Beowulf's Claim (Viking Warriors Book 3)

by Jessica Knight

  “You alright?” he asks after a few moments of us laying in silence.

  I debate if I want to lie or to tell him the truth. I’m not close to anyone. Trident is the only one I consider a friend. I know a ton about him because he is an open book, but he knows nothing of me. I liked that the only person that truly knew me was Lilith, but now, she doesn’t know me at all, and I’ve lost the only person that made sense of me better than I made sense of myself.

  “No, Trident. No, I’m not alright,” I admit, watching a shooting star flash across the sky. I wish that she will remember me. “I don’t know how to talk about it.”

  “You aren’t one for talking in the first place. I’ve known you for a while now, Wulf. You’re a warrior at heart. One of the best I’ve ever seen. You’re a tough man, sometimes kind of an ass, but I’ve never seen you like this. I’ve never seen you… not put together and at a loss. She’s that for you, aye? It’s like that.”

  “It’s always been like that with her. Growing up, she and I weren’t allowed to talk. The warriors’ bloodlines weren’t allowed to be with a lesser class; you know that. We snuck behind everyone’s back. At five years old, we swore we would always be friends. At ten, I asked her to marry me, and she said if she wanted to get married, she would let me know. So sassy, all the damn time. At fourteen, I started training for battle. I came back, tired, hungry, and sore. We would meet in a meadow beyond the forest that we weren’t allowed to pass through, and she would take care of me. At fifteen, I knew I loved her, and at sixteen, I realized I always loved her and will always love her. And then she was taken from me. If I can’t have her, then I want no one.”

  Trident lets out a huge exhale. “Shite, man. That’s heavy.”

  “Aye,” I chuckle. “Imagine how I feel, the only person who truly knows me has forgotten me.”

  “She hasn’t, though. She’s healing. You have to give her time.”

  “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

  “It’s supposed to fucking hurt, Wulf. Life hurts. Life is a battle. Nothing good comes easy. And you already know with her, it’s never been easy because she is good for you, Wulf. Man, I’ve seen more emotion out of you in the past few days than I ever have. Hell, this is the most we’ve ever spoken. She makes you different.”

  “Only for her, though,” I protest, picking at a piece of lavender.

  “I’ve noticed. I’m sorry, though, aye? I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’ve never felt like that about anybody, so I can’t relate. But I know it must hurt.”

  I close my eyes and bring up a memory of her bathing in the sun. “Out of everything, the cuts, the stabs, the broken bones, none of it hurts as much as this, Trident. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone,” I say, remembering the moment of our first kiss. If I think hard enough, her phantom lips brush over mine in memory.

  “She’ll remember you, Wulf. I know it.”

  “I’m not so sure, but one can only hope.”

  “Can you do anything to help trigger her memories?”

  “Aye, I plan on starting tomorrow. She says my voice and how she feels about me is familiar, but no memories. I need her to remember me. My sanity depends on it.”

  “My sanity depends on it. You’d be a nightmare to battle,” he jokes, causing me to snort. “Are you going back to her tonight?”

  I nod, forgetting he isn’t actually looking at me. “Aye. I just needed a breather. It took so much not to tear everything apart when she asked me who I was. I must regroup, rethink. This isn’t how I planned on this going.”

  A few minutes of silence pass before he starts to laugh. “You didn’t smile, right? Maybe that’s why she can’t remember you.”

  “Fuck off before I beat the stupid out of you, Trident.” I don’t think I smiled… if I did, the woman is going to have nightmares for the rest of her life. I let out a heavy sigh and lace my arms behind my head and map out the stars with my eyes. I don’t enjoy the day like I used to. I’ve enjoyed learning how to love the night.

  “You could always walk away, you know.”

  I turn my head to the right, seeing Trident’s profile. He’s staring up at the sky too, tapping his fingers on his chest.

  “What do you mean?” I ask him, gaining his attention. He turns his head and meets my questioning gaze.

  “You can walk away right now and never look back. You don’t have to see her again. She doesn’t remember you. You don’t have to go on this long journey with her.”

  Rolling to my side, my hands push my body off the ground until I’m on my feet. I brush off my pants and point my finger at Trident as he gets up, too.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I think you know what I mean.”

  “You are out of your mind if you think I’d ever leave her side after everything she has been through. You have some nerve to say such a cowardly thing about me.” I take a step toward him and push him against the chest. “You think I’d leave her alone to deal with this?”

  This time, I ball my fists up and pull my arms back, slugging him right in his chest. It knocks him to the ground, and he coughs, grabbing at his chest. I stand over him, seething with rage. “You think I’d quit on her?”

  “No, Wulf,” he gasps a strangled moan. “I was giving you all the options. Come on, man. I didn’t say it was a good idea or anything.” He stumbles a bit when he tries to get up, so I knock him back down.

  “I can’t believe you’d say that. I gave up once on her, and I’d rather die than ever do it again.”

  “Aye,” he holds up his hands in surrender. “Aye,” he repeats in a calm and collected tone, hoping I back down.

  “I’ll never turn my back on her again.” I hammer home. I need him to understand that everything he said is not an option. “She deserves someone at her side.”

  “I understand. I’m on your side here. Wulf. I’m your friend.”

  “A friend?” I scoff, knocking shoulders with him when I walk by him. “A friend wouldn’t even think about saying what you said.”

  “Wulf.” He grabs me by the shoulder, and when I turn around, I wrap my hand around his throat.

  “No.” I squeeze a little harder and pick him up by the neck. “And how many times have I told you not to fucking touch me?”

  “Wulf, this is getting out of hand,” Trident gasps. He kicks his legs to try and find the ground, but he won’t. I have him too far up. “I’m on your side.”

  I release my fingers from around his neck, and his legs give out from under him. He falls to the ground, rubbing his neck with his fingers and trying to suck in as much air as possible. I rub my hand over my mouth and back away. I can’t think straight.

  “Wulf, come on.”

  I shake my head and turn around, giving the one man I thought was my friend my back. And I walk away.

  “Wulf!” Trident croaks as loud as he can after me, but it’s hoarse and barely recognizable.

  I continue walking, back toward the castle, back toward Lilith, when I think better of it and make a sharp right into the woods. I can barely contain my anger, and it isn’t with Trident. It’s with myself.

  The faint sound of my name being called in the distance rings, but I keep my back to it, no matter how much I want to turn around and apologize for my outburst. My boots eat up distance, getting me further from the castle, away from Trident, and away from Lilith. I have no idea what to do right now.

  The branches of the trees slap against my arm the deeper in the woods I go. The sting isn’t enough to pull me out of my guilt. I only got so mad because Trident hit a sore spot. He said everything I had been secretly thinking. That’s why I got so mad. I hate that he confirmed everything a small voice in the back of my head was whispering. It made me feel like a horrible man and a worse friend.

  How could I even think of leaving her when I just got her back? And I made a promise. I promised I’d be right next to her side, but the fear of her never remembering me, is enough for me to wonder i
f I should stay away. I can’t be by her side, loving her, with her looking at me like I’m someone she just met.

  I can’t.

  I’m a strong man. I’m a warrior. But that’s torture. I’m man enough to admit that it would be too much, even for a man like myself.

  Coming to a clearing, I rest against an old tree, the bark rubbing against my skin, and that’s when I notice Lord Grimkael’s and Lady Sassa’s initials marked in the tree. I remember Grim’s plan to bribe Sassa’s father. He never planned to fall in love with her, but he did, and it changed all of our lives. What I’d give to be able to have that.

  Who am I kidding? I’ll never be a man good enough for Lilith. She’s suffered enough. She’s seen too much to be saddled with someone like me. Sighing, I slide down the tree, the bark scratching my back. My arse hits the ground, and I lean my head against the trunk, watching the river flow by.

  I think of Grim and Sassa, Einarr and Thyra, and I slam my head against the tree. An emotion I’m not used to washes over me. I’m envious. I’m so fucking envious. I want what they have, but I only want it with Lilith. How can I have it if I’m nothing to her? What If I stay by her side like I promised, and I grow to love her more, but she falls in love with someone else? What then?

  Life was so much easier before she came back. I don’t mean it in the sense that I don’t appreciate that she isn’t here, I do. Before, when I thought she was dead, I knew my purpose here. I knew my path. It was easy. Get up, train, fight, repeat. Go on missions. Go to other towns. Protect the kingdom. Kill if needed. My job was simple. If I wanted sex, I had it. I knew life would never give me another chance of having a woman like Lilith again.

  And now… and now I’m just a distant memory to her, while she has always been at the forefront of mine.

  A woman’s giggle and a man’s low growl filter through the trees, and when I stand up, I’m face to face with a shirtless Lord Grimkael and a flushed Sassa.

  “Lord Grimkael,” I fall to my knee, feeling a bit ashamed that I am intruding on their special spot.

  “What are you doing here, Wulf?” his voice is low and threatening.

  I lift my eyes to see him push Sassa behind him, protecting her. Just like a good man should. “I’m sorry, my Lord. I needed some air, and I took a walk. I found myself here. I’ll leave immediately.” I can only leave once he says I can. Rules are rules.

  His sword lifts my chin, and I grit my teeth when I see pity in his eyes. I do not want to be pitied. It’s an insult. “You are hurt because she does not know who you are. Stand, Wulf.”

  I do as he says and lift my head to meet his. Sassa is beside him now, looking at me with empathy.

  “Aye, my Lord.” I don’t tell him I was thinking of making a trip to see my brother to see what he would say about all this. He would remember Lilith, and then he would probably smack me over the head for second-guessing it. It can only be fate that brought her back to me, and even though fate can be very cruel, she can be very kind too.

  “Go back to her, Wulf. You’ll find everything you need to know there,” Lord Grimkael orders, sheathing his sword.

  He’s wrong, but I don’t dare say that. That would get me killed. The only thing waiting for me back in the medical corridor is earth shattering disappointment and a lifetime of heartaches.

  “Wulf,” Lady Sassa’s voice stops me in my tracks when I go to leave.

  “Aye, Lady Sassa?”

  “You get a second chance to make her fall in love with you again. Do not waste it, thinking about what ifs. What ifs are no way to live life.”

  Lord Grimkael smiles, pride shining through his eyes as he throws his arm around his wife. “Aye, what my Lady said.” He nods, turning her into his arms. I notice the look on his face, for I have felt it many times before.

  That’s my cue to leave.

  “You’re so sexy when you speak,” he growls louder than he thinks, and it makes her giggle.

  I high tail it out of there, leaving the happy couple behind, and head back to the castle. The whole time, Lady Sassa’s words repeat in my head. I never thought of it as a second chance. I thought if Lilith ever came back, I convinced myself we would start where we left off, but how foolish is that?

  Lady Sassa is right. It’s a second chance to try and have Lilith fall in love with me. We can make memories again, and if she remembers something, anything, wonderful. If she doesn’t, I’ll remember for the both of us. As long as I have her love, I’ll be okay.

  How can I have a woman with no memory of anything fall in love with me?

  Chapter Five

  Lilith

  Blurriness greets my vision when I open my eyes. I slowly blink away the sleep, trying to focus on something other than the sunlight coming through the windows. I lift a hand and hiss. I hate mornings. I don’t remember if I hate mornings, but right now, I know that the new me is very much against them.

  “You’re up.”

  The deep voice wakes me up a bit more, making the morning a little easier to handle when I hear the rough timbre of Wulf’s voice.

  “You’re here,” I say. My voice comes out as a whisper. I can’t seem to make myself any louder. My throat still burns when I raise my voice too much.

  “I said I would be, didn’t I?” He reaches his hand toward my face and runs his knuckles down my cheek. “I’m a man of my word.”

  My eyes flutter shut, his touch familiar, and my heart ignites, beating quicker, and my skin warming. It all feels familiar like I’ve felt it a thousand times before. All I have is how I feel. All I have are my instincts guiding me, and if I don’t trust them, then I’m doomed.

  I’m going to listen to myself when it comes to Wulf. I may not remember him, but I believe my heart does, my soul does, and I’m going to let it guide me.

  “You did say that, but I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.”

  “A part of me was,” he says with a bit of disdain. I can’t tell if it is toward me or not, so I lean away from his massive hand, missing his touch already.

  “And? What changed?”

  “I did,” he sighs, placing his hand on his thighs before he gets up. That’s when I notice how massive he really is.

  I gape at him with an open mouth as he looks into another direction. He is standing tall and broad, a layer of armor resting over his already thick muscular body. I take my time staring at him. His wild brown hair is pulled back into a braid, and his beard seems a little unkept, matching the rest of the expression on his face. The dark circles around his eyes lets me know he had a late night. Maybe a wild one.

  The thought of him with another woman has jealousy rearing its ugly head to the surface. I have no right to be upset if he found company with someone else, but for some reason, a feeling of betrayal sinks into me. He turns those piercing blue eyes at me, and my lip trembles slightly, but I hold my emotions in. He will get alarmed and try to comfort me, and I’m confused enough as it is. If he touches me, my heart will overrule my mind, and clarity is my goal for the day.

  So I hold everything in.

  “I must leave. I’ll be back later. Do not worry.”

  “What?” I raise my voice in shock and try to lift myself out of the bed, but my arms give out, and I flop back on the bed in a useless heap.

  “Shh, don’t force yourself like that. You will get up when you’re ready and healed.” He brings the blanket over my breasts and runs his calloused knuckles down my cheek again. I love it when he does that.

  “You… you can’t go. You can’t just leave,” I start to panic, and my breaths come quicker. “You said you’d be here.” My body starts to tremble. I have no idea why. I have this need to be close to him. If he isn’t here, who will keep me safe? “You protect me. If you go, th-they could come back,” I stutter. “You said you wouldn’t go. Don’t go.”

  “Angel, listen to me,” his voice booms, becoming authoritative as he takes my face in his hands. My eyes start to swim with tears, but I never take my ga
ze off his. “No one can get in here. No one can hurt you here. You are safe. There are warriors posted outside these doors and every corner of the castle. Nothing shall come to harm you, I promise. I’ve made good on my promises so far, haven’t I?” His thumb grazes over my cheekbone, showing tenderness.

  “Yes, but—” I grab his wrist with my hand, and my fingers don’t even touch because his wrist is so big.

  “No buts. I’d never let anything hurt you, not again. Aye? I’ll be back soon. Half a day at most.”

  “Don’t go. Have someone else go.” I can’t believe I’m begging, but if he goes, I won’t feel safe. I can’t run away if the Jackals come. I’m not physically strong enough.

  “I can’t. The reason I’m going has to do with you. No one here knows you like I know you, Angel.”

  “Wha—for me? Well, the best thing you can do is stay here. That’s what I want more than anything.” I dig my nails into his skin, but he doesn’t wince. He uses the same arm that I’m latched onto and lifts me up, but before the stretch hurts me, he wraps his other arm around my waist, lifting me until I’m in his arms, and he is carrying me.

  “What in the goddess—” Leiva runs through the door with her skirt bunched in her hands, so she doesn’t trip. “Beowulf Denholm, you better put down my patient right now, or I shall sick Trident on you.”

  “Oh, come on, Leiva. Why can’t she come with me? I’ll hold her the entire way. She shall come back just as she left.”

  Beowulf. Beowulf. I know that name. “Beowulf,” I whisper into his chest, loving how the name sounds on my tongue. It’s different. When he turns his head, it’s hard for him to see when he looks down because of how close I am. So I lean back, staring at him like he is another person.

  “Beowulf.” My brows pinch together at how recognizable it sounds.

  “Lilith, what is it?” he asks.

  “I’m never calling you Wulf again,” I smile.

  He rolls his eyes and lays me back down on the bed, tucking the covers under my chin like he always does. He searches my eyes for something, anything, and I’m not sure if he finds what he is looking for, but the left side of his mouth tilts up.