“Oh, honey, you know we’re only joking,” said Savannah.
“I know you are,” Rachel said. “But there’s a lot of truth in the joke. It really is a pathetic marketing campaign. How have they sold so many cookies? I mean, it’s not even right. In the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Mama Bear isn’t the one who says, ‘It’s just right.’ Baby Bear says it. And sometimes Goldilocks says it, but not Mama Bear. I think I’m going to tell them what they can do with their lowball offer.”
Avery and Savannah had stopped laughing.
“You really don’t want to sell, do you?” Avery said.
Rachel shook her head. “This just doesn’t feel right. I have a feeling that even if I had two more weeks to think about it, it still wouldn’t be right.”
It must’ve been a sobering admission for her friends to hear, because suddenly their faces had turned solemn. They were looking at her with concerned eyes and sympathetic expressions.
All of a sudden, Rachel felt like she should be the one comforting them.
For the first time since Mama Bear Cookies had come into her life and turned it upside down, she was able to think straight. She was happy where she was. She loved her shop. She loved her customers. She loved being a thread in the tapestry of the Association of Downtown Merchants on the Square and a member of this community.
Once upon a time, she’d longed to fit in. Now that she did, now that she’d finally carved out her place, she wasn’t going to leave it for something shiny and new, for a dream that always seemed better than what she had because it was too far out of reach.
She’d have to break the news to Logan and Eli. She’d have to let them know how much she appreciated the opportunity, but it just wouldn’t work for her. She would still cater the party on the twenty-third, but after that, she needed to slow down and quit overextending herself.
That meant taking a step back from Eli. She’d been putting him off, saying she was too busy, and she had been. But the problem was, if she got involved with Eli, he’d need more from her than she could give. He needed someone who wanted a similar lifestyle. Someone who could spend weekends at wineries and jet off to places in his best friend’s private plane at a moment’s notice. That just wasn’t her life. And that was okay. It had taken her this long to figure out that her life with Katie, her cookie shop, her work with the Women of Whiskey River Service Organization was enough.
If she had been able to figure out that part, surely she’d be able to figure out how to stop her heart from aching for the life with Eli that would never be.
*
Eli knew Rachel had been avoiding him, so he’d given her space, but enough was enough. They needed to talk about whatever was wrong so they could fix it. That had been their problem before. They hadn’t talked.
He wasn’t going to let it happen again.
He knew she was busy with Cookies in the Park today. The event was supposed to run until two o’clock. So, he waited until a quarter to two to show up and stop by the tables.
She looked surprised to see him. Not a good kind of surprised, either. She wouldn’t look him in the eyes.
“Can we take a walk after you finish here?” he asked.
Rachel shook her head. “Katie is with Betty—again. Seems like I’ve been pawning my child off on the sitter a lot.”
“It’s the busy time of year. I need to talk to you about a few things.”
He saw her eyes flash and sensed a change in her demeanor. “Hold on a second.”
She walked over to Savannah and Avery. They huddled together. Simultaneously, all three looked at him down at the other end of the table. He lifted a hand in greeting.
“Hi, Eli,” Savannah and Avery said in unison.
“You’re looking good today,” Savannah said.
“Don’t worry, we’re going to clean up here,” Avery said. “She’s all yours.”
He could’ve sworn that Rachel gave her friends a dirty look. She might’ve even said something under her breath, but he wasn’t sure.
He murmured an expletive under his breath. This didn’t bode well, and he was standing there feeling pretty sure that he was the last to know.
Eli stuck his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching for her hand. He’d only been back two weeks, yet it seemed natural to reach out for her. But he could read her and instinct told him now wasn’t the time.
They went to a bench by the metal sculpture of the bucking horse, something else that was new since he’d left town. For all the things that were different, it seemed that one fundamental truth remained: you were only as welcome as you allowed yourself to feel.
Planting this vineyard was his chance to make his mark. It was his chance to feel fulfilled. He’d learned a long time ago that he couldn’t put his happiness in anyone else’s hands.
“If you feel like we’re rushing things,” he said, “we can slow down.”
She nodded and swiped at a tear. “There’s just so much coming at me so fast right now.”
He knew from experience that when she felt overwhelmed, she retreated.
“I feel like I’m becoming my mother,” she said. “Instead of making life simpler, it just seems to be getting more and more complicated and Katie is the one who is suffering because of it. You know what I realized today? I didn’t hate that ridiculous Mama Bear ad campaign as much as I hated the thought of letting go of the company I built. Since I can’t do it all—Katie, Cookies and S’more(s), you, the restaurant—something has to give before everything ends up imploding.
“I’m going to turn down the Mama Bear offer. I finally realized I don’t want to sell my business. It felt like I was losing a part of myself when I was contemplating the sale.”
“Good for you,” Eli said. “I know it wasn’t an easy decision to come to.”
“It wasn’t. I agonized over it.” A cold wind blew and she turned up the collar on her coat. The smell of snow was in the air. He was tempted to put his arm around her and pull her close. Instead, he gripped the edge of the cold, hard wooden bench.
“Since I’m not selling the shop, I don’t see how I can take on the restaurant. That was an equally agonizing decision, because you were handing me my dream come true. I’ll always…”
Love you.
Her mouth didn’t move, but he heard the words love you. For a second he worried that maybe he’d said them aloud.
She was looking him in the eyes now, for the first time since they’d sat down. In her green eyes, he could see their life together. The life they should have. The love that connected them like an inseverable thread that time and distance and people and other outside forces couldn’t break.
He nodded. “I get it. There’s been a lot of change and a lot of stuff coming at you. A lot of decisions. But I need to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth. Are you saying no to me forever or just not right now?”
She was silent for a long time and Eli prepared himself for the worst. If he asked the question, he knew he had to be prepared for the answer.
“If you don’t want me in your life, just say the word and I’ll be gone. Not really gone, because I’m back in Whiskey River to stay. But I won’t try to pursue this…us…if there is no us in your heart. I love you. So, there will always be an us for me, but I’m not going to push you if it’s not what you want.”
“I just need some time, Eli,” she said.
“Time is one thing I can give you because I’m not going anywhere. But you have to know, you’re a fabulous mother and a great businesswoman who has a proven track record, but you don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to be an island to protect yourself and prove you’re strong. In fact, sometimes the strongest people are the ones who know when to reach out and ask for help.”
She shook her head and stood up. The sun was swallowed by a cloud and the cold wind blew harder.
“I’m sorry, Eli,” she said. “I can’t do this right now.”
Though it went against every gra
in in him, Eli let her walk away.
*
Tuesday evening Logan invited Harlan and Eli over for poker. It was nice to get some time in with the guys, anything to get his mind off Rachel. It had been four days since their talk in the park. He was going to give her some space. He was in the game room helping himself to a beer when he heard Harlan’s voice echoing in the cavernous foyer. As Eli approached, he could hear Harlan being his usual acerbic self, making snide comments about Logan’s fancy digs, but it was all in jest.
Logan laughed and gave Harlan the finger. “Are we playing poker or are you ladies going to discuss decorating?”
They moved the party into the poker room, which featured poker and pool tables, and a fully stocked bar that included a fridge stocked with beer. There was also a leather couch with matching side chairs and a polished dark wood coffee table arranged in front of the largest TV Eli had ever seen. It was a layup to rib Logan about using the large-ass TV to watch his own movies.
Eli smiled to himself at the thought that one of the bad boys from the Barrels owned a house large enough to have a room designated exclusively for poker and other games. With his vineyard project and Harlan now owning Whiskey River Construction, they’d all done well for themselves. They’d come a long way from those days when everyone in town would’ve betted that the trio would’ve been most likely to serve time.
Eli downed his beer in a few easy gulps, ignoring the feeling that his transformation still didn’t feel quite complete. He wasn’t going to think about that tonight. Tonight, he planned to talk some trash and shake down his buddies in a little Texas Hold’em.
Logan went to the refrigerator and came back with three beers, gave each of them one. As Harlan shuffled the cards, Logan was muttering something about not playing one of the weird-ass games that Eli liked to play.
“What the hell are you talking about, asshole?” Eli said. “Are you drunk already? Deuce-to-seven triple draw is a perfectly respectable game.”.
Logan called him another unflattering name and Eli smiled, relaxing for the first time in days. It was good to be back with his friends.
Talk shifted to the winery. Harlan was going to build the structures for them. He hadn’t mentioned anything to Logan about Rachel having second thoughts about opening the restaurant for them. He wasn’t going to at this point. She had too much on her plate right now. They needed to get through the holidays and she needed a chance to catch her breath.
Katie’s school days would get longer in the next couple of years, and at the rate Cookies and S’more(s) was growing, she’d need to hire more help.
He wasn’t giving up on her. When he’d asked her point-blank to tell him to leave her alone, she hadn’t done it. So, until she did, he was all in. Maybe at a distance for now, but he’d hated the thought that she’d given up on him when he’d left Whiskey River. Now, he was going to prove to her that he knew she was worth the wait.
Chapter Ten
Rachel had been in the kitchen all night preparing food for Logan and Eli’s Christmas for the kids of the Barrels. No media had been invited, no ulterior motive. Only a sense that they were once disadvantaged kids who had been walking the tight rope that led to their future. It was a testament to their kind hearts that they would remember where they came from and reach out to these kids.
As she unloaded the van she had rented to transport the food and her equipment to Logan’s gorgeous kitchen, she wondered if Eli had told Logan that she had opted out of the Barrels Winery restaurant?
A pang of regret seared through her. She’d never been an indecisive person until lately when she’d had all these important issues coming at her like arrows. She suddenly regretted seeing them as poison darts.
She hadn’t seen or talked to Eli since their conversation in the park last Saturday. But in this week of spending time with Katie, who had been on Christmas vacation from preschool, tending her shop, and taking care of last-minute shoppers, something still felt like it was missing.
Eli had been missing.
She was bound to see him tonight. Whether or not he would still talk to her was another question. If he seemed open, maybe she would see if they could share a glass of wine and toast the holidays.
After she put the last tray of food onto the cart, she opened the van’s passenger-side door and grabbed the small white box with the big red bow that she’d brought along for Eli. It was just cookies, an assortment that was heavy on the chocolate peppermint ones he liked so much.
It dawned on her that she should’ve made a box for Logan, too. It was his house, after all. But Logan hadn’t been on her mind. That was Avery’s department. The two were perfect for each other if they could get it together. The same for Harlan and Savannah.
The scent of lavender tickled her nostrils and Rachel swiped at her nose as if she could bat it away.
“Felicity,” she murmured under her breath, “if you’re coming to the party today, you know what you could bring? You could bring my friends and me a Christmas miracle. It seems we’re all a little too love-challenged for our own good and we could use your help, you patron saint of love’s lost causes.”
And just like that the lavender scent faded, just as fast as it had appeared. No lingering vestiges, no apparition of the benevolent blonde. Even the love ghost had given up on her.
She chuckled at the thought, even though she didn’t find it particularly funny. Setting the box onto the cart, she wheeled it into the kitchen, which was like something out of a magazine.
Rachel stood in the middle of the room and looked around in awe. The place looked brand new, as if she was the first person to have even turned on the lights. It was done in shades of Tuscan gold with stone and natural wood accents, and marble counter tops that had a golden vein that glinted in the light, as if the lucky person who got to call this place home had struck gold. The floors were a rustic-looking, hand-scraped hardwood that somehow managed to look old and authentic, yet new and pristine at the same time. High above her head, the coffered ceiling had recessed lighting that magically provided the perfect amount of light for prepping. An eight-burner gas La Cornue Grand Palais range was the showpiece of the far wall.
Rachel reverently ran her hand over the shiny surface as if it could infuse some of its magic into her. Not to be outdone, the room featured three islands—that’s right—not one, but three islands—one had a sink, another served as a dining area, and the third was just more prep space, as if to say, Spread out. Take all the space you need. There’s plenty here.
There was a large walk-in pantry that was respectably stocked for a movie star who probably didn’t know marjoram from margarine, but what self-respecting cook would use margarine?
As she exited the pantry, her attention was drawn to the far wall of concave windows, bowing outwards as if reaching out into Logan’s breathtaking backyard.
Rachel walked over to the windows and took a moment to enjoy the view of the terrace, which had been tastefully decorated for the holidays. Beyond the terrace, the vista looked like a painting. Even though it was a beautiful panorama, Rachel couldn’t help herself; her gaze picked out the bungalow where Eli was staying.
Her heart ached. She hadn’t even seen his Christmas tree. She was nearly overcome with the urge to go to him and confess that she was an idiot and beg him to not give up on her. A week ago, when he’d said that bit about her being an island, he had been right.
But after being surrounded by so much water for so long, she knew from experience that not many people had the strength to swim to her. She could count them on one hand. Now, she needed to learn how to be the one to reach out and let people in. To let in one person in particular—Eli.
But right now, she had work to do.
*
Eli had made up his mind he didn’t want to crowd Rachel. They each had specific jobs to do at the party. As co-host, Eli’s task was to welcome the kids and talk to the ones who were old enough about opportunities for paying jobs coming up at the Bar
rels Winery as they prepared for the spring planting.
But once he arrived at the house, he decided that the best way to break the ice with Rachel was to pop in first thing, before the kids started arriving, and say hello.
As he got closer to the kitchen he could smell all kinds of delicious aromas. Something smelled slightly flowery—like lavender—and it mingled with savory scents. He remembered her talking about baking special lavender shortbread cookies in the summer, but when she told him, she’d mentioned that she still needed to purchase the lavender and experiment with recipes. She was Superwoman, but when had she found the time to do that? Maybe she’d given up sleep?
However she did it, from now on, whenever he smelled lavender, he would think of her.
When he entered the kitchen, she was looking down, transferring hot cookies onto a cooling rack and humming a tune he didn’t recognize.
He took a moment to drink in her beauty. Her long hair was piled into a knot on top of her head. She wore her white chef’s coat and her flying pig pants.
The woman had many facets, but this was the one that he loved best. It was Rachel being Rachel at her creative finest.
“Hi,” he said.
She jumped and looked up. The apples of her cheeks turned the color of cotton candy before her mouth curved into a smile.
“Hi,” she said. “You startled me.”
“Sorry about that. Are those your soon-to-be-famous lavender shortbread cookies?”
It took a moment for it to register, but she said, “Oh! Heavens no. I haven’t had time to figure those out, but I forgot to tell you in the midst of all the Christmas craziness that I spoke to Becky Harwood and she’s very interested in carrying my cookies for her guests. We’re going to talk to Lavender House Farms and see what kind of a three-way cooperative marketing venture we can coordinate.”
“Great,” he said. “But it’s weird. I thought I smelled lavender a minute ago.” Eli shrugged. “Maybe it’s something Logan’s housekeeper uses.”
A Texas Christmas Homecoming Page 13