by Caisey Quinn
“What do we do?” Vivien asked, the urgency in her tone shifting quickly from teasing to intense as the warmth she gave off grew hotter against him. “Can we even do this?”
“Hell yeah, we can,” Chase answered eagerly. In that moment, consequences felt like a foreign concept he had no interest in exploring.
He kissed her deeply, long and slow, pouring everything he couldn’t convey with words into her mouth.
Vivien broke the kiss just as he’d begun to grind his erection against her, and he groaned in protest.
“Seriously. We need to focus here. If we’re going to do this, we need to be prepared for what could go wrong and how to prevent it.” There was legitimate concern in her voice and Chase wanted to assuage it.
“I know, baby. And I promise, if anything goes sideways, whatever shit comes down the line will fall on me and me alone.”
Vivien shook her head. “I don’t want that either. I don’t want to hurt you in any way.”
“I don’t want to hurt you either, sweetheart.” He gave her tight ass a firm squeeze. “Only in the good ways that make you come for me.”
“Chase!” She slapped his chest playfully. “I’m serious. What was it you said about training? That first day in the field?” She lowered her voice a few octaves. “You need to have these concepts, not just the what but the how—the specifics—ready to go at all times. You also need multiple fail-safes and backup plans in case the ideal option isn’t available.”
Chase smiled at her impression of him. “Okay, so we’ll come up with a five-point plan to execute. When we go out, what we drive, where we go, whose place we stay at, and how loud you can scream when I fuck you. Got it.”
“You’re hopeless,” she said, resting her body against his. “What am I going to do with you?”
Chase leaned back to look his fill so he could fully appreciate having her in his arms. He let his fingertips skate up her bare thighs until they edged beneath her dress.
“What do you want to do with me?”
Vivien glanced at his empty take-out box. “Well, we’ve both already had dinner so I was thinking . . . dessert?”
Chase felt the tension in his chest easing for what seemed like the first time in weeks. “It’s like you read my mind.”
14
In addition to mind-blowing sex and sneaking dinner dates in his office from time to time, Chase and Vivien kept up the extra hours working on her getting comfortable with the suit. She’d even changed out batteries and disarmed a few test IEDs while in it for practice.
She was grateful to Chase for so much, but more important, and a great deal more terrifying, she was falling hopelessly and stupidly in love with him. While they couldn’t openly have a traditional relationship due to their ranks and positions, she knew what they had was real.
She knew how he took his coffee. Black. Two sugars. How he liked his burger, medium, with everything under the sun on it. She knew how many miles he ran daily depended on how stressed-out he was, and more miles meant he was feeling guilty about something and punishing himself for it. She knew the sounds he made when he came, a half growl, half battle cry of relief before devouring her with a passionate kiss. And her favorite little tidbit about Corporal Chase Ryan Fisk, the Virgo from Jonesborough, Tennessee, was how he slept.
Nude. Holding her close, providing a comfort she’d never before experienced and never knew she needed.
She was claustrophobic no more when it came to being wrapped in the cage of his arms.
She still took the stairs though.
She’d just gotten up to her room when she saw a text come through from the man who occupied most of her thoughts.
Meeting ran late. Dinner date in my office?
She sent back a smiley face and Be there in twenty.
Getting ready for their impromptu date, Vivien caught herself humming. It was something she hadn’t noticed herself doing in years.
Chase Fisk did more than just make her body sing.
He made her sing.
He made her something she couldn’t remember truly being since before her parents were taken.
He made her happy.
***
“Good evening, Private Brooks. How can I help you?”
Vivien stepped into his office, assuming he was teasing and preparing to respond with a sexy greeting detailing what he could help her with. Her words threatened to escape a second before she saw Chase’s CO in the chair across from his desk.
Master Sergeant David O’Neil was a legacy in the United States Army. His family had produced generations of well-decorated soldiers. Even the back of his gray head was recognizable before he stood and turned to face her.
Vivien’s eyes went round but she recovered quickly, saluting them both. “Good evening, Master Sergeant, sir. I’m so sorry for the intrusion, Corporal. I was just finishing up some inventory and was going to see if you were available to sign off on it, sir.”
There was no inventory. She didn’t have anything for him to sign and he knew it. She just prayed the charade was enough to convince O’Neil.
Outwardly, neither of them showed the slightest signs of recognition beyond CO and subordinate.
Inside, she was peeing her pants.
Not literally, but this close call had been entirely too close for comfort. The words she was going to say before she realized he had company were tingling on her tongue like battery acid. Her face was hot as if she had said them.
Everything, Vivien thought to herself, I could’ve just ruined everything for both of us.
“I’ll be right there, Private.” His voice was even and his gaze was steady as he dismissed her. How he remained stoic in the face of potential disaster was beyond her, but thankfully he did.
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” With that, Vivien all but ran from the small office.
She lingered next to the door of the equipment room. His words had implied he’d wanted her to wait for him.
Tonight she’d planned to tell Chase how she felt, to let him know that whatever they had was more than just a hookup for her. That it wasn’t about fun and sneaking around and orgasms anymore.
She’d been hoping to tell him that she wanted more. And hoping even harder that he did too.
Right up until she’d seen his CO sitting there, right before she’d almost made the biggest mistake of her life. A mistake that could’ve cost Chase his position—that would’ve destroyed all that he’d worked for.
Sighing, Vivien leaned against the door and pulled out her phone.
The window with their previous texts was still open, so she typed out a quick text.
That could’ve been so awful. I’m freaking out a little so I’m heading home. Night, Chase.
His response took several long minutes.
I’m so sorry, babe. He stopped in unexpectedly.
Walking out of the building, Vivien inhaled the evening air in hopes it would fortify her. It didn’t.
Chase sent another text even though she hadn’t responded.
No need to be freaked-out. He doesn’t suspect a thing. I promise to give you a heads-up next time. Can I come by after he leaves?
Slowly, like cracks spreading across a frozen windshield in winter, Vivien’s heart splintered.
Because one thing was certain even if nothing else was.
There could be no next time with Chase Fisk.
15
Ghosted.
Chase had been ghosted.
He’d heard of it. He’d just never done it or had it done to him.
Vivien Brooks was MIA.
Her training had ended and now they all had two weeks of leave time before they returned for final EOD specialization certification testing.
Apparently she’d decided to spend her final few weeks completely ignoring him. Chase had texted, called, and gone
by her place. But each and every attempt at contact received no answer.
A large part of him was pissed. If she was over it, she could’ve told him to his face. He’d happily have taken a “it’s been real and it’s been fun, but it ain’t been real fun so we’re done here,” over her just up and vanishing into thin air. Well maybe not happily, but he would’ve sucked it up and swallowed his damaged pride. But this . . . this fucking sucked.
The part of him that wasn’t pissed was outright worried. Night after night he lay in bed wondering if it was possible that something bad had happened to her. Could she have been hurt? Some of the guys in her infantry didn’t love how outspoken and intelligent she was. And she’d already tried to transfer out once. He knew it was possible someone was bullying her. Possible but not likely.
No, it was much more likely that she’d gotten spooked the night she’d almost busted them by walking in and saying something dirty in front of his CO.
As scary as that was, it was a fleeting fear as far as Chase was concerned. Like when you almost stepped off a ledge but caught yourself just in time. His heart had maybe skipped a few beats when he’d tried to convey telepathically to Viv not to say anything inappropriate because he had high-ranking company. But she handled herself just fine and it was over. He’d expected to be laughing about it in bed with her later that night.
But there had been no such event. She’d never responded when he’d asked if he could come by, so he hadn’t. But when she hadn’t responded to his calls or messages the following days about seeing her, he’d gotten the hint. Or what he at least thought was the hint.
That was the problem with being ghosted. You came up with a million possibilities for what was really going on, yet never got any concrete answers.
Once again, Chase felt like a chick, speculating on whether or not Vivien had lost her phone or been apprehended by a weirdo or abducted by aliens when in reality she was obviously just avoiding the hell out of him.
If he weren’t her CO, he would’ve parked himself outside her place and demanded an explanation. But since he couldn’t do that, all he could do was stare at his phone waiting for messages that never came.
***
“You’re in a lovely mood,” Luke pointed out when Chase growled at him for changing the television from ESPN to CNN. “You and Red having issues?”
Chase leveled him with a warning glare.
Luke raised his hands. “Thought things were going better, is all. My bad, man.”
Aiden stepped into the living room with his rucksack. “You ready, Foster?”
Luke nodded and stood. The two of them were going camping with a few other guys for the weekend near a lake they often fished at. “Be right there.”
Aiden glanced at Chase. “Sure you don’t want to come? Might be good to clear your head or whatever.”
Chase shook his head and grabbed the remote, flipping the channel back to mindless scores he didn’t truly care about.
Once they were gone, he was thankful to be alone.
He needed the quiet to think.
Well, to drink and think.
He opened a bottle of bourbon he’d been saving for a special occasion. By the time the sun had set, he’d put a sizable dent in the thing.
The cable box had shut off on its own because he hadn’t changed the channel in four hours.
It had grown dark outside and he hadn’t turned on any lights.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there drinking alone in the dark, but Mother Nature was calling.
Chase stood to head to the john to take a piss and wavered on his legs for a moment.
Righting himself, he made his way to the bathroom and relieved his alcohol-filled bladder. While washing his hands, he made the mistake of looking up into the mirror above the sink.
His father stood there glaring at him.
Don’t be such a pussy, Chase.
Can’t go cry to Mommy this time.
He stepped back to avoid the head slap or gut punch that was likely to follow before he realized it wasn’t his father’s reflection staring back at him. It was his.
He splashed his face with cold water and rubbed the hand towel over it.
She’d done this to him. Given him a taste, gotten him addicted to her flavor, and then just up and disappeared.
Who did that?
Seriously?
The part of him that had been concerned for her well-being was too wasted to care anymore.
Now he was just good and pissed.
16
“I think you’re overreacting,” Emerson said, sliding the tall, cold glass down the oak bar in her direction. “So his CO was there and you almost did something stupid. It happens. He obviously hadn’t expected that either but you managed. Crisis averted. Not sure why you’re still so worked up over it.”
Kat leaned forward across the bar. “I knew it. I knew that night I saw you with him—there was so much heat between the two of you, I was sweating.”
Vivien rolled her eyes at her friends.
Em and Kat had started as a hookup and now they were a “thing” apparently. Vivien supposed couplehood worked for some, but not for her, it would seem.
“It was too good to be true. Something was bound to happen to derail the whole thing anyways.”
“That’s the thing,” Em broke in, taking a long swallow of her fruity cocktail before clarifying. “Nothing actually happened, Viv. Except you psyching yourself out for no reason.”
“Sounds to me like someone was getting too close, so another someone found an escape clause,” Kat added. “And here I was going to ask you to return his jumper cables.”
Em smiled proudly. “I finally convinced her to buy a new car and it came with a set.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was having drinks with the Chase Fisk fan club,” Vivien grumbled.
“And I didn’t realize you were the type to take an easy out,” Emerson pressed. “I mean, what the hell, Viv? So his boss stopped by his office at an inopportune time? You know what Jen would say about this?”
Since Jen was always the risk taker in their group, Vivien could only imagine.
“She’d say,” Emerson continued, “that you should’ve waited in that equipment closet and climbed that mountain of man meat like a jungle gym. Or, you know, something equally perverse. But in this case, I think you need to channel some Jen.”
Vivien took a drink of her own beer and shook her head. “Easy for you to say. Well, you and fictional Jen. But it’s not just my ass on the line here. It’s his too. And he has a lot more to lose than I do.”
Emerson and Kat exchanged a look Vivien didn’t appreciate.
When Emerson spoke, her voice was softer than before. “I get that, Viv. I do. But don’t you think that’s his decision to make? I mean it’s his choice if he wants to take that risk. Apparently he thought you were more important than his military career. I feel like that’s significant enough to at least go talk to the guy.”
Kat’s eyes brightened under the glow of the bar lights. “You know, now that I think of it, this is super romantic. It’s like a student-teacher forbidden-romance-type thing. Which is also super-hot. And honestly, from what I know, he’s a good guy. And, um, you probably don’t want to hear this, but he and his friends have been coming in here for a while now. There’s not exactly a shortage of interested females where’s he’s concerned.”
“Oh, so should I be worried he’ll replace me, and jump back into bed with him ASAP before he finds another warm body? Please.”
“No,” Kat said slowly. “What I meant was, he could’ve had his pick. So if his pick was a woman who could’ve destroyed his career over the many others who were fair game, he obviously thought she was worth it.”
Vivien slid her empty glass aside and propped her elbows on the bar so she could
rub her temples.
Adulting was freaking hard. This was why she focused on work and didn’t complicate her life with relationship drama.
But her friends had a point. Several good points actually.
She was punishing Chase for something that wasn’t his fault at all, something they knew they might have to deal with at some point, and something both of them had actually handled quite well.
She dug in her purse for her phone and pulled it out with the intention of texting him to say she was sorry and to ask if could they talk soon.
But there were several unread messages from him detailing his disapproval of how she’d up and ditched him. The last one said, I won’t hold my breath waiting to hear from you. Guess you’ll call if you need an orgasm or two. Take care.
Judging from some of the grammatical and typographical errors in the string of texts and the fact that it was nearing in on midnight on a Friday, she assumed he was trashed.
He’d better be—or he’d better have a brain tumor that explained his uncharacteristic behavior—otherwise she was going to kick his ass.
“Kat,” Vivien bit out, “I’m going to need those jumper cables.”
***
Vivien pulled up to the off base housing where Chase lived with the two guys he’d been with the night they met. They’d driven past the compact row of condos before, but she’d never been inside. She wasn’t sure she was going inside tonight unless he opened the door with “I’m so sorry. I’m a complete and total jackass of epic proportions” or something along those lines.
She grabbed the cables and made her way to his front door.
She knocked. Hard. Then she laid on the doorbell.
Roommates be damned. They could be mad for all she cared.
The more she read Chase’s asshole messages, the madder she became.
“Hold your damn horses,” came a muffled voice from the other side of the door. Chase’s voice. Slurring his words.
When the door opened, he stood there, well, sort of stood. More like swayed on his feet.