I let the words bounce around in my head as I make my way down the stairs. I lift my fist to the door and pound. “Leiva, I am clean, and I ate. Let me in.”
“Please. Let me in, please,” Trident whispers behind me as he walks out of the castle. “Were you raised in a barn?”
“Are you always around?” I grit, watching him leave. I lower my voice, looking around to make sure Trident isn’t near. “Please, open the door, Leiva.”
The locks slide, and the old wood creaks, revealing a small young woman with zero patience on her face. “Was that so hard?”
“No, ma’am. Apologies.” Leiva makes me cower like a small boy. Just like my mother did. And that scares me since it comes from a woman over a hundred pounds lighter than me.
She opens the door the rest of the way. “Come in, Wulf. There’ve been no changes.”
I’m relieved just as much as I am sad. I want her to wake, but I only want her to wake up when I’m by her side.
“Thank you, Leiva.” The words are foreign when they leave my mouth. I’m not a well-mannered man, but I must do better now that Lilith is here.
“You’re welcome. Go sit next to her. I’m going to go make some more paste for her cuts. I’ll be a minute.” Leiva hurries away into the back, disappearing into her cave to make the life-saving paste she has used on me dozens of times.
I look around the room and notice all the beds are empty besides the one Lilith is in. I make my way to her and sit in my usual spot to take her hand. I’m not sure how long I sit there, just waiting, hoping she will wake up.
“Anything?”
I didn’t even notice Warlord Einarr, Lady Thyra, and Lady Sassa come into the room. They are making a village around her bed.
“Nay, nothing yet.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, her thin, bony fingers tighten around my hand.
My eyes widen. “Did you see that? Did anyone see that? Leiva! Leiva, she moved!” I call, hovering over Lilith as her eyes move behind her lids.
“Come back to me, Angel.” I plead, brushing her hair out of her face.
Everyone is muttering, whispering words I’m tuning out. My only focus is on Lilith. “Come on, come to me,” I beg. I need to see the eyes that I’ve loved my entire life.
“Don’t rush her, Wulf. Everyone is different when they heal. She shall come to when she is ready,” Leiva tells me, pushing by the small crowd that has gathered around us. She grabs the inside of Lilith’s wrist, checking her pulse.
It seems the entire kingdom is here now, including Trident. Privacy is impossible these days.
Lilith lets out a soft groan, struggling to open her eyes. Those long blonde lashes flutter, and I chuckle, smiling with relief when I can finally see the honey-colored eyes I love so much.
“Lilith? Oh my goddess, I’m so glad you’re awake. You’re here. You’re back.” I cup her face with my hand, and her eyes are wide and alert. She lifts a frail arm and knocks my hands away.
“Who are you?” she croaks, grabbing at her throat, staring at me as if I’m nothing but a stranger.
“It’s me. It’s Wulf. You know me,” I choke, my voice breaking as I struggle to keep myself together.
“I have never seen you before in my life,” she says, her golden eyes wide with fear. I’ve never seen her afraid of me, and my goddess, nothing has ever hurt me so.
Everyone in the room falls silent, but the mournful sound of my heart breaking is loud to my ears, shattering all hope I had. The love of my life has forgotten me. And I have no idea how to make her remember.
Chapter Three
Lilith
I blink up at the man who has the most piercing blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Or at least, I think I’ve seen, since I can’t seem to remember anything. They are so blue; they remind me of the color of a winter’s frost across the lake… I think. Since I can compare it, I must remember it, but the actual image of frost over a lake I can’t picture.
I can’t remember anything.
I start to panic. I dart my eyes around to see a few dozen people staring at me. My chest starts to rise and fall quickly. I can’t seem to breathe. What’s happening? Where am I?
“Who are you people?” Tears fill my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I can’t let them fall. Something in the back of my mind tells me I’ve cried long enough. No more. No one will get the satisfaction of seeing me cry ever again.
“It’s okay. You’re safe. I promise,” the man speaks again. His deep voice calms me. It sounds familiar and safe. Even though he eases my distress, the man seems devastated when I tell him I can’t remember him. He straightens, and that’s when I see how tall he is and broad. He has long thick brown hair, and the hair on his chin is a little unruly, but he seems like an unruly man, so it fits him. He is very handsome. I feel my cheeks heating from staring at him too long, so I glance away and turn my attention to someone else.
But no one else captures my attention like the blue-eyed man.
Even though I don’t remember him, he could just be saying he knows me for another reason and wants me to believe him. But I peek back at the man with blue eyes and they tell me otherwise. His heart is broken. And for some reason, my heart tells me this man is telling the truth. I can’t remember the last time I listened to my instincts and right now, the only thing I have the urge to do is crawl into the man’s lap and have him hold me.
I’m too frightened for that. The new me, now, doesn’t know him. He is a stranger to me, no matter what the voice in the back of my head says.
“Lilith, do you remember that is your name?” he asks.
“Yes,” my voice comes out as a rasp like I haven’t spoken a word in days. Yes, that is my name. At least I know that.
“Good. My name is Wulf. I’ve known you for a long time. You were injured recently. Do you remember what happened?”
He sits on the edge of the bed, turning his back to the crowd. His voice breaks as he speaks, and he clears his throat. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was getting emotional.
I don’t say a word. I’m too nervous with so many people staring at me. I don’t feel well. My head starts to spin. I place my hand against my forehead and groan. A sheen of sticky sweat breaks across my skin, but the heat eases when a cold cloth is pressed against my forehead.
“Everyone get the fuck out! You must give her space. All of you go!”
“Don’t be rude,” I manage to scold him in a weak voice.
He lets out a sad chuckle. “Even though you don’t remember me, you still talk back to me,” he mumbles, but I’m not too sure what he means by that.
I watch as one by one, everyone leaves, whispering to one another and giving me one last glance before disappearing out the door. One woman stays, though. She seems young, but the way she stands and composes herself makes me wonder if she has lived a hundred lives.
Her hair is pulled back tight into a bun, and a serious expression masks her face as she looks at Wulf. “This is all too much for her right now, Wulf. You must come back later.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Not until she understands what happened to her,” he snaps.
“You’re being rude, again.” The way I slap his arm reminds me of a habit like I’ve done it a hundred times before. I bring my arm awkwardly down to my side, wondering why I’m automatically so comfortable around him.
“I’ll continue to be rude, too. I’ve been here night and day. I’m not leaving your side now.”
“What?” I sputter, my jaw dropping to my chest. This man, this stranger, stayed for me? Why?
His fingers slide under my chin and close my jaw, and the man, Wulf, gives me a half-smile that makes my breath hitch.
“Even though you don’t remember me, I remember everything of you, Lilith. I would never leave you alone while you are healing, especially since you’ve been gone for twelve years. I couldn’t ever manage to leave your side.”
The pain in his voice makes me reach out and take his hand. “I’m sorry that I do
n’t know you. Your voice sounds familiar and makes me feel safe. That’s all I have right now. I’m so sorry.”
Twelve years? Did he just say twelve years? No. I must still be waking up because that’s just impossible.
“Don’t ever apologize for something you can’t help, Angel.”
The nickname makes something flicker in my mind. A memory trying to surface. It’s right there, but I just can’t reach it to make it come to life. “Why was I away for twelve years?” I ask.
“I’ll leave you two alone. Don’t push her too much. She has a lot of healing to do still.” The strict younger woman reminds me of an old soul. Kind, but someone who means business.
“Yes, ma’am,” Wulf nods, reaching for the cup on the stand next to the bed. “Drink,” he orders me.
“Don’t boss me around,” I mutter, taking a sip from the cup because I am thirsty, not because he said to. Why am I talking to him like I know him?
“Wouldn’t think of it.” He hides a smile. I don’t want him to hide. I want to see how he looks when he grins. I wager he is more handsome than he is now. When I cough, he takes the cup away and sits me up, lightly patting my back. I hate feeling so weak. I can tell I’m nothing but skin and bone. My hand goes for my throat as I cough, and tears come to my eyes.
“Are you okay? Breathe, Angel.” He slowly brings my head back down to the pillow and tucks me in, wiping the tears that have fallen from my eyes.
“You’re sweet,” I tell him, and the big man shakes his head.
“Only to you. I’ve only ever been nice to you.”
“That doesn’t seem like a good way to live.”
“I didn’t have anything good when you disappeared, Angel. My world went dark.”
Were he and I more than friends? The way he speaks, he sounds as if he cared for me deeper than a simple friendship.
“What happened to me?” I ask, staring at my hands. They look like death is closing in on me. My veins are protruding, and my bones showing. I lift the blanket to see just how skinny I am, and I cringe. I can’t believe the state I’m in.
“You were taken by Jackals when you were fifteen. Do you remember that?”
My bottom lip starts to tremble, and I shake my head, hiding my face in my hands. Everything in my mind is blank.
“No,” I sob. “I don’t remember anything. What am I going to do?”
“Shh, look at me,” his massive hands cup the entirety of my cheeks. “We shall figure it out. I’ll have you remembering in no time, okay? I promise. I’m not giving up on you, not when I finally have you back after so long.”
“How long was it again?” I pull my brows together, trying to think about how old I am, but I can’t seem to remember that either.
“Twelve years.”
I gasp, my hand covering my mouth. This time when my head shakes, it’s with denial. “No. No. No. That can’t be. It can’t!” I shout, but the strain it takes on my voice is too much, and I start to cough again, my throat burning and raw from the force.
“Breathe, Angel. It’s alright. It’s all alright,” he croons, deepening his voice to a low, soothing tone. It works. I take deep breaths in, but it only tickles the sensation in the back of my throat to start coughing again.
“Easy. Relax. You’re safe here. Nothing will hurt you here. I won’t ever let anything hurt you again. There is no rush.”
I wipe a tear away as it falls to my cheek. “Alright.”
“Wulf! I need a word,” a man bellows from the doors.
“Fuck off, Trident. I’m busy!”
“Be nice,” I hiss, astounded by his lack of decency for others.
“Still a pain in my ass after twelve years,” he mutters under his breath and rubs his temples.
I narrow my eyes at him. “I heard that.”
“At least you aren’t deaf.”
“Are you sure we were friends?” I snap, wondering how I’m going to trust this man when he is so… infuriating.
Then, his eyes soften, giving me a look, that if I had the strength to stand up, would send me to my knees.
“The best.”
My annoyance with him diminishes a little. I’m not sure how this man and I were friends in my past life. He and I seem too different. He is so gruff and rude with other people, and I’m not like that. I treat people how I want to be treated. Wulf doesn’t seem to care.
“What was one of my favorite things to do?” I ask him, wondering if he actually knows, or is just playing me for a fool.
A small smile graces his lips, and it causes my breath to hitch as I watch him stare off into nothing, thinking about a memory I wish I had. “You loved to be in the sun. Every time I saw you, your skin was warm from basking under the rays in the middle of the meadow. There was a view of the ocean beyond the cliff, and the sea salt hung heavy in the air. You loved it. I’d meet you there, in the midst of the wildflowers in the field, and I’d just watch you sometimes as the wind made your blonde hair flow in the air. It was such a privilege to see. You were always so happy in that moment. It was something so simple. You needed nothing from people. You only needed that spot, and you were happy. I loved seeing you happy. It was the only thing that made my day better.”
Tears burn my eyes as I listen to him. His voice is far away, reminiscing on that moment. He isn’t joking. He isn’t conning me. Wulf really does care about me. No one would know that memory or moment in time besides him. “What about you?
He blinks at me, coming out of his thoughts and stares at me with confusion. “What do you mean?”
“What was your favorite thing to do?” I ask.
His next words are said simply, without thought or hesitancy. “Being with you.”
He stretches, and my eyes land on his bulging biceps, and like any woman, I imagine his arms curling around me, holding me tight.
Until his mouth ruins my train of thought.
“Until you were a pain in my ass, that is.”
“You’re maddening.” I cross my arms and then yawn, suddenly feeling tired and overwhelmed. My body starts to tremble from being cold. Suddenly, a warm animal skin is blanketed over my body. It looks like deer… I think. Everything is slowly coming together, but pictures are fuzzy.
“I skinned this the other day. You’ll be warm with this.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, fighting the urge not to close my eyes. I want to talk to Wulf, hear his calming, deep voice. I want to understand how I got here and why. What are the Jackals? Why did they take me? If Wulf was my best friend like he said, did he search for me? Did I have parents? There’s so much I want to know, but exhaustion is a stronger power, gripping me from the inside to pull me under.
“Sleep, I’ll be here.”
“Promise?” I mumble through a slur with sleep.
“I fucking swear, Angel.”
“Language,” I scold, yawning.
The last thing I hear before unconsciousness takes me under is Wulf muttering something about me being a pain in the ass. I hope I dream of my past so I can remember Wulf and our memories together. It saddens me that I can’t seem to muster up one memory of a man this faithful and so kind to me. He deserves that, does he not?
Chapter Four
Beowulf
I wait until her breath is even, letting me know she is asleep. I sigh and get up, careful not to wake her, and walk toward the large windows on the other side of the room. I grip the windowsill so hard that pieces of the stone break and fall to the ground. My heart fucking hurts so damn much, that if I don’t get some space right now, I may just explode. When she said she doesn’t remember me, my world stopped, the breath was stolen from my lungs, and my heart struggled to take its next beat.
I’m living my worst fear. I was worried she wouldn’t recognize me at first, but I never thought she wouldn’t remember me at all. It is a sword in the heart. That’s exactly what it feels like.
“Wulf,” Leiva’s soft voice full of concern only makes my heart squeeze a little harder.
>
“Not now, Leiva. Please, not now.” I sound pathetic.
Her cold, soft hand lands on mine. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too, Leiva. Me too,” I sigh with the heaviness that looms on my soul.
My hand retreats from under hers, and I turn away, rubbing the same hand over my mouth as I walk blindly out the door. I’ve only felt this lost one other time in my life, and that was when Lilith was taken. I’m not the kind of man to dwell on feelings. I haven’t done that in a long time. I’ve pushed them aside for so long, only calling onto them for battle. Now, I’m a concoction of every emotion in the book, and I have no idea what to do.
I push the door open and take my time going down the steps. The air is cold, stinging my lungs as I breathe in. The leaves are changing. Lilith loves it when that happens. Will I have to remind her of that?
I’m not sure how long I walk for, but I stop in the middle of the lavender field and breathe in. I fall to my knees and let out an inhuman roar, slamming my fists on the ground.
I lift my balled-up fists above my head and hit the earth over and over again, letting all the rage I can out. I’m out of breath, my hands ache, and I’m sweating by the time I’m done. I fall forward and grab the broken lavender stems in my fist. This can’t be happening. I haven’t waited all these years for her not to remember a fucking thing.
“Not a damn thing!” I shout, hitting my chest in challenge to the goddess above as I stare at the ebony sky. “What do you want from me? What do you want?” I scream before falling onto my back, gasping for air. “What do you want?” I repeat, this time in an out-of-my-mind whisper.
“Wulf?”
“Fucking hell, Trident. You come around at the worst times,” I mutter, a bit grim. I don’t bother to turn my head. I keep my eyes to the stars and breathe as much of the lavender as I can into my lungs. I need to calm down before I go off the rails.
The rustle and crunch of the flowers lets me know Trident is settling in next to me, and he doesn’t plan on going anywhere.
Beowulf's Claim (Viking Warriors Book 3) Page 3