by StVil, Lola
He looks into my eyes sadly.
“You’re not okay, but when you do come apart, I’ll help you put it back together.”
He holds my hand. I wish he would just stop being so emotional about the whole thing. But I don’t say anything.
* * *
We find Julian in some small dive bar in lower Manhattan. It’s nearly midnight and he’s already had way too much to drink.
“Alcohol is not going to make this go away,” Ameana tells the stumbling ex-First Guardian. Julian looks at her and mumbles something about being an adult and doing whatever he wants.
Marcus and the others walk him out to the alley. They look around to make sure we are all alone.
“Julian, we’re sorry about what happened to Marla,” Marcus says.
“Her name was Femi. That’s what it was on the bridge and that’s what it’s always going to be. She was a beautiful soul and I destroyed her by loving her,” Julian cries.
“We need you to focus and tell us what you know about the Triplex,” Marcus says.
“Screw you and the Council, with their rules and punishments. I loved her and they took her away,” he screams at the sky.
“Do you have any idea where the Council could have gone when they came to earth to hide the Triplex?” Rio asked.
“The Council sucks; they are bad people,” Julian slurs.
“Do you know anything that could help us?” Jay pushes.
“Yes. I know that Guardians are bad for humans. We’re bad Emmy. Don’t come near us,” Julian pleads with me.
“Can you stop your drunken slur and talk with some sense?” I ask, getting more and more irritated by the minute.
“You want me to help, I told you to stop seeing my daughter,” he says to Marcus.
“That’s not gonna happen. You know that by now,” Marcus warns.
“Okay, fine, but first tell me what you know,” Julian says.
“We know the Triplex is in a place where good and evil can both exist. We know it has to be somewhere where Time, Fate and Death can be. We also have a date given to us by the Sage.”
“What is it? Let me guess? Halloween. No, Groundhog’s day. No wait---”
“Julian,” Marcus barks.
“Okay, okay, what was the date again?”
“The eighteenth of June, sixteen years ago,” Marcus says impatiently.
Suddenly, Julian is very alert. He repeats the date and starts thinking to himself.
“What is it?” the Twins ask.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.”
“You just realized something; what is it?” Marcus asks.
Julian looks up at the sky and shouts to the high heavens.
“WHEN WILL THIS PUNISHMENT END? WHEN WILL MY SUFFERING END?”
He looks at me with tears in his eyes. He tells me he’s sorry and he runs away.
The team starts arguing over whether or not go after Julian. The Twins insist that he is too drunk to be of help. Jay, however, thinks they can still get something out of him. They go back and forth, and suddenly I feel very tired.
I am tired of all of it: demons, Angels, Maps, ex-girlfriends, battles, flying, little boys who are a thousand years old…all of it. I don’t want to be in this alley. I don’t want to be anywhere. I just want everything to stop.
I don’t even realize that I have started walking or that is has started to rain. I am now nearly a block away from the bar. The rain gets harder but I don’t care. Maybe the sound of the rain will help drown out the voices.
I haven’t told Marcus this but I keep hearing things in my head. Not crazy insane things. More like an audio flash back. I hear my mom’s laugh. I hear her calling me “Piglet,” and I hear her begging me to spend more time with her.
“…Piglet, will you be home for dinner? It’s pizza night!”
“There’s a Bronte marathon on, let’s watch it…Oh, movie with Marcus…Ok, rain check.”
“…Piglet, you are not plain or weird. You’re my little girl. My prize…”
“Don’t move,” the cold, steely voice stops me dead where I stand. The blade at my throat feels freshly sharpened.
“This must be my lucky night,” my captor says.
“I would rethink that,” Marcus says a few feet away. He and the rest of the team surround my assailant. Right away the Guardians pick up on the same problem I do: it’s not that they can’t take on the Runner, it’s that there are way too many humans around.
Normally a Runner wouldn’t be so bold or brazen, but from his slurred speech and shaky stance, we can tell this Runner has been drinking.
“I’m not afraid. I’m a Runner who’s been around. I know you can out-fight me, but I don’t think even the great speedy guy can get to me before she bleeds out.”
“You wanna bet? Jay says.
The demon backs us into a wall so that Jay can’t come behind him.
I can smell the alcohol on his breath. Marcus tells him that since he’s drunk, he’ll get one chance to walk away and not get killed. The Runner laughs and tries to maintain his position.
“Do you realize you’re going to die here?” Marcus asked.
“No, what I’m going to do is get a great big reward from the Akons, for getting the human.”
“You are going to put her down. Now,” Marcus demands.
“What I’m going to do is gut her like Lucy did to her mother.”
I don’t know when or how it happened. I can’t even tell you where the surge of rage came from. All I know it that I whip around and shove the Runner against the wall. He is a thousand times stronger than me. The only reason I am able to push him away is because he is caught so completely off-guard.
He isn’t the only one. The Angels are shocked by the risky move I made. And while I am shaking, it isn’t from fear; it’s from anger.
The mix of alcohol and shock makes the Runner clumsy. He drops the knife. I pick it up and plunge it into his shoulders. He drops to the ground, squirms, and tries to stop the bleeding with his hand.
I hear a wounded primal scream in the air. I don’t realize it, but it’s coming from me. I fall to my knees beside the Runner and sink the knife savagely into his chest.
There is a frenzy of hate and vengeance inside my soul that can only be released y continuing to stab him. So I do. I stab him over and over and over again. The whole time I’m attacking him, I’m screaming for him to die. His blood fills my nostrils, covers my face, and drips through my fingers.
I have to make the frenzy stop…
And so I stab him again. Again. Again. Again. I raise the blood-soaked blade high in the air yet again but someone stops me.
“He’s dead, baby,” Marcus says gently.
I look down and the Runner is still. I burst into tears and drop the knife. The wave of sobs overtakes me. I desperately latch on to Marcus.
“She’s gone. She’s gone…” I wail.
He scoops me up into his arms and flies me away; away from the harsh rain, away from the mangled body, away from the blood.
But no matter how far we fly, I take the pain with me…
* * *
I lie on his bed and wail for days. There is no end to this is pain. I can’t take the sorrow. I can’t be in a world without her. I know I’m going to die. This grief is going to kill me. He wraps his arms around me from behind. I lean back against his chest, sobbing. I turn to him and admit the truth.
“Marcus, I won’t survive. I know I said that about Sara but this is different. I won’t make it.”
He holds me tighter. And it comes again; the pain. So much pain.
“There has to be a way to get her back,” I beg him.
He tells me what I already know: She’s gone and nothing is going to bring her back.
“You don’t understand, Marcus, I can’t do this. I can’t live without her. I’m not strong enough.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, no, I can�
��t. Everything hurts. It hurts.”
The door to Marcus’s room is slightly ajar. I see Ameana walk by and watch me weep helplessly. I don’t care who sees me. I don’t care about anything anymore. I just want my mom back.
Ameana signals for Marcus to come to her. He leaves me alone and goes outside the hallway to talk to her. Maybe she’s gonna use this to get him back. I don’t care anymore. Maybe some mission issues have come up and he has to go. That’s fine, too. Now that my mom is gone, I’m alone. So I should get used to it.
I look out the window and think what her last moments must have been like. She must have wailed and called out for help. The thought sends me over the edge once again. I can’t stop crying. I will cry forever.
It’s nearly an hour before Marcus returns. He enters and takes my hand.
“I thought you left me,” I say, sobbing into his chest.
“Never. I know it hurts right now, but no matter what, I will not leave you.”
* * *
And he didn’t. For the next three weeks, Marcus never left my side. We stayed in his room. We looked out the window. I cried. He let me. We shared stories. I told him how we had to call the fire department both times my mom attempted to cook. He told me that nowadays whenever an Angel was acting mean they’d say, “He’s really “Redd.”
I told him how my mom used to make up songs to get me to eat veggies when I was a kid. I also told him how she would light up when I entered the room even if I had done something to make her mad, like using her expensive perfume on my dolls.
Although he tries, Marcus can’t hide the fact that he’s worried about me. I hardly eat and almost never sleep. He tries to get me to eat. He threatens me by saying he’s gonna sing to me like my mom used to. He jokes that his signing voice is far more lethal than Miku’s singing voice. I take a few bites to make him happy.
But sleeping is another story. I just can’t close my eyes. No matter what I do, rest won’t come. Mostly I just sit and cry. And when I think I’m all done with tears, somehow more find a way into my eyes.
Marcus tells me he too was inconsolable when his mom was in the hospital after the car crash. He tells me how he tried to make her chicken soup when she got home from the hospital.
“You put a whole chicken in the pot?” I ask.
“Packaging and all.”
I laugh at him. The laughter is short lived. The sadness and frenzy come back.
“Marcus, how do I make the pain stop?”
“You don’t.”
“Then I don’t think I can make it,” a fresh wave of tears runs down my face.
“I don’t know if this will help…” he says hesitantly.
“What?” I ask, turning to face him.
“Ameana wanted me to tell you she was really sorry about your Mom.”
“Oh. That’s nice of her,” I say softly, turning back to the window.
“You know she’s never been good with that kind of stuff. So she gave me this to give to you.”
He extends his hand and shows me a sparkling crystal casing. Inside it is red beaming liquid that circles in on itself and forms a heart.
“Is that…?” I turn to him, stunned.
“Ameana gave me my Rah back.”
I burst into tears and hug him. Then I study the crystal casing.
“When you’re feeling better, we can go put it in the mountains – if you feel like marrying a certain Angel, that is.”
“Yes!”
I scream joyfully and leap into his arms. We embrace each other tightly. Then slowly, we pull apart and look into each other’s eyes.
The moment is finally here. The moment we both longed for. My heart is pounding in my ears. Time stops; everything stops. I’m dizzy with even the thought of his kiss. He is a heartbeat away from my lips.
He leans in, tilting his head slightly.
“What if I’m not a good kiss—”
“—shut up,” he says gently.
Marcus leans in and presses his soft lips against mine. I enter a heaven of sweet sensations, longing and desire. He parts my lips with his tongue gently. Sparks make their way from the tips of my hair down to my toes.
He pulls away slightly so I can breathe, but what he doesn’t get is that he is my air. He is my breath. I don’t want a break. All I want, all I need is him. I pull him closer and hungrily seek out his lips.
He places his hand on the small of my back and pulls me in even closer. I stand on the tips of my toes and welcome the peace his touch brings to my frenzied mind.
The feel of his body against mine serves as a perfect escape from the chaos of our lives. The way I kiss him goes from slow and sweet to hard and demanding. I want all of him; right now.
I go to pull my shirt off. He stops me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him breathlessly.
“You’re still grieving.”
“So?”
“So I don’t want your first time to have anything to do with grief.”
“How do you know it’s my first time?”
He tilts his head to the side and raises his eyebrows.
“Okay, it is. But so what?” I say.
“This isn’t right.”
“It doesn’t feel right with me but it felt right when you were with Amean—”
“—stop,” he orders, as he pulls me close. He pleads in my ear softly.
“Emmy, don’t do this. Don’t bring her into this room; into this moment.”
He grazes my neck with his lips and nibbles my ear. The sensation traveling down my spine makes the room spin. There is nothing real to me expect Marcus’s fingers, lips and wings.
“I’m sorry,” I say breathlessly.
Judging by the sound he makes, he forgives me. But a few moments later, he pulls away.
“You don’t want to?” I ask.
“I’m a guy. I always want to, but you’ve been through a lot of changes in a short time. This would be yet another one.”
“I can handle it. Or maybe I’m just not turning you on…”
“I can get Rio in here and he’ll tell you, I’m covered in purple, horny waves.”
I laugh despite myself. He pulls me close.
“Emerson Hope Baxter, I have never wanted anyone on Earth or in the light, the way I want you right now but you need more time. And that’s okay with me. You know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I love you and my love is patient.”
He walks me over to the bed and lays me down. Then he lies beside me, kisses me gently and places my head on chest.
I thought only his touch could quiet the frenzy and sorrow inside me. But it turns out there is something even more powerful than Marcus’s touch—his love.
And because of it, I am able to do something I haven’t done in weeks—sleep. I close my eyes and rest easy knowing no matter what nightmare finds me, when I open my eyes, my Angel awaits.
* * *
The next morning I wake up and find Marcus over by the window, looking lost in thought. The sunlight gleams across his wings. He looks so sexy standing there deep in thought. I can’t wait to kiss him again.
“Hey,” I say with a big smile. He returns my smile and comes over to me.
“How’d you sleep?” He asks.
“Much better than I have been, thanks.”
“I miss that,” he says, studying my face.
“What?”
“Your smile. I haven’t seen it in awhile.”
“I’ll try to wear it more often.”
He gets up, walks back to the window and gets lost in thought again.
“What is Marcus?”
“Nothing, I just keep thinking…never mind.”
“No, you can tell me.”
“Are you sure? I know you’re still—”
“—yeah, I am but it will take years to get over and we just don’t have that kind of time. And I really want us to find the Triple
x so I can shove it down Lucy’s throat. ”
“Okay.”
“So, what’s on your mind?” I ask.
“I keep thinking we overlooked something that night with Julian by the bar.”
“He was just drunk and rambling,”
“Yeah, but what if he wasn’t? He knows how the Council thinks. He’s been a Guardian longer than any of us.”
“So?”
“So if he thinks the Council is out to get him maybe they are. He’s right ya know? They aren’t the most considerate beings. All they care about is maintaining the balance between good and evil.”
“That’s true. Let’s look at the clues. The map is hidden in a Triplex. That means we won’t see it until we actually know it’s there.”
“Right. And its hidden in a place where both good and evil dwell.”
“Someplace that is affected by Time, Fate and Death,” Marcus finishes.
“I’m still drawing a blank. Maybe we can try Julian again, before Happy Hour this time.”
“Yeah maybe…”
He’s off in his head again.
“Was there something else?” I ask.
“I swear there was a moment where Julian realized something. It was after we told him the date: June 18th, sixteen years ago.”
“After that he just screamed and cursed, claiming the Council isn’t done punishing him.”
“Yeah, maybe he was just acting drunk and crazy like you said,” Marcus says.
“Exactly. After all, the Council took away his love. What else could they possibly do to him?”
Marcus turns to me with sheer terror in his eyes. I ask him what’s wrong. He doesn’t answer me. He frantically looks through the stack of photo albums I brought from home. He holds up an old baby picture of me.
“Your eyes are brown in this.”
“Yeah, they changed to purple as I got older.”
“It’s not a ‘thing.’”
“What’s not a thing?” I ask.
“The Triplex isn’t hidden somewhere; it’s hidden in someone.”
“What?”
“A being is affected by Time, Fate and Death. They can have both good and evil inside them; Miku proved that.”