stop.
She was wrapped in her bathrobe, sitting on the couch when I walked in the door, and she gave me a small smile as I placed the food on the coffee table.
“Chicken?” I walked toward the kitchen, and she grabbed my arm as I went past.
“Thank you for coming back.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Her smile grew a little as she let me go, and I brought back two plates and cutlery for us to eat. “Hungry?”
She nodded. The toasted sandwich wouldn’t have gone very far as a dinner meal.
“Where did you go?” Her voice shook. She knew me well enough to know the answer.
“I went to see Sam.”
She clutched my arm as I sat back down. “You didn’t do anything stupid, did you?”
“If you’re asking if I hit him, the answer’s no. Not that I didn’t want to. I wanted to talk to him, see what he had to say.”
“And?”
“He’s an idiot.”
Ella leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for coming between you. I never wanted it to be like this.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “It’s not your fault—only his.”
She lifted her head, her blue eyes boring through me. “I’m sorry that he let you down too. He loves you. He hated you being away.”
I nodded. “I know. Hell, I tried to run away from my feelings for you because I love him. Sam’s like a brother to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him. But he wronged you, and I’ll never forgive him for that.”
“You’re a good friend.” Her lips had a smile on them, but her eyes were sad.
I love you.
“I don’t like the way he treated you.” I picked up a plate. “Let’s eat before this goes cold.”
All I wanted to do was to take her in my arms and kiss the pain away, but she had to move on from today for that to happen.
At least she had me.
23
MATT
The first few days were the hardest. The following day was Friday, and Ella called work to tell them she was sick. The truth was, she couldn’t face the world, and I couldn’t blame her.
Almost immediately, her mobile rang, and she held it up to me. “It’s Holly. Can you get it?”
“Who’s Holly?”
“My friend from work. She knows I’m pregnant, doesn’t know the rest. I don’t know if I can talk to her.” Tears built again, and I took the phone from Ella’s hand, pressing the accept button before it went to voicemail.
“Hi Holly.”
Stunned silence greeted me. “Hello?” I said.
“Uh hi. Is this Sam?”
“No, it’s Matt. Sam’s … Ella’s friend.”
“Oh. Is Ella there?”
I caught Ella’s eye. Her chest heaved as she fought back the tears.
“She is, but she’s not able to come to the phone.”
“Is she okay?”
I touched Ella’s arm. “She’ll be fine. I’m staying here for a few days to take care of her.”
“Why? Where’s Sam?” Damn it. Why couldn’t she leave things be? If I could have brushed her off, then Ella could have caught her up when she saw her next. When she was better prepared to deal with this.
I put my hand over the phone. “She’s asking why I’m here and why Sam’s not. Do you want to talk to her?”
Ella shook her head. “I don’t know if I can say it.”
“Want me to tell her what’s going on?”
She nodded. “She’ll only worry.”
“Hey Holly, sorry, I had to check in with Ella. Um, Sam left her last night.”
I held the phone away from my head as an ear-piercing shriek came from it.
“Shit. Sorry. I guess that’s why I’m talking to you and not her.”
“She’s upset, but I’m here.”
“Damn it.” I didn’t know Holly, but it was clear she cared about Ella. I squeezed Ella’s bicep, winking at her.
“I’ll look after her, Holly. Promise.”
She sighed. “Well, tell her that I’m thinking about her, and to give me a call when she feels like it.”
“I will.”
When I hung up the phone, I pulled Ella into my arms, kissing the top of her head. She leaned into me, resting her cheek on my chest, and I rocked her. “She cares.”
“I know,” she said, her voice so small.
By Sunday, we needed milk and bread, and I went down the road to the supermarket. I returned to find Ella standing in the backyard, wisps of smoke floating up from the wheelie bin she used for rubbish.
“What the hell are you doing?” I picked up the garden hose as a flame flared out the top of the plastic bin. The top edge of the bin was a little saggy looking from the heat.
“I burned the bed sheets.” She sounded flat, uninterested. I doused the small fire with the hose, shaking my head.
“You could
have thrown them out. Would have been less mess.” I grinned.
“I have to go and see a doctor.”
“What? Are you feeling okay?”
Her gaze met mine, her eyes so sad. “I have to get tested for STIs. We were having unprotected sex trying to get pregnant. What if it wasn’t only this other woman? What if there were more? What if that woman has some hideous disease?”
“Oh, sweetheart. Sam wouldn’t …” I stopped myself. Up until three days before, I would never have thought he would leave her.
I don’t know what he’s capable of.
I nodded. “Want me to take you?”
“I’ll be fine. I’ll go tomorrow.” It seemed the simple act of burning the sheets had given her strength to draw on. “You don’t have to stay either. I really appreciate you being here, but I need to work through all this.”
“Ella, I …”
“I need to do this for myself. Please don’t think I’ve forgotten how you say you feel. That’s always at the back of my mind.” Her lips curled up into a little smile. “There’s so much to process, so many things to think about.”
“And I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“I know.” She placed her hand on my chest. “There’s a big part of me that wants to say ‘to hell with him’ and move on with you if you want me. But it’s been three days and the last thing I want to do is kill our friendship by rebounding. If I hurt you in all of this, it would kill me.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Call me when you need me,” I whispered.
She nodded, and I kissed her lips with more tenderness than I could bear.
And then I walked away from the woman I loved, trying to get her head around everything that had happened. All I wanted was to turn around, take her in my arms, and tell her I didn’t care if she rebounded with me. I already knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
But she had to be ready to take that step.
PART IV
You are the only one I want
24
MATT
She’s broken, and there’s nothing more that I can say or do to fix what my best friend has done to her.
I can’t find any way to pick up the pieces. There’s one thing left to do.
Let her go.
I ran. The heavy rain soaked me in minutes, but I kept running, trying to tire myself out. Trying not to think about her. I ran until I couldn’t breathe, bending to cope with the pain in my chest, not from the exercise, but from the act of walking away.
In a Lifetime Page 15