by Jenny Hayut
After her theatrical exit, Katy, Jason and I continue to stare at the door for a few moments.
Eventually Katy breaks the stunned silence. “Don’t pay her no mind, Niki. You know she’s just mad cause we found out her hair ain’t real. Even the fake one ain’t that pretty, if you ask me. I bet she got it on discount!”
That gets all of us laughing again.
Katy silences her laugh. “And, Nik, don’t even think about letting what she said get to you. You know she’s a snooty old hag with a fake everything. She’ll be back because she knows we take good care of her precious Francie. She knows you’re good too, Niki. She’s just blowing smoke because we saw her bald head.”
I’d be lying if I said her words hadn’t cut me a little. This is one of those times when it’s hard not being able to pick up the phone to call Doc C. Let him reassure me that I should be in charge, that I know what I’m doing. It’s hard not to doubt myself sometimes.
****
At lunchtime, Katy and I walk down to the nearby deli. Known for bread that’s baked from scratch every day, we at the hospital frequent it often as it’s just two blocks away. The smell of fresh onions and the clatter of voices hit us as we walk in and grab a table.
“Well?” Katy says excitedly.
I’ve just taken a bite of my sandwich, so I have to field Katy’s eagerness to hear about Holt until I can swallow. “Okay, here goes... Holt and I were together a few years ago for a very short time. He suddenly had to leave town for work, and now he’s back, and he wants to pick up where we left off. I, on the other hand, am not too sure about all that, but I’m considering it.”
No way am I telling her about Vinnie. I’m sure it will scare her knowing there’s a possibility she, or any of us at the hospital, will be in danger. I hate keeping it from her, but it’s for the best. And it’s not like Holt will mind people thinking we’re together. Damn it.
“Wow. That is so freaking hot. After all this time, he comes back to claim you. I love it! You know, I’ve never seen you even date anybody and always wondered why. Now I see you were holding out for the hotness! Totally got you now, girl. I hope it works out, because that man is something I see in my dreams. Oops, sorry.”
“I’m not with him. Not really. I mean, he thinks we are, I think, but...I don’t know.”
“If I wasn’t afraid of losing my job, I would slap you right now. If it were me, there would be no considering. I would wrap my legs around that real quick.” She giggles and her cheeks flush. She’s visualizing it. After seeing Holt, most women probably have the same thoughts. It’s hard not to.
My cell chirps in my purse. It’s Holt. My heart skips (What the hell? Every time?) and I answer, shushing Katy.
“Hey, babe. Just calling to let you know I’m bringing Kilo in. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Um, okay. Well, I’m not there right now, but I’ll call Jason to let him know you’re coming.”
“Where are you? Please tell me you didn’t do something stupid and go out by yourself?”
His tone of voice—demanding, anxious—makes me angry. But I’m stuck. I have to fight back the urge to say fuck you. I can’t risk pissing him off. Then all hope of me finding Doc would be gone.
“Holt, I told you I wouldn’t go out alone, and I didn’t. Katy and I are right down the street at the deli.”
“Did you walk there?”
What difference does that make?
“Um, yeah, we did.”
“Goddamn it. I thought I’d made myself clear. Do you not fucking understand this man could be stalking you as we speak, ready to grab you? He takes what he wants, when he wants it.”
“Really, Holt, it’s two blocks from the hospital. It’s okay.”
“Damn it, Nicolette. Fuck.”
“I really—”
He hung up.
Mad as hell, I throw my phone back into my purse. Katy gasps, and I look up to find her staring at something behind me. I turn around in my chair.
Holt.
Shit.
The heat of the anger pouring off his face burns my skin as he stalks over to our table. As he reaches it, he looks down at me then turns to Katy.
“Would you excuse us for a moment, sweets? I need to speak with Dr. Stringer.”
Katy doesn’t say a word, just stares at Holt then slowly nods. Good grief. Holt pulls on my arm, lifting me from my chair, and proceeds to lead me out of the deli.
Outside, he pushes me up against the side of the building, and damn it, I can’t help having flashbacks of that night outside The Rox...
I push it aside and yell at him. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a little? It’s a fucking block—okay, two blocks—from the hospital, and I wasn’t alone!”
He looks at me with such fury, it sends chills down my spine. “You are not walking anywhere anymore unless you are standing right fucking beside me and I’m fucking walking with you. Got it?”
“I—”
“There is nothing I need to hear come out of that fucking sweet-ass mouth of yours right now except the word ‘okay,’ so whatever you think you’re about to say, save that shit. You don’t fucking know this man, Nicolette. I do. I’ve seen with my own fucking eyes what he’s capable of. That piece of shit is not even getting near the same air you breathe. What I need to hear from you right now is that you get me.”
Breathless again, I can only say, “Okay.”
“Damn it, woman. Now can you please go in there and collect your girl so I can drive the two of you back to the hospital?”
Angry that he’s trying—hell more than trying—to control me, aroused by him protecting me, I can only manage to squeak, “Okay.”
I walk back into the deli, where Katy is still sitting, grinning from ear to ear. Yeah, if there was a fan club forming, she would undoubtedly be its president.
“Katy, sorry to cut lunch short, but Holt’s going to drive us back to the hospital.”
She looks at me for a moment. “That was hot. Him walking in like that and pulling you outta here. Damn, girl. Don’t let him get away again.”
If only she knew the whole story...
Holt is sitting on the hood of Sex on Wheels, smoking a cigarette, which he throws out when he sees us. Kilo’s in the front seat, wagging his tail and barking his head off. I can’t help but giggle.
Katy seems to be taking everything in, not saying a word as we approach the car.
“Ready?” Holt says.
“Holt, this is Katy. You might remember her from the day you brought Kilo in? She’s our receptionist. Katy, this is Holt Maddox.”
Katy grins. I know the grin. Sucked into the black hole. “Hi, Mr. Maddox.”
“Sweets, Mr. Maddox is my father. You can call me Holt.”
Hmm, so he does have a father...not that I thought he was the devil’s spawn or anything.
“Okay, Holt,” she says flirtatiously.
I can’t even be mad at her. The poor girl can’t help herself. As if the sight of him isn’t enough, when he opens that mouth...and that voice, like sex and sweat...
Well, at least when he’s not pissed off. Then the beast comes out.
Kilo is refusing to leave his spot in the front seat.
Truly Holt’s partner in crime.
I giggle as Katy and I take the back seat.
When Holt starts up the engine, Katy squeals, “Wow, Holt, this is a sweet ride. What is it?”
Holt grins in the rearview mirror. “Thanks, sweets. It’s a classic, a Buick Special. I’ve had her a long time, and she’s never let me down.”
“Does she go fast?”
“Oh yeah, she goes. Maybe I’ll take you for a spin one day so you can see just how fast I can get her up.”
Oh no the fuck he ain’t. He’s sitting here, flirting with Katy right in front of me. I glare at him in the mirror, and I know he sees it, because his grin grows larger.
“But I gotta warn you, sweets, she’s a bit untamed. Sometimes she ne
eds me to take control of her.” His eyes never leave my face.
I roll my eyes at the two of them laughing and try to tune them out, but Katy turns to me and says, “You got a thing for old cars too, don’t you, Niki? Like Clay’s hot-ass Mustang. Now that’s a sweet ride too!”
I smile. Here’s my chance to change Holt’s mood. I’ve got the upper hand now, and he knows it too. The grin’s been wiped right the fuck off his face.
“Yep. I do. I love it when Clay takes me out to drag in it. So fucking mind-blowing. The rush I get from it.” I fan myself. “Whew. Hot as hell.” I laugh inside at my lie. If they only knew how much Clay is just the opposite with his ‘baby.’
Katy has no clue what she’s just unleashed with her innocent question. She’s still giggling. “Well, any chance you’d take me out for a ride?”
Holt fakes a laugh. “Anytime, sweets, just say the word.” The look he directs at me is dangerously feral and it cuts me, because, even though I won the battle of words, I know I went too far.
At the hospital, Katy and I get out as Holt walks around, opens the door for Kilo, and attaches his leash to his collar. When he hands him over to me, Katy must sense he wants a private moment because she walks ahead of us into the hospital.
I stand there, gripping Kilo’s leash, and wait for the backlash. As soon as Katy is out of earshot, he lets loose. “I know I don’t deserve a lot. I probably don’t deserve you, but I don’t give a fuck. I want you. I can’t take back time and the shit that built up in your head, I know all that.” He runs his hand through his hair, and my knees go weak. “Babe, I remember how fast you were on my cock back when we would drag. Never forget that shit, Nicolette. So you talking shit about how you like taking a ride with Clay only makes me think you’ve fucked him. Need to know, babe, so I can handle that shit.”
Those brief moments in my bedroom are long gone. That tenderness, his sweetness. Gone. I fight back the urge to slap him in the face.
“First, it’s none of your business who I have or haven’t had sex with. Second, Clay is bi but clearly turns to men more. You obviously haven’t noticed that.”
He shakes his head and lets out a laugh. “I already knew that, Nicolette. You, on the other hand, have clearly not seen just how much that man is in love with you.”
That ridiculous comment gets a howl of laughter out of me. I reach down to pet Kilo, telling him, “I think your Daddy has fallen and hit his head, baby.”
“Ask your girls. They’ll tell you. I’m sure they see that fucked up shit too.”
“You’re wrong, Holt. I met him when…well, after you left. I was a different person back then. Clay kind of changed me, and we grew close. He’s become, like, my protector, the brother I never had. That’s why he goes into protective mode whenever you’re around.”
“No, babe, he’s going into protecting-what-I-think-is-mine mode. I know it all too well. Trust me.” He tilts his head and raises a brow. “So, you going to fucking answer me or not? Have you fucked him?”
Anger surges through me, but I do my best not to raise my voice. “No, damn it, I have not fucked him.” If he only knew he’s my first and last. If only. I’m so angry, I almost confess, but I’m not giving him the satisfaction.
“Good. So it’s just as I thought,” he says but doesn’t tell me what he means.
Ass. I probably don’t want to know anyway. Some sexual bullshit, for sure…and whatever he’s thinking, he’s probably right. Damn it.
“Look, I’ve got to get back to work. I get off at five- thirty,” I say through gritted teeth. “Kilo and I will be ready.”
I pull on Kilo’s leash and stalk off. How can he ignite my senses so much? Not just sexual desires, but the rage, the frustration he brings out in me. And when he does, there’s no turning back. My self-control is gone.
****
I’m finishing up with Annabelle, one of my last patients for the day, when Katy comes on the speaker, saying she needs me up front when I’m available. Hooking Annabelle’s mom up with samples of the latest heartworm preventive gummies, I walk them out and head toward Katy.
“What’s up?”
She looks up, frowning. “It’s Kilo.”
My heart skips a beat, and I’m thinking the worst. “What? What’s the matter with Kilo? Did something happen?”
“No, no, he’s okay. It’s just that, well, Jason told me to get you to come over as soon as you could. Apparently, Kilo isn’t taking well to the other dogs.”
I gape at her. Surely there’s got to be a mistake? From what I’ve seen of Kilo, he’s a sweetheart. Then again, I haven’t seen him interact with other animals.
“Okay, I’m headed over there if anyone’s looking for me.”
I see Jason first and then, as I nudge my head past him, a very sad-looking, caged Kilo.
“What happened?”
“He was acting aggressive with the other males. I had to pull him out when he kept stalking them and almost attacked one.”
Kilo’s drooping in the cage, as if he knows he’s being punished. Poor baby. I feel bad because I hadn’t been thinking.
He’s alone all the time. On the road with Holt or stuck in a motel room, alone. He’s probably not used to interacting with other dogs.
Damn it. I hate it when people buy an animal and either get rid of it when it stops being cute or it’s too much work, or mistreat it in some way, which is what I’m afraid happened to Kilo.
Well, damn, this isn’t going to work. I can’t stomach the thought of leaving him alone in that motel room anymore though. I have to think of something. Not knowing what, I call Holt.
“Hey, it’s Niki.”
“Babe, I know it’s you.”
“Uh, okay. I’m calling because Kilo’s not going to be able to stay here, after all. He’s being aggressive with the other males. I should’ve thought this out a little better before letting you bring him here. I feel like such an idiot, and I feel bad for Kilo. I’m really sorry, but can you please come get him?”
There are voices in the background—a man talking and then…and then a woman laughing, right next to the phone. I cringe.
Doesn’t matter, Nik. Doesn’t matter if he’s a lying piece of shit, out fucking around with another woman. He’s not yours.
This “thing” is only until he finds Doc C then I’ll end this.
A man yells, “Maddox, you coming?” and then the phone sounds muffled. He’s putting his hand over it so I can’t hear.
“I’ll be there, babe.” He hangs up.
No fucking clue about this man, his life, where he goes during the day, if he has friends. Nothing.
Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t fucking matter.
By the time he arrives, it’s close to the end of my shift, so I collect the still-sulking Kilo from his crate and reluctantly walk him out to Holt in the waiting room.
“I’m really sorry for doing this to him. I’m sure it was a stressful day for him, and it’s all my fault for not thinking.”
“Babe, relax. We’ll be out in the car.”
****
Kilo is nudged up against Holt when I walk out to them. Sitting so close to together like that, it’s clear they’ve bonded. Like maybe both of them have had fucked up times and found a little happy with one another. It’s a little heart-wrenching, actually, because I don’t know what kind of life Kilo had before Holt found him. And, I think for the first time, I don’t know anything about what kind of life Holt might’ve had growing up.
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. It’s not good for me to think like that. It doesn’t help with my plan.
Kilo jumps into the backseat, freeing the front for me. As I put my seatbelt on, Holt reaches over and palms my chin. When he caresses it with his thumb, I go numb at the sudden, unexpected touch.
I’ve been keeping my distance from him since the night we had sex again, but he hasn’t said anything about it. What he has done is refrain from touching me. Until this moment, and it easily sets
my body on fire.
Still caressing my chin and looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes, he says, “Don’t blame yourself for anything, baby. I know how much you love animals, and I know you’d never hurt Kilo. You were trying to do something good for him. Neither of us could’ve known what his reaction was going to be. Now we do. Instead of beating yourself up, let’s try to put our heads together and figure out what we can do now.”
His words are so sweet and exactly what I need to hear. “Thank you, Holt.”
His mouth rises in a smile as he traces his thumb across my chin. “Anything for you, baby.”
Chapter 17
When we get to the condo, I’m relieved no one’s there. I worried on the drive over that Clay would be here to see me trade out my overnight bag for a suitcase and get the wrong idea. Since staying at the hospital is out of the question for Kilo, there’s no way in hell I’m going to be the reason he has to spend all night alone too, so my only option is to stay with Holt.
I really didn’t like the tension between Clay and Holt either, and Holt’s ideas about Clay’s feelings for me just add to it. I still think he’s reading him wrong though. Regardless, I can’t avoid talking to Clay—his friendship means the world to me. He was there to help pick up the pieces Holt left behind, even if he never understood what broke me in the first place. I need to make sure he understands why I’m letting Holt have this control. That he really is looking out for my safety.
I walk out of my bedroom with my suitcase in tow, and Holt stares at it. When he lifts his gaze back up to my face, he grins. He doesn’t say a word, just grins. Clay isn’t the only one I should’ve been worried about getting the wrong idea. As long as he doesn’t touch me. Please don’t let him touch me.
“We need to stop at the store to get some coffee and cereal and milk.”
“Your wish is my command, babe.” God, why does he keep saying that?
I stay in the car while Holt runs into the grocery store. Perfect time to call Cass.