by K. C. Lynn
I stare at her, wondering if she’s serious and quickly realize she is. Jesus, she is seriously fucking delusional. “Sorry to disappoint you, Red, but you’re going to be waiting your entire life because there is no such thing.”
Instead of looking disappointed her smile gets bigger. “You haven’t had yours yet either, hey, Walker?”
I roll my eyes. “Believe me, there is no such thing. That crap stems from the same shit as love. It’s all fucking make-believe.”
“You don’t believe in love either?” I give her a ‘what the fuck do you think’ look, which only makes her laugh. “Well speak for yourself, Cade, I will have that kiss one day, and I also plan to fall in love.”
I grunt. “Good luck with that.”
“Why thank you, but I won’t need it.” I glance back at her amused face. “And as much as I’d love to stay and tell you all the reasons why, I’m afraid it will have to wait until tomorrow. It’s time for me to go back to camp.”
Rolling over, she gathers up her guitar and puts it back in the case. My gaze zones in on her ass as she bends over, wishing her dress would rise just a little higher so I can see what she’s wearing under it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t happen.
Standing, she looks across the field sadly. “Hopefully Aadil comes tomorrow night.”
I have a feeling the kid isn’t coming back but, again, I decide to keep that to myself.
Her smile returns when she looks down at me. “Either way, I hope to see you again tomorrow night, Cade Walker.” She blows me a kiss and sashays her sweet country ass across the field.
I don’t return her goodbye, and as I watch her leave, I instantly miss the sound of her sweet voice and the sight of her stunning smile. What the fuck is happening to me?
CHAPTER 3
Faith
A few nights later, I’m sitting in my usual spot with my guitar, and wonder what’s taking Cade so long. I check the time on my phone again. Normally he’s here by now. The thought that something may have happened to him has my stomach twisting, which doesn’t help considering it’s already been in knots over Aadil.
Please, God, let them both be all right.
Cade has met me here every night since our first meeting. Most of the time he doesn’t say much and I do most of the talking, but every once in a while he will open up and share something small about himself. He finally shared with me that he is a SEAL and told me a little bit about his training. He also told me about his friends: Sawyer and Jaxson.
I have enjoyed every single night I have spent with him, but last night was my favorite. He caught me off guard by asking me to sing for him, which I did. I ended up singing for almost the entire two hours we were together. I made sure to pick songs that I thought he would like and he genuinely seemed content to just sit and listen to me. I’ve had many people tell me I have a nice voice, but something about the way he watched me, and how he listened to me made me feel different. It made me feel special.
Cade Walker is like no man I’ve ever met before. He’s sexy, cynical, brooding and, most of all, mysterious. Even though I am grateful for the little he has shared with me I find myself craving to know more. Like what has made him into the man he is today. A man who’s strong and silent, one who never smiles, and who doesn’t believe in God. But most of all I want to know what made him into a man who thinks he isn’t a good one.
Don’t paint me in a good light because of my career choice. There’s nothing good about me.
That one remark has been constantly replaying in my head, and every time it does my heart swells with sadness. It makes me want to strip him bare and learn every dark place he has inside of him. I want to know his every flaw then I want to tell him how perfect he is because, obviously, no one has ever told him that before, which isn’t surprising after his comments on his family the other day.
That has been bothering me the most. To know that he has no one, no family. He acts like he doesn’t care and that he even prefers this, but that can’t be true. It must get extremely lonely, to have no one to come home to or no one to tell you that they love you or missed you.
He may be very jaded but I also know there are a lot of good things about him. Not only is he a man who fights for his country, but look at the way he stood up for Aadil and me. Or how he has come here every night because he worries about my safety… Although, I have been hoping it’s a little more than that. Hoping that maybe he feels the same connection that I am, because boy am I feeling a connection. I have never felt this way about anyone before. Especially someone I barely know and someone who detests the very things I live for: God and love.
I don’t do girlfriends, Red. I only fuck.
My stomach tightens in response as his vulgar remark echoes in my head. It’s something that happens to me often since meeting him. He makes my body crave things I have yet to want with anyone else.
I’m pretty sure I’m the only twenty-two-year-old virgin on this planet and it’s not because of my faith or religion. It’s because I haven’t met anyone yet who I feel a strong enough connection with. I know it’s crazy I’m feeling that now, but there are times in life where I believe some things happen for a reason, that we are meant to meet certain people, and I strongly believe Cade is one of them. How else can I explain the feelings he evokes in me?
I hate thinking that the day will soon come when we won’t be having these nights together anymore, but what’s even more upsetting is to know I will most likely never see him again after this. I’ve thought about asking him for his contact information, but I don’t want him thinking I’m some crazy stalker. And, if I’m being honest, I’m a little scared of his rejection.
Although with the way things are going tonight, I may not even get the chance to say goodbye. I glance at my phone again to see another thirty minutes has passed and again I start fearing something has happened to him. But as soon as the thought emerges I spot him across the field, walking toward me.
Oh thank God. My entire body floods with sweet relief then, not being able to stop myself, I get up and run toward him, meeting him halfway. I slam into his hard body and throw my arms around him, hugging him tight. He tenses and is clearly uncomfortable at my sudden affection, but I’m too relieved to care.
“Everything all right, Red?” he asks, sounding both confused and worried.
“It is now. I was so scared something happened to you, you’re never late.”
Silence descends on us for a few seconds before his arms come around me. My heart falters in surprise at his returned gesture but more than anything, pleasure erupts through my body. His warmth embraces me and I breathe in deep, loving the smell of his clean masculine scent.
He clears his throat. “Sorry, things ran late today. We’re getting close to wrapping up what we came here to do.”
His response slams me back into reality, and disappointment crushes my heart but I try to push it aside, not wanting to ruin what may be our last night together.
After one more deep breath, I step back and paste a smile on my face that I don’t feel. “Well I’m glad you’re here now because I brought a surprise for you.” Grabbing his hand, I lead him back to my spot and try to ignore the tingles that shoot up my arm just from the contact of our joined hands.
“You brought me something?” he asks with irritation.
“Yes. Actually, I brought us both something.” Sitting down, next to my guitar, I pull him down beside me and dig around in my case until I find what I’m looking for. “Ta da!” I hold up the chocolate bar and dance it in front of his face. He stares at me expressionless, clearly unimpressed.
“Hello? Do you see what I have here, Walker? Chocolate with caramel. It’s my very last one. I thought I would be nice and share it with you. That goes to show how much I like you, because I do not share my chocolate with just anyone.” This still does not seem to impress him. “Sheesh, you’re a hard guy to please. I thought you would go crazy over this. How long have you been away from American food? It’s only
been ten days for me and I already miss some of my favorites.”
“It hasn’t been that long, and chocolate isn’t something I miss. Now if it were a steak you had that would be a different story,” he replies and lies down like he always does with his hands behind his head.
Looking down at his hard, lean body stretched out like this has my mouth watering. I hurry up and open the chocolate bar before I do something impulsive, like jump him… or take a bite out of him. That thought has a small snicker escaping me. He looks at me questioningly, wondering what I find so funny.
I clear my throat. “Well sorry to disappoint you but that will never happen, because I don’t eat meat. I’m a vegetarian.”
His eyes widen in shock. “What? How the fuck do you survive without meat?”
I roll my eyes. I’m used to hearing that comment from people, especially men. “I survive quite easily, and a lot healthier than most I might add. Animals are our friends and I refuse to eat them. Want to hear the story on how I became a vegetarian?” His response is another blank stare.
“Good. I planned to tell you anyways. So here it goes: when I was seven I had a friend who owned a cattle farm. They had the sweetest cow named Hank, and we had quite the bond. He always recognized my parents’ vehicle when we drove up and he would always wait for me at the fence. Honestly, I usually spent more time with him than my friend. He was nicer than she was, if you get my drift.” He quirks his eyebrow at me so I take that as confirmation he does. “Anyways, one day I came over and Hank was gone. When they told me what happened to him I cried for three days straight and swore I would never touch meat again. All through my childhood I begged my parents to buy a farm so I could have cows, pigs and chickens-ones I would never let anyone eat. Unfortunately it fell on deaf ears, but at least they never forced me to eat meat, even though they still did.”
He watches me silently for a moment before he says, “That’s what cows are meant for, Red.”
I glare at him. “No, they aren’t. That’s it, no chocolate bar for you now, buddy!” His lips lift slightly and my heart skips a beat. Oh man, I can only imagine how sexy he would look with a full megawatt smile. I will make it my mission to see it before he leaves.
Raising the chocolate bar to my lips, I take a bite. My eyes fall closed and I moan with pleasure at the sweet, yummy explosion in my mouth. A low growl penetrates the air and pulls me out of my chocolate loving bliss. My eyes snap open to see Cade watching me with an expression that has my heartbeat escalating. I swallow my bite, embarrassed, then pass the chocolate bar to him. “Want some?” I offer, even though I said I wouldn’t share it.
“That’s all right, Red. You have it.”
“I don’t mind. I was only kidding about the cow comment… well kind of. I brought it for both of us to enjoy.”
“Believe me, I enjoy watching you eat it.” Whoa… His fierce gaze never wavers from mine, and his words, along with the arousal that’s thick in his deep voice, has me squeezing my legs together to alleviate the minor ache that’s starting between them.
Before I can think of a clever response, he quickly breaks the moment by looking away and changing the subject. “When do you go back to wherever it is you’re from?”
Putting my chocolate bar away for later, I lie down on my side to face him and prop my head up on my hand. “Is that your way of asking me where I’m from, Walker? You know, in case you ever want to look me up?” I giggle when he gives me his usual hard stare, and when I realize he isn’t going to respond I decide to give in. “I’m here for another week. Then I go back to Montana. Where are you from?”
“I’m originally from Colorado but live in California. Not that I’m ever home.”
“You go on missions often?”
“Yup. Just the way I like it.”
“Are you going on another one after this?” He nods. “And you’re leaving soon?” I try to keep the sadness out of my voice but know I don’t succeed.
He looks over at me. “Yeah. Probably in the next day or two.”
Nodding, I swallow back my disappointment and try to lighten the mood. “Poor guy. You’re going to be so lost without me.” He quirks a brow.
“It’s true. Who’s going to sing for you when you’re gone? Or show you how to rock out to your music? Admit it, Walker, you’re going to miss me when I’m gone…” Sitting up, I start slapping my knees and clapping my hands with rhythm, then begin to sing: “When I’m gone, when I’m go-o-ne, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone. You’re gonna miss me by my hair. You’re gonna miss me everywhere, oh, you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.”
The sound of crickets fills the night as he stares at me in silence. “Pitch Perfect? Fat Amy?” He shakes his head, having no idea what I’m talking about. “Seriously, Walker? It came out to theaters a few months ago. It’s an epic movie. You must watch it when you get home.”
His noncommittal grunt doesn’t sound promising. “I’ll take your word for it, Red.” I shrug; whatever, his loss. “But you’re right though,” he adds quietly, not looking at me, “I will miss you and your voice.”
My heart stalls in my chest and warmth spreads through me at his unexpected words. I see his expression turn into a scowl and I can tell he regrets his admission. “I’ll miss you too, Cade… a lot.”
I can tell things are getting too intense for him, so I quickly lighten things up again. “I mean, the next week is going to be so lonely sitting here and talking to myself… oh wait, I already do that.”
A second after the words leave my mouth something incredible happens. Not only does my joke elicit the biggest smile I have yet to see from him, but also, a deep laugh rumbles from his chest. It’s gravelly, rusty and the most beautiful sound that has ever fallen upon my ears. It literally robs me of breath.
When he looks over at me the sound stops abruptly. “Why the hell are you looking at me like that?”
I smile and answer honestly. “Because you, Cade Walker, have the sexiest smile I have ever seen, and the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard.”
He shifts uncomfortably. “There is nothing fucking beautiful about me, Red. Never again associate that word with me in the same sentence. And it was more a quiet chuckle than a laugh.”
It definitely was not, but instead of saying that I try to put his wounded male ego at ease. “Okay, sorry, what I meant to say was, your almost quiet chuckle is badass.”
“That’s better.” His lips twitch as I giggle.
Since he seems in a better mood than usual I decide to broach the one thing I’ve been dying to know about him. “Can I ask you something?”
He looks over at me. “You can ask but I can’t promise you I will answer.”
I pause, thinking about his response then nod. “Fair enough.” Clearing my throat, I shift nervously. “Well, I was just wondering… why don’t you believe in God?” I watch him tense and any trace of his earlier easy demeanor completely vanishes. Shoot. Before he misunderstands where I’m going with this, I rush to say, “I’m not judging, I swear. And you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just curious what makes you disbelieve in Him so much.”
He’s quiet for a moment and I wait patiently while he decides if he’s going to answer me or not. To my surprise, he does. “I just don’t. I’m the kind of guy who doesn’t believe in shit that can’t be explained.”
I have a feeling it’s more than that. “Some of the best things in life are the unexplainable.”
He turns to me now with irritation in his eyes. “Look around you, Red. If there is a great and powerful God, like so many of you believe, do you really think we would live in a fucked-up world like this?”
I shrug. “I believe we were put on this earth with free will. Why is it His job to fix the mess that others have made? So many people wait for God to change the bad in the world, but I strongly believe it’s Him who’s waiting for us to change it.”
“Oh fuck that!” he snaps harshly. “That’s your old man talking w
ith whatever shit he’s fucking brainwashed you with.”
I try not to let that comment offend me. “I agree that the world we live in can be very ugly, but I also believe the beautiful parts outweigh the bad. There are a lot of cruel people in this world but I strongly believe there are more good ones. That’s why I am here. My father always says…”
“Your father is the worst kind of fucking people out there,” he shouts, interrupting me, fury igniting his eyes like I’ve never seen. “It’s people like him who made up the illusion of God so people would follow him. So he can fucking control them.”
That has my temper spiking. “My father is a pastor, Cade, not…”
“So you think that makes him a good person? You think that because he stands in front of a group of people and preaches a bunch of bullshit that he is automatically good? A fucking minister raped and killed my seven-year-old sister because it was supposedly God’s fucking will!”
Oh my god.
I swallow back the bile that rises in my throat and my heart shatters in a million pieces at the pain in his eyes. I can tell he’s angry about letting that out. He immediately stands up and I try to grab his arm to stop him. “Cade, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”
“Are you fucking happy now, Faith?” I flinch at the way he sneers my name. “Happy to finally know why I don’t believe in God? It’s people like your father that should be fucking locked up and away from society. Then the world would be a better fucking place!”
I shake my head and tears begin to sting my eyes. “No. That’s not true. My father is a good man. I don’t know who hurt your sister, but I can assure you he was no man of God.”
“Save your fucking preaching for someone who gives a shit. For your sake, Red, I hope one day you wake the fuck up and join reality. The sooner you realize that there is no fucking God, the better off you will be.”
Before I can get in another word, he turns and storms off. I sit stunned and try to absorb what just happened.