Mourning Routine (The Funeral Fakers Book 1)

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Mourning Routine (The Funeral Fakers Book 1) Page 9

by S. E. Babin


  Danger. Danger!

  I let out a light laugh. “Oh, you flatterer. What’s her name? I bet she has a flower name like Daisy or Rosie or Tulip.”

  A dangerous chuckle escaped him. “Close. Her name is Candy.”

  Air escaped my lungs and I did my best to appear unaffected by that announcement. “Candy? Is she sweet?”

  He leaned in a little closer to me, exposing me to his hot, foul breath. “She’s alright, but I like candy. All kinds.”

  I tapped his bratwurst arm with a finger. “Well if my date doesn’t go well, I’ll be back here with a bucket of it.” I chirped out a laugh and waggled my fingers at him. “Now let me get back to girl talk!”

  He stared for a little too long before he stood. “I’ll hold you to that, Sherry.”

  Abigail and I were both quiet until we heard the door shut all the way behind him. A low shaky breath escaped me.

  “Girl,” she said and put her hand over her chest, “where did you even come from? You were acting like you liked him, and I couldn’t even tell you didn’t.”

  “I did a few small roles in LA,” I admitted. “Nothing major.” Except for the one I screwed up.

  “Well, you were amazing. And you got him off my back.” Her expression sobered. “No one here scares me as much as he does.”

  The thought of a mean, massive man like that being around all the time would terrify me, too. “How long has he been around here?”

  “Maybe five, six years. He struck up a friendship with Chase before he’d met Candy. That trollop attended one of our family day events and the next thing I knew I was catching them both sneaking around buildings making out like teenagers!”

  I winced. Sympathy for Chase bloomed in my chest. “Did he know?”

  She shook her head. “Not at first. I’m not even sure he found out later, but things had cooled down between Butch and Chase before he died. I caught them actively avoiding each other.” She frowned. “Well...maybe Chase avoiding him more than the other way around.” Abigail rolled her eyes. “But who could blame him? Butch is built like a tank and has the intellect of a baby squirrel.”

  A surprised laugh escaped me. “That is a perfect description. He sounds like a terrible person.”

  “He is. And Candy isn’t much better. I know you want to talk to the warehouse guys, but I’d advise against it. If you go sniffing around in there, Butch is going to know you aren’t a sweet little girl. The rest of those guys are good. He’s the only one who concerns me.” She shrugged. “But if you think it will help, go ahead. I’ll wait out here for you.”

  Part of me felt like I should, the other part of me did not want to go see Butch again. After a beat, I decided to stay. “Tell me about Butch and Candy.”

  “Whaddya want to know? I didn’t see them much. When she came to visit Chase, they’d make googly eyes at each other. Part of me wondered if she was here to see Chase as much as she was here to stare at Butch.” She shuddered. “Creeped me out if I’m being honest.”

  I told Abigail about the money Chase had saved.

  Her brow furrowed together. “Now about that, I don’t know. Chase and I were friends but weren’t close. Work friends.” She frowned. “Though I do remember seeing Butch and Candy with their heads together in the breakroom one time. Chase had gotten called out for something. I heard them whispering about some kind of delivery.” She shook her head. “Nothing about any money, though.”

  I took a scrap of paper out of my purse and scrawled my number down on it. “If you think of anything else, give me a call.” I smiled at her. I liked this woman. “Maybe even give me a call if you want to grab a cup of coffee soon or something.”

  Her face lit up. “I’ll do that.” As I was getting up, she stopped me. “Hey, you think that place of yours is hiring?” She made a hand motion down her body. “I mean I ain’t much to look at, but I still got my twenty-year-old body.”

  I snorted. “You’re gorgeous, Abigail. I’ll ask and see. Call my cell so I can plug your number in.” I waved and left her sitting in the patio.

  I made my way through the building, feeling the stare of the receptionist on my back as I walked out. There was something about her I didn’t like very much, but I ignored her and kept going without saying goodbye.

  As soon as I was in my car, I headed over to Exit Stage Left.

  Seth Morrow was in my way. I should not be surprised by anything anymore and yet, here he was, hogging up the front entry desk sucking up to Ruthie. I stood behind him and I knew without a doubt he knew I was there. He didn’t bother getting out of the way.

  Ruthie didn’t ask him to.

  I must have stood there for two or three minutes before he moved. Anyone who ever had to stand silently for that long knows it feels like an eternity even when it’s less than a minute.

  “Oh,” he said, his voice a slow, honeyed drawl. “I didn’t see you there.”

  I smirked at him. “It must have been your ego getting in the way again.”

  Amusement sparkled in his eyes. “Maybe so. I really am hard to live with.”

  He stepped out of the way and bowed like he was a concierge escorting me through. A small smile played on Ruthie’s face. It only served to annoy me.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I was careful to keep my tone neutral. She was, after all, my brand new boss.

  “Would you have taken the job if you’d known?” Her raspy voice sounded judgmental.

  “Probably not,” I admitted. “But why would you even want me after what I said about him?”

  At that, Ruthie cackled like I had told a marvelous joke. “Because it was true!”

  I looked over and Seth’s mouth had dropped open in mock outrage.

  “And here I thought I was your favorite.”

  My boss rolled her eyes heavenward. “Please, you’ve been incorrigible since you were knee-high. Nothing I’ve seen has shown me anything has changed.”

  His face grew serious. He was talking to Ruthie. “I can assure you, Aunt Ruthie, I’ve changed. More than I ever wanted to.”

  My face grew hot as I looked away. The day Seth Morrow changed was the day I’d bathe in a vat of crawfish and porcupines. “I’m actually here to talk about something else,” I said to Ruthie. I’ve found some...things out.”

  “Go ahead,” she said, challenge sparking in her gaze.

  “I’d rather speak to you in private,” I said. I could feel Seth’s stare on the side of my face.

  Ruthie snorted as if I’d said something incredibly funny. “Anything you say to me can be said to him. Seth owns part of the firm.”

  I felt like I swallowed a live frog. I swallowed once. Twice. Three times. I still felt like I was choking on something that tasted terrible. I mustered up a cheerful smile. “He does? How wonderful.”

  A choked laugh escaped Seth. “You make it sound wonderful, Kitty. Like this is the best news you’ve heard all week.”

  I cleared my throat. “At minimum, I think we should speak in private.” My gaze found Seth’s. “All of us.”

  Ruthie gave me a long look and nodded. “Head on back to the office. I’ll meet you there in a second.”

  Seth gestured for me to go ahead and I walked, careful not to let him catch up to me. Walking side-by-side was an invitation to chat and that’s the last thing I wanted to do with him. Dumping him in a pot of hot oil was in my top five. Chatting was down around the ten thousand mark.

  As soon as I stepped into the office, I moved to the far side of the room and sank into a chair. Seth pulled up a seat in front of Ruthie’s desk. He didn’t start a conversation, thankfully. We sat there in silence and waited for her to come in. When she did, she shut the door, set the notebook she’d carried in down, flipped it open to a blank page and clicked her pen.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” she demanded. “I’m assuming this has to do with the McCormick’s?”

  I nodded. “I think Chase was murdered.”

  You could have heard a pin drop in t
he room. Seth’s incredulous stare stayed on me for longer than comfortable, but Ruthie...that woman was inscrutable.

  “Really,” she said. It was not a question.

  I sighed. “I know how this sounds.”

  “It sounds like you’re quite possibly involving the agency in a police investigation.”

  “No. Not at all. I just found some things in his room, that’s all. A couple of other things make me think that the client’s heart problem is not actually what killed him.”

  Seth scrubbed a hand over his five o’clock shadow. “Kitty, this is serious. Who have you told?”

  When I said his sister, both aunt and nephew winced.

  I held up a hand. “Wait. She already suspected and was doing some investigating of her own.”

  “What proof do you have?” Ruthie asked me. She set her pen down. I wouldn’t want this on paper either.

  I explained what I’d found in his room and all of the other evidence I’d stumbled across. I left out the fact that I’d gone to his work. She had enough reason to be annoyed with me. I certainly didn’t want to end up fired.

  When I’d finished, Ruthie shook her head. “You’re right,” she admitted. “A lot of this sounds suspect. When are you supposed to attend the funeral?” She frowned. “I don’t have the file in front of me.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Good,” she said. “Seth will attend with you.”

  I squawked my outrage. “He can’t!”

  Ruthie’s stare turned leaden. “He most certainly can, Kitty.”

  I racked my brains trying to come up with a reason. “I’m supposed to be Chase’s girlfriend. Showing up with another male will reflect quite poorly on the family.”

  Ruthie’s lip twitched. “Good save. But he’s still going. I’ll contact Emma and let her know she’s going to have another guest tomorrow.” She turned her attention to Seth. “You’re a friend from a summer camp when you were in high school. You’ve stayed in touch periodically over the years. Got it?”

  He offered Ruthie a sharp nod. “Got it.”

  “I’ll pass the details of the funeral on to Seth. In the meantime, be very careful. Don’t forget when you dig a hole, it’s hard to cover it back up and make it look the same.”

  At that ominous statement, it was obvious I was dismissed. I stood and brushed past Seth, trying not to inhale the crisp scent of his cologne.

  Aaaaargh.

  No good deed goes unpunished.

  10

  I headed straight to my old coffee shop haunt - a place I hadn’t been back to since I’d left my hometown. I’m not sure why I hadn’t come back here before now. Embarrassment, maybe. Shame. When I left, I didn’t say goodbye to a soul, not even my best friend, Bree. I called her from the road and pretended not to hear the hurt in her voice. She wished me good luck and we promised to stay in touch. Maybe five phone calls later, we slowly drifted apart. I hadn’t spoken to her in over a year. I’d heard she worked at Java the Hut, a local gourmet coffee shop, but I didn’t know for sure. When we were in high school, we practically lived at this place and from everything I heard, it was still going strong with the locals.

  A few minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot. Pleasantly surprised the place was still standing and still looking modern, I stepped out of the car and inhaled the air, just like Bree and I had always done, every time we got here.

  The smell of coffee hit me right in the feels. Under that, a hint of cinnamon and baked goods. A smile rose unbidden to my face. This felt like home. I clicked the automatic lock on my car because I’d gotten so used to living in California and headed inside.

  If I thought the outside air smelled wonderful, the inside smelled like grandma had just wrapped me in a blanket and handed me an entire plate full of fresh baked cookies. I had the urge to break out in dance. Glancing around the place, I noticed it had changed quite a lot since the good ol’ days. The single tables were swapped for long meeting tables. The couches had been removed and replaced with decorative, cushioned chairs curled around small tables. Those were all taken up by college students with books and computers slung haphazardly. Two single tables were nestled toward the back but those were taken up, too - one by a girl with glasses and an embarrassingly large frosty drink and the other by a kid of unidentifiable gender whose hoodie was pulled up so far over their head, it could have been Slender Man for all I could tell. Bookshelves full of cool trinkets, gourmet coffee, cool cups, and miscellaneous wonders lined the back of the store. In the front by the register, a massive case was laden with any kind of locally baked good you could ever ask for. I used to get huge blueberry and chocolate chip muffins here until my mother cautioned me about how big my butt was getting. She did it with kindness, but she was right. I almost had to shop for an entirely new wardrobe my junior year, thanks to those muffins.

  I waded through clusters of college and high school students slurping down sugary drinks and finally made my way into the line. In spite of myself, I searched the bakery case for those muffins.

  “We still have them,” a soft, yet sultry voice said close to me.

  I jumped. “Bree!” A wide smile split my face as soon as I saw her.

  She was on the other side of the case, leaning against it, and smiling at me. Her dark hair was streaked with purple and blue, and her wide blue eyes were set off by a pair of trendy black glasses. Bree was just as pretty as I remembered.

  “I’m scared if I buy one, I’ll be back in the same place I was in high school.”

  “Buying new pants?” Bree said as she struggled not to laugh.

  “Yep. And then some. It doesn’t come off quite as easily anymore.”

  “Don’t I know that.”

  “I’m so glad to see you. I heard you worked here now.”

  Something crossed her eyes and if I was right, it was annoyance. Though I didn’t know why.

  “I do,” Bree said. “I also happen to own the place.’

  I blinked in surprise. “What?” I exclaimed. “That’s amazing!” I tilted my head. “So that means you’ll give me the recipe for those muffins?”

  Her smile was genuine this time. “I am no enabler. Besides, they come from a little bakery down the street owned by a retired military mom. She’s pretty cool. Tattoos galore. She rides a motorcycle and has piercings in places I can’t imagine would feel great. But she can make a darn good muffin.”

  “Is this the same woman who used to bake them?”

  She shook her head. “Nope. But it’s her daughter. I can guarantee it’s the same recipe.”

  “Dangerous,” I murmured to myself.

  “If you think that’s bad, you should check out the other stuff she sells to us. She’s got a Lemon Coconut cake to die for.”

  “Lemon Coconut? You temptress,” I said with a laugh, as I headed down the line. “How about just a muffin and an Americano today?”

  “You got it.”

  I watched as Bree took out the biggest muffin she could find, put it in a piece of parchment and handed it over the case to me.

  When she walked over to make the coffee, I followed her, though I was careful not to step behind the counter. “How many employees do you have?”

  She shrugged. “It depends. I have more around the holidays, but normally I just have enough to take on a 5-6 hour shift per day. When we’re short-handed I’ll step in.”

  She topped off the drink with more milk, capped it, and handed it to me. “Sugar’s over in the back.” Bree leaned against the counter. “So, what are you doing now? I saw your mama at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago.” Hurt seeped into her tone. “She said you were back and looking for a job.”

  Guilt seeped into me. I hadn’t gone to see anyone since I was home. “I’m sorry, Bree. It’s a long story. If you have time, though, I’d love to catch up. I’m working at a place called Exit Stage Left now.”

  Her brow drew together. “Never heard of it. Listen, though, if you ever need some part-time money, come see me.
I pay well, but the work isn’t easy.” She waved away the money I’d pulled out of my purse. “Since you took so long to come by and visit, how about you buy me dinner next week?” Bree grinned.

  “That’s way more than a muffin!” I said with a laugh. “Fine. I’m guilty as charged. Next Tuesday at Brynn’s?”

  She stuck out her hand and I gave it a quick shake with my free one. “Deal.”

  “Now get out of here. You think it’s bad now, wait till the private school lets out. You won’t even be able to walk in this place.”

  I raised my coffee in a little salute. “See ya.”

  She waved as I turned to leave.

  A large weight felt like it had fallen off my shoulders. We weren’t okay yet, but maybe we would be.

  I hadn’t messaged Emma back about what I was going to wear, but she hadn’t been in touch either, so I was a little worried. Tomorrow she was going to lay her son to rest. She shouldn’t have to be worrying about me. I was going to go back to my parent’s house, but I drove right past the mall and, on impulse, pulled in. I didn’t think I had anything appropriate for a funeral. Candy appropriate. I felt super uncomfortable at the wake, so maybe I could get something black but with a little more coverage. I wasn’t sure if Emma would approve, but I’d snap a pic of whatever I tried on.

  I was able to find a parking spot close to the entrance to a popular bridal shop. It had been here forever and was popular with anyone who had any kind of event to go to. It didn’t just carry wedding gowns. Myrna, the owner, had dresses for prom, funerals, business meetings, you name it, you could bet she probably had it.

  When I stepped into the store, a little bell tinkled above me. A voice called out from the back.

  “Welcome! I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

  “No worries, Miss Myrna!”

  I headed to the back, doing my best not to salivate over all the gorgeous wedding dresses she had on display. It would be quite a while before I needed one of those. I passed by the small selection of tuxes she had and saw a familiar head of sandy blond hair.

  Was he following me? I hurried past, hoping he wouldn’t turn around and see me. I couldn’t handle any more Seth today especially since I was going to have to put up with him tomorrow.

 

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