“I’m in!” Georgialee says without hesitation.
Brenna high-fives her before looking around the table.
“I don’t think my knees could handle it, honey,” her dad says, “but I’ll certainly sponsor you.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I can’t commit either,” Justin says. “I’m in the pulpit on Sundays.”
Brenna turns to Angie and cocks her head.
“I’m not much of a runner,” Angie says. “And I’m not sure I’d have enough time to get in shape for a race like that.”
“We have a few months,” Brenna tells her. “And Ryan taught me how a couple of hikes a week can make a huge difference.”
“Yeah, but it’s winter. Hiking’s not so great right now.”
“Maybe not, but snowshoeing is awesome, and you use the same muscles.”
Angie looks doubtful, but after a moment Naysa gently elbows her in the ribs. “I’ll do it if you do it.”
“Really?” Her face is skeptical.
“I’m in lousier shape than you, but what’s the worst that can happen? We probably won’t win the race, but I don’t think that’s the point anyway.”
Brenna smiles at her sister across the table.
“I don’t know, Naysa,” Angie says. “Have you ever done the Grind? It’s frickin’ hard.”
Brenna sees the doubt that flashes across her sister’s face.
“Just come snowshoeing with me, Naysa,” Brenna says. “You’ll be in shape in no time.”
Naysa nods at her sister, but she looks unconvinced.
“And you too, Angie. It will be fun.”
Angie shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Brenna, but my schedule’s pretty full with school and work and tutoring.”
“I’m going back to school next week,” Naysa says. “So you won’t have to tutor me anymore.”
They all turn to look at Naysa.
“What?” she asks, as if she doesn’t know why they’re all surprised.
“When did you decide that?” her dad asks.
“Right now,” she says, and they all laugh. “I hope that’s okay, Angie. Sorry, I should have told you first.”
Her dad puts his arm around Naysa’s shoulders and pulls her in close.
Angie is smiling. “I think that’s great! That means my job is complete. You can always call me if you need some support. But,” she says, “I still don’t know if I’m up for the Seek the Peak, though I’ll be on the sidelines cheering for you guys. And maybe they’ll need volunteers on race day.”
“That’s a great idea, Angie,” Justin says. He turns to Brenna. “And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to join you for the snowshoeing sometimes, and for sure you’ll be able to find a fourth person to be on your relay team by then.”
Brenna notices that Naysa is panting after only a couple of minutes of snowshoeing. The conditions are lousy, and she regrets her decision to bring Naysa up the mountain today. If she were by herself, she’d climb to the top and get it over with as quickly as she could, but she knows she needs to dig deep and find the patience for her sister.
“You’re doing great, Nayse,” she says.
Naysa nods and stomps along behind.
“We’ll take a rest when we get to that fallen tree up there,” Brenna says, pointing to the landmark.
Naysa’s jaw is clamped tight. It’s unseasonably warm, and there’s a light rain falling. Brenna’s jacket and pants are waterproof, but Naysa bought hers secondhand. If Naysa gets wet she’ll be miserable, and she might lose her resolve.
When they reach the tree, Brenna stops so Naysa can rest. “The conditions really suck today, Naysa. Do you want to go back and we’ll try again another day, when it’s better?”
“Nope. Let’s keep going.”
Brenna smiles. “Good for you, sis. This is hard work.”
They continue on. Brenna finds it hard to go so slowly, but she remembers that Ryan had to go slowly for her too when they started doing the Grind. She smiles inwardly thinking about him, and it helps her find the patience for Naysa. She’s glad Naysa discouraged her from inviting Justin along on her first snowshoe trek. She was afraid his presence might make Naysa self-conscious, especially if she was holding them back. It was a good call.
“I was kinda disappointed in Angie,” Brenna confides. “I thought she’d take up the challenge of Seek the Peak. For us, you know?”
“She didn’t even know Mom,” Naysa says between huffs.
“That’s true.” But Kia did, Brenna thinks and then wonders if she would have joined them on the team if circumstances were different.
When they reach the halfway point of the trail, Brenna insists they turn around. “You’ve done amazing for your first time,” she tells her sister. “And just wait. It doesn’t take long before it gets way easier.”
Their dad has offered to pick them up, and he lets Brenna drive. “How did you like it, Naysa?” he asks.
Brenna looks at her sister in the rearview mirror. She’s pulled off her tuque, and her hair is plastered to her scalp, wet with sweat. Her cheeks are rosy, but her eyes are flat as she stares out the window. She simply shrugs.
Jan. 25
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let Ryan’s exercise-to-get-strong program work for Naysa. I had the added incentive of wanting to be with Ryan to motivate me. If only Angie had signed on—that might have been a great incentive for Naysa. She really likes her.
Brenna notices the crocus heads nudging through the soil as she walks the dogs. She looks west and realizes there’s probably an extra hour of daylight now too. She decides to send an email out to her dog-hiking clients that evening, letting them know she will be resuming the hikes the following week and that her fee will reflect the longer sessions.
The weeks of winter have passed slowly, but Naysa has persevered with the snowshoeing, and Brenna can see her fitness level improving. Her return to school was bumpy—there were more than a few bouts of tears—but a couple of her old friends have started hanging out with her again. She has weekly visits with Dr. Price, and Angie still joins them at yoga classes. Brenna likes the sound of the piano music floating through their home again, though she notices that it’s often somber music. Anything is better than the silence that filled their home in the months following their mother’s death.
Brenna and Justin snowshoe past the bear den where Coola and Grinder are sleeping. Naysa had begged off the day’s hike at the last minute when she woke up with another sore throat and runny nose. She’d been hit with one virus after another all fall and winter. Their family doctor said that stress can play havoc with the immune system, but that exercise can help build it back up. Brenna decided to let Naysa off the hook anyway. She liked being able to talk openly with Justin.
“Not much longer before the bears wake up again,” Brenna tells him.
“Will you resume your volunteer work then?”
“Yep, though it’s not the same on the mountain without Mom and now without Ryan too.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Pretty good, I think. His mom’s making really good progress, and he’s finishing up his last year of school online. I wish he’d bring her here for a holiday in May,” she adds. “I’m still short one person for the Seek the Peak relay, and he’d love to do it. It was his idea in the first place.”
Justin changes the subject. “I received an email from Kia this week. It sounds like she’s doing well too.”
“How long will she stay in Uganda?”
“I don’t know, but she’s in a relationship with a British doctor who is also working there. It sounds pretty serious.”
Brenna doesn’t respond.
“Do you still feel sad that Angie asked you not to contact her?”
“Yeah, but I get it.”
“I expect Kia will be home sooner rather than later, to introduce the doctor to her family. Maybe they’ll ask me to marry them. Now that would make me happy.” Justin grins.
“I keep rereading th
e journal she left for me. I’m a bit obsessed with it, actually.”
Justin pauses to take a sip of water. He waits for her to continue.
“I’ve been thinking that someday she might be interested in reading it again.”
“You could give it to Angie for safekeeping,” Justin says over his shoulder. “Then she could give it back to Kia if she ever felt the timing was right.”
Brenna nods, though the thought of giving away the journal is painful. It’s all she has of Kia, except for an envelope full of old greeting cards. “I’d also like to write her a letter, tell her that I’m okay and that Mom and Dad were—are—awesome parents, and I even got a sister in the deal. Maybe it would bring her some peace.”
“Write the letter,” Justin encourages. “It might make you feel better. Just don’t send it. Give it to Angie too, to hold on to, you know, in case.”
No wonder Kia liked Justin so much, Brenna thinks. As much as she loves her parents, she realizes that if he’d adopted her, as he’d once considered doing, it wouldn’t have been so bad.
Brenna has her phone camera pointed at the closed door to the bear den as Mark begins to yank on the pulley system that draws it open.
As in past years, Grinder is the first bear to poke his nose out of the den. He blinks in the sunlight and looks around at the crowd that has come to witness the end of another hibernation. Then he digs a path through the snow, away from the den. A moment later Coola’s head emerges before he too steps through the open door. Both bears are much skinnier versions of their pre-hibernation selves. Moving deeper into the enclosure, Coola begins to dig in the snow with his long claws. Grinder has trundled over to a bank and is rubbing his body vigorously against the snow.
After snapping a few pictures, Brenna immediately emails them to Ryan. Spring has sprung, she writes. The bears have emerged.
It is April 15, exactly two years to the day since her mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer. So much has happened in those two years, but here on the mountain the reemergence of the grizzly bears has the same feel as it does every year. The crowd cheers, but the bears ignore them and begin sliding down banks and digging tunnels. She smiles as she watches them. Her mother never missed this moment each spring. Just as Justin mentioned at her memorial service, she will have to carry on in her mother’s place.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I have found a fourth person for the relay. He’ll be there at the start. Don’t worry…he’ll recognize you and will do the last leg of the relay—the really steep one! Have fun!
I love you and miss you!
Ryan
May 24
Is Ryan the 4th person? Would he surprise me like this? It would be just like him…OMG!! Do I dare hope?
nineteen
Often it is the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.
(KAREN SALMANSOHN, THE BOUNCE BACK BOOK)
Brenna gets up before her alarm sounds on the day of the relay. The sun is cresting the horizon while the moon still hovers in the western sky. There are no clouds, but the forecast predicts it won’t be too hot. The entire race should be over by noon anyway, so she’s not concerned about the heat. It’s her stamina she’s worried about. She’s hardly slept all night. Has Ryan really returned for the relay? Why else wouldn’t he have told her who it was that was taking his place? She’s afraid to get her hopes up, and yet…
There’s a tap on the front door and Brenna lets Georgialee in, then checks to be sure that Naysa is up. She pulls their breakfast out of the fridge, a concoction she made up the night before with oatmeal, milk, yogurt, chia seeds and fruit. Energy food, she tells them.
“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Naysa grumbles when she comes into the kitchen. “I am so not a runner.”
“You’re going to be fine. Walk as much as you need to.” Brenna and Naysa have walked and jogged Naysa’s leg of the route numerous times in the past month, so she knows her sister can do it. “All that matters is that we finish the race, and Georgialee will probably make up for any lost time anyway.”
Georgialee puts her arm around Naysa’s shoulders. “You’re doing it for your mom, right? Remember that. Oh, and that reminds me.” She opens her small backpack and pulls out a bag. “I had these made up, one for each of us.”
She reaches into the bag and pulls out four round discs, each about the circumference of a hockey puck, but thinner, with a pin on the back. She hands a disc to each of the girls.
“Oh, Georgia!” Brenna says when she sees the picture of her mom smiling out at her. “Thank you!”
“It’s your mom we’re doing this for, so I thought it was important that she be with us every step of the way.”
Brenna’s dad drives them to the start of the race. Naysa will take the first leg, the least steep one, and her dad will drop Brenna off at Cleveland Dam to start the second leg. Georgialee will do the Grind portion, and the mystery person will do the last stretch.
“Are you sure Ryan didn’t let either of you know who the mystery teammate is?” Brenna asks the other two yet again as her dad drives through the early-morning light.
She sees them glance at each other and shrug. Their faces don’t give anything away.
At Ambleside Park a huge crowd is gathering to cheer on the runners. The girls collect their race numbers and listen to the instructions being announced over a loudspeaker. Brenna scans the crowd, hoping beyond reason to see Ryan but knowing how dumb it is to do that. Georgialee keeps an arm around Naysa.
“Brenna!”
A young man slips through the crowd and stands in front of her. His smile is huge. She recognizes him from the mountain. It’s Cole, one of the guys Ryan worked with on maintenance. Her heart plummets.
“You’re our fourth teammate?” she asks, the truth sinking in. She can’t believe she really thought Ryan would travel to Canada for the event.
“I am,” he says. “And don’t look so disappointed. You can call me Ryan.”
“Huh?”
He tugs on his T-shirt, and that’s when Brenna notices the enlarged photo of Ryan printed on the front of it. He’s grinning out at her. Cole turns around. On the back of the shirt is the back of Ryan’s head. Brenna would know it anywhere.
Cole is clearly delighted with himself. He puts his hands on her shoulders and looks into her eyes. “Ryan told me to tell you that he really wanted to be here, but, obviously, he couldn’t be. So he did up this T-shirt to make it look like he’s here, because, as he said, he is here in spirit.”
Despite her deep disappointment, Brenna smiles back. Only Ryan would go to such trouble. She introduces him to the rest of the team. Georgialee still has her arm around Naysa.
“And he made these T-shirts for you,” Cole says, pulling them out of a bag. He holds one up. The front of the T-shirt has a picture of Coola’s handsome face, with Team Bear printed below it. Cole flips it so they can see the back, which sports a closeup photo of Grinder yawning. His fangs are huge, and if you didn’t know better, you’d think he was about to chomp someone’s head off. Bears BITE Breast Cancer is written across the bottom of the shirt.
“Awesome!” Georgialee quickly pulls hers over her running singlet. Naysa is less impressed, but she takes off her jacket and slips the shirt over her tank top. Brenna does the same.
The race marshal blows on a horn, a five-minute warning until race time. The girls quickly pin their numbers and the picture of Joanna onto the front of the new shirts.
“This is for you,” Georgialee says, handing Cole his pin.
“Awesome!” He fastens it to his shirt, over Ryan’s left ear. “I’ll see you all at the top!” He turns and disappears into the crowd.
“Not bad,” Georgialee says under her breath.
Brenna gives her a look. Her disappointment is a dead weight in the pit of her stomach. “Remember, go at your own pace,” she tells Naysa one more time.
By
noon the entire race is complete. Team Bear gathers in the Grouse Mountain parking lot, where a celebration is taking place. Brenna’s dad, who has been handing out water at a checkpoint, joins them. He pulls his daughters into a hug. “I am so proud of you girls.”
Naysa, face flushed, eyes shining, smiles up at him. “I’m proud of me too!”
Brenna scans the crowd, looking for Angie, who she knows was also volunteering somewhere along the race course. Georgialee and Cole are sharing a joke, and Brenna can see that her friend is in full-on flirt mode. Catching her eye, Cole approaches her. He pulls off his T-shirt, holds it to his nose and then hands it to her. “For you,” he says. “Though you may want to wash it before you wear it.”
Brenna takes it, holds it up to study the photo and then brings it to her face and kisses the photo of Ryan right on the mouth. “Oh you,” she says.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” Cole pulls Brenna into a tight hug. His skin is damp, his body hard. She suddenly longs for Ryan’s body. Cole holds her for a moment and then releases her. “That was from Ryan too.”
“Thanks,” she whispers.
The mood at the celebration is exuberant. A small band is playing in one corner of the parking lot, and smoke from a barbecue wafts over the crowd. Cole grabs Georgialee’s hand and pulls her over to join a bunch of participants who are dancing to the music. Naysa, who has consumed a lot of water, heads to the washroom.
Scanning the crowd again, Brenna spots Angie close to where the Skyride docks. She waves to her. Angie smiles and waves back. She begins to weave her way through the mob toward Brenna. An older couple follows her, at a short distance behind.
“Congratulations, Brenna, you did it!” Angie wraps her arms around her.
Even while she is being hugged, Brenna can see that the older people, who are standing back a short ways, are studying her closely. Could it be? The man is Caucasian, and the woman is Asian.
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