As if she couldn’t stop herself, she rubbed her thumb across my lips. A hint of a smile appeared on hers, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You know, that song’s right. Even if I’d known then what I know now, I wouldn’t change a thing, because if I had, I would’ve missed out on something truly amazing.” Unshed tears brimmed at the corners of my eyes. “Thank you for the dance.” She pushed up on the tips of her toes, gently kissing my cheek. Her hand lingered against my neck for a moment longer. Then, with a heavy heart, she walked away, leaving me on the dance floor.
I stood there, watching as she disappeared into the crowd. What just happened? None of this made sense. I pressed my hands against my skull, squeezing it tight between my hands. Anger welled up inside me. This had to stop. “Mickie, wait!” I called out. I dropped my hands to my sides and started to shove through the masses of people. When I reached the middle of the street she was already gone.
C
hapter Fourteen
Rain poured from the sky in a dark, constant torrent. In the distance, sharp streaks of lightning crackled toward the ground. The day had long since disappeared giving way to the night. Goosebumps formed over my skin from the cold air conditioner blowing through the car. Or maybe it was from the flood of emotions that overloaded my system. Either way, my body shivered. I rested my head against the cool window. My fingers ran down the glass, tracing the drops of rain that drifted with the wind as we drove.
Not a tear was shed. The sky cried enough for the both of us. I’d lasted as long as I could at the festival after McKenzie left me stranded on the dance floor. She never returned. No one, not even her parents, knew where she’d gone. Many people tried to call her, but she didn’t answer. And I was sick of all the worrisome stares coming from her family and my companions. It’d become ridiculous. You’d have thought someone died.
“Are you sure he’s okay?” Jared asked Gavin, as though I couldn’t hear them talking about me. I mentally rolled my eyes, but didn’t have it in me to comment.
I’d given the keys to Gavin to drive us back to the hotel. He thought I was joking at first, but when I got into the backseat, he quickly realized how serious I was. Driving held little attraction to me at the moment. Nothing did. All I wanted to do was get back to the hotel and disappear into the abyss of my mind, and maybe a bottle of rum.
A drink. That’s what I needed. Something to kill the pain. Who was I staying sober for anyway? It certainly wasn’t for McKenzie, and why would I stay sober for myself? Things were better when I felt no pain. The question was how to get rid of the two knuckleheads in the front seat and find a bottle. After what I just did, it was the only thing that would help me make it through the night.
Next to me sat my new cell phone. What neither Gavin nor Jared knew was when I got into the car; I sent a text that would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. It was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but following in McKenzie’s footsteps, I texted her a goodbye.
If she could do it, then so can I. I comforted myself with that thought.
My greatest fear had come to fruition. McKenzie was gone, and no amount of truth or love would bring her back to me. It was over, and I needed to learn to live with that. I’d given it my best try, but my best wasn’t good enough. And I wasn’t about to beg her to take me back. If she wanted to run away again, that was her prerogative. I gave chase once and she refuted me. Enough was enough. Goodbye was my only option.
She didn’t respond, so, I took that as her answer. She was letting me go.
“I don’t know.” A cadence of concern betrayed my brother.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”
You think genius? What tipped you off? The fact that McKenzie left me again.
“You said she was ready to patch things up,” Gavin argued.
Jared removed his hat and ran his fingers through his tousled hair. “She was, Gav. All she’s talked about lately was how much she missed him. I don’t get it. I remember how she was with Nate. She hung on to him for dear life. None of this makes sense.”
Of course she hung on to Nate. He didn’t knock up her best friend. I was a fool to believe that we could work past this. That our love was enough.
Gavin glanced over his shoulder at me. I didn’t move. My eyes remained trained on the trickles of water running across the window. Each drop started out large and full but as the velocity of the wind took its toll on them; they turned into mere shadows of themselves. Much like how I felt.
“Maybe something happened that he’s not telling us about. Drew’s notorious for doing that shit.”
Yeah. Blame me for her running away. Like I have control over her actions.
“Possibly,” Jared hesitated. “I don’t know what to think, really.”
The two of them grew silent, leaving only the hum of the motor and the sound of the pouring rain to fill the void.
“Gav,” Jared paused.
“Hm?”
“Do you still have the key to the liquor cabinet in his room?”
Ah, yes. My good old friend alcohol. Let’s take the only solace I have away. Were they really so daft to believe that if I wanted liquor they could stop me?
“Yeah, but he wouldn’t,” Gavin responded.
“Are you sure?”
A deep sigh escaped my brother. “No.”
Jared turned his head, looking out the window. Neither of them uttered another word until we reached the hotel.
Gavin parked the car in front of the hotel and cut the ignition. A young couple walked along the sidewalk in front of the car, heading to the hotel entrance. The man’s arm wrapped around the young woman’s shoulder. She rested her head against his chest, allowing him to guide her. Watching them together broke me. All of my control shattered into a million pieces. Every nerve in my body electrified with rage and despair. This entire trip had been a waste of time. I’d put myself out there and for what? For her to leave me again.
I struggled to breathe. The roof of the car felt as if it was caving in on me. My nose flared with each inhalation. I could feel the veins pulsing in my forehead and neck. “Fuck!” I grabbed the handled, throwing the car door wide open and sprang from the vehicle.
“Drew?” Gavin scrambled to get out of his seatbelt and jumped out the car. “Drew!” he called out. “Talk to us, little brother.”
The rain had slowed to a mere drizzle. I tilted my head back, allowing the water to splatter against my skin. It felt good in contrast with the humidity. My hands shook with anger and the desire to drink. I could almost taste the rum sliding down my throat and that initial burn in my system as it hit my stomach. My tongue parched with the need to calm my rage and anguish.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I growled through gritted teeth.
“Bullshit,” Jared protested. He bounded out of the car. “You’ve kept your brother and me in the dark this entire weekend. We’ve played along because we figured you needed some privacy, but this is ridiculous. What happened?”
I dropped my head against my crossed arms on the roof of the car, leaning into the opening. “You want to know what happened? I’ll tell you.” I sighed in resignation. “McKenzie left me. She left me two months ago when I needed her most and she did it again tonight. That’s all that’s happened.”
“Drew, it’s not like that. Believe me. She’s just upset,” Jared said, as he closed his car door. “Give her time, then the two of you can talk.”
I slammed my door shut, rounding on Jared. “Time?” I yelled. “I gave her time. I’m sick of giving her time. She’s made her position clear on this matter, and I refuse to chase her any longer.” A sickening smile curled my lips. “You should be happy,” I spat. “Now you can swoop in and save the day. That’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? To be her hero.”
Jared took a step forward, his jaw clenched in anger. “I’m going to let that slide because you’re upset.”
A dark, sickening chuckle escaped me. “Right. You know y
ou’ve wanted to take me on since the day we met. Don’t think I never noticed how you balled up your fists every time I stepped on your turf. You want her and you hate that I got her.”
“Drew, stop this.” Gavin darted around the front of the car, ready to break us apart if need be.
Face to face Jared and I stood, neither willing to back down. “Stay out of this, Gav,” I informed my brother, rolling up my sleeves. I was ready to pummel this moron.
The screeching of tires stopped me from throwing a punch. All three of us turned to find a silver Prius peeling through the parking lot on a direct course toward us. If I wasn’t so pissed, I would’ve laughed. Who would’ve ever thought a Prius could squeal its tires? That had to be some sort of defiance against laws of physics or something.
The car flew into the spot next to ours, wedging Jared and me between the two vehicles. The driver slammed on the brakes, jerking the car into place. Barely in park, McKenzie flew out of the car, slamming her door shut.
McKenzie was the last person I’d expected to see tonight. But there she stood under the glow of the fluorescent light, seething. Her tear streaked face pinched in agony. Gone was the adorable outfit she’d worn to the festival. In its place were denim cutoffs and a white tank top. Her hand clenched tight around something that I couldn’t quite make out.
She looked from me to Jared, to Gavin, and then back to me again. Placing her fists on her hips, she growled, “Jared, Gavin, go inside. Now.”
Jared stepped forward, his hands outstretched. “McKenzie, hold up. You’re upset. Just calm down.”
McKenzie jabbed her finger into Jared’s chest. “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down. This is between Drew and me. Now go.”
I stood there, my mouth gaped open. This wasn’t my McKenzie. The women I knew kept the peace. This woman was wild, vicious, and out of control. Venom laced her tongue and fire burned behind her eyes. In short, she was pissed.
Wait! What did she have to be pissed about? I was the one who had every right to be mad. She left me again! My rage resurfaced, stronger and more vicious than before. She had no right to react this way. It’s true that I might’ve hurt her with the whole debacle involving Olivia, but I wasn’t the one who left her alone. I put the effort to keep us connected with the flowers and flying out to bring her home. And she had the audacity to be angry with me? No, I wouldn’t allow it. Not this time.
Gavin stepped backward, grabbing Jared by the arm. “C’mon, Jare. Let’s give them some privacy.” There was a sense of irony to his statement.
Jared hesitated. I placed my hand on his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. “Go upstairs with Gavin. I can handle this.”
Jared bowed his head, his brow furrowed tight. “If you need us…”
“Now they’re all buddy-buddy,” McKenzie snarled under her breath. She had a point. Only seconds ago, I was ready to beat the crap out of Jared. Now, here he was offering me help.
“I know,” I assured him.
Jared put on his hat and turned to McKenzie. “The same goes for you,” he reiterated.
“Go!” she shouted, motioning toward the hotel. Jared sighed and followed Gavin into the building.
Once they were out of sight, McKenzie slapped me across the face. The crack of her hand against my skin echoed through the air. It sounded like thunder. A strange shiver made its way down my spine, as her skin made contact with mine. Never had I felt so much anger infused with resentment and panic before in my life. I hated the way she made me feel, and yet being without her meant never breathing again.
Her body trembled with her anger. My eyes raked down her wet form, stopping at her closed fist. It was wrapped around something, but the dark of the night hid the object from me. “What the hell is wrong with you!” she screamed.
I staggered back and clasped my hand over my face. A whelp of stinging pain radiated across my cheek where I was certain her handprint now resided. I rubbed my palm across my cheek, moving my jaw back and forth. “What’s wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Lightning crackled, lighting up the blackened sky. Huge droplets of water seeped from the heavens. McKenzie blinked several times, knocking the water from her lashes down her cheeks. Under different circumstances, I would’ve found the situation to be quite erotic. Especially with McKenzie in a wet shirt, but there was nothing sexy about this.
“Everything, you stupid bastard!” she screamed, throwing the object in her hand at me. I lunged to the side, barely catching the object. “Take it. I don’t want it!” My eyes dropped to the object, instantly recognizing it as the necklace box from her nightstand.
I stared at the box in dismay. “Fine,” I hissed, shoving it in my pocket. “Is that all you want?”
McKenzie rubbed the water from her eyes. “Yes. That’s all!”
She might as well have slapped me across the face again, because the pain of those three little words hurt worse than any bodily inflictions she could’ve caused. I wanted to scream at her to hit me again, to make the pain go away, but none of that would’ve fixed what was wrong between us. It was over.
At that moment I was happy that the rain covered the tears that I could no longer control. “All right,” I winced.
“All right,” she repeated.
I rubbed my hand over my face, knocking water away from my eyes. The sting remained, but the pain was dulled by the agony of my heart shattering. It was time for me to let go. I puffed out my chest, sucking back the lump in my throat, and uttered the two words that would literally destroy my world, “Goodbye, McKenzie.”
They tasted bitter on my tongue. No sooner had they left my mouth that I wanted to take them back. But what was done was done. There were no take backs. I turned away from her, moving toward the sidewalk.
“So, that’s it? That’s all you have to say after sending me that chicken shit text message. Goodbye?”
I stopped, keeping my back to her. There was no way I could face her. Not when I was falling apart inside. I shrugged one shoulder. “What would you have me say?”
She huffed, “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
I stepped up onto the sidewalk. Each step I took weighed me down further. My shoes had become cement around my feet.
“You know what, just go. It’s what you’re good at,” she stated.
I stopped, frozen in place. All of the pain I felt, the anger that refused to subside, the deep despair of actually giving up on someone I loved exploded into a fit of rage. I turned on the heel, digging it into the pavement. Bouncing off the sidewalk, I marched up to her, closing the gap between us. I leaned forward, bring my face to hers. Staring her eye to eye, I wanted to hate her. I needed to hate her, but being this close, I felt the love burn inside me. Even still, the anger was far more powerful. “How dare you,” I spat. “I’ve never run away from us, McKenzie Evans. Ever! You’re the one who left me. You’re the one who’s too afraid to love me. Well, I’m tired of chasing after you. I can’t do it anymore. You wanted me out of your life and I’m giving that to you.”
She clasped her hand over her mouth. “I left you?” she gasped. “You think I left you?’
I threw my hand out motioning to vast wasteland that was Amarillo, Texas. “We’re here aren’t we? This doesn’t look like Florida to me.”
“Tell me something, Drew,” she barely whispered.
“What?” I snarled, slapping my hands against my thighs.
Her big, blue eyes lifted to meet mine. A storm raged harder and stronger in her eyes than the one that was pouring on top of us. “Why did you even come here?”
“I thought that was obvious. I came here to get you back.”
She shook her head. “In other words, you couldn’t stand the idea of losing. The great Andrew Wise couldn’t lose.”
I took a step back, stunned. The fact that she accused me of such a thing sickened me. “I...oh...wow,” I winced, raking my fingers through my hair. “Is that what you really believe? That you’re some prize for me to win
.”
“Aren’t I?”
“Absolutely not,” my answer came swift and sure.
“What am I supposed to believe, Andy? You accuse me of running away, when you’re the one who left me.”
“I beg your pardon?” That was impossible. I never left her. She was everything I needed. What would make her think that I left her? I squinted my eyes trying to make sense of what she was saying. “When did I leave you?” She shook her head, as if I was too stupid to understand. “Tell me,” I demanded. “When did I run away, McKenzie?” My voice shook with anger.
McKenzie raked her teeth across her bottom lip, shaking her head in a constant rhythm. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It matters to me.”
McKenzie thrust her fingers through her wet hair, pushing it back from her face. “You checked out the night Liv told us about the baby. You left me there, Andy, stranded. I had to take care of her as she cried in the middle of the restaurant. All the while, my whole world was crumbling around my ears, but I did it for you. Then for a week I tried calling you and got no response. I gave you space, thinking you needed time, but when you called Liv first, I realized you were through with me. It took me texting you goodbye for you to contact me. Can you imagine how devastating that felt?”
Oddly enough, I could. It took me texting her goodbye to make her come to me tonight. I didn’t know what to say. There was nothing I could say. I’m sorry simply wasn’t enough. All this time I’d thought she left because I knocked up Olivia. It never occurred to me that she viewed my actions as me leaving her. What she didn’t understand was that I didn’t leave her. In my dejection over the news of the baby, I fell back into my old habits. How was I to make her understand the ramifications of Olivia’s news? Olivia didn’t just ruin my plans with McKenzie; she sent me spiraling back into a darkness that I’d spent years clambering out of.
“It’s not what you think,” I rasped.
The Certainty of Deception Page 17