Forever

by Mary Wasowski

  “Hell no, Reese! You just can’t say no to Cosmo, and after all that I have arranged for you, it is too late to cancel or find a replacement. I would look like a laughing stock, and you don’t want to hear what they would say about you. Whatever you have had planned will have to work around this shoot.” Without allowing me to say another word, she clipped clopped off and called out, “See you on the plane.”

  I took my long taxi ride home, and all I could think about was how to tell him. I called Walker to meet me at my apartment. We arrived within only a few minutes from one another. He scooped me up in to his arms, and he sensed my tension. “What’s wrong baby?” I held his hand, and we walked inside and closed the world out. I poured some wine for us so I could break the news to him.

  “I’m afraid that our Christmas plans need to change. I don’t want to cancel or miss out on anything with you or my family, but it’s a work opportunity that can’t be changed. I tried to work around it, but there’s no way.”

  “What is it?” I looked up at him with a bewildered expression on my face. “The opportunity, Reese… what is it?”

  “I will be on the May cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine, but the shoot has to take place the week of Christmas. It’s in Milan.”

  Walker’s reaction takes me completely by surprise. He kissed me and congratulated me. “We need to celebrate, how fantastic! I will buy every copy that hits the news stand!”

  “Walker, what about Christmas? Aren’t you upset that our plans are now changing?”

  “We can work it out and still find the time to visit your family and celebrate your birthday. Let me see your schedule.”

  Walker and I looked over the schedule for over an hour with each of us writing plans out in our notebooks. We compromised, and came up with a different plan. We would take a long weekend over Thanksgiving to fly down to see my family and then have an early Christmas for the two of us. We were going to celebrate my 21st birthday when I returned right before New Year’s. We hated to be apart from each other, but Walker never held me back from my modeling. He asked me if I still wanted to become a teacher, and I of course said, “Yes.”

  Modeling was never my first choice. I earned a nice paycheck from it. However, teaching was always my goal. Weeks flew by, and before we knew it, we were on a plane to Georgia. He never did tell me about his talk with his father, and I never brought it up again. All he did say is that he didn’t want me to worry about anything and he would handle his father. I had no reason to believe that he wouldn’t, but deep down I was still scared and I was just getting better at hiding my fears to Walker. I vowed to always be strong and not falter in my promise that I made to myself so many years ago. My mother chose a different path… I would not. I just had to remember that even when you’re strong, sometimes it’s also okay to be scared. Scared is not an emotion that should be defined as weak, it’s natural.

  In the short time that I’d been here in New York, my life had completely changed. Staring at myself in the mirror I saw myself, but the girl that left Georgia, was not the same girl anymore. I hope when I visit Nana and Granddaddy, I can learn to hold my tongue. I had developed quite the mouth living here, but I still knew my manners. I would always remain respectful when it came to my grandparents. Besides, Nana knew a few words of her own.

  “ARE YOU NERVOUS?” I asked Walker as we walked hand in hand through the airport. He quietly shook his head no, but he couldn’t hide his apprehension from me. “Walker, my grandparents are amazing people. You will love them and the town I grew up in.” It felt so right being here. I couldn’t wait to get a comforting hug from them. I had kept them in the dark about the threats Walker’s father had made against me. I couldn’t and wouldn’t upset them, so I only mentioned the good stuff. Nana did have a sixth sense about people though, so she would have known if I was lying.

  I would have liked to have seen the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It would have been my first time in person. However, Walker insisted that we come to Georgia for Thanksgiving considering we will be on separate continents for Christmas. Yeah, that’s another thing Nana doesn’t know yet. Ugh… please let her be happy for me.

  As we drove through Pottersville, I pointed out all the historical landmarks to him. He was transfixed on the buildings. We turned the corner and I pointed to my grandparents’ book depot and café. I almost wanted to stop the car and go in, but I knew they were back home waiting for us. “I love you, Walker. Thank you for coming home with me.” He immediately kissed me, glided his hand over my thigh, and gently squeezed it.

  “Thank you, Reese. This is a big step, and I’m so happy that I’m here with you.”

  “Well no turning back now, because we’re here.” I had asked the driver to beep the horn when we arrived, but they were already waiting for us on the porch. Granddaddy came down and opened up my door. I walked right in to his arms. I missed this man so much. I needed him more than he knew. Nana was next greeting us. She looked so beautiful, but loaded with flour all over her. I knew she was probably on a baking frenzy, and when we hugged I smelled cinnamon on her. Oh my favorite, apple pie.

  I held each of their hands and introduced Walker to them. He was beaming at me, and Nana was smiling back at him, while Granddaddy eyed him before extending his hand. Oh bless his heart. “Granddaddy, this is my boyfriend, Walker Reed.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you son, and welcome to our home.”

  “Thank you, sir. It’s great to be here and share the holiday with you.” Nana took my hand, so I could I follow her into the house. The house looked the same and nothing had changed. It had only been a few months since I left for school, but I didn’t know how much I missed home until I found myself here again. Every wall was covered with family pictures. Nana always had a camera handy. The one picture I kept with me back in New York hung above the fireplace, but only in a bigger size. Walker put his hands around my shoulders and held me as I was lost in the picture. My eyes were glassy, and I was on the verge of crying. I had to excuse myself and went upstairs to my old room.

  Nana had joked that she was going to turn it in to a work-out room, yeah right! I opened the door to see all my boxes were stored. My queen sized bed was layered with my favorite quilt that I had sewn with my mother. Fresh flowers were on my side table, and a welcome home basket was filled with my favorite treats from the café. The sobs came softly and quietly. I let them all out until I had no tears left. I felt him watching me, but he gave me the space that I needed. Walker only joined me when I held my hand out to him. Kissing away my tears, he promised me that he would do everything in his power to never see me cry again. I felt drained. When he was next to me, the excitement built up inside of me. All I wanted to do was make love to him… doubtful while under my grandparents roof, but I had a few secret places that I planned on taking Walker to. Once I knew Granddaddy was asleep, with his shotgun safely stowed, I would take Walker out to explore the property.

  I wasn’t ready to talk to my grandparents yet, especially after my moment of sadness. Walker had told Nana that I was going to take a nap to clear my head. While I remained upstairs, he got to know them better and even helped Nana with dinner. I joined them about an hour later when all was ready. We joined hands in prayer as Granddaddy began to say grace. This was something unfamiliar to Walker. He bowed his head anyway and listened as my Granddaddy spoke on how thankful he was for his family, and all that God had bestowed on us. I kept smiling at him while we enjoyed the delicious home cooked meal that Nana had prepared for us. I quietly watched my boyfriend talk with my grandparents, laugh at Granddaddy’s jokes, and savor every last bite of Nana’s apple pie. My heart swelled with love for him. If only his family could be more accepting of me… then everything would be perfect.

  Nana always had said to me, “You can’t please everyone that comes in and out of your life. You always have to be your best self, and if that’s not good enough, then that person is not worthy of you.” Oh, I wanted to believe her words, but this was
Walker’s father. If we ever got married, then he would be my family too.

  I helped Nana clean up while Walker and Granddaddy had a chat on the porch. I joined them a little while later to find them both laughing. I let out a sigh of relief and sat down on my boyfriend’s lap while he wrapped his arms around me. Granddaddy said his goodnights, and with a kiss to my head he was off to bed. “So how are you? Did Granddaddy ask you a million and one questions?”

  Holding me tighter, Walker looked up in to my eyes and said, “I love you, Reese Mitchell, and yes he asked me many questions. However, there was only one that I asked him.”

  “What question was that, Walker?” was all I could manage to say to him. He looked so relaxed. All I saw when he looked back at me was love.

  “I asked for your hand in marriage, requesting your grandfather’s permission to do so.” I gasped. “He gave me his blessing, Reese. Although I don’t have a ring with me now, I plan on presenting one to you in the near future, so be ready my love.”

  “Walker, I love you so much, but we still have to learn more about one another. I have many things that I haven’t even shared with you.”

  “Reese, I know everything I need to know about you, please… stop worrying. Once we graduate in a few months, we will have the rest of our lives to be happy and take on the ride of our lives just loving each other. Reese, you are my forever.”

  I hugged him back with every fiber of my being. I kept telling him how much I loved him back. I told him that I was his “forever,” and my answer was yes… when he was ready to officially ask me, that is! I led Walker away from the house and through the field of flowers that led to an open patch of land. The stars were so bright tonight, and the moon was beaming down on us. We stretched out in each other’s arms and gazed up at the night sky. We talked so much about our relationship, our plans for the future, and my fears were finally gone. I couldn’t wait any longer, and I lunged myself at him.

  “Make love to me, Walker… right here… right now.” I didn’t have to ask him twice. He slowly began to remove my clothing and take me under the stars. Tonight our lovemaking was different from all of our other times; this felt like we were sealing our souls together. Consummating all of the promises we had made to one another. My fears had been erased along with the doubt. It was me and Walker against the world. He made me believe we could handle anything life would challenge us with, even the great Phillip Reed.

  Our Thanksgiving holiday was coming to a close, but there was one place that I needed to visit before heading back to New York. Nana had asked me if I needed her to come with me. I had Walker though, and I needed to introduce him to my parents. Walker and I carried two bouquets of flowers for each of their graves. Mama always loved wild flowers in an array of colors. My dad always liked roses because it was the one flower he said was the universal connection to a woman’s heart. I always laughed after I heard that because Granddaddy says the same thing. I knelt down before them, began talking, and tried very hard not to cry. I can never repay my grandparents for taking care of me after my parents died, after all they sacrificed for me. But deep down I was still so angry. I was angry at the truck driver that killed my father. I was angry at my mother for being weak and giving up. They both left me, but most of all I was angry with God for calling them home. They should have been with me.

  What did I know back then? I was a scared ten year old without her Mama and Daddy. The ghosts still lingered from time to time. I told my parents about Walker and how much I loved him. He held my hand the entire time. I told them that I hoped they were happy for me, and when it comes to the day that I do marry the man I love, they would send me a sign that they are watching from the heavens to wish us well. Walker held me in his arms while he kissed me gently, watching for tears that never fell.

  I was already so much stronger thanks to Walker. He made me better, made me believe that I could be happy and not let the past define me. He was amazing. I often wondered why he was not like Phillip, but I saw his mother’s kindness in him. We said our goodbyes to my grandparents as we left for our trip home. Our flight was delayed a bit due to storms up the East Coast. Finally, and exhausted, we arrived in New York after midnight. We went back to Walker’s apartment instead of mine. It was Sunday, so I had all day to do my laundry, catch up with Freddy, and get ready for classes on Monday.

  THE WEEKS THAT followed our mini vacation to Georgia were extremely chaotic. Our semesters ended, and the holidays were upon us. Walker was traveling with his father back and forth to California to oversee how their new offices were coming along. I was in Italy shooting my Cosmopolitan cover. Although Freddy hadn’t officially moved to Milan yet, he already had an apartment rented and furnished by the time I arrived in the city. He had left New York before me, only taking his personal items that he couldn’t live without along with a small garment bag. I didn’t know at the time that he had sent some boxes over already. The rest that he had in New York, his uncle would retrieve.

  My heart was missing my best friend and my boyfriend. Thinking to myself as I looked around the fast paced studio with all of the photographers shouting out commands to the models, is this what I really wanted to do with my life? My dream was to become a teacher. I loved the arts, and I wanted to inspire children. Modeling had been good for me, but I was feeling out of place. My relationship with Freddy had changed. He told me that I was looking into things that weren’t there, but I knew better. If I wasn’t sure then, seeing what is happening right before my eyes convinced me that Freddy was here to stay and I was not.

  I went through hair and make-up, ten costume changes, and then my photo shoot was over. Eleven hours of smiling, being robotic for the camera, and I was exhausted. Marsha, my agent, was on cloud nine. They all invited me out on the town, and I didn’t want to be the odd person out. So, I joined Freddy, Marsha, and a few of the other models that I had met today. They dragged me all over the city to the hottest clubs where Freddy and the others danced the night away. I didn’t get back to my hotel room until four a.m. I was gone for a whole twenty-four hours without checking in with Walker. My phone was completely dead.

  After I got up to my room I phoned the concierge for any missed calls or messages. He sent a bell hop up with an envelope full of them, and I counted more than ten messages. I also listened to a very angry Walker on my voicemail.

  “Reese, what the fuck is going on over there? I have called and called you, where are you? I am trying to be calm, but my patience has run out, and I am about to board a plane to bring you home. To be away from you is hard enough, but now you are not calling me when you said you would? I don’t care what the clock says. When you get this message along with the others that I have left, CALL ME!”

  My heart plummeted with listening to him on my phone. I dialed his number with shaky fingers, and he answered on the second ring. “Reese, is that you?”

  “Hi,” I squeaked out. I didn’t want to argue with him, especially with me being so far away, but I prepared myself for the worst.

  “Thank god you are okay. Why haven’t you returned my calls? I have been so worried about you. Talk to me baby, what is going on?”

  “Walker, I’m fine, believe me. I’m so sorry that I worried you. Had I known you left all these messages at the hotel, I would have called you sooner. My phone had died, and I just received them now.”

  “What time is it now in Milan?” he asked while the tone of his voice had changed from worry to angry again.

  “It’s four thirty a.m.”

  “Are you just getting back to your hotel now? Where the hell have you been all night, Reese? Who were you out with?”

  “Walker, if you think I would cheat on you, then you are crazy! I did an eleven hour photo shoot, and I was invited out by Freddy along with some members of the crew when we were done shooting. Yes, I just got back now to my hotel room. All I did was spend some time with friends… nothing happened.” After a long silent pause I asked him, “Walker, are you still there?”
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  “I have to go, Reese. I will see you when you get back to New York.” The line went dead, and so did my heart.

  What just happened here? Why was he angry with me? I know I should have called him. After I explained what happened, I was hoping he would have understood and accept my apology. God! I hate this place and I want to just go home.

  I took a shower and then slept for a few hours. I had missed the luncheon that I was supposed to attend. Marsha was flipping out, but I explained that I wasn’t feeling well. I wasn’t lying; my heart ached, and my stomach was nauseous. I was ready to finally go to sleep, when there was persistent knocking at the door.

  In a huff, I pulled opened the door to find Freddy leaning up against the wall outside of my room. “Can I come in?”

  I stepped aside and gestured with my hand for him to come in. Wrapping my robe tightly around my waist, we sat down and talked. It was long overdue, and I let him go first. “Sorry I woke you up, Peaches. You look like hell.”

  “Gee, thank you friend, just what I needed to hear. If you must know, this is the broken hearted look when your boyfriend dumps you.”

  “What? You and Walker? Over?”

  Sighing and shaking my head, I said, “I don’t know, Freddy, he was really upset with me that I didn’t keep in better contact with him. We argued, and although I apologized, he was distant. He said he would see me back in New York.”

  “I’m sorry, Peaches. I feel like this is my fault in a way. I pressured you to take this job. I ignored you for days. I had Marsha coerce you into going out with us, even when I knew you were tired. I don’t think it’s over for you and Walker. Your man called me to tell my ass off.”

  “What did you just say?”

  “I think you heard me the first time. Walker phoned me and asked me what was going on here in Milan. I told him the truth: that I wasn’t being a great friend because I was too caught up in my own shit to pay attention to you. I was kind of out of it when he called. I may have mentioned that you went home with one of the male models, but then forgot that Antonio was gay, so I told him not to worry.”