by K. C. Lynn
Jaxson stays silent as we stare at one another, knowing the time to strike is coming soon. When he doesn’t answer, the guard behind him sends a blow to his back causing flesh to fly off his body and knocking him to his knees. His jaw clenches as he holds in the sound of his pain.
“Answer Allah!” the guard orders, before pulling him back up to his feet.
Oh you have got to be kidding me. He calls himself fucking Allah?
Jaxson shakes his head and answers his question, “No.”
The guy laughs. “No? There’s nothing that would make you kill this man in front of you? What if it was to save this woman here? His woman.”
Jaxson shakes his head again, making the guy smile. “We will see. Give him the dagger!” The guard places a dagger in his hand, and anticipation starts to hum through my body, knowing our time is about to happen.
“Now don’t go getting too excited and fill that head of yours with any ideas.” The asshole says, pulling a knife and holding it to Faith’s throat. “Now, let’s just see how loyal and honorable you are. I want you to end this so-called broken soldier’s life. If you don’t, we will fuck this beautiful woman again, but in front of you, all of you. And we will make you all watch her beg until the exact moment I end her life.”
“Oh god, no!” Faith sobs, “Don’t do it. Please don’t hurt him. I don’t care what they do to me.” Hearing her say that and knowing she would die for me causes my already tortured soul to bleed. I don’t know whether I want to rage at her or fucking kiss her for it.
“Shut up, bitch!” the guard on her other side backhands her again. My body starts to vibrate, the darkness is about to erupt rather than waiting for me to unleash it.
“Do it!” I grind out, while trying to hold myself back long enough for Jaxson to make his move. “Just fucking do it already! What the fuck are you waiting for?”
“No! Don’t. Don’t do it!”
“Bitch, if you don’t shut the fuck…” I knew the moment Jaxson was making the move, saw it flash in his eyes and I was quick. As soon as the dagger left his hand and was in mid-air, I moved, knowing it would hit its target.
My darkness unleashes and it’s more powerful than I remembered. It blinds me of all reality and fuels a strength I didn’t know I possessed. Wrapping my chains around the bastard’s neck, I choke him until the baton falls from his hand into mine. Rather than finish him off by breaking his neck, I gut the motherfucker from the inside out. His blood spilling as I had pictured it would, when they were taunting me about fucking my woman. Instead of making me feel better, it increases my rage.
Faith’s terrified scream breaks through my dark world seconds later, and draws my attention to the only guy left who’s trying to drag her away. I’m on him before her scream is even final. I do to him what I did to the last guy, my arms never tiring as I drain his body of everything he has inside with lightning speed. Just as I finish with him, I see the kid’s father lying dead on the floor with the dagger sticking out of the center of his forehead. After everything he did to Faith, and knowing he’s the one who killed the kid, I know he didn’t suffer enough. Having no sense of reality, I move to him and make sure to gut him of every fucking organ he possesses, the walls and floor around us becoming nothing short of a bloodbath.
I hear my name being screamed, but nothing breaks through the violence that I let consume me. When I feel someone grab my arm, I turn, and am about to strike until I clash with a pair of terrified green eyes.
Faith holds her hands up protectively. “Stop! It’s me. It’s just me. They’re dead,” she says carefully, as if trying to rein in a wild animal. Only I know better; it’s nothing like a wild animal, it’s a monster.
Dropping the weapon, I grab her the same time she throws herself against me. As I sweep her off her feet and into my arms, she begins trailing kisses across my face. Her tears mixing with the blood I’m bathed in, not only from me but also the ones I killed.
Jaxson finishes unlocking Sawyer and they quickly turn to take out whomever they need to, but freeze at the scene before them, seeing the mess I just made in only a few seconds.
I try to understand the words Faith cries into my ear, but can’t. Because all I can focus on is the pure shock on Jaxson’s and Sawyer’s faces at what I just did, at what I’m really capable of. The look is gone quickly, but it’s an image I will forever have ingrained into memory, and a reminder of why I can never have this woman I hold in my arms.
CHAPTER 13
Faith
The closer I get to the gym, the more my heart starts to race with anticipation and anxiety at seeing Cade again.
Please let him be there.
When Christopher told me he was going to find a job, after he was done with his community service because he needed the money, I immediately thought of the gym. I’m hoping there may be something he could do to help out and make some cash. It would be good for him to be around men like Cade, Sawyer and Jaxson. Men who haven’t always had it easy, but have learned to cope with the bad parts of life. I’m hoping they can help Christopher deal with whatever is troubling him and getting him into so many fights.
It’s been two days since I’ve last seen Cade and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Ever since my talk with Sawyer, my heart has been aching to be near him. I know this feeling is dangerous. There is a reason he’s stayed away from me for two years, and I need to remember that, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. I’ve even been venturing out more, in hopes of running into him again, but no such luck.
Once I arrive at the gym, I pause and take a deep breath before walking through the door. I immediately catch sight of Sawyer by the ring, talking to a fighter.
His eyes briefly flash with surprise before he gives me a genuine smile and makes his way over to me. “Hey, Country. Good to see you.”
I smile back easily, his friendly greeting easing some of my anxiety. “Hi, Sawyer. Um, I’m wondering if Cade is around? There is something I want to ask him.”
“Yeah. He’s in the office getting prepped to spar with one of our guys.”
“Oh, well if he’s busy I can come back,” I reply, feeling guilty, not wanting to interrupt work.
He waves away my guilt. “No, it’s fine. Go on down, it’s the last door on the left.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Go.”
I giggle when he gives me a little push in the right direction. “Okay, thanks.”
As I make my way to where Sawyer pointed, I notice Jaxson at the weights, spotting someone. He gives me a small wave and I return his gesture with a smile.
Once I reach the office, I see the door slightly ajar. Taking another deep breath, I lightly knock then slowly push open the door. And the sight that I’m met with has a painful gasp leaving my throat and robbing me of breath. Cade stands shirtless with his back to me and the sight of the horrendous scars he bares from two years ago has a sharp pain slicing through me. It’s instant and heart stopping. He turns at the sound of my agony, and my panic attack hits me strong and fast.
“Fuck!” Rushing toward me, he catches me just as my knees give out, and sits me on the couch that’s closest to the door. I watch him through blurred vision as he shouts at me, his concerned eyes boring into mine as I try to desperately gasp for breath. I feel myself slip out of reality and into the past. Images of that awful day, slam into me like a freight train and make my head feel like it’s going to explode.
Finding him chained to the wall, his beaten and broken body raw and blood-soaked. His eyes wild and crazed from the torture he had to endure because of me. My screams of desperation, as I thought I was about to watch the man I fell in love with be killed in front of me. You can’t break something that’s already broken.
“Faith! Come on, snap the fuck out of it!” At the sound of his muffled command, I snap back into myself. My hands are covering my ears, trying to silence the most agonizing sound piercing through the room, and that’s when I realize
it’s coming from me.
“What the fuck!” Jaxson and Sawyer fly into the room. They stare at me in shock and concern as they watch me struggle for breath.
“Out, now!” Cade shoves them and slams the door.
Cupping my face in both of his large hands, he rests his forehead on mine and drags his warm lips across my cold, tear-streaked cheek. “Come on, Red, breathe, baby. You’re okay. Everything is okay.” The sound of his deep, warm voice in my ear and his strong body so close has me able to take in more air. “That’s it, baby, deep breaths.”
The problem is, now that I’m able to take in more air, there is no controlling the hard, painful sobs that rip from my throat. Wrapping my arms around him, I hold him close as guilt strikes my soul. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” I sob into his neck.
Feeling him tense, he pulls back and cups my face, his gaze narrowed in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about? What do you mean, forgive you?”
“I understand now. I really do and I don’t blame you for never wanting to see me again.”
Shock registers in his expression before turning hard. “You think that’s why I stayed away? You really fucking think I blame you?”
“It’s my fault. You are all scarred for life because of me.” I don’t know how I managed to get the words out through my pain.
He shakes his head, and I watch his jaw clench as he struggles to hold in whatever he’s feeling. “No! That’s not true. It’s not your fault, baby. I don’t fucking blame you. I swear, Red, that’s not why I stayed away.”
When he doesn’t explain further, I decide to get it over with and ask. “Then why? Is it because you can’t bear to look at me, after knowing what they did to me?”
I watch his expression turn to disbelief and outrage. “Fuck no! Are you for real right now?”
I stare straight into his eyes so he can see just how serious I am. My breath hitches, and I take a deep breath so I can get out what I need to. “The moment we left that place, you couldn’t even look at me. Then you refused to see me in the hospital.” I watch guilt flash in his eyes and have to look away from him to continue. “I’ve thought about you for the last two years, ached to know that you were okay, and you never even tried to contact me or see me… I could have been dead for all you knew. So I know, it has to either be because you couldn’t stand to look at me, or you blame me.” After seeing his body, and being reminded of what he went through because of me, it makes sense. And no matter how much it hurt that he never contacted me, I can’t blame him for staying away.
I stare at the door, knowing I need to get out of here. Just as I begin to stand, he grabs on to my arms with a strength that makes me gasp and forces me in my seat. “No, you’re not fucking going anywhere. Look at me!”
My eyes snap to his at his command and I suck in a sharp breath at the intensity in his eyes. Pain, anger, and the one thing I thought was impossible for him to feel—fear, they all shine bright in his hazel eyes. My heart pounds in anticipation for what he’s about to tell me. But what he says next shocks me to my core, and is something I could have never expected.
“You lived at 216 Maple Drive in Great Falls, Montana with your mom, dad and grandfather. You drove a red truck, and had a dog named Badger that went almost everywhere with you. Shortly after you arrived home, you saw a therapist named Dr. Alex Mathews. Six months later you started teaching music lessons to kids at your father’s church three days a week, and volunteered at a homeless shelter every Sunday night.”
All I can do is gape at him, his words leaving me speechless. Sliding his big, warm hands up my arms, he cups my neck just under my jaw. “You think I never thought about you, Red? That I didn’t know if you lived or died? I knew everything about you for the first nine months you arrived home and then I stopped because the ache in my fucking chest, at not being able to be near you, was too much. But don’t think, for one fucking second, that because I stopped knowing your every move, that I stopped thinking about you. I have thought about you every fucking second of my life since walking away from you.”
Tears run down my cheeks and spill onto his wrists, where he still holds my face between his hands. I’m not only shocked about hearing this, but that he’s admitting it to me. “Then why did you stay away?” I whisper, feeling even more confused now than ever. I almost regret asking when the cold, hard look enters his eyes again, except amongst the coldness is also fear, despair and self-hatred. And it’s the self-hatred that has another bout of pain slicing through my heart.
“You saw what I did to them. The way I gutted those motherfuckers from the inside out without a second thought, even the dead ones. That is what’s inside of me, Faith; it’s what I’ve always had inside of me. My…”
“And thank God it is,” I choke out, interrupting him, unable to stand hearing him talk about himself like he’s some monster. “Because if you didn’t we might not have gotten out of there.”
“You don’t get it. I don’t regret gutting them. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But when that shit explodes inside of me I have no control. I almost killed you and you know it.”
I shake my head, “No. I don’t believe that. You would have stopped. You did stop.”
“That time, luckily, I did, but what about the next time?”
“You will always stop,” I say with absolute certainty.
“Are you so sure about that? Are you willing to bet your fucking life on it? Because I’m not.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He shakes his head and is about to argue, but I don’t let him. “Yes. Listen to me. We all have darkness inside of us, Cade. Everyone does, it’s a fact of life, but that’s not what’s scary. What’s scary is when you have more darkness than you do good, and when you let it control you. That’s not you.”
“You don’t know me, Red.”
“Yes, I do,” I argue back. “I may not have gotten to know you long and I may not know everything about you, but if there is one thing I know without a doubt it’s that you are a good man. One of the best I have ever known and definitely the strongest.”
He grinds his teeth and I watch his breathing turn heavy again. “He took you to get back at me. They did that shit to you to torture me, and it did. Far more than any physical blow that marks my body. I fucking hate that I didn’t make it to you in time.”
Hearing his voice thick with guilt has my heart clenching painfully. Leaning in closer, I encircle his wrist with my hands and rest my forehead against his, our mouths only a breath away from one another. “You did make it in time. You saved my life. I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for you. For all of you.”
The intensity of his gaze has my mouth going dry. “I would do it all over again if I had to. I would take every fucking blow they delivered, if it meant getting you out. All of us would.”
My heart swells at his sincere words and tears rush down my face, hot and fast.
“Did you mean what you said down there?”
“About what?” he asks, softly.
“That you’re broken.”
His expression softens, “What do you think?”
“I think you believe that, but I think you’re wrong. You may be damaged, Cade, but not broken.”
He expels a regretful breath. “No, Red. Damaged means it can be fixed and put back together again, broken – it can’t, and that’s me, baby.”
Agony falls past my lips at his reply. I’m not sure which one of us moved first, but suddenly our lips are devouring each other’s in the most hungry and desperate way. His familiar taste, one my soul has ached for, explodes on my tongue and mixes with my tears and our pain.
His hungry growl, and my cry of longing, twine together as we get swept up in a storm of lust and passion. My fingers spear into his soft hair, knocking his beanie from his head, and I hold him captive to me, giving him no chance at escape. Not that he’s pulling away. Oh no. His mouth is hot and demanding, ravishing mine with an intensity that
steals my breath.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I tell him truthfully, whimpering into his mouth.
Groaning, he pulls back just enough to trail his warm, greedy lips down my throat, nipping at the delicate skin. “Me too, baby. I fucking thought about you every second of every day.”
Hearing those words from his mouth does so much for my damaged soul. Tilting my head to the side, I give him complete access, and he takes more greedily, his hard body coming over mine while he still kneels between my legs. The thin straps of my white sundress slip down my arms as his lips continue down their path, trailing across the swell of my breasts. “Fuck me, you taste even better than I remember.”
I whimper when his hot, wet mouth finds my puckered nipple through the thin fabric of my sundress. My hips start rocking against his hard stomach, seeking relief from an ache I thought I would never feel again.
Groaning, he slips his hands under my dress and runs them up my bare thighs. Fire soars through my body, my need for release feeling almost painful and suffocating. But as soon as his fingers touch the center of my wet panties, I freeze. Panic strikes my chest, as memories of the last time I was touched there try pushing its way through the dark recess of my mind. No, not now, please not now.
Noticing my reaction instantly, Cade tenses and swiftly removes his hand. When he looks up at me, the lust that was just in his expression has completely vanished and is replaced with rage.
I squeeze my eyes shut as shame and humiliation wash over me. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper guiltily.
Before he can say anything, the door flies open and a large man comes in with an ice pack on his eye. I jump back from Cade before he thinks we were doing something inappropriate. Even though we just were. No, not inappropriate. It was beautiful and perfect until I had to mess it up. God, I have to get out of here.
“Oh, shit. Sorry, Walker. I need the first aid kit,” the guy apologizes, looking away. “I’ll come back.”
“No!” I protest and stand up quickly. “It’s all right, I was just leaving.” Heading to the door, I pause and turn back to Cade, but don’t look him in the eye, I can’t. “I’m so sorry. I’ll see you later.”