by M. Dalto
It wasn’t kept out of shame, though a part of her fought against every glance, every touch, every kiss. Her brain and her heart may have forgiven, may have moved on, but it was as though her body retained the imprint of what had happened to her, and fought against her because she chose it ignore it, to move on instead of dwell and linger.
It wasn’t kept out of safety either, for her or Reylor, though she knew Jamison would rage if he ever found out. He was a part of the secret-keeping, she realized as she spent time with him, through their council meetings and matters involving the guard. She had to wonder what kinds of promises he had sworn to Treyan while he was still alive. To protect, she was certain, but there was more behind it. Perhaps she was more sensitive to the emotions of others now that she, too, had again welcomed affection into her life.
The glances Jamison gave her when he didn’t think she was looking. The closeness of his body to hers when they talked. Small, slight details that may have otherwise been ignored if she wasn’t already receiving similar from another.
But Treyan was dead, and Jamison was merely the captain of the guard.
No, her secret was kept out of pure selfishness.
There was a thrill to it, staying behind at the Council meetings waiting on the last member to leave before the Lord Steward pulled her into his arms. It filled her with an energy she had sorely been missing every time Reylor snuck into her room after dark and left undetected before the suns rose in the morning. It was foolish, she knew—she was the Queen Empress, and she didn’t have to answer to anyone.
Alex didn’t feel the need to explain herself to anyone either.
Reylor didn’t protest. He understood her position, even though she never vocalized it. He knew what the lords thought of him, how Jamison already acted towards him. They were not ready to accept that Reylor, Lord Steward of the Empire, could be redeemed for the crimes against their Empress.
And so she kept their secret.
But it was a month later, and Alex still had not slept with Reylor.
Not to say they hadn’t found other ways to ease the tension, to reach fulfillment.
Reylor did not push the issue, and for that, Alex was most grateful.
Neither was sharing meals a scandalous act, she convinced herself. He was the Lord Steward of the Empire, and she the Queen Empress. To make it seem less intimate, she would invite Jamison as well, to discuss matters of the Empire, but as she expected he refused politely every time. Alex assumed it was due to his distaste towards Reylor
“You’re quiet tonight,” Reylor commented as he sipped his wine, shaking her from her thoughts.
“I was thinking,” she admitted, picking up her fork and putting another bite in her mouth.
“And what matters of the Empire have the Queen Empress so distracted this evening?” he mused as he watched her.
She shrugged slightly, for she did always seem to have something on her mind. When would the Borderlands attack? When would Sara come home? Now, what was she going to do about the Lord Steward?
As though he could read her mind, he said, “There haven’t been any reports from the Borderlands in weeks. Our scouts haven’t changed their reports—they continue to prepare for war, but there have been no outward advances.”
“What are they waiting for then?” Alex asked, trying to focus her own thoughts.
“Most likely? They’re all waiting for Sarayna to return with her Emperor.”
“How would they know?”
“Lexan.” Reylor glanced to her. The confusion must have been evident on her face, for Reylor continued to explain. “Lexan and Sarayna are twins, so they have a deeper connection than most. And Lexan has been...trained...in dream magics.”
Alex perked a brow but allowed him to continue.
“It’s how he lured her into the Borderlands after your return. Chances are it’s how he’s been keeping track of her whereabouts ever since. Lexan most likely knows Sarayna’s plans, whether she willingly tells him or not.”
Alex swallowed, her stomach like lead. They had sent Sarayna to the Otherrealm to protect her, but if Lexan already knew...
“Why would he do that?”
“The same reason any twin yearns to be reunited with the other.”
“And you? Was that how it was when you were in the Borderlands?”
“At first,” Reylor conceded. “Until I allowed hatred to overshadow everything else.”
Alex didn’t want to think about what it would have been like for him, having finally been reunited with his twin only to then have him taken away.
“When she returns,” he continued, “the Borderlands will know.”
The panic in her eyes must have been evident, for Reylor reached a hand across the table and interlaced his fingers with hers.
“I will not allow anything to happen to her.”
“Even if it is Lexan who makes the threat upon her life?”
Reylor stayed silent, and Alex didn’t have an answer, either.
“Then there is the matter of Crystal,” Reylor muttered, avoiding Alex’s eyes as he returned to his food.
She watched him for a moment, the lead of her stomach now meeting the pounding of her heart. She hadn’t given Crystal much thought since she last saw her months ago—more because she didn’t want to accept what had happened, what her former friend had chosen.
Alex had every intention of bringing Crystal back with them to the Empire, to try to find her a way home, but Crystal instead chose to betray them. That Lexan had chosen her for his Empress and brought her to the Borderlands was a slap in the face—that Crystal knowingly signed herself away to a false Prophecy was more than Alex could bear.
After everything Alex had tried to tell her...
Now she was her enemy.
“What about Crystal?” Alex finally inquired, bringing her wine glass to her lips.
“Just as they are awaiting Sarayna’s arrival, we should be monitoring the birth of their heir.”
Alex stopped mid-sip, the color in her face draining away as she placed her glass on the table. She suddenly found her food no longer appetizing and pushed the plate away.
Reylor perked a brow, but of course he wouldn’t understand.
Crystal was pregnant with the heir to the Borderlands, just as Alex had been carrying the Empire’s Golden child, the one who was supposed to bring order and peace back to the land. Instead of carrying the baby to term, Alex lost it during the fight that killed Treyan. In fact, it was Treyan’s death that drew that hidden power from her, sending her over the edge and allowing them to escape from the Borderlands.
The cost was great, and Alex lost the one last part of Treyan she’d ever have.
“Alex?” Reylor attempted to regain her attention, and she snapped her head towards him.
“We leave Crystal and their heir alone.”
“What?” the Lord Steward asked incredulously. “They wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to—”
“We are not killers, Reylor. We never have been, and we never will be.”
“Alex, the game has changed.”
“You think this is a game?” she snapped.
“That’s not what I meant...”
“We’re talking about lives here—innocent lives that haven’t even been born yet!”
“You’re letting your personal preferences get in the way of the greater picture, Alex. They will not stop until they have control over the Empire, at whatever cost. That includes lives...”
“We are not murderers,” she shouted, her voice strained.
“Fine.” Reylor stood from his seat. “When they come, Alex, and the lives of all those you hold dear are at risk, what will you choose?”
“I will choose to be fair.”
“Fair?” Reylor scoffed, pushing away from his chair. “You think the Councillor will be fair? When he has a knife to your daughter’s neck? When my son’s life hangs in the balance? No, this has nothing to do with fair, Empress—this is entirely about survival.
”
“Was it fair when you kidnapped me?” Alex countered, standing from her own chair. She knew the moment she said it, by the look that crossed his face, that she had gone too far, but she had already crossed the line and her rage would not allow her to stop. “Was it fair when you snuck into the palace, and took me for your own? Was it fair when you wronged everything that was supposed to be right, and set all of this in motion? Was it fair when you bastardized the future of the Empire?”
Reylor fell silent, and Alex could see the horrors of the past play through his eyes as he looked at her. She watched as he remembered everything he had done, all he had planned, and what his actions had caused.
They both knew that he had started this mess.
She also knew he wanted to—needed to—fix it for his own redemption.
All she could see was red. The rage and the pain and the forgiveness and the love all mingled together as tears came to her eyes. The loneliness she felt before she allowed Reylor to hold her in his arms these last months fell upon her tenfold, and she ran from the dining hall before he could say another word.
Before either of them could.
Chapter Eleven
Reylor came to her room that night, as he had the other nights before, even after everything she had said.
Alex lay awake, the tears long dry upon her cheeks, counting her breaths while waiting to see if he would arrive, until she heard the latch of her door opening. She shot up in bed to meet those red eyes and found herself getting lost in them again.
Unlike the other nights, Reylor didn’t come right to bed. He leaned against the door, watching her just as she watched him.
“I have said many times that though I regret the methods of my actions, I do not regret what I have done,” he said hoarsely from where he stood. Alex noticed his shirt was loose from his pants and unbuttoned about halfway down his chest. He wore no boots, as though he had prepared to spend the night alone before deciding to visit her. “It was unethical, cruel, and morally wrong, but at the time it was the only option I had—or thought I had—to achieve the goals I needed to reach in order to save my lands. I was manipulated because of it, and I regret every day that I have to live with that reality hanging over me.”
Alex watched as he took a step closer to the bed.
“What I did, I would never retract. Because of you, I now have a son who looks to me as a father, and that was something I thought I’d never have, even after the first night I dreamt of you. I know now, if I didn’t do what I did, it wouldn’t have been me, but Razen who kidnapped you, or your children, and done the unthinkable to them to further his twisted plan.”
Alex stilled; she knew he was right. The former Councillor more than said the same the last time she saw him. Her fingers twisted the blankets as she watched Reylor approach the end of the bed, and Alex closed her eyes to a flash of memory, the last time she saw him in such a position. But she shook her head and returned her gaze to him.
No, he was not the banished Lord Steward he was before.
He looked at her a moment longer before he moved onto the bed, and every word from him crawled along Alex’s skin like a sultry, velvet whisper.
“Despite everything I have done—all I have had to do—one thing remains the same.” He lay alongside her, and she lay back down as he shifted, bracing himself above her as his eyes met hers. His look softened, and she matched the tenderness in his gaze as she watched and waited.
“I have loved you since the first night I dreamt of you, Alexstrayna. I will love you until the last day I walk upon the lands of the Empire.”
His lips were on hers as all breath escaped her body. The kiss was not vicious or lustful as it had been in the past, but was wanting, and loving, and soft, and Alex melted into it. When he removed her night clothes, and she removed his shirt and pants, there was no more hesitation. When his hands ventured towards the undergarments at her waist, and he breathed ‘please’ against her lips, she nodded and arched her hips against him to allow him easier access.
It wasn’t until they were both naked and panting and ready to cross that threshold they had yet to move beyond when Alex placed her hands on his shoulders and eased him onto the bed, straddling his waist, feeling his need so close to her. She had long ago decided that if they were ever to do this again, it would be on her terms, with her in control.
This time, she was ready.
As she mounted him and rode his body to completion, she forgot everything that had happened, everything that made her lonely, or afraid, or uncertain and suddenly found herself finding that which made her whole again.
As she lay upon him with his arms wrapped around her, both spent from their release, their breaths ragged and voices hoarse, she leaned up just enough for her dark eyes to meet his as she whispered, “I love you, too.”
Once they took that final step together, Alex discovered that keeping things a secret wasn’t as hard as she thought they would be.
Or maybe it was because she didn’t care if it was a secret any longer. Let the entire Empire discover what she and Reylor were doing. It wasn’t for them to decide how she lived her life any longer.
She was the Queen Empress.
It was her decision to make.
There was nothing about being with Reylor that made her regret her decision for one moment.
Compared to Treyan, who had been quite the traditional romantic, Reylor was far more...adventurous.
He took her mind, body, and soul in so many ways, and so many places, Alex had never believed it possible.
Perhaps the thrill of secrecy, of potentially getting caught, also drove them.
Among the stacks of the barren library, on the Council chamber’s table, in the dining hall before its roaring fire...
It was as though the palace was their own personal playground and the game grew more exciting the bolder they became.
For the first time in a long, long time...Alex was happy.
It occurred to her for the first time one night as they lay in bed after a rather adventurous session in her own room. As she lay on her side with her back to him, his arms wrapped around her from behind as they both tried to catch their breaths, his lips lazily kissed the length of her neck, and she couldn’t stop smiling.
“What is it?” Reylor murmured against her skin, as if he could sense the jubilation that radiated from within her.
Alex just glanced over her shoulder at him, the smile still on her face. “What’s next?” She hadn’t wanted to take into consideration the future, or more importantly, their future, since they began this relationship. Now, it didn’t frighten her as it had before.
“What do you want to be next?” he asked carefully.
She rolled over onto her back so that she could look up at him, uncaring as the blankets dropped to her waist, exposing her breasts. “What are my options?”
“Regarding what, Empress?” he purred, leaning his head against his arm that was propped against the pillows.
She gave him a glare that told him to cut the shit, and he chuckled as his hand rested lightly on her stomach.
“I suppose we have a few options,” he conceded. “We continue this charade and remain in hiding for the rest of our existence. Or we stop being so secretive and allow others to know of your undeniably good taste in lovers.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss, and she smiled against his lips. “Or you take it beyond all that...”
He hesitated before continuing. Alex sensed it, and she knew why.
He had all but threatened her with it months ago.
Now...now it didn’t feel so threatening.
In fact, it was almost exactly what Alex wanted. It was what she needed.
Reylor brought his hand up from her stomach, gently caressing her breast on its path to her collarbone. “We don’t need to talk about this now.”
She closed her eyes to his touch and with a quiet laugh as his mouth sucked on her nipple, she decided no, they did not need to talk about that just yet.<
br />
In their distracted state, neither heard the door open, and it wasn’t until it slammed shut that Alex processed what happened.
The scream of “how could you?” still reverberated through her ears as she sat up in bed, clutching the blankets to her naked chest where Reylor’s mouth had just departed with as much surprise.
It was only a moment, but the dark hair, the blue eyes...the look of pure and utter distaste as those eyes roamed over her and who she now shared her bed with.
Sarayna was home.
And there weren’t going to be any more secrets.
Chapter Twelve
The look on Alex’s face was enough to tell Reylor that she was in no place to greet her daughter. Without a word, he got out of bed and put on his pants.
“Where are you going?” she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper.
“One of us needs to welcome her home, and something tells me you aren’t yet up to it.”
Reylor picked up his shirt, slipping his arms in and leaving the front unbuttoned. “I will be respectful and diplomatic, ever the Lord Steward of the Empire.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” the Empress murmured from where she sat on the bed, and he walked over to her, placing a gentle kiss on her brow. Anything more, and he knew he wouldn’t be leaving that bedroom anytime soon, but this was something that needed to be done before the princess got too far.
“I’ll see to it that she’s brought to her quarters, and we’ll have a Council meeting in the morning. Try to rest, and you can start fresh after that.”
Alex let out a sigh, and nodded, albeit reluctantly. He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but he was not looking forward to the fury that awaited him outside that door. Chances were, half of the palace was now aware of the princess’ return, and the other half would assume something was amiss after the screaming and door slamming. If the princess was anything like her mother...
Reylor let out his own sigh before leaving the bedroom.
He didn’t see her at first. He had to turn the corner before he caught her pacing back and forth, the rage seething beneath her skin, her fists clenched at her sides as her boots all but kicked at the walls every time she came close enough.