by K. C. Lynn
I can’t answer because I don’t know. I feel like I don’t fucking know anything anymore.
When I don’t respond he lets out a breath. “I can tell you what I think, but it probably isn’t something you want to hear.”
“And what’s that?” I ask, surprised to hear how gruff my voice suddenly is.
He ponders it for a moment before deciding to tell me. “I’d say that was your sister telling you she sees you and that she’s okay.”
“That’s impossible,” I snap, thinking he’s full of shit, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t desperately want to believe him.
“Nothing is impossible when it comes to God, but I also know how you feel on the subject, so, like I said, I knew you wouldn’t like my answer, but that’s what I believe.”
“How the hell can you still believe what you do after what happened to your daughter?” I feel like a fucking asshole when pain darkens his expression.
“Because I have faith.” I ponder his answer, wondering if his answer holds double meaning. “Listen, I’d be lying if I told you it was easy for me to always remember that, because it’s not. It still kills me to know what happened to my daughter but I know where there’s good, there is also evil. And I believe that the bastards who hurt her are in hell right alongside with the man who hurt your sister.”
I sit into the chair across from him and release an exhausted breath while my head drops into my hands. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks again. “I don’t know much about what happened to your sister, just the little that Faith has told me, and I want you to know how sorry I am. I know it doesn’t mean much and it doesn’t make it better, but you need to know, Cade, that I am nothing like that man.” My head snaps up to see him watching me somberly. “I don’t know who he was but I can assure you he was not a man of God.”
I swallow thickly and nod. “That’s why I came here, to apologize about the way I treated you at the birthday supper. I don’t know what I think or believe anymore. It’s difficult for me to accept that there is this great power out there, after all the awful shit that goes on in this world. Regardless, I shouldn’t have taken out my issues with it on you.”
“Well I can understand where your doubt comes from, but again that’s where faith comes in. You see God works in mysterious ways. I believe he still fights the battle of evil and his weapons are people like you and your friends, or my father. Even people like me. While you kill the bad, I’m here to keep Him alive by faith. Are you getting why I named my girl that?” he asks with a smirk but doesn’t wait for me to respond. “I always knew she was going to be something great, that one day she was going to change the lives of many just like she did mine, and I was right. You, Christopher and Ruthie are products of that, and I know there is more and will always be more, because she is something special.”
“Well it turns out we actually do agree on something.”
He smiles, but it fades quickly. “Have you been to see her yet?”
“No, but I plan to soon. I’ve had to take care of some stuff first but I’d appreciate it if you don’t tell her that I came here. I’d like to.”
He nods. “All right, just don’t wait too much longer, she misses you and she needs you.”
I try to push aside the guilt that threatens to rise again. “I won’t, and trust me I need her more.” I stand, then before I can think better of it I blurt out, “I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
He doesn’t look surprised. “Are you telling me or asking me?”
“I thought about asking you, but figured I should just tell you since it wouldn’t matter what you said because I’d ask her anyway.”
He smiles and nods. “Fair enough.”
I offer him my hand and he clasps it firmly. “I know I’m not good enough, but I’ll take care of her, I promise.”
“Obviously, as her father I think no one is good enough for her, but as a man, I will tell you, I think you are worthy of her.” His response surprises me; clearly the guy is as forgiving as his daughter. “But I should warn you, if you mess up again there will be no stopping my dad, and I won’t try.”
I nod, having no fucking doubt about that. “I won’t, and if I do, I’ll beat the shit out of myself.”
He chuckles then claps me on the back before walking me out. I drive away with only one last thing to do, and then, hopefully, Red will be mine.
CHAPTER 39
Faith
I watch Christopher pace back and forth nervously as we wait in the back of the church before my father calls us out.
“Oh man, Faith. I’m not sure I can do this anymore.”
I walk up to him then grab his shoulders, and pray he doesn’t notice my own hands shake from nerves. “Yes, you can. We are going to do this, Christopher, and we’re going to be amazing. Because together we make one heck of a powerhouse and you know it.”
He grunts. “Yeah, we make one heck of a team all right, especially sporting our matching, faded bruises.”
I smile. “It means we’re survivors, sport them proudly.”
“I’m proud to go out there with you.”
My heart warms, loving how much he has opened up to me in the last few weeks. My smile fades when he asks, “Have you heard anything from him yet?”
I become overwhelmed with sadness, my soul missing the man who promised to come back but I haven’t heard from in two excruciatingly long weeks. I shake my head and smile sadly.
“I’m sure you will hear from him soon.”
“I’m sure I will too,” I say with more confidence than I feel. The more time that passes, the more I start to doubt, although I try not to. I’m trying to stay positive and keep busy. The kids and I have had a lot to deal with, but we have also done a lot of healing together, so for that I’m grateful, but I wish Cade was a part of that with us, because I know he needs to do some healing of his own. I pray every night that I will wake up and he will be beside me. I have no idea how I managed to live without him for those two years after Iraq. I didn’t think he would be gone this long and I’m constantly wondering where he is, what he’s doing and, more than anything, if he’s okay. Sawyer tells me he is but I’d rather see for myself.
Alissa suddenly pops her head in the room, her eyes and sweet smile only for Christopher. “All right, we’re ready when y’all are.” She gives him a wink before disappearing again.
I inhale a nervous breath of my own, and look back at Christopher. “Well, are you ready?”
“Nope, but I’m going to do it anyway. I just pray Alissa still thinks I’m hot after this.”
I giggle. “She’s going to find you even sexier, I just know it.”
He smirks, “Well I am pretty irresistible.”
I grab his hand and smile softly. “Yes, you are. I love you, Christopher.”
He clears his throat uncomfortably and says, “I love you too. Now let’s get this over with before I back out on you.”
My heart warms that he said it back. Now if only I could get the other man I love to say it back. Then my life would be complete. I push aside my sadness and walk toward the stage of the packed church. I pray this turns out exactly how I have planned.
*
Cade
My stomach churns and my heart pounds in my chest like a fucking jackhammer as I stand outside and stare at the small, white building. When my palms begin to sweat so bad that I have to wipe them down the front of my jeans I want to punch myself. “Come on, Walker, quit being such a pussy, it’s just a building for fuck’s sake.” With that little pep talk, I get my ass moving before I can back out, and walk into the one place I never thought I would ever enter again after my sister died.
The entire church is packed and silent except for Faith’s father preaching at the front. I close the big, heavy wooden door softly and stand off to the side so I don’t draw attention to myself, but it turns out I don’t go unnoticed.
“Tade!” The loud, excited whisper comes from the center of the room, where I look to see Ruthie crawl
ing over a bunch of people, all of them Faith’s family and our friends. They help her across and put her on the ground before she runs toward me.
I smirk at the white dress she’s wearing with the black beanie and pick her up before she slams into me. I pull her in close as she hugs me tightly, her tiny body trembles against me from her tears. “I’ve missed you so much, big guy.”
I hold her tighter and it takes me a minute to find my voice. “I’ve missed you too, kid. I’m sorry it took me so long, but there was something I had to do.”
She leans back and looks at me with her big, blue, watery eyes. “It’s otay, Faif said you wuved me and dat you’d tum back.”
Of course she said that. I swallow thickly. “I love all of you and I promise I’m back for good.”
She smiles and hugs me again, and that’s when I notice the room has fallen completely silent. I look around to see everyone staring at us. So much for going unnoticed.
Joshua smiles and nods, surprise clearly evident in his expression but so is his approval.
“Walker.” Evans waves me over to their pew and everyone slides over to make room for me. I walk over with Ruthie in my arms and take a seat next to him.
Faith’s mom and Katelyn wave at me from the other end of the bench but her papa gives me the whole ‘I’m watching you’ signal again. I wish that he were as forgiving as his son and granddaughter are.
Everyone else acknowledges me with a nod, except for Grace, who leans over and places her hand on my leg. “I’m so proud of you, Cade.” Her praise makes the whole situation more awkward, but I nod, not wanting to be a complete dick.
“I’m so proud of you too, look at you all grown up, you’re such a big boy now.”
I glare over at Evans’ stupid smirk. “Shut up.”
He chuckles and before he can say anything else Joshua begins speaking again. “All right, today we have a special performance for our grand opening. As many of you know my daughter will be opening a preschool in the fall here, but she also plans to run a music program for the youth. I was told very sternly by her not to call it a choir, or she said no one would join.” Everyone chuckles. “So she, and her boy Christopher, are going to show you what exactly she has in mind for it. They have been working hard at this performance for the past week and I know, since this is coming from my daughter, that it will blow all of us away.”
Isn’t that the truth.
My heart begins to pound wildly in anticipation as he calls their names. When they walk out, my gaze immediately falls on the girl I have been aching for, over the last two weeks, and all the oxygen leaves my body in one single release.
She’s as beautiful as always, wearing a simple white sundress with dark brown cowgirl boots and her long, red hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. It takes every bit of willpower I possess to not walk up there and carry her ass out of here with me. As she walks over to the lady at the piano and whispers something, I glance at the kid and bite back a smirk at how nervous he looks. Faith takes her spot next to him and grabs his hand.
They look out over the crowd but never focus on one person, which is probably a good thing, because I don’t want her to see me in the middle of singing and have it throw her off. I guess I should have thought about that—hopefully she doesn’t spot me until after they’re done.
The piano starts playing and I immediately recognize the melody of “Lean on Me”. When the kid starts the first chorus, I stiffen and am completely dumbstruck. What the…
Sometimes in our lives
we all have pain
we all have sorrow
but if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow.
“Holy shi…crap, the kid is incredible,” Evans leans over and whispers in shock, clearly as surprised as I am. I nod, speechless. Red said he was really good, but I didn’t think this good. Faith’s soft voice joins in now, and together, the two of them are a powerhouse.
Lean on me!
When you’re not strong
and I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
for it won’t take long
till I’m gonna need
somebody to lean on
Christopher fades out now, leaving the next chorus all to Red, and like always, her voice hits me like a punch to the gut and turns my dick painfully hard. Which is completely awkward considering I’m sitting in church.
Please
Swallow your pride
if I have things
you need to borrow
for no one can fill
those of your needs
that you won’t let show
Christopher joins back in again and they pick up rhythm.
So just call on me brother
when you need a hand
we all need somebody to lean on!
I just might have a problem that you’ll understand
we all need somebody to lean on
Everyone begins clapping in sync to the tempo, and they both smile, looking more relaxed, their hands joined and voices mingling in harmony.
I have to admit, this is hands down the best version I’ve ever heard of this song, and by the looks on everyone’s faces, and the way they are joining in, I’d say they agree. Faith’s going to get a big group if this is what they can expect, and I’m damn proud to say that the two people on stage are mine… I hope.
That thought brings on a quick hard dose of doubt. I hope to hell she lets me take her from here after this, and accepts what I have to offer her. Thankfully I don’t get much time to think about it, because the song finishes and everyone gives a standing ovation. The small building erupts in applause and whistles. Red launches herself excitedly at Christopher, and he catches her with a laugh, looking damn proud of himself—as he should be.
“Dey was amazing, wewn’t dey, big guy.”
I don’t take my eyes off of them as I reply. “Yeah, kid, they were incredible.”
Christopher is still hugging Faith when he looks over at our pew and spots me. His smiling expression completely transforms to one of shock.
I hold his gaze and try to gauge what his reaction is going to be. He must stiffen because Red lets go and backs up to speak to him. He lifts his arm and points at me. She turns around and her beautiful emerald eyes collide with mine. The first reaction to cross her face is one of utter shock. A myriad of other emotions are soon to follow, and it scares the shit out of me that I have no idea what her reaction to me is going to be.
Christopher comes out of his shock when Alissa launches herself at him. He lifts her off her feet, hugging her back. Faith hasn’t moved or taken her eyes off me this entire time. I don’t even think she has blinked. Christopher tugs her hand and drags her behind him as they make their way through the crowd, everyone telling them how amazing they were as they walk by. As they make their way closer to me I can see the faded bruises that mark their faces, which has my hands clenching in fists and rage pumping through my body. I quickly relax, since I’m still holding the kid, and try to push it aside.
Katelyn and her mom immediately hug Christopher as they make it to our pew, then all the girls move in next. Faith stands beside him and doesn’t acknowledge anyone because she’s too busy staring at me.
“Y’all were fantastic,” Grace says in amazement. “Christopher, I knew you were gonna be good but I had no idea.”
“Thanks,” he mumbles awkwardly, but there’s no denying the proud smile on his face.
Once everyone makes their way out of the pew to stand in the aisle, I move down until I’m in front of Christopher and offer him my hand, “I’m impressed, kid. You were incredible and you should be really proud of yourself.”
He grins and shakes my hand. “Thanks. It’s good to see you. I’m glad you came.”
I relax quickly, and it wasn’t until this moment I realize how worried I was about his reaction. “Me too.”
I focus on Red now, and see her still watching me in utter shoc
k, but her eyes are also glassy now with unshed tears.
“Go get ‘er, big guy,” the kid whispers in my ear. I look back at her and smirk before handing her over to Christopher.
“Hey, Red,” I greet softly as I step closer. Most people are still mingling and talking but I feel a few pairs of eyes on us. When she doesn’t respond, and continues to stare at me with wide eyes, I shift uncomfortably and clear my throat. “You’re staring.”
“You’re in a church,” she whispers, stating the obvious.
“I know, and the building didn’t even catch fire.”
If it’s possible, her eyes grow wider just before she busts out laughing. It’s a laugh that warms every cold place inside of me and one I’ve missed like crazy. But it quickly turns to pain when her sobs mix with it. I waste no time taking her in my arms and lifting her off her feet. She hugs me back tightly and buries her face in my neck, soaking it with her tears.
“I’ve missed you so much,” she chokes out softly.
I kiss the side of her head then drag my nose along her hair until my mouth is at her ear. “I missed you too, baby. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“Where did you go?”
Before I answer, I look around to see many eyes on us and decide I don’t want to talk anymore. Not here. “Come with me somewhere.”
She leans back to look at me, and her wet, emotional eyes hit me like a punch to the throat. “Now?” she asks surprised.
“Yeah, now.”
She hesitates and looks over at the kids.
“Go, Faith,” Katelyn says, stepping in. “I got them. We will go grab lunch and meet up with you later.”
She looks back at me. “Okay, let’s go.”
I kiss her forehead before placing her back on her feet, then grab her hand and drag her behind me. I weave us in and out of people and don’t pay attention to anyone. I have only one goal, and that’s getting Red alone. We blow through the church’s wooden doors and I haul ass down the steps.
“Walker, slow down,” she laughs, “my legs aren’t as long as yours.”
I keep pace and don’t let up, not until we reach my truck. I turn back to see her smiling. Right when she’s about to say something, I cut her off by lifting her off her feet and slam her against my truck.