“Even men in their prime can suffer from the stress of overwork,” the doctor said. “The mind compensates by blocking out what it can’t handle.”
“That’s when I started to get sick and have dizzy spells,” Logan continued. “The doctor changed my medicine, but I got worse. He tried several prescriptions, but nothing helped.”
“Did this outstanding doctor come up with a diagnosis?” the doctor asked.
“He had several explanations but nothing that fit a specific disease or illness. When my face started to swell, he changed my medicine again. When the swelling didn’t go down and my other symptoms got worse, I asked him how long I had. He said only a few months. That’s when I decided to leave Chicago. I didn’t want people to remember me like this.”
“Why did you choose Cactus Corner? Why did you think people here wouldn’t care how you looked?”
His hesitation was only brief, but Sibyl got the impression he was trying to think of an answer that was only part of the truth.
“I’d seen a picture of Jared Smith in a newspaper. It was about his appointment as marshal. The writer implied Jared had gotten the job because of his military experience, but that he’d really taken it so he could pass it on to his foreman, a man who’d served in the Union army under his command. The article went on to describe Cactus Corner. It sounded like the kind of town I’d like to know more about.”
“Sounds like a pretty slim reason to travel a thousand miles to a place you’d never been.”
“What else was I going to do with my time? Sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself?”
“Now that’s the kind of thinking I like,” the doctor said. “You don’t sound like a man who’s ready to give up.”
“He can’t give up,” Sibyl said. “He has to teach me how to run this bank.”
“You’re doing just fine,” Logan said. “Now it’s about time I went back to my camp and let everybody get back to what they were doing.”
He tried to sit up, but he didn’t have the energy. It was all Sibyl needed to make up her mind. “We’re taking you to my house, so there’s no use arguing. You’re not well, and you need someone to take care of you. After all you’ve done for me, it’s the least I can do. There’s no use arguing,” she said again when he started to protest. “If you’re too weak to sit up, you’re certainly too weak to ride a horse.”
“What was I just telling you about arguing with a woman?” the doctor asked. “You don’t learn very quickly, do you?”
“I’m not used to being helpless,” Logan said. “I don’t like it.”
“No man does, but it’s nice to be looked after once in a while.” He winked at Sibyl. “You might as well relax and enjoy it. It doesn’t last.”
A knock on the door drew their attention. Horace opened the door for Colby. The Sumner brothers followed, carrying a mattress.
“You can give us a hand after we get Logan on the mattress,” Colby said to Horace. “Naomi’s at your house,” he said to Sibyl. “She said she’d have the room ready by the time we got there.”
When they lifted him to put him on the mattress, Logan insisted he was well enough to go back to his camp, but no one paid him any attention. The Sumner brothers could have carried him between the two of them, but Sibyl was sure Logan would be more comfortable on the mattress. The men had him out the door in a jiffy.
It was a strange procession that wound through the streets. People who’d been standing outside the bank followed in a shapeless gaggle, asking questions and offering suggestions. People came out of stores, shops, and homes to ask what was going on. The children, never ones to miss a bit of excitement, ran alongside cutting up. She didn’t see him, but she was certain Trusty was following as well.
They were not more than halfway home when Logan was shaken by violent tremors.
“Put the mattress down,” the doctor ordered.
Sibyl watched breathlessly as the doctor tried unsuccessfully to ease Logan’s distress.
“Bring him into the shade,” the doctor said.
Colby and the other men carried Logan to the shadow of the mercantile. They placed the mattress on the ground, but the tremors seemed to have subsided.
“What do you want us to do?” Colby asked.
“Take him to the house. I don’t know what else to do. We can’t have him lying in the street with everybody gawking at him.”
People were staring, but they watched because they cared. Most remembered that Logan had stopped the runaway horses. Others admired his gallant effort in the three-legged race. Everyone had sympathy for the illness that had robbed him of his strength and turned his face into a caricature. A second onset of tremors caused many to offer words of sympathy and promises of help. By the time they reached the house, Sibyl felt like she ought to invite the whole town inside.
But there were too many inside already. In addition to the four men, Naomi, and Cassie, who’d followed as soon as she’d locked the bank, Kitty had insisted that Peter and Esther had to be allowed to see Logan. Fortunately, Garnet Sumner was taking care of Naomi’s other children and Little Abe, or they’d have been there, too. Mae Oliver had wedged her way inside. She insisted that Sibyl couldn’t be expected to take care of Logan by herself. Since the doctor agreed with her, Sibyl had given in.
The men weren’t anxious to linger, but the children wouldn’t leave. Kitty stood at the head of the bed, out of the way but as close as possible to Logan. Esther stood next to her, but Peter planted himself next to the doctor and pummeled him with questions. Beset with worry about Logan, it was difficult for Sibyl to control her irritation at Peter, but it was obvious the boy was as concerned about Logan as she was. Esther looked confused, but Kitty was solemn, her little face devoid of animation. It was the doctor who finally cleared the room.
“Okay, children, it’s time to undress Mr. Holstock and put him to bed, so you’ll have to leave.”
“Come on,” Sibyl said to the children. “You can come back to see Logan when he’s had time to get some rest.”
Colby stayed to help the doctor undress Logan.
Once downstairs, Naomi gathered the children and took them home with her. Feeling helpless and needing something to do, Sibyl moved to the kitchen to make some coffee. This had always been her favorite room, in part because Norman had refused to enter it. His mother had told him it was undignified for a man to enter the kitchen. Being unable to take all of one’s meals in a dining room indicated a loss of status.
“Are you sure you’ll be all right?” Mae asked Sibyl. “I can stay until Frank comes home from work. I can come back after I give him his supper.” Ever since the death of her only child in an Indian attack, Mae had never wanted to be home alone.
“I won’t know what I’ll need until after the doctor has had time to give Logan a thorough examination. I’ll send Kitty over if I need anything.”
“How is he doing?” Cassie asked.
“Nothing has changed, but the last seizure wasn’t as bad as the one before it.”
“What about his medicine? He never brings it to the bank.”
“I wouldn’t know what to tell you. The doctor might decide to change the medicine.”
“I wonder if he has any better clothes,” Cassie said. “I can’t believe he’s always dressed like he doesn’t have two bits to his name.”
“I expect he’s going to be in bed for a while,” Sibyl said. “We have plenty of time to worry about clothes.”
“What about Trusty?”
Sibyl turned to see her daughter standing in the doorway to the kitchen. “I thought you went with your Aunt Naomi.”
“I was going to, but I saw Trusty hiding under the front steps. We have to feed him while Logan is sick.”
Sibyl wasn’t ready to think about adding a dog to her responsibilities, but it was obvious Kitty was. “Run ask the butcher if he
has any bones.”
Kitty looked upset. “We can’t feed Trusty bones.”
Sibyl grinned at her daughter’s frown. “I meant bones with some meat on them. I’ll ask the Hill brothers what they feed their dogs. In the meantime, ask the butcher if he has any scraps.”
“I’ll go with Kitty,” Mae volunteered. “You don’t want her coming back with nothing but fat.”
“Why did you bring Logan here?” Cassie asked as soon as the door closed behind Mae and Kitty. They were standing in the front parlor, a room as uncomfortable as Sibyl felt under Cassie’s questioning.
“Where else could I have taken him? I couldn’t send him back to his camp in the woods.”
“Nobody’s saying anything now, but they’ve got to be wondering why a single woman, and one who’s recently widowed, would bring a single man into her home. Are you going to look after him?”
“Of course. Who else should do it?”
“I don’t know, but why does it have to be you?”
Sibyl felt like she was being backed into a corner, and she didn’t like it. “He works with me. I couldn’t have managed the bank without him. He’s become a good friend.”
“If you ask me, I’d say it was more than that.”
“Well, I didn’t ask you, and I’d be grateful if you didn’t say anything like that again.”
“It won’t matter if I say it or not. Others will soon enough. What are you going to tell them?”
“No one I respect will ask such a question.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m sure Naomi’s wondering the exact same thing right now.”
Sibyl was certain of it. She had seen the question in Naomi’s eyes. Mae’s curiosity had been even more evident. “I expect she is, but she won’t think less of me.”
“No one who knows you could ever think badly of you, but you own a bank. The public are your customers. That means you’re a public figure. People are going to want to know what kind of person has charge of their money. They’ll think if you’re honest in your private life, you’ll be honest with their money.”
“That’s absurd. They have nothing to do with each other. Norman was a miserable person in his private life, but he was an excellent businessman.”
“But you’re a woman. They’re going to look at you differently.”
Sibyl was worried about Logan’s health. She was wondering how she could run the bank and take care of him. She worried how it would affect Kitty if he died. She didn’t have time to worry what the people of Cactus Corner would think of what she’d done. “Why are you asking these questions?”
“You’re a wonderful woman and will be a good bank president, but you’re naive when it comes to people, especially people you think are your friends. Being Norman’s long-suffering wife and his widow has brought you widespread sympathy, but all of that will change now. Your situation is a lot like mine. You’re a beautiful single woman who’s rich and owns a bank. That makes you the most envied person in Cactus Corner. Women are going to be jealous of you. Men are going to think you’re above your station. Unconsciously or otherwise, they’re going to try to bring you down to their level. Any tidbit of gossip will be nurtured and passed along. Everyone will have their own versions of why you do what you do. Most of them won’t be flattering.”
“I can’t believe people will be that malicious.”
“I do because I know what people say about me. I’m young, single, and beautiful. I’m paid to smile to bring customers into the bank, but many people think I smile to coax them into my bed, even though everyone knows I’ve led a depressingly blameless life ever since Abe was killed.”
Sibyl had to admit Cassie was right because she’d heard what people said. Nothing she had said had been able to make any difference. Men saw a beautiful, unattached woman as a temptation, and women saw her as a rival. “Everybody knows Logan isn’t well. They won’t be upset when they know I brought him here rather than let him return to his camp in the woods. He could die out there, and no one would know.”
“What if he dies anyway?”
Sibyl refused to face that possibility. “The doctor will figure out what’s wrong. He’d probably be well by now if he’d gone to the doctor when he got here.”
Cassie walked over to where Sibyl was staring out the window and gently turned her until they were facing each other. “Are you in love with him? I wouldn’t blame you if you were. He’s a wonderful man.”
The question wasn’t as much of a shock as Sibyl had expected. “Of course not. Why would you ask such a question?”
“Because he’s going to die, and I’d hate to see you lose the first man you could really love.”
Too late. I already lost the first one! Sibyl refused to think about that handsome, young Union soldier and banished his image from her mind. “Whatever happens, I have to do everything I can to make sure Logan gets well. He’s always said he wouldn’t stay here long. Why would I let myself fall in love with a man I knew was going to leave?”
“Because we can’t control who we love. And I think you love Logan. You’ve just been denying it. After being married to a man like Norman, who wouldn’t love Logan?”
Sibyl wasn’t ready to admit her true feelings. “I do have strong feelings for Logan. I like and admire him very much. I’m also immensely grateful for the help he’s given me with the bank and for teaching Kitty how to laugh. I know some people wonder how I could be so fond of a man with such distorted facial features, but I hardly see that anymore. I just see the kind of person he is underneath all that. That’s who the children see, too.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. You deserve a wonderful man who can give you love and more children.”
“So do you.”
Cassie sighed. “All men ever see is my face. What will happen when I get old?”
“You’ll always be beautiful.”
“Well, you’re beautiful and rich. How can you tell if a man loves you for yourself?”
“I don’t know.” But what about a man who’d fallen in love with her against his will, a man who was sure he was going to die? She could trust his love, couldn’t she? Logan had never put his feelings into words, but she could see them in his eyes, feel them in the sound of his voice, sense them in his presence. It was in the very air that hung between them. She had been the one to hold back her feelings.
The creak of the stairs told her that the doctor had finished his examination and was coming down. Both she and Cassie faced him eagerly.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” the doctor said without waiting for them to speak. He looked tired, frustrated, even angry. “I can’t find anything wrong with his vital organs, but it’s clear he’s dying. It’s almost as if he’s being poisoned.”
“But that’s impossible,” Sibyl said. “He gets his food at the mercantile in town or from hunting. He feeds his dog the same things, and the dog is thriving.”
“That’s what he told me,” the doctor replied, “but something is causing a steady decline. I wish I knew what his doctor prescribed for him.”
“Colby can get his medicine from his camp.”
“Good. I’ll ask him to go tomorrow.”
“Can I see Logan now?”
“He’s sleeping, so I wouldn’t bother him until he wakes up. When he does, give him nothing but clear liquids. He doesn’t have enough strength to keep throwing up everything he puts in his mouth. I’ll be back later this evening. I need time to see if I can find something that will explain what’s happening to him.”
“I’d better go find Little Abe,” Cassie said. “He’s going to be upset when he hears about Logan. He likes to pretend it could have been his grandfather in Logan’s stories.”
“Peter pretends it’s himself when he grows up. I don’t know what kind of magic he has with children, but they all adore him.”
�
��It’s not confined to children,” Cassie said. “You and I admire him, and Horace takes everything he says like it’s gospel. Even Colby and Jared are impressed by him, and that’s not easy to do.”
“Everybody likes him,” Sibyl added. “He can’t die.”
But he would unless the doctor could find out what was wrong.
* * *
Sibyl had seldom entered Norman’s bedroom since his death, but Logan’s presence had changed the feeling of the room. The four-poster bed took on the character of a shelter rather than a throne. The dark, imposing furniture had become sentinels rather than aristocrats looking down their noses at her. Even the size of the room was no longer intimidating. The mossy green wallpaper was soothing rather than gloomy, the heavy brocade curtains reassuring rather than stiff and formal.
She didn’t know how long she’d sat by Logan’s bed, but it was long enough for the bowl of clear beef broth to have gone cold. It was long enough that the twilight of evening had turned into the dark of night. Kitty had been asleep for hours. Trusty lay outside the bedroom door, occasionally whining for the man separated from him by a wood barrier. Sibyl was certain the bedroom door was badly scarred where Trusty had scratched trying to get in.
Sibyl wished she could whine or do something that would release the terrible pressure that weighed on her like a huge boulder. Logan had lain in a deep sleep ever since the doctor’s first visit. He hadn’t waked during the second visit or when Kitty came to tell him good night. Sibyl’s heart nearly broke when her daughter knelt beside Logan’s bed and prayed that he would get well. The child who had never done anything wrong in her life promised she’d do whatever God wanted if He’d just make Logan better. Naomi and Colby had come by to offer to do whatever they could. Mae had brought the beef broth and promised to bring another bowl first thing in the morning. The stream of visitors had been steady all afternoon. It was a relief to lock her door after posting a note that she’d gone to bed.
But she hadn’t gone to bed because she knew she wouldn’t sleep. So here she sat, staring at Logan’s unresponsive body, and praying silently a prayer much like the one offered by her daughter hours earlier.
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