by Megan Fields
Jack,
I’m sorry. You know where I am if you want to talk.
Ella x
Then she came by the studio a couple of days after that, or so Alex informed me. I haven’t seen him this week either, but he called me and left a voice mail. I was starting to miss her, her laugh, her smile, that damn perfume which drives me to distraction. On Friday she sent me a text.
Jack. Please talk to me. I will be at the club tomorrow night, I hope you stop by. E x
It’s Saturday morning and I crashed at Pete’s last night. I wake up with a half empty bottle of bourbon in my hand. Thank god I only drank half; otherwise I might feel even worse than I already do. Sitting up, it feels like my head is pounding. Finally I realise it’s someone at the door. I stagger to it, wondering where Pete is and open it to find Izzy in front of me.
“Izzy? What do you want? Wait, how’d you even know I was here?” I ask. Izzy barges past me and makes her way to what I assume is the kitchen. “Do come in.” I say sarcastically. I find her sitting at the dining table.
“Sit down.”
“I don’t take commands.” I cross my arms across my chest in defiance and lean against the door frame.
“Please? I just want to talk to you. Ella has no idea I’m here.” I can see in her eyes that she’s concerned, so I relent and sit down.
“What do you want to say?”
“Jack, I’m sorry you found out about Ella the way you did, but I want you to understand the why before you write her off.”
“I’m listening.” I would never write Ella off, but Izzy doesn’t need to know that.
“What you have to understand about Ella, is that she cares about everyone else more than herself. She puts everyone else’s needs above her own. When I first met her, she was quiet, shy, and had no confidence in herself and no faith in humanity.”
“That doesn’t sound like Ella.”
“Exactly; being raped and abused nearly destroyed her. If it weren’t for Lottie I’m not sure Ella would be around.” My eyes widen at this and I gulp. This can’t be true. “When I met Lottie for the first time I could see the real Ella. She came out of herself in the company of her sister and I knew that my initial instincts about her becoming a Mistress were spot on. It took a fair bit of persuasion, but once she started at the club she ended up coming to me and asking to be trained. She saw the respect, trust and loyalty that can come from the type of relationship you can have with a sub and she craved it.”
“I can understand that, but why didn’t she tell me?”
“It goes back to putting others first. She’s in love with you. Like crazy in love with you, but Ella being Ella, she thinks you deserve someone normal. She thinks that she isn’t normal and to be honest it pisses me off. People have the misconception about BDSM and it is for freaks, but it’s not. When you see and feel the kind of connection that can only come from trusting someone that much, well to be honest it takes your breath away.”
I throw my hands up in the air. “I have no problem with Ella being a Domme. I’m just hurt about her not trusting me. I told her I’d be there for her however she needed me and it still wasn’t enough.”
Izzy stands and walks to the kitchen door to leave. She turns back and looks at me seriously. “Jack, Ella’s one in a million. If you love her, then forgive her. If you want to be with her, then show her. She’ll be at the club tonight and if you want I can help you. Think about it and let me know. But if you think for one second that you are going to make her feel guilty about her life choices, you’re going to have me to deal with.” She levels me with a look and then walks out and leaves me in silence.
Ella
It’s been a long week of worrying, but being at the club has helped distract me. We’ve another auction coming up and I’ve been working hard to prepare for it. Alex is even going to auction himself off this time and I wonder who will bid on him. I haven’t heard from Jack all week despite my attempts to contact him and Alex tells me he’s kept out of his way and left him to it. It all sounds so childish, but Alex says Jack just needs time and space. I know it doesn’t help that I showed up at the studio, or that I’ve text him to meet me tonight, but I can’t not try. I need him to know that I care.
“You know a watched kettle never boils right?” Izzy sits next to me at the bar.
“What? Kettle? What’re you talking about?” I tear my eyes away from the club entrance to look at her.
“You haven’t taken your eyes of that damn door since you arrived.” I look away guiltily. I know I should be working, but I want to be here in case he shows.
“I’m sorry. Do you need me to make some rounds?” I go to move from the stool, but she puts her hand out to stop me.
“No, its fine, I’m just worried about you. He still hasn’t contacted you huh?”
“Nope, I’ve not even seen him at the gym. I was doing some bag work with Max, when I swear I felt his presence, but when I looked around I couldn’t see him. What would you do in my position?” I ask her.
“I’d hunt him down, drag him back to my place, tie him up and ride him so hard he forgets his own name.” I smile and start to laugh. Feels like my first proper laugh all week.
“I can always count on you to cheer me up.”
“Seriously though, if he doesn’t turn up tonight I will help you kidnap him. It’ll take two of us to bring him down with those muscles.” She winks and calls the bar tender over. “Dan, get us a couple of tequila shots please.”
“What’re you doing?” Dan places two shots, a bowl of lemon slices and the salt in front of us.
“We’re going to have some fun.” I look back at the door, as it opens and a Dom walks through. Fuck it.
“Let’s do it.” I say. Izzy stands up from her stool and leans into lick my shoulder, then sprinkles a little salt on the area. “Body shots?”
“Why not? You can either take a shot off me, or a sub of your choice.” She smiles wickedly and I narrow my eyes at her.
“Okay, do it before I change my mind.” She slowly places a lemon wedge in my mouth, then leans into me and sucks the salt from my skin, leaving little tingles behind. She downs her shot and then using her teeth, takes the wedge from me. “My turn.” I say grabbing her left arm. I pull her arm out straight and swirl my tongue around the crook of her elbow. I shake some salt on to it, and then place a wedge in her mouth. Flattening my tongue out, I lick the salt off her arm, turn to down the shot and then suck the lemon wedge while it remains in her mouth. When I pull away we both chuckle.
“Feeling better?” She asks.
“Think it’ll take more than one shot, but you’ve definitely improved my mood.”
“Good.”
I look at my watch to see it’s nearly midnight. “I’m going to go do some rounds on the first floor and then head home if that’s okay?”
“Yeah sure, go ahead. Fancy meeting up tomorrow for a coffee?”
“Definitely, text me.”
Leaving Izzy, I make my way upstairs to monitor play. Finishing up on the first floor, I head to my office, when I feel I’m being watched. Glancing around, I gasp when my eyes land on Jack standing outside my office. He’s leaning against the wall wearing jeans and a navy blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up. The sight of him makes my stomach flutter and my pulse race. It’s only been a week since I last saw him and although he’s only been back in my life for a short time, I’ve missed him terribly. So much for guarding my heart against him.
I approach him slowly unsure of his mood. “Hey.” I say tentatively.
“Hey. Izzy told me you’d be up here.” He shuffles his feet nervously.
“Do you want to come in?” He nods silently and I open the door letting him enter first, and locking it behind me. I’d dressed quite conservatively tonight in a corset and skirt, so didn’t feel the need to change. “Want to sit?” I ask, gesturing to the sofa, but he turns to face me, his eyes boring into mine.
“Ella, I told you I’d be there for
you. However you needed me.” I guess we’re standing for this conversation then.
“I know and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He walks closer to me, closing the distance between us to just a foot.
“Then what is it? Why did you feel you couldn’t tell me Ella?” He looks deep into my eyes and I’m momentarily distracted. I’m lost and I worry my bottom lip between my teeth. Finally breaking the stare I move around him and walk to my desk, placing my hands on the cool surface.
“I don’t know Jack.”
“You’re lying. Why couldn’t you tell me?”
I close my eyes, fighting back tears of frustration. “You deserve someone normal Jack.”
“You are normal. Why. Couldn’t. You. Tell. Me?” He asks, slowly pronouncing each word.
He’s pushing me and I dig my nails into the wooden surface of my desk. “Jack, you’re not submissive.”
“That’s bollocks. If I wanted to submit to you I would, without thinking twice about it.” His voice has risen. “Why didn’t you tell me Ella? What’s the real reason damn it?”
I throw my hands up in the air in frustration and turn to him. “You hurt me Jack. I gave you my virginity and you just disappeared. Do you have any idea what that was like? I was sixteen years old and you just vanished.” I turn away from him and cover my face with my hands, as tears slide down my cheeks. I hear him approach me and feel the heat of his body behind me.
“Now we’re getting somewhere.” I feel Jacks arms gently rest on my shoulders. “How long have you held that in?” He asks softly.
“Oh I don’t know... twelve years give or take.” I take a deep breath and turn to face him.
“I get why you didn’t tell me.”
“You do?” I can’t hide the shock in my voice.
“Yes. I’m so sorry.” He hangs his head and reaches his hand out to take mine. “I should have kept in contact. No matter how busy I thought I was, or if I thought you were better off without me. Guess I was just a stupid kid.” I move away from him and sit down on the sofa. He follows and sits next to me. “So... you’re a Mistress huh.”
“Yeah, I am.” I respond seriously, looking him in the eye.
“You know, when I thought about what you might’ve been hiding from me, Mistress was nowhere on that list.” He shakes his head and looks at the floor, his elbows resting on his knees. I turn my whole body toward him and take his hands in mine as I start to explain.
“Being a Mistress is something that I need Jack. It’s a part of me now and not something I can let go of. Since what happened to me with Eric, I’ve been unable to trust anyone. My circle of friends extends to Lottie, Izzy and a handful of Dominants here at the club, along with you and Alex. Being a Mistress gave me the chance to take back control of my life. I’m not afraid anymore. Everyone here at the club abides by the rules, with respect being number one.”
“Sounds like you have life all figured out.” He say’s pulling his hands from mine and standing.
“I wouldn’t say that. I don’t have us figured out Jack.” He is standing by my desk and turns to face me.
“What do you have to figure out?” He asks leaning against my desk. I stand and walk to him leaving a small gap between us.
“I love you Jack, I never stopped loving you and I will probably love you for the rest of my days. What I need to know is if you still love me and if we can make this work. If all you want is to be friends, then I will accept that. I love you enough to let you go.”
“Maybe I don’t want to be let go.”
Chapter 12
Ella
I stare at him, a little stunned by his confession. “What does that mean?”
“I don’t know.” He moves away from me and stands looking out over the 1st floor. “I don’t know how to be a part of this lifestyle Ella.”
“How about you think of it as being a part of me?” He looks over to me and slowly approaches.
“Do you know what I thought about the first time I saw you in the coffee shop?” I shake my head. “All I wanted to do was spread you out on the coffee shop floor and make you come.” He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and I close my eyes, his touch pulsing through me.
“You know... if you’re a good boy you could do that, but maybe not in the coffee shop.”
“A good boy huh... What would that involve?”
I look at him trying to figure out just how serious he is and when his gaze remains unwavering I feel those butterflies return. Time to play. I straighten my posture and take a step toward him.
“We need to talk first. You have no idea what’s involved in being a sub.”
“Ella, I’m in love with you too. Always have been and always will be. You’re it for me. I want you in my life and I will do whatever it takes. I’m not going to lose you again. I’m willing to trust you and give this a try.” He lowers himself to his knees, but keeps his eyes locked with mine.
I can’t believe he wants to do this. I need to tread carefully, even though my hormones are telling me to jump him. I have a responsibility as a Domme and take it very seriously.
“Jack” His name comes out as barely a whisper. I turn away from him, unable to bare the sight of him giving himself to me.
“Ella, look at me… please?” I face this beautiful man before me. This man I’ve loved for so long. I can see how strong he is, even though he’s on his knees. His strength radiates from within.
“Stand up.” I command. He rises to his feet and looks down at me. “What do you want Jack? Do you want me to touch you?” He is silent and I reach out to run my hand down his chest feeling his muscles twitch underneath his shirt. I can feel his heartbeat start to pick up. “You want me to kiss you?” I slide my hand up to his neck and kiss him gently, teasingly. His eyes are alight with arousal. “Do you want me? Do you want me to make you beg for mercy?” I push on his chest and force him up against my office door. “Is that what you want Jack?” I’m panting with arousal, my chest heaving.
“Yes.” He says hoarsely. I walk away from him and return to the centre of the room.
“If we do this you have to follow my rules.” I watch his face for any signs that it’s not what he wants, but he nods his understanding. “I need you to voice your agreement.”
“I will follow your rules.” He walks to me and reaches out to touch me, but I step away from him.
“No touching without permission Jack.” He frowns and his hand drops to his side. “There are lots of rules and limits, but we’ll start with the basics. Rule number one - you do not speak unless spoken to. Number two - you do not touch me without permission.” His mouth opens to say something, but I put my finger to his lips to stop him. “Don't make me punish you!” His eyes widen slightly and he shuts his mouth. “Three - you must tell me the truth at all times and not tell me what you think I want to hear. Honesty and truth is a must if this is to work. Four - you must do as I say, or I will punish you. The severity of your punishment will be determined by the crime as such.” I can see the cogs turning in his mind, as the rules sink in. “Finally, I need you to think up your own safety words. These are words you will need to use if you’re reaching your limit, or you want me to stop. They need to be something you won't forget. I only require your complete submission when we have sex and you will call me Mistress during these times. Do you have any questions?” He is silent for a moment. I can’t believe I’ve just run through my basic rules with him.
He pauses a moment before answering. “No.”
I give him a wicked smile as I walk behind him. He’s already failed by not calling me Mistress and I yank his hair, forcing his head back. “No what?” I ask. His hair feels soft under my fingers.
“No, Mistress.” The sound of him calling me Mistress sends heat flooding to my core.
I let go of his hair and move to stand in front of him. Looking down, I see he has a raging hard on. “Is this for me?”I reach down to stroke his cock through his jeans. He swallows hard and clenches his
fists.
“Yes, Mistress.” All I want to do is ride him hard, but I need to take this slowly. I want to savour and enjoy this moment. I notice he’s looking me up and down.
“You like what you see?”
“Oh yes, Mistress.” He answers on a groan, as I continue to palm his engorged shaft. I turn my back to him and place my hands on my hips.
“Undo my corset.” He scoops my hair from around my neck and places it to fall over my right shoulder. As he unclips the fasteners, I feel his knuckles graze my skin and I can’t wait to feel his rough hands on me. When he gets to the last one, my corset falls to the floor and I slide my skirt down my legs, revealing some lacy underwear. I swivel to face him and run my hands over my breasts; pinching my nipples and creating a delicious pain. His hands flex, then clench again and I know he’s itching to touch me. I move closer and raise my breast to my mouth, letting my tongue dart out to lick my nipple. My eyes are focused on him and I watch his tongue snake out to lick his lips.
“Kneel, Jack.” He slowly lowers himself, his hands by his side. I grab his hair and lift my leg, placing my thigh on his shoulder.
“What are your safe words Jack?” I ask, knowing this is distracting him somewhat. He can smell my arousal and tries to look down, but I yank his head back.
“Huh...” He takes a moment to collect himself and look me in the eyes. “I’d like to use green, amber and red, if that's okay with you Mistress?” I’m surprised he knows the house colours and I wonder who he’s been talking to.
“That's fine with me. It’s important that they’re easy to remember. We’ll start out slow, but eventually I’ll test your limits of pain and pleasure and you may need to use them.” I circle him and run my hand over the back of his shoulders; he’s tense. “Relax” Walking over to the sofa, I sit down and slip my hand underneath the front of my panties, to find my clit hard and soaked with my arousal.
“Oh, my god.” He says under his breath. I pretend not to hear him, but arch my brow at him.