My Calling

by Lyssa Layne

  In the past twenty-four hours, my entire life has been rewritten. First, Beck and his bomb then the truth about my uncle’s death. I’ve been blaming my father for years then I went and fell in love with Beck, the ultimate murderer whether he did it or not. My father was my scapegoat when in reality everything was Beck’s fault. How can I not take my feelings I had toward my father and push them off on Beck? If Eddie had never met him, he’d still be alive.

  “Hey…”

  I glance up when I hear Beck’s deep voice. He’s leaning against our rig, his arms folded over his uniform and his muscles flexed. I frown, thinking about what I just found out and irritated at how much I want to run into his arms and just be held. Beck is my comfort zone, he always has been and I’m afraid he always will be.

  I pull the top button of my blouse through the last hole as I finish getting ready. It’s the same button I used to tease him at the start of our relationship. Today, it’s kind of symbolic as I pull that button through, covering what was once Beck’s but now, I’m not sure it ever will be again.

  “Hey,” I mutter, walking past him and climbing into the passenger side of the ambulance. A few seconds later, Beck is in the front seat and driving the ambulance out of the garage. I reach over and turn on the radio, tuning the station to hip hop which Beck hates. I don’t want to give him the opportunity to talk to me just yet. I need time. Time to figure out my emotions. Time to talk to Eddie. Time to forgive Beck.

  A Justin Bieber song comes on, one that I absolutely love and normally sing at the top of my lungs but today I don’t. I stare out the window, singing the words in my head to distract me from all my thoughts. Halfway through the song, a voice I’ve never heard sing before is mumbling the words. When I look over at Beck, the tops of his cheeks that are exposed over his beard are rosy and red as he sings along with the Biebs.

  I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling and also to keep my tears at bay. “What are you doing?”

  Beck glances over at me. “Trying your approach to get you to talk.”

  A smile slips out as I recall one of our first shifts together when I was singing obnoxiously to get his attention. That was back when I didn’t know the truth and life was simple. Of course, now that I know the truth, my life has never been very simple and apparently I’ve been walking around with a bullseye on my back, lucky that I haven’t been gunned down myself. My smile drops into a frown and Beck shakes his head.

  “You know I’m driving so if I made funny faces, it probably wouldn’t be safe,” he tries to rationalize.

  “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

  Beck looks back at the road. “Saylor, you ran away. I was scared shitless that whole time you were gone, worried that something had happened to you and you were hurt… or worse. When you came back, I didn’t want to scare you off. You were happy and determined and I wasn’t going to deter you from your goals. I thought if I stayed in the shadows, helped when I was needed, that it would all be fine. Then, you stole my heart and the whole game changed.”

  I close my eyes, mulling over his words. “Maybe it could’ve been different but why didn’t you tell me the truth about who killed my uncle?”

  Beck slams on the brakes and my eyes open wide.

  “How did you find out?”

  Anger boils in my stomach, irritated that he’s more worried how I found out than that Eddie’s death was his fault. I shrug, looking back out the window as I mutter, “My father.”

  Beck grabs my hand, jerking it toward him to get my attention. “What the fuck, Saylor? You went and talked to your father?”

  I start to pull my hand back but the serenity that Beck creates in me slowly creeps through my body from his hand to mine so I let it be.

  “I had to know the truth and I didn’t have anyone else to talk to.”

  Beck’s jaw tightens and he takes a deep breath. His hands move on either side of my face and he looks me in the eyes. “You have me, Saylor, you’ll always have me. Promise me that you won’t go back to that prison. It isn’t safe for either of us.”

  His words send my emotions over the edge and tears roll down my cheeks as I nod. It’s much easier to make this promise to Beck than the promise my father wanted me to make to him. Beck’s lips touch my forehead and I close my eyes, this is where I belong. I can fight it all I want but Beck is what I need in life, he makes me me.

  Beck

  Watching Saylor work on the kid with a broken arm calms me. She’s in her element, doing her thing and saving lives, and it relieves me. Saylor is a survivor, always has been, always will be. It’s reassuring that she hasn’t changed despite her world being knocked off its axis yet again. I don’t know what all Donnie Warner told his daughter but the man doesn’t hold back. The fact that she’s still somewhat talking to me, let’s me know there’s hope that she’ll at least let me stay in her life if as nothing more than a co-worker.

  A breeze blows through the park, making leaves fall from their branches and Saylor’s blonde ponytail waves back and forth. The wind catches her perfume and I inhale deeply, trying to remember this serene moment for the future when I might not get to be this close to her. If there’s one guarantee in life, it’s that nothing is guaranteed at all.

  Saylor looks around before asking the kid, “So, bud, where’s your mom?”

  The kid, maybe thirteen, gives Saylor a look like she’s out of her mind. The park around us is known to be home to runaways. I know because I spent many a night here myself when I just a little older than him. Saylor and my childhoods weren’t all that dissimilar, the only difference is that both of my parents are in jail. I was headed down the same path as them when I joined the Crimson Crew, little did I know I was signing my death wish by becoming a part of them. It was Eddie that pulled me away, rescued me from a prison sentence in exchange for his own life. I can’t help but wonder if it would’ve been better for me to have stayed in the gang. Eddie would be alive and Saylor wouldn’t be in any danger. I’d be long gone, but it would be worth it to sacrifice myself for both of them.

  “Um, lady… you do know where you are, right?”

  I laugh at his response while Saylor shoots me a glare to shut me up on the spot.

  “Beck, can you grab some more gauze from the rig?”

  I nod. “Sure. Then how about we grab some lunch?” I look over at the kid. “You a fan of burgers?”

  His eyes light up and he nods vigorously. I catch Saylor’s surprise on her face but she quickly hides it, thinking I didn’t catch it. I wink at him and head back to the rig to search for the gauze. Deep down, beneath all my layers of assholeness, I do have a heart and not just for Saylor. I’m familiar where this kid is coming from and if I can save him from the same mistakes I made then I’ll throw away my badass attitude for him any day.

  I hear footsteps behind me and turn around, expecting Saylor to be there. “Chill, Say, I got it right—”

  My heart stops the second I recognize Argento Jagger, leader of the Crimson Crew. He was the man that Eddie found me with the day he turned my life around. Eddie was my mark, I was supposed to have killed him myself, instead Argento sent one of his men to do the dirty work. Argento’s the man that forces these young kids to take another person’s life just so that they have a “family” as he likes to call it. I came from a pretty fucked up family, but we’re pretty normal compared to his definition of the word. What he’s selling to these kids is a family in the sense of breaking the law and hurting people for vengeance of what someone did to his parents.

  Argento’s family were immigrants to the area, who built an empire on honest, hard work. He isn’t like most of the kids who seek him out that come from broken homes with parents in jail. Although they came from another country, they were living the American dream until a robbery gone wrong at his parents’ office took both of their lives. Argento ran away before he was shoved into the foster system. No one knows the exact details of his first kill but it tumbled into a massive killing spree
which is now known as the Crimson Crew.

  As always, he’s dressed to the nines, wearing a freshly pressed suit and a cocky grin on his face. He tips his fedora toward me in a salutation as he greets me. “Hello, Jonathan, long time no see,” he says and adds a cackle to the end of his statement.

  Chills run down my spine because I know what he’s here for and I need to get to Saylor stat.

  CHAPTER 25

  Beck

  “What the hell do you want, Argento?” I grumble. I move toward him, trying to escape the enclosed space I’m in not only for my safety but so I can have Saylor in my line of sight again.

  He smile gets wider. “That’s no way to greet an old friend, Jonny Boy.”

  I get to the end of the rig and try to squeeze past Argento but he blocks my exit. When I try to step around him, he moves, too and I know he’s not letting me out. Argento moves his arm, tucking his hand in his pocket and letting me see his firearm on his belt. My blood pressure spikes, not for fear of my own life, but for Saylor’s. I try to keep my cool, hopefully Argento doesn’t know about her, but that’s highly unlikely.

  “Now, Jon, what do you say we take a little walk?”

  Argento steps to the side and I know better than to make a run for it. I jump out of the back of the rig, the cold tip of Argento’s gun immediately pressed against my lower back. My eyes search for Saylor but her and the kid are both gone. I swivel my neck from side to side looking for her, almost giving myself whiplash as I do. I’m about to start yelling for her when Argento shoves me with both his hands and I fall to the ground in the alley he’s walked us to.

  “Who ‘ya looking for, Jon?” Argento asks, a knowing tone in his voice.

  “Doesn’t matter, you found me. Now, what do you want?”

  I clench my fists, trying to channel my anger and fear for Saylor. Argento wants me. I turned my back on him, I didn’t follow through on my promise, and he’s here to make me pay. He wants to add another tally mark to his list and had it been years ago when Eddie was still alive, I would’ve gladly given my life in place of his. Today, I can’t. Even if she hates me, it’s my duty to take care of Saylor, not just because of the promise I made to Eddie, but because I love her with every fiber of my being. Saylor is strong and will survive without me but I don’t want her to. I want to be by her side in everything she does… to love her, to support her, to be her partner in life. If it comes down to it though, I will lay down my life for her in a heartbeat.

  “You never completed the task assigned to you, Jonathan, and you know I don’t like things left undone.” Argento arches his eyebrows to show his disapproval.

  I shift my weight back and forth, rocking on the heels of my feet. “One of your guys got it done.” I open and close my palms, trying my best to not lose control. It’s too risky right now to try anything without knowing where Saylor is.

  “Exactly. One of my guys had to do it for you. You still owe me and it’s time to pay up, Jonathan.”

  “Come on, Argento, let me be. I never—”

  “Beck, there you are. I thought you were getting the gauze.” Saylor walks into the alley, passing Argento without even realizing it. “Seriously, Beck, if you expect me to forgive you, you should really follow through on your promises.”

  Argento’s eyes light up at the sight of her and I shake my head. Dammit, Saylor, you just exposed my weak spot to the man who killed your uncle. I take a step toward her, reaching for her hand to try and pull her behind me. Saylor notices and yanks her hand back.

  “No.” She moves her hands to her hips and cocks her head to the side. “Look, Beck, I’m going to forgive you eventually, but you’re going to have to give me time.”

  “Shut up,” I mutter, stepping toward her and keeping my eyes on Argento, who is now grinning like a wild banshee.

  Saylor looks over her shoulder, finally seeing Argento. Immediately, she steps back, pushing her body flush to mine, searching for the safety she knows I provide… except that this time, I don’t think I can. I don’t let her know that as I take her hand in mine and move to her side.

  “So, who do we have here?”

  “No one. Let her go and I’m all yours,” I say, gripping Saylor’s hand as tight as I can because I know this is going to be the last time… ever.

  Argento grins. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Jonathan?”

  Saylor looks up at me with her big, blue, innocent eyes. God, I’m going to miss her face… and her laughter, her smile, everything about her but this is my battle and it ends now. I squeeze her hand, trying to telepathically tell her how much I love her and that everything will be alright.

  Argento clears his throat. “I hate to break up this moment but I always liked you so the girl can walk.” His eyes roam up and down her body in a way that I want to rip his throat out. “And she’s much too pretty to hurt even a hair on that precious head, isn’t she?”

  “Go, Saylor,” I whisper, urging her to leave before Argento changes his mind. Saylor opens her mouth to object and I put my finger to her lips. “Don’t argue, get the hell out of here and don’t come back.”

  A sadness replaces the confusion in her eyes and I know she’s dying for answers that she’ll never get. She’ll live her life never understanding why the man who proclaimed his love was shot. The hardest part of sending her away is that I know Saylor will never love again. Taking a step backward, she begins to move away from me, our fingers still interlocked as she keeps her eyes on mine. I want to look away so she doesn’t see the disappointment in my eyes. I don’t want her to confuse it, thinking she’s done anything wrong because all of this is one hundred percent my fault.

  My eyes are still trained on hers, watching her leave when I see Argento lift his arm. The sun bounces off the sleek metal of his gun. Fuck! I should’ve known better that he’d let Saylor walk! Using all my power, I jerk Saylor toward me as the first shot is fired. I pivot, pulling her body against me as I spin, my back to Argento as another round is fired off. A sharp pain pierces my skin as I fall to the ground, Saylor on top of me. Behind us, Argento lets out a boisterous snicker before he retreats into the park, leaving the two of us alone.

  Sitting up, I hold Saylor in my arms, quickly scanning her body for injury. No, no, no… A dark red liquid seeps through her light blue uniform shirt, forming a small wet spot that is expanding rapidly. I move my hands, trying to apply pressure to her wound but Saylor pushes them away.

  “He killed my uncle, didn’t he?” Her voice is weak but all the Saylor sass is there.

  One arm wrapped around her torso, I squeeze her tightly while the other hand runs through her hair. Nodding, I answer her question. “Fuck, Saylor, I’m so sorry. I did this, all of this is because of me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I feel like a fuckin’ moron for apologizing because it’s just words. Words that can’t bring back her uncle or take away what she’s experiencing right now.

  “Shut up,” she mumbles, a smile toying at her lips.

  She gives a small cough and blood trickles over her lips, making them that bright red color that I hate. Using my thumb, I try to wipe it away, only making it worse. Adrenaline pumps through my body and I try to stand up, holding her in my arms to get her help. Saylor pushes on my chest, trying to stop me, both of us knowing it’s too late. The blood continues to flow out of her mouth and I keep trying to wipe it away. Leaning down, I press my lips to hers, hoping that’ll do the trick. Saylor faintly pushes her lips against mine, trying to return the kiss.

  “Fuck, Saylor, I love you. Don’t leave me, don’t leave me…” Desperation reeks in my voice because I’m about to lose the only good thing that’s ever happened to me. If I don’t have Saylor, I don’t have a reason to live.

  Saylor

  You know, dying isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Then again, I’m dying in the arms of a super sexy man that loves me… and I love him. I know what love is, I experienced it, and I can die a happy woman. Everyone should have ‘fall in love’ on t
heir bucket list and if it’s the only task accomplished, it’s well worth it. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes briefly, but not too long because I want to take in as much of Beck as I can.

  When my eyes are closed, I hear Eddie’s voice in the distance, “Sail, Saylor, sail.”

  I flutter my eyes, trying to stay conscious but my surroundings are spinning. Luckily, I’m able to focus on Beck’s dark eyes. Those same eyes that were so guarded the first day I met him at work. Now, his eyes tell a different story, it’s one of remorse and sadness but that’s not what I want to see.

  “Be free, Beck,” I whisper. “They’ve taken everyone important to you, be free.”

  Wetness fills his eyes and a single tear trickles out, running down his nose and landing on my cheek. Pain rips through my body, burning and numbing me to actually realizing how much I should hurt, but when Beck’s tear touches my skin, I get all the feels as though his emotions are transferred to me. He shakes his head, refusing to listen to what I’m saying.

  “Beck…you and Eddie… were the only two men… who ever loved me, put me before themselves.” I muster all the energy I can to my right hand so I can raise it and touch his cheek briefly before it drops back down. “Don’t blame yourself… don’t be upset… I saw him, I knew what I walking into… You are my calling, Jonathan, I had to save you.”

  It’s true. I watched the shooter walk up to the rig and when I saw the two men walking toward the alley, I knew exactly what was happening. When I walked into that alley, I knew one of us wasn’t going to survive and I’d already made up my mind that it wasn’t going to be me. Beck devoted his life to protecting me, gave up everything he ever wanted to keep me alive and now, it’s time to free him.

  “Saylor,” Beck chokes out my name over his tears. “Don’t go, don’t leave me,” he begs.