Shayne stood over me, dressed in a business suit. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. “Shayne?”
“Do you have any other brothers with keys to this place?”
I sat up and watched him finding comfort in the chair across from me. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“You didn’t mention it yourself. So where’s your girlfriend? Last week it seemed like she never left your side.”
I looked down at the floor as I explained. “I had to break up with her, bro.”
“Is it because of what she was asking Ash? She told me how she was trying to figure out the big family secret.” He stretched his arms out when he said the word ‘big’.
I pinched my nose, trying to relieve the looming headache I’d had for days. “Don’t get me started.”
“Man, I thought she was good for you. Is it permanent?”
I fell back against the cushions, and spread out. “I don’t even know. Cameron’s not one to back off. When she wants somethin’ she’s used to gettin’ it. We both know that the truth can’t come out. I just needed to make sure that it wouldn’t happen on my watch. I’ve done enough damage to this family. The last thing I need is a nosey girlfriend causing more problems.”
It hurt me to talk about Cameron in a negative way.
“The only problem that I see with your plan is getting over someone you clearly care a lot about. Look, Parker, you don’t have to act tough with me. I know what it’s like to be in love. I’m just not sure the sacrifice you made is the right one. Have you even considered tellin’ her the truth on your terms?”
“I can’t.” Cameron’s all about doin’ the right thing. She’d never settle for me steppin’ back and lettin’ you raise the twins.”
“You don’t know that. She’s seen me with them. She knows they’re my kids in every way.”
I held up my hand. “Don’t get defensive. I ain’t sayin’ that I’d agree with her. Nobody’s takin’ the twins from you, bro. I swear it on my life. I hope you can trust that.”
Shayne shook his head. “Oh man, I’m sorry. I get a little overprotective when it comes to them. I’m the only dad they’ve ever known. I knew we’d have to go through this, but I can’t ever prepare for it.”
“Like I said before, you’re their dad. The only regrets I have is the way I handled things. All I’m sayin’ is that Cameron longs for some sort of family connection, since her upbringing was so absurd. She wants to be a devoted mother someday, and that tells me how much she’d disagree with what’s been done. I also know she’ll never forgive me for my part in it all.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Parker. I really am.”
“Thanks. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you stopped by.” I paused for a minute, noticing again what he was wearing. “What are you doin’ here? Shouldn’t you be headed home to your family?”
“I’ve got a meeting in the morning at the inlet. I thought it would be a good idea if I stopped by and checked on the place, since we had all that rain last week. Mom’s spendin’ the night with Ash and the kids, just in case she needs help.”
“So it’s just you and me then?”
“It appears so.” Shayne stood up and motioned toward the front door. “Come on. I’ll buy the first round.”
Chapter 8
Cameron
I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. If I would have known how far he’d go to keep me from learning the truth I might have taken a different approach. Since this was my first actual breakup, I had no idea how to handle myself. It wasn’t like I’d read a handbook on how to deal with being dumped. All of the books I’d read had nothing to do with sad endings. They were a bunch of fairytales, giving me false hope that true love happens to good people. I thought I was one of them.
Apparently I didn’t know half as much as I thought I did.
I often wondered why my parents were so hell-bent on keeping me focused. Now I knew why. They saw what I wouldn’t let myself see. They knew the inevitable.
I was incapable of being in a real relationship, because I lacked the kind of people skills that it required. For better terms I was like a child in an adult’s body. I looked the part, but couldn’t understand basic communication. If I did, I’d have a boyfriend that I was madly in love with.
Speaking of the word love; it hurt. In my vast vocabulary I’d never experienced such a powerful word. It brought happiness, security, hope, and then pain. For the first few days I tried my hardest to convince Parker that I’d change. I called his cell phone, texted messages, and even wrote him letters that I slipped under his door.
He refused to respond to any of them.
Had it not been for my pushing I would have sworn that there was someone else, but I knew better. He’d asked me time and time again to stop prying where my nose didn’t belong. He practically begged me to let it go.
Why couldn’t I?
I mean, why did I even care? We had a good relationship, and I loved him with all of my heart. Why did his family matter so much to me? If it was jealousy then the joke was on me. I was left even lonelier than I was growing up.
I thought that when my mother got sick I’d cried a river of tears. I knew that wasn’t literal, but it certainly felt like it was. Nothing could have prepared me to how this breakup affected me. I sobbed so hard that my eyes swelled shut. I couldn’t go to my classes, because I couldn’t stand to crawl out of bed. Losing Parker made me feel like my whole life wasn’t worth living. I felt like I wanted to give up, because my future that I longed for wasn’t going to happen. It’s how I also knew that my feelings were real. Only love could hurt this much.
By Friday I finally got the hint that he wasn’t going to talk to me. As much as it hurt, I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t get back on track with my studies. Luckily I was such a good student that my professors allowed me an extension for being sick. At least, that’s the excuse I gave when I emailed them.
Since I didn’t care to associate with my wild roommate, I decided to go to the library and get started on my makeup work. Before I knew it I’d spent half of the night behind a book. A volunteer had to come over and kindly ask if I could finish up. For the first time in years I had to walk home alone. Parker wasn’t there to keep me safe. I gathered my things and began on my short walk back to the dorm. I made it halfway before my phone started ringing. Since I wasn’t the most popular person I knew it could be one of three people.
I picked up before even looking to see who the caller was.
“Hello?”
“Hey, baby, it’s me.”
“Parker?” My heart immediately began to race. I became so excited to hear his voice that I had to sit down on a set of steps outside to catch my breath.
“Yep. It’s me. Who else would be calling you at…” He paused for a minute, like he was looking at the time. “Quarter till twelve?”
I could hear noise in the background. After concentrating on it, I realized that it was music. “Where are you?”
“I’m out with my brother. I’ve got a confession to make. I might be intoxicated.” He started laughing at himself.
“Did you say you were with Shayne? So, you went home for the weekend?”
“I’m at the beach. I had to get away from you, and all your questions. Why’d you have to pry, Cam? Why couldn’t you just stop askin’?”
The smile left my face. He was obviously drunk, asking me questions that I didn’t want to get into, especially over the phone. “Parker, I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Do you have any idea how much this hurts me? Woman, I’m fuckin’ miserable without you. All I wanted was for you to leave well enough alone. We could have been happy, Cam. I would have spent my whole life giving you everything you deserved.” I could hear his voice breaking up, like he was fighting back his emotions. I’d seen Parker get emotional after he had too much to drink, and knew it was happening again.
“Where’s Shayne?”
“He went to take a piss.
He broke the seal a while back. He’s a pussy drinker, can’t hold his liquor anymore.”
I knew it wasn’t the time, albeit I couldn’t help myself. “I love you.”
“I’ll always love you, Cam. You’re the one for me. I knew it from the very beginnin’.”
It made me cry more. “I know you’re just calling me because you’ve been drinking, but I missed you. I just want you to forgive me.”
“No can do, baby. I can’t let you in. Some things are best buried in the past. Trust me; you don’t want to know anyway. I’m not a good guy.”
“Yes you are.”
“No. I’m really not. I’ve done things. I’ve hurt people.”
He snickered after that then continued speaking. “Hey, do you remember that time we snuck into the indoor pool after it closed? I talked you into swimmin’ in your panties. I think about that all of the time.”
“I remember.”
“Yeah. That was back when life was good. It was when we first started datin’. I knew when I first saw you that I had to have you.”
“You’re the first boy I ever loved,” I started to cry harder when I said it. I don’t know why, because it wasn’t a secret. Parker knew he was my first love. He knew everything about me.
“I had to work so hard to get you to give me a chance. Then I finally got into those panties. It was worth it, Cam. You’re the best.” He chuckled. “I like how you’re so ticklish. It makes me horny.”
“When will you be back? I want to see you.”
I heard Shayne’s voice in the background.
“Dude, I leave for one minute and you get right on your phone. Where’s the self control?”
“I was callin’ for a pizza. They aren’t home.”
The line went dead.
I sat there for a few minutes staring at the screen. Not only did it fail to ring, but the backlight turned off, leaving me there in the pitch black. It was after curfew, and I knew I needed to head inside immediately, but all I could do was sob. I wasn’t able to handle the bout of emotions that took over. They held me there against my will, reminding me of all the reasons that I felt so alone. I needed Parker’s arms around me telling me that it was going to be okay. I needed my best friend to make me smile.
He’d thrown our love away, and I was destroyed over it. I didn’t understand how anyone could feel this hopeless and then go out and look for love again. It was horrible. I just wanted to lay on the ground in a lethargic stupor. I wanted to give up on all of my dreams, because I couldn’t have the one thing that brought joy to my life. What was my future without Parker? Was I just supposed to become a lawyer and come home to an empty house, with no husband, and certainly no children?
Is that really how it was going to turn out?
Surely I’d not let myself go through this for a second time. I was too smart to undergo this kind of torture twice. This was it.
I hated love without Parker, and I hated myself for pushing him away.
I sat up for hours, contemplating calling him back. Finally, when my nerves couldn’t take it any longer, I sent him a message.
I’m glad you called me tonight. I love you. – Cameron
He never replied, and as the hours passed I knew that he probably wouldn’t even remember contacting me. I was still in the same place as before. My heart was broken, and there was nothing I could do to convince him that he should forgive me. A part of me wondered if I even needed forgiveness at all. He was clearly hiding something, and now he’d slipped and said more about it.
Since I’d lost everything, I knew I had to let it go. It has cost me my happiness, and taught me a lesson about keeping my nose out of other people’s affairs. Maybe Parker was right. Maybe the secret was better off buried.
Chapter 9
Parker
I woke up with one hell of a hangover. After sitting up in bed I realized that I was still at the beach house. My clothes reminded me that I’d changed and gone out with my brother. Slowly pieces of the night were coming back to me.
I checked my phone to find the time and saw a message from Cameron. That’s when I realized that I’d called her. Just to double check, I looked at my call log, noticing her number close to midnight. It said that we’d talked for four minutes, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what about.
My biggest fears were that I’d told her my secret. Then I noticed she’d texted me well after our phone call, and it didn’t seem like she was angry.
Still, I had to know for sure. I needed to make certain that Cameron wasn’t going to cause problems for my brother.
I knew that calling her was only going to cause us both more pain. Reluctantly, I dialed her number and waited to hear her voice; the voice of the woman that I’d never stop loving.
“Parker. I didn’t think I’d hear from you today.”
“Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t know if I said anything that might upset you.”
She sighed. “Everything upsets me these days. I guess it’s part of moving on.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, even though I really didn’t. The last thing I wanted was to picture her moving on. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way, Cam. Believe me when I say that.”
I could hear her crying on the other end of the call. It broke my heart hurting her, especially when none of my feelings had changed. This was a sacrifice that I had to make for my family, whether I liked it or not, I had to stick with the decision.
“I don’t want to be without you, though. This isn’t fair. You’re punishing me for wanting to know everything about you.”
“So obviously I can’t be trusted. That should give you enough reason to know we shouldn’t be together.”
“I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I hope this was worth it. Please don’t call me anymore, Parker. I can’t handle hearing your voice.”
She hung up before I could respond. It was good that she did, because every minute on the phone with her was making me feel like I needed to change my mind.
Shayne walked into the room as I was sitting my phone back down on the table beside me. “You want some coffee? I’ve got to head out soon. I miss Ash and the kids. She’s not used to me bein’ away overnight.”
“I’ll get some. You go on and head home to your family. I’m just goin’ to hang out for a while to clear my head.”
Shayne sat down next to me. I watched his face contort, as if he was struggling to find the words to say to me. “Parker, I want you to know how much I appreciate what you’ve given me. You’re the most unselfish person that I’ve ever met. It’s a shame that everyone else can’t see it.”
“We were raised that family comes first. I know I was an asshole, but the moment I knew your intentions were true, I had to make the right choice for everyone.”
“I know what you’re givin’ up. Last night you couldn’t shut up about it.”
“Yeah, well it’s too late to change anything. The damage is done, and I’m just goin’ to figure out the best way to move forward.”
My brother put his hand on my shoulder. “If you need anything, you know you can call me. I’ll be there for you, no matter what.”
We had a moment, before he headed out, and I don’t think my brother could ever know what it meant to me to have his support. He’d be the last person that I expected to have my back, and there he was, promising that I’d never be alone.
I spent the day on the beach, alone, listening to the waves crashing as they came to land. The wind whipped, making the heat of the sun bearable. I wasn’t there to get a tan. Instead, I knew it was the one place where I could clear my head, and reflect on everything that had happened to me in the last few years.
The ironic thing was that this all started in the room that I’d spent the night in. Then we’d ended up on this very beach that I sat on. That one night had ruined my future, and if I didn’t love my brother so much I would have regretted it. Seeing the happiness in his eyes when he was near the twins was what le
t me know that things happen for a reason. Shayne was meant to be with Ashley in her time of need. He was meant to fall in love with her, and stick by her side when she almost lost her life. My actions all led to this very moment, and although I didn’t have the girl that I wanted, I found some peace in knowing that my brother did.
At the end of the day I still felt like shit, but I had a better understanding as to why I’d made the right choice.
This was my punishment. Karma was paying me back, and I deserved every bit of it.
It was just unfortunate that I had to hurt Cam. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
That’s what was eating me up inside.
Cameron
His call hadn’t made me feel better. I had to hang up the phone, because one more second talking to him was going to kill me. I don’t know why I did it, but I found myself driving to my parent’s house. They’d never been there for my personal problems, but I had nowhere else to go for advice. Of course, they didn’t like Parker, so it was obvious what they’d want me to do. I just hope they had a solution for me, because I was so distraught that I couldn’t focus on anything else.
“What do you mean he broke up with you?” My father was furious from the moment my breakup left my lips.
“You heard me, daddy. He said we weren’t going to work out. Now I’m a mess inside and I don’t know how to make it go away.” I started crying right in front of him, but didn’t get the expected hug that most girls would get from their fathers. Instead he stood up and walked over to the liquor cart, filling two glasses with dark bourbon.
He drank half of his before responding again. “It’s for the best, Cameron. You’ve got too much going for you to be tied down to a dreamer like Parker. What kind of future could he ever offer you with a career in football? Even if he’s picked up for some Canadian league, he won’t be able to provide for you long term. That boy’s going to end up working for his father in a garage. Mark my words.”
My dad didn’t understand that money meant nothing to me. I’d live in a tent with Parker if we could be together. Happiness wasn’t justified by money; it was about living life to the fullest. The best things in my life so far had been free. “I love him.”
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