“We can’t, Adrian, but for the sake of Daniel, we need to—”
Adrian grabbed her hand, yet she felt nothing. No connection. “We can, Kendalee. I’ll change. I already have. The affair was a wake-up call. Nothing more. Even my reaction to what Daniel told us was out of character. Call it a mid-life crisis, call me stupid, call me anything you want. I’m sorry. Deeply, truly sorry. But we can fix this. I want to make it up to you and Daniel. I’ll go to church with you. I’ll work less. Hell, if you want, I’ll even get out of the real estate business and get a regular nine-to-five job so I can spend more time with you guys. But I beg you, Kendalee, don’t let my stupidity ruin our family. I still love you.”
If somebody had asked her six weeks ago what she wanted, this would have been it. The moment when Adrian confessed his idiocy, apologized for tearing their family apart and causing her to lose sleep and weight worrying for her future.
But it fell flat.
Her head told her it was the right thing. She’d committed to stay married to this man for better or worse. And the Bible was always going on about forgiveness. Weren’t those two things synonymous? But her heart . . . all those new feelings about her life, her future, her relationship with Elliott. She didn’t want to walk away from that.
Maybe her distance from the church had given her a different perspective. Why should she be tied into a marriage that didn’t satisfy any part of her?
“Say something, Kendalee. I’m pouring my heart out to you, and you’re standing there like a statue.”
She looked at Adrian. He looked as tired as she felt. Maybe they were all exhausted. Maybe now, while Daniel was still in such early stages of recovery from his burns, they should just focus on co-parenting instead of the legalities of divorce.
“Can you at least agree to put this on hold?” he pleaded. “Just for now. Let’s see how you feel once Daniel is out and settled. I’ll find us somewhere to rent for now. We could go looking tomorrow.”
Kendalee shook her head. “You know, now might not be the right time to hash out a settlement, but don’t confuse that with any kind of reconciliation. I’d consider deferring the legalities, but not the separation. We aren’t moving back in with you. I don’t think that’s the answer. So much of our relationship was based on habits and behaviors that were negative for me. I didn’t even realize how negative until I stopped having to deal with them.”
“Like what?” Challenge laced his tone.
“The fact that you’re asking the question that way, ready to fight me on whatever it is I say next, just underscores my point. Look, you have the papers. It’s up to you when you sign them.”
She turned and walked into Daniel’s room. “Hey, Daniel.” The footsteps behind her told her that Adrian had followed her in.
“Hey, Mom. Were you and Dad arguing outside?”
She ruffled his hair and placed a kiss on the top of his head. “We’re just trying to figure out some details, that’s all.”
“I . . . well . . . Because I don’t want to go back to that, where you guys fight all the time.”
She didn’t either. She hadn’t missed the constant bickering over whose turn it was to put gas in the car and who had left the lights on. “We’re going to do our darndest to make sure that doesn’t happen, by separating amicably, right, Dad?”
Adrian nodded curtly. “Of course, Daniel. We’re just trying to figure out what is best.”
As Adrian sat down on the bed and flicked through the paper he’d gotten from the subway, she began to look at the math book she’d bought to help Daniel keep up to speed with the lessons the Toronto District School Board had provided.
“What the everloving fuck?” Adrian exclaimed, shattering the silence. He jumped to his feet. “Is this the problem?” he shouted, thrusting the paper at her.
Kendalee took the paper from his hands: MOM PARTIES WITH STAR WHILE CHILD LIES IN HOSPITAL.
Her knees gave out as she read the details. She reached for the bedside table as the words blurred. They knew about Daniel being in the hospital and about his burns. The rag made it look like she’d abandoned Daniel to go out partying. They’d gotten a photo of her as she’d stepped out of the limo. The picture was as unflattering as it was suggestive. The look between her and Elliott, one that should have been private, was incendiary. Her stomach lurched and she placed a hand over her mouth.
“You’re in a relationship with him, aren’t you?”
Tears filled her eyes, and her head swam. “Adrian, I’m—”
“Is this where you think my son is going to be living? With him?” Derision gilded his features.
Oh God. What must everybody think of her? It was so unfair. Daniel had been in the hospital for forty-three nights. And she’d slept there for all but a handful of them. Like when he’d asked for some privacy, or she needed to do laundry. And it most cases, his father or godmother had stayed the night. What where the chances the paparazzi would photograph her on the single night she’d partied? Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Leave her alone,” Daniel shouted. “You’re the one who fucked all this up.”
“Shut up, Daniel,” Adrian said, raising his voice to match his son’s. “Where do you think you’re taking my son when this is over?”
Her heart raced and her mouth went dry as she tried to get her head around what had just happened. “I’m moving us into Elliott’s house. He’s helping me out. He’s decorated a room for Daniel and—”
“Over my dead body.”
“Hey, what’s going on? I could hear you guys down the hall,” Elliott said, arriving at the worst possible time.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” Adrian said.
“Won’t be the first time I’ve been called that,” he said.
Kendalee handed Elliott the paper and watched as his eyes scanned the article. “I’ll get my PR and lawyer on it. There’ll be a retraction in the morning. I promise.”
“You need to get the fuck away from my family,” Adrian shouted.
Elliott took a step forward, moving ever so slightly in front of her. “And you need to calm down. It’s a hospital, and there are other kids here.”
Adrian’s face turned a shade pinker. “I don’t need you to tell me how to—”
“Yeah. You do. Because this is not how things get resolved.”
“We were doing just fine before that,” he said, pointing to the paper. “Kendalee and I were talking about how to fix things, and that’s never going to happen if you don’t just fuck off.”
“I hate you,” Daniel yelled to his father. “I hate you. If it weren’t for your fucked-up brother, I wouldn’t have been raped.”
Kendalee gasped and reached for Daniel’s hand. It was the first time she’d heard him use the term. Her heart cracked into a million pieces.
“No, Mom. I want you all to go. Please. I just . . . I want to be on my own.”
Her heart cracked at his words. She could barely breathe.
“Don’t be dramatic, Daniel,” Adrian said dismissively. “This is a grown-up conversation and—”
“No,” Elliott said. “You need to go.”
Adrian stood his ground. “You can’t make me leave.”
Elliott stepped around the bed, pulling himself to his full impressive height. Part of her wanted to stop the scene from unfolding, but she was too numb to speak.
“Do you want to put money on that?” Elliott came to a stop right in front of Adrian.
“Fine. But I’ll be back with a legal document of my own,” Adrian spat as he leaned around Elliott to look straight at Kendalee.
“Thank you, Elliott,” Kendalee said after had Adrian marched out and a quiet energy filled the room.
Elliott placed his hand on her cheek “You too, honey. You need to go too. Wait for me at Starbucks.”
“Wait. What?” There was no way on God’s earth that he meant what she thought he meant. Was he kicking her out?
“Daniel wants some time to himself tonight. Right, Danie
l?”
Daniel nodded traitorously. “Please, Mom. I don’t have the energy to deal with this tonight.” He turned to Elliott. “Could I talk to you for a minute though?”
Anger flooded her. How did she end up getting kicked out for something Adrian had started? How did she end up in a newspaper that slammed her reputation? For what? For trying her best? For spending over forty nights sleeping on a bed with the comfort and charisma of a park bench? And Elliott. She wanted Daniel to turn to her, not to Elliott. Fury didn’t even begin to describe how mad she was at him for pushing her to leave when all she wanted to do was make it right with her son.
But she wasn’t going to put all that on Daniel.
“Of course, sweetheart,” she said, kissing Daniel on top of his head, trying to keep her feelings inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow though, okay?”
Daniel nodded.
She grabbed her things without sparing Elliott another glance.
* * *
“He raped me, Elliott,” Daniel said, choking on the words as he repeated his pronouncement.
As much as Elliott worried about the woman who’d given him a look of such disappointment, Daniel was more important. Daniel’s vocal acknowledgment of what had happened to him was huge. And assuming Kendalee did as he’d asked and waited for him in Starbucks, he knew that once he’d explained it to her she’d understand. She was so committed to her son that he was certain she’d figure it out without his help.
Ellen had been the first woman to ever put Elliott first, and Elliott would respect that by ensuring Daniel came first in everything. Even if it affected his relationship with Kendalee.
“You want to tell me what happened?” he asked, pulling up a chair as close to the bed as he could get.
“It started on my eleventh birthday. He bought me some new art supplies because I was always drawing things. You know, manga stuff, and Pokémon. I was so excited that I ran up to my room to open them on my desk and start drawing. Uncle Simon followed me but I didn’t think anything of it.”
Elliott swallowed hard. Knowing something awful had happened to the boy and hearing it from his own mouth in his own words were two completely different things.
“He asked me how excited I was by his gift, and I said that I was stoked. I gave him a hug, which of course I’d done before, but this time he held me close. Closer than I was comfortable with. He told me I looked very beautiful in the pants and shirt that my mom had given me for my party. I told him that beautiful was a word to describe girls, and he laughed. He ran his hands over my butt and told me it was a compliment.”
Daniel jumped as a nurse wheeled a cart past the door. Elliott reached for his hand. “You’re safe. I promise.”
He nodded. “Uncle Simon asked me how grateful I was for my gift, and I told him very. He asked if I’d be willing to show him how grateful I was. I thought he was going to ask me to draw him something with my new supplies, so I said yes.” Daniel sighed deeply.
Elliott’s heart sank, his gut turning over at the way the child had been manipulated by a man he’d trusted.
“He . . . he took my hand . . . and he pressed it against his . . . his . . .”
“It’s okay, Daniel,” he said. “You don’t need to tell me. You can talk to your psychologist about this. You can—”
“His cock,” Daniel yelled. “Okay.” His voice quieted as a tear trickled down his cheek. “He made me jerk him off.”
Elliott ran his hand over his beard and breathed deeply.
“You want to know why I started the fire? Because I couldn’t stand my fucking room. I couldn’t stand that house. After Mom found out, she set me up in the other bedroom, but what she didn’t know was that that was the room where . . . the first time . . . when he actually put his . . .”
Fuck. Elliott was going to heave. He took a deep breath and then another, then realized that Daniel was breathing right along with him. He looked Daniel in the eyes and could see the panic dissipate as they both breathed through it, their inhales and exhales in sync.
“You’re safe, Daniel,” he said, quietly.
“He told me at first that it needed to be our secret. Then he threatened to tell Mom that I’d asked for it. He told me that he’d make sure everybody knew what kind of person I was. He said that my dad would never believe a kid like me over his own twin.”
Elliott shook his head. Adrian had proved Daniel’s abuser right. Fucking reject.
“He raped me for the first time in that room because he said the bed was higher.” Daniel ran his hands over his eyes. “Every room in that house reminded me of him. I knew Mom couldn’t afford to move, and I definitely didn’t want to go live with Dad. I thought that if I burned the house down, we’d get the insurance money and then Mom and I could buy somewhere new.”
Relief flooded through Elliott. One of the fundamental differences between pyromania and arson was compulsion versus revenge. Nothing about Daniel’s story suggested he’d felt an urge to start the fire for the fire.
“I’m not sure that’s the way it works, Daniel.” It probably wasn’t his place to tell the kid what was going on. “I think the fact that you guys are coming to stay with me says that it isn’t as simple as that.”
“I’m tired, Elliott. Of it all. Of everything.” Daniel wriggled down into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.
“I know how that feels, Daniel.”
“Is it wrong that I kicked Mom and Dad out?”
“Depends why you did it. If it’s because you were angry, then I’d say yes, you were wrong. Because you need to learn to deal with your emotions.” Elliott’s own words hit him hard around the face. That was what was wrong with him. He needed to learn how to deal with all the emotions he felt. The adult ones he experienced, not the childlike ones he’d had to process after his diagnosis and time in care.
“I just want some time to myself. There are people in here all the time. If Mom or Dad aren’t here, then doctors, nurses, other kids are. After the fire, there were police, and social workers, and fire investigators. Soon, with the police pressing charges against Simon, and Mom and Dad’s divorce, I guess there will be lawyers. I just want some privacy, some space to think without people trying to fucking entertain me, or question me, or treat me. I want to go home, Elliott. To your place. Even if we only stay there for a little while.”
Elliott nodded as he struggled to contain the emotions attempting to spill from him. “I get that. I’ll figure it out with your dad, and your mom if she’s still speaking to me when I get downstairs.” He rolled his eyes for effect to detract from his apparent lack of emotional control.
Daniel laughed quietly. “If she calls you by your full name, you’re in trouble. If she taps her index finger on her lip between sentences while she’s telling you off, you’re in double trouble.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Do you love my mom?”
His head started to go through the logic of the question, but his heart shouted yes. “I guess I do.”
“Does she know? Did you tell her?”
Elliott shook his head. “Possibly, and no.”
“I think you should fix that.”
“Wise words, kid,” he said as he stood. And Daniel was wise. Older than his years, the burden of the abused.
“My dad stopped telling her, and she watches all these girlie love stories, and I see the way she sighs when something romantic happens.” Daniel looked at him hopefully.
“Remember that for when you’re older. Are you sure you want to be alone? I’m happy to figure it out with your mom and the hospital and stay here instead if they’ll let me.” Either way, he’d still be telling the nurse on the desk what had happened.
“I’m sure,” Daniel said. “I’ll watch some TV and get some rest.”
Elliott placed his hand on the kid’s head. I love you too, kid.
The first thing he did when he left the room was call the band’s lawyer and get him started on a retraction for
the article. Then, true to the promise he’d made to himself while talking to Daniel, he filled the nurse in on Daniel’s emotional purge and then jogged to the elevator. A quick glance at his watch told him they could still make it to the plans he’d set up, which would give them plenty of time to have the two conversations they needed—the first of which would be Kendalee yelling at him for kicking her out of Daniel’s room. Assuming he survived that one, he was going to tell her about his own past. All of which meant that one way or another, there was every chance that they wouldn’t be speaking by the end of the evening.
He glanced around the Starbucks and caught sight of her unmistakable strawberry blonde hair. Hair he knew felt like silk as it ran through his fingers. Daniel was right. He did love Kendalee, and he should tell her. But first they had business. “Hey,” he said quietly as he reached her table.
Kendalee looked up at him, her eyes red-rimmed, but didn’t say a word. Her cup showed evidence of something chocolatey with lots of cream. Perhaps before he’d left the room he should have asked Daniel to explain a few more of her tells.
Gently, he reached for her hand, which was chilled in his, and helped her to her feet. “Look, I know you’re mad right now.” Her eye roll confirmed that this was going to be a tough sell. “But hold that thought. Come with me.”
“Elliott,” she said as though the weight of the world hinged on her words. “I can’t do this . . . I—”
“Where we are going is private, and we can talk. I just told your son to not run away from his problems. Can you do the same?’
Kendalee’s jaw twitched, a tell even he could understand, but she nodded her head. They stepped out of the hospital in silence, and Kendalee slipped her hand out of his.
“Don’t withdraw from me.” He cupped her face gently. “We aren’t always going to agree, but we can find a way through this.”
She stepped out of his hold and flagged a taxi.
“I don’t need a pep talk on how to argue, Elliott Dawson.”
His full name.
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