Like Falling

by Jaden Wilkes

  “Listen, I know I’ve been weird lately, and I know we’re good friends, so I wanted to invite you to a movie. They’re playing a midnight screening of ‘Fight Club’ at Metrotown on Friday. Why don’t we go together and just hang out? Get to know each other without having to watch Nic and Naomi make out in front of us.”

  “They are kind of annoying,” she agreed. She thought about this offer for a moment. He called her his friend again, but this felt like a date. Was it a date? Does ‘Fight Club’ count as a date movie? The thought of being in a darkened theatre with his large, muscled body next to hers, possibly touching, was too much. She looked up at him, adjusted her backpack and said “Ok, you can pick me up at my place at eleven. You can take me for something to eat first.”

  “Sounds good,” his face split into a grin and he started walking again. Sarah snuck a peek at his hand holding the umbrella and felt giggly at the sight of the tattoo swirling onto his wrist. She lamented the rain and him having to cover his body up with long sleeves. Why did it excite her so much? She’d never really known anybody with ink back in Alberta other than that one guy, so why did this send such a rush of excitement into her veins? I’m such a dork, she thought, what the hell is wrong with me lately? Maybe mom is right, I need to settle down and have babies, all of this is so confusing and terrifying. She kept pace with him to their class, sneaking a peek at his firm ass and long legs as he moved ahead to open the door for her. Yeah, scary, but totally worth it. Scrap the babies, I want this guy. She smiled at him as she went past and found her usual seat.

  Adam was already there, which was unusual. He watched her with narrowed eyes as she sat down, then looked towards Tyr, and back to her. She busied herself setting up the laptop and he started his lecture. She fought the constant urge to turn around and look at Tyr, to smile at him and see what he was doing. She’d never felt this way about a friend before, did that mean they were more than friends? Was all of this just in her head or did he feel something too? This is way too confusing, I need a guy manual or something, I can’t figure him out.

  After class she was hurrying to pack up and catch up to Tyr when Adam called to her. This wasn’t their usual hangout day, so what did he want? She felt slightly annoyed, but still flattered that he was calling her name in front of everyone. It made her feel special somehow. She walked over to him and he said “We need to talk. I think the funding for your position is about to come through, so I’d like you to start working as soon as possible.”

  “Oh wow! Really? That’s so awesome! I thought it wasn’t going through until next semester.”

  “It usually doesn’t, but I really need this project done. I also wanted to mention that I’ll be teaching an upper level course next semester and want you to take it.”

  “I’m just first year though, I thought I wasn’t allowed to take anything higher than first year,” she tried not to sound contradictory, it was a tempting offer.

  “If I sign you in and believe you can handle the work, you will be able take it.”

  She paused, “Can I think about it?” She wanted to weigh her options, she knew Adam was being friendlier than most profs, and originally she was really attracted to his charm and experience. Now she wasn’t so sure, she still found him attractive, but there was a creeping feeling in her stomach that his attention was more than natural, that he expected something in exchange for all these opportunities. Until she figured out where she was going with Tyr, she didn’t know if she could pay the price Adam was asking.

  “Sure thing, but don’t think too long. You need to start registering for spring courses pretty fast. Let me know if you want to, and I’ll sign you in.” He finished packing up and they parted ways.

  *****

  That evening the four of them were all enjoying a meal at one of the countless hip little restaurants along Commercial Drive. They had driven down through the rain in Tyr’s Jeep, he lived around here but trekked up the hill to pick up the girls after class. They ordered, and even managed to sneak in a martini each without Naomi or Sarah being ID'd. Sarah was feeling tipsy from the strong drink, a green appletini, she loved saying the words and was repeating them over and over, Tyr was laughing at her silliness.

  “Oh wait, I forgot to tell you guys,” Sarah said, interrupting some conversation Naomi and Nic were having about the merits of Nic’s new phone. “Adam asked me to take an upper level course with him next semester, can you believe it?”

  “That’s awesome! Wow, are you going to do it?” Naomi was obviously thrilled for her.

  “I am thinking about it, I told him to give me a few days. Between this, and the job, it feels weird taking so much from him, you know?”

  “What job?” Tyr demanded.

  “Didn’t I tell you? Adam wants to hire me as his student assistant, I’ll be cataloguing his human skeletal remains collection, he’s donating it to the university museum.”

  “No, you didn’t tell me. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “Uh, yes, why wouldn’t it be?”

  “Don’t you think it’s weird that professor douchebag is offering you all this “help” and spending this much time with you?” Wait, did he just air quote help? She saw Naomi and Nic exchange worried glances.

  “Yes, in fact I do find it strange, but I also find it flattering that he believes in me enough to mentor me,” she shot back at him.

  “I’m sure he’d like to mentor you all over,” Tyr took a drink of his Coke and drained the glass. He motioned to the waitress that he needed a refill.

  “What the hell is your problem Tyr? You know what? I’m just trying to look on the bright side here, I’m new to all this and he’s offering to help me a little. Maybe if you’d show some interest in his class, he’d help you to.”

  “The guy’s a douche Sarah, just remember that I warned you when he makes his move. I don’t trust him.”

  “The good thing is that you don’t have to trust him. Leave it up to me and I’ll be just fine. I can handle myself,” she snapped back at him, her hands shaking with anger. What the hell is his problem? Is he jealous that Adam gave me the job, or is he jealous that I am going to spend time with Adam? It didn’t make sense either way if he was just her friend.

  Just then the waitress showed up with a refill. She sensed the tension at the table and cleared away the empty glasses.

  “Would you like another one?” she asked Sarah, noting her diminishing drink.

  “Of course she’d like another one, she’s celebrating,” Tyr sneered as he got up and walked outside.

  “Do you?” the waitress questioned, one eyebrow raised.

  Sarah looked towards the door and couldn’t see him. She leaned on the table and said “Yeah, sure. I guess I am celebrating.”

  A few minutes later she looked again for Tyr and saw him chatting up their waitress. She was giggling and flushed, she kept touching her gorgeous curly blonde hair and looking up at him through her long lashes. He was leaning over her, his muscular arm up with his hand on the wall behind her in a possessive stance. Sarah felt hot with anger and she fought the urge to get up and walk past him into the night, never to see him again. Instead she looked back to Naomi and Nic and joined in their conversation. They were planning a small gathering in the Women’s Centre on campus and asked Sarah if she’d help distribute posters. She agreed, only half listening to what they expected of her, and turned back to Tyr. The waitress had his phone and was obviously adding her number. He laughed at something she said, a great loud laugh that tilted his head back and came up from his stomach. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh like that before. The waitress kissed the phone, then handed it back to Tyr and went to pick up an order. He started back to the table and Sarah turned away quickly, not wanting to be caught staring. She missed him carefully wiping the phone on his jeans and shove it into his pocket. He breathed in heavily and sadness crossed his face as he sat down. Sarah vowed not to look at him.

  Their meal arrived, the waitress fussed ov
er Tyr’s burger and had added an extra handful of fries. They ate in silence, letting Naomi and Nic take the lead in conversation. Sarah nodded agreement without listening, she was starting to worry at how much she had committed herself to do for their gathering but couldn’t get past Tyr’s behaviour. She was resolute in her decision and made it through the rest of the night without saying more than ten words to him. If he wanted to make her out to be some kind of slut, then go and pick up some skanky looking waitress right in front of her, she was done with this pathetic game. Obviously if he was interested in her, he would have made it known by now. He clearly had no problems picking up the waitress.

  He drove them back to the apartment and Sarah jumped out without saying goodbye. The three girls got inside and all was quiet in the elevator. In the apartment Sarah ripped her jacket off and stalked to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Nic and Naomi were strangely silent as she banged around and slammed cupboard doors a little too hard. She finally settled down and joined them in the living room where they were watching Glee.

  “Are you ok?” Naomi asked when she sat down.

  “I’m fine, I just get sick of Tyr’s holier than thou act with me. I’m not the bad guy here. I’m not the one acting like a bipolar freak, one minute we’re friends, the next minute he’s basically saying I’m a slut. I don’t know what to think!” Sarah spilled to the girls. Wow, where did that come from? Usually I can’t string more than ten words together at a time.

  “He’s a hard guy to get to know, I’ll give you that,” Nic said, leaning towards Sarah on the couch. “He’s had a hard life, I think you should give him a chance. He’s a good guy once he lets you in, but he’s been hurt more times than I can count so his defenses are high.”

  “He didn’t seem to be defending himself against that slutty waitress,” Sarah grumbled.

  “Yeah, he does that sometimes. He’s human, he likes a fling here and there. Besides, if he’s just a friend, what does it matter?” She smiled, and gave Naomi a sideways glance.

  “Whatever. I’m going to bed. I’m tired and I’m sure I’ll feel better about all this tomorrow.” Sarah went to her room and fell onto her mattress exhausted, the room was still spinning from the martinis. She drifted into a restless sleep, her head full of confusion and indecision. Tyr and Adam, two attractive men, two very different problems.

  Hours later she awoke, disoriented. She didn’t know what time it was. She heard a muffled cry of pleasure come from Naomi’s room and a stab of envy and heat shot through her body. She reached for her phone to check the time and saw that she had a text from Tyr.

  “Are we ok?” He had sent it over an hour ago, at 2AM. She smiled in the dark, held the phone to her chest and mouthed the words “thank you” to the ceiling. She typed “yeah, we are :)” and fell into a soundless sleep.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Thursday morning Adam found her in the cafeteria again, sipping hot tea and studying for an upcoming test. She tried to not look up, she really had to cram for this, but he glanced at the book in her hand, saw that it was for biology and dismissed her complaints that she was busy. He seemed intent on something, so she laid the book on the table and said “Ok, what’s up? I really need to study for this.”

  “I wanted to share the good news, we got the ok for your student position. I am hoping you can start cataloguing this afternoon. I brought some of the material to my office, stop by later and I’ll show you what I want you to do.”

  “Oh fantastic! This is so exciting, I’m sorry I brushed you off. I’m just so nervous about this mid term.”

  “You’ll do fine, somebody as bright as you shouldn’t have to worry. I’ll let you get back to it though, so, see you later?”

  “For sure, I’ll be there after 4. Is that ok?”

  “I’ll be waiting, see you then!” He got up and waved as he left. She went back to her studying but couldn’t help the excitement she felt at starting this new job. Not only would the extra money help supplement her loans, but she was going to be doing something she loved. Ok, let’s get back to this biology, I can daydream about the job later. She concentrated on the list of vocabulary terms, but couldn’t help the small smile that crossed her face.

  *****

  Adam wasn’t in his office when she got there, so she decided to wait. She had been in his space many times before, but never alone. She never really looked at his belongings, the collected pieces of tribal art and antique books from his travels. She was struck by the sterility of the space, even though he packed it with books and objects, there was nothing here that spoke of his personal life. She couldn’t see a single photograph.

  He showed up ten minutes late, apologizing and holding a box labeled “human skeletal remains”. He placed it on the desk and opened it, revealing a scattered pile of bones.

  “This poor fellow was bought in India. We need to label each piece and add it to the catalogue before we decide what we’re going to do with him. Ultimately I’d like to harness some grad student to wire him back together, they're better teaching tools when they’re fully articulated. That’s a monumental task though, and best left for another time. Have you ever catalogued an artifact? This will be done the same way.”

  She shook her head no, overwhelmed with this monumental task and the importance of the work. This had been a living human being. The thought both disgusted her and awed her at the same time.

  “Go ahead, you can pick one up,” Adam seemed amused by her reverence.

  She reached in and gently lifted one of the longest bones from the box, it felt cool to the touch and slightly greasy. She hid her feelings of wonder, aware of how idiotic she would seem to Adam if she let him know how much this meant to her. She tried to imagine who this person was, what their hopes and dreams had been, how they had died.

  “That’s a femur, a thigh bone. It belongs here,” he said and ran his hand up her leg. She jumped and he laughed. “Boo! He’s not going to bite. I know it can be a bit much at first.”

  “How can you tell it’s a he?”

  “Well, usually the first place we look is the pelvis, the shape of it can generally give you an indication of sex. The female pelvis is wider and shallower, to accommodate the passage of a baby during birth.”

  “Oh, I guess that makes sense. I never really thought about it,” she replied. Learning about the skeleton made it seem less personal and easier to think of as a specimen rather than a human being.

  “Do you know the last bone in the body to fuse together?” he asked, standing closer to her.

  “No, I don’t,” she replied, feeling like this was going somewhere.

  “The clavicle,” he said, tracing his finger along her collarbone. “Right here.” He moved across her body to the other side, and repeated the gentle stroking along her neck.

  “Interesting,” she managed to breath out, her body leaned in towards his and she gripped the edge of the desk with her free hand. He was looking into her eyes, his were bright blue and pierced her to her soul. She felt as though he could see right through her, know her inner thoughts and aspirations...and desires.

  He stepped back just as she began to arch her back. She remained in position for a moment too long, turned bright red and relaxed her body. I am so pathetic, she thought, he was just showing me a few things, not humping me on his desk. Besides, am I even attracted to him? She didn’t know the answer to that, her body had responded to his touch, but what did her heart say?

  They continued to go over the procedure, he taught her to lay down a small stripe of white colour, wait until it dried, then write the catalogue number in the tiniest text she could manage. After that she would apply a clear coat of nail polish, and it was done. He left her in his office to continue her work. She spent several hours and finished almost the entire box. She was immensely proud of her new knowledge and couldn’t wait to tell Naomi all about it.

  She looked at her phone and was alarmed at the time. It was just past eight, and she needed to get home. She pla
ced the finished work back in the box and grabbed her pack.

  At home she walked into Naomi and Nic kissing and half dressed on the couch.

  “Oh shit, sorry, don’t mind me. I’m heading to my room,” she apologized and averted her eyes.

  The pulled apart and Naomi said “Don’t be silly, we can take it to my room,” she helped Nic pull down her shirt and clasp her bra.

  “You don’t need to do that, I mean if you want to stay up with me for a bit. I’ve got exciting news!”

  Both girls looked interested and Nic said “Of course we want to know!”

  “I started my job today,” she said, unable to keep the pride from her voice. “Adam met me after class and showed me how to label a skeleton.”

  “You touched bones? Gross!” Naomi said with a dramatic grimace. “Were they really human?”

  “Oh yes, it was weird at first but I got used to it. After a little while it just seemed like one of those plastic teaching skeletons they sell at the campus bookstore.”

  “Was Adam there the whole time?” Nic asked, a strange look on her face.

  “No, why?”

  “Nothing, just curious, that’s all.”

  Sarah felt like Nic was lying, was she reporting all of this back to Tyr? What would he care if she and Adam were hooking up on the sly? He had his waitress to relieve his sexual tension, why couldn’t she find somebody to help her?

  After a few moments of chatting, Sarah went to bed and left the lovers to themselves. They were constantly looking at each other, or nuzzling each other’s neck, Sarah got the hint. They were an adorable couple, but Sarah was pierced with a stab of envy that they seemed so happy together. She didn’t even want to think about their physical relationship, she might become bitter thinking of her own lack of sex. I just want to know what it feels like, is that too much to ask?

  CHAPTER NINE

  Friday came too quickly and she was anticipating her date/not date with Tyr. She wished she had asked to make it earlier, eleven o’clock was so far away. She decided to kill some time at school and found herself wandering to Adam’s office after lunch. He was in, but just packing up to leave.