“What are you- Oh.” Kris came up beside me. “Just a heads up, Amber’s on the prowl for you. I guess whatever dickwad she was with finally dumped her and she’s on the rebound hard.”
“Great,” I clipped. Amber had been a one-week mistake. It’d taken exactly one week for me to realize she was a type-A clinger. Drama surrounded her wherever she went. She started it. She thrived off of it between slowly sucking the life out of any guy stupid enough to date her. There was a five-calls-a-day minimum from her and double that in texts.
Funny how one girl was all too ready to harass me, but the one I wanted wouldn’t even look my way.
Kris and I watched her, maintaining our distance as she meandered around. “She didn’t eat,” I announced. Wolves never skipped meals. We were ravenous creatures with an unmatched appetite.
“You offered,” he said, excusing any responsibility I might feel. It didn’t matter though. She was my responsibility. She always would be. She was my mate.
I cut my eyes at him, lightly shaking my head negatively, letting him in on my viewpoint.
He sighed. “Alright, man. I don’t know what the hell you’re-” he gestured wildly with his hands in my general direction- “feeling towards her, I just hope you two can work it out. I don’t do girly drama.”
I lifted a brow. “Girly drama?”
He frowned. “Don’t be a dick. I’m being nice.”
I snickered. “That’s nice?”
He rolled his eyes. “She’s distracted. Now’s the best time to slip in undetected.”
“Hey, I’m the alpha here. I can make my own decisions.”
He gave me that look, the one that asked, “Are you ever going to stop reiterating your future title?”
I sighed. “I’m going.” Not because he suggested it though. Because I wanted her; I wanted to get to know her. Hell, I wanted to at least know her name.
I strolled up to her, being as quiet as possible, trying to align my footsteps with other students nearby in case she was more alert than originally anticipated. A predatory smirk curled my lips. She was mine.
I inhaled her intoxicating scent as I drew closer to her. I got lost in the sway of her hips as she traveled the halls aimlessly. Her book bag tugged snug on her shoulders, forcing her posture to be near perfect.
I closed the distance between us undetected. Feeling sprite, needing to touch her, to hold her, needing to calm the itch in my hands, the harsh roar of my wolf to caress her, I snaked my arms around her waist from the back left side of her to avoid her overstuffed backpack.
She jumped, shaking violently as my hands clasped around her. Her heart and pulse hammered wildly in conjunction. Shudders, un-normal convulsing, wracked her, prompting me to let go of her.
My wolf even stood back to assess her.
The pile of books in her arms quivered under the intensity of her fright.
I immediately regretted my rash decision. I jerked my fingers through my hair. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She faced forward, away from me, as if she were frozen despite her quaking body. She mashed her lips together, trying to control her expression.
I studied her profile, immediately knowing there was more to it. The need to protect her surged to the surface, shoving all other reactions away.
She took quick, shallow breaths, her chest stuttering with every swift inhalation. Worry weighed me down, kept my gaze locked on her. I couldn’t look away in fear of missing something vital, something important; some little slip that revealed it all, that exposed a hidden piece of her.
My features twisted as I continued to witness her demise. She was slowly falling apart while trying desperately to hold herself together. She was steadily unraveling yet anxiously struggling not to crumble in front of anyone. My heart broke for her. She wanted to be so strong, but just…wasn’t.
“Hey.” I lowered my voice to a soft, soothing tone. “Hey, sweetie. I’m sorry.”
She bit down hard on her lower lip, nodding her head profusely in quick, short strokes.
I ached for her. Damn. What the hell had happened to strip her to the bare, vulnerable wolf she was today?
Chapter 13
Sophie
He was persistent. He was being so sweet even as I overreacted to a simple hug. Wolves liked to touch their mates. They were naturally drawn towards each other; instinctually, they grabbed for each other as often as possible, seeking the warmth they knew they’d always find.
I wasn’t giving him that. Already I was failing as his mate.
…because I was a failure at everything.
“Can’t you do anything right?!” he snarled, slamming his fist down on the table.
Insecurities weaved through my chest, constricting my ragged breaths further as he continued to watch me attentively. I felt closed in; trapped. Suddenly, it seemed like the walls were closing in on me, like every eye in the vicinity was on me, watching me slowly fall apart in front of the person I knew would one day mean more to me than any other.
I just wasn’t ready for him now though.
I chanced a glance at him over my shoulder. A pained expression was on his face; hurt, but worse, fear, swam in his eyes. Was he afraid of me? Was he afraid of what was happening? Was he afraid I would never be the mate he needed?
I swallowed hard. It was torture facing him, looking up into those big brown eyes knowing I put the emotions that were visible there. “I was fine before you came along. Why can’t you just stay away?” I heard the plea in my voice, but couldn’t feel self-conscious about it. “Before you, I didn’t feel. You…you cracked me open.” I clenched my teeth, seething over fate’s timing, fighting the emotions welling within me. “I’m not the emotional wreck you see. At least, I’m not supposed to be. I know that. I wasn’t… I mean… I’m not that person.” I inhaled speedily, sharply. Lowering my voice to a whisper, I stated, “I’m not that wolf.”
And then, he did something amazing. He did something that ripped my heart open. He did something my dad had never done; no man in my life had ever done.
Slowly, carefully, he brushed the back of his hand along my cheek. He looked me in the eye and stated the impossible. “I know.”
My wolf howled, whimpering as I tore myself from his touch. I closed my eyes, angling my head down and away from him. I felt my heart darkening as I forced the words out of my mouth. “Then you know not to wait for me.”
“I’m not giving up on you.” His declaration was a low, tight growl.
I wanted to smile. I wanted to dance in the rain, prance beneath the full moon. Those were words I’d longed to hear. He, himself, was someone I’d longed to find in the future.
Not now though. I wasn’t ready for him yet. He deserved the woman I was confident I could be in five years. He deserved the woman I would become, not the scared, wimpy girl I was.
It was a challenge to not look back at him. It was so difficult to take those steps away from him, but I knew it was necessary. He deserved someone better. He couldn’t be the only one to see the potential in his mate. He was a future alpha. Everyone had to see his mate’s strong character; no one would ever respect a weak wolf. No one would ever regard a weak wolf with any authority. He would destroy his reputation by being with me. And, as much as I hated to admit it, I cared about him too much already to ever allow him to do that. This was my way of protecting him, of saving him from the embarrassment. It was my way of showing I cared.
Chapter 14
Dominick
Watching her walk away and not giving chase was the closest I’d ever felt to heartbreak since my mom died. It gave me a sliver of understanding as to what my dad endured in the days following my mom’s death. I finally comprehended some of the debilitating pain that swallowed him. I got why he broke from the pack and maliciously killed the hunter who’d taken her life for sport. I didn’t like it, but I accepted his decision to move the pack to the city, leaving the past behind with our old town.
It was easier to w
alk away than to face what you’d never have again every day. It was simpler to evade the harrowing pain of reminders, of memories around every corner.
But my mate was alive. She was turning away from possibility rather than memories. She was abandoning opportunity to avoid sharing her secrets. Of that I was certain. She had secrets. She was hiding something, perhaps someone with the way she denied every touch I attempted.
“Feel like a dejected stalker perv yet?” Kris aimed for humor but I wasn’t in the mood for it. There was no way I could smile without her.
Shit. Did she mean that much to me already? I barely knew her. In fact, I didn’t know her at all. But she still meant something to me. She was still a vital part of my life.
“Let’s go,” I snapped, stomping towards next period, where I would be tortured by her presence.
~*~
I drowned out every teacher, ignoring all lessons. My books were blank pages as my mind drifted back to her every chance it got. My eyes sought her. My wolf demanded I focus on her. My world revolved around her in every available capacity. She’d taken over without so much as giving her damn name.
I sprung from my seat the second the dismissal bell rang. I was at her side before she could escape me. I couldn’t explain what came over me. I just needed to be near her. “Let me carry your books.”
Carry your books? What the hell kind of line was that?
She looked to Kris before flicking her gaze to me. Wariness swam in the depths of her beautiful eyes. “It’s always going to be something, isn’t it?”
“Huh?” I felt my features turn down.
She stood, shoving the straps of her bag over her shoulders. “You’ll find a reason to come around every time, won’t you?” It was a statement, not a question. She knew. She understood my drive, yet she still wasn’t returning it.
I pursed my lips, knowing this was a pivotal moment. I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, probably.”
She echoed my words with a small, slight headshake. She took a moment to gather herself. “Dominick, you seem like a really nice guy, but, you don’t know me.”
Annoyance bubbled inside, erupting to the surface. “Seem? You would know if you gave me a fair chance.”
She averted her gaze for a moment before looking back up at me. I wanted to kiss the wistful smile off her lips. “Probably. Under different circumstances.” She shrugged.
I ground my teeth; my wolf growled, fighting upwards to break free. “What circumstances would those be, because I thought being mates overrode every obstacle?”
She grabbed the pile from her desk and stepped to the side of me. “I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be, Dominick.” Her voice was so small, weak. I couldn’t explain it; I just knew she had so much inside her.
I closed my eyes, balling my hands into fists of fury. My muscles clenched as my wolf scratched my surface, threatening to wreak havoc.
I didn’t bother watching her walk away this time. When her scent no longer surrounded me, I made a grab for my book bag. “If my dad asks, tell him I went for a run.”
“You sure that’s wise right now, bro?” Kris stood at my side, like he always did. He was loyal to a fault. Your mate was supposed to be your permanent partner though, not your beta.
“Yeah.” I bound out the classroom, shoving my way to freedom.
Chapter 15
Sophie
I opened the door to the apartment. I knew he was there, but he didn’t bother getting up from the couch. He was chugging a forty-dollar bottle of Scotch. I knew the price because he’d sent me out to purchase it for him our last night in Kansas. The corner storeowner knew my dad by that point; he knew me too. Being a small town, he bent the law via the back door.
I turned and closed the door, sliding the lock into place.
Glass shattered as he slammed the bottle down on the coffee table. I swallowed hard, steadying my heart before I faced him. He wore the same clothes from yesterday. His shirt hung open a little further at the top and the sleeves were shoved higher up his thick forearms.
“What the hell are you standing there for? Clean up this fucking mess,” he growled.
I lowered my books and bag to the floor by the door. I grabbed the dustpan and broom from the coat closet and moved in to sweep up the chards of glass. Dragging the broom across the coffee table, I held the dustpan at the edge of it to catch the tiny crystals.
His breathing became heavier as I angled the broom around his feet. I nearly doubled over as he lurched out and snugged his hand around my forearm. He jerked me into him. He inhaled deep. “You’ve been with them!”
His fingers wrapped around my bun. He pulled hard on the knot atop my head, bending me backwards, tilting my face towards him. He looked so mean, menacing and hard. He didn’t look like the man I knew as a child. “Don’t fucking lie to me,” he roared, his lips curling in disgust.
His fingers dug into me. I knew he was leaving a bruise on my forearm. Had my hair been hanging free, he would have torn out a chunk. His hands were viscous; he stared through me, not at me. He didn’t see his little girl. He saw a punching bag; he saw what he wanted to see: an enemy, someone capable of betraying him.
I struggled to calm my body. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. I had to keep my pulse slow and smooth. “Who are you referring to, Dad?” My tight grip on the broom and dustpan were wavering as pain shot through my right arm.
“Who?” he shouted. “Them! The fucking wolves I smell all over you!” He threw me backwards into the wall. As my back slammed into the wall, the broom and dustpan fell free; glass bounced like marbles across the floor.
I couldn’t react. He didn’t give me time to react. His huge hand closed around my neck. “After all I’ve done for you, you’re turning your back on me? How fucking dare you!”
I tried to shake my head negatively, but his grip was too tight. “N…oo.” My voice was a broken squeak.
My head pounded, my heart thundered as I tried to suck in air. His hold was too strong. My lungs fought to expand, they longed to swallow the oxygen I frantically attempted to inhale, but they weren’t allowed. I couldn’t breathe.
His eyes glowed. His lips quivered as he revealed his teeth, his growl shaking me.
I felt the life draining from me, slowly seeping from me. And there was nothing I could do.
I was too weak to fight him. I didn’t know if I even wanted to fight him. I couldn’t really say I had a life worth fighting for in that moment. But, just when I’d accepted my fate, embraced the freedom death brought, he let go.
I fell to the floor, the weight of my body ramming the pieces of glass into my flesh. My lungs greedily demanded all the air I could handle; I gasped, sucking in the spicy scent of alcohol wafting from him. Pain shot through me. Suddenly, I was aware of a deep, dull throbbing ache in my forearm as new pricks of pain made me hyperaware of my predicament.
A howl emanated from him. “You think you can just walk away from me after all I’ve done for you, you ungrateful bitch?”
I couldn’t answer. My head still pounded; it spun as my body struggled to recover.
A swift, jarring punch sent me flying sideways across the floor. I felt my face swell instantly, a persistent ache forming at his latest connection site.
I fumbled, flailing to sit up. The room was swirling, my vision blurry, caught somewhere mid-shift. My wolf wanted to come out and protect me. But she needed more protection than me. She was the baby and I was the child. The child had a better chance than the infant.
The second I put pressure on my right hand, pain surged up and into my shoulder. I collapsed as his heavy footsteps drew close. I couldn’t control my heart’s racing beat. I couldn’t contain my erratic pulse as my entire body stung and throbbed at random points. I felt the scrapes, conscious of my current wounds. Fear climaxed in my chest as I became all too cognizant of the wounds he’d yet to inflict.
This was the time I needed to shut down. This was when I had to let go. T
his was when I closed the world out and purposefully allowed myself to hover between this world and the dream world, between reality and unconsciousness. This was the time I separated my physical self from the rest of me; this was the moment I huddled inside, deep in the recesses of myself with my wolf as the very man who helped make me destroyed me blow by blow.
I enjoyed the dark. I’d come to welcome the shadows known best at night. I’d much rather steep my soul in blackness than to remain awake, aware of each piece, each ounce of dignity, of hope, of strength being taken from me by brute force. I could wake up an empty shell and recover; but living through every blast, like in war, would leave me an empty shell with nightmares I would never be able to escape.
I held tight to ignorance, despite the pain in place of bliss.
I wrapped a shaking arm around my wolf. Instinctively, she slid over, making room for me to hide inside with her, where we could cry and whimper together in harmony.
Chapter 16
Dominick
It’d been a long night. It’d been a battle of wills to steer my wolf away from where I knew she lived. Kris had convinced me to give her time and space; he’d accompanied my wolf and me to ensure we listened. I hadn’t realized just how hard it was to exist without your mate until I set my wolf free. He’d roamed in anguish. His heart was heavy, burdened by the knowledge of her scent and the prison of not being permitted to chase her.
It was like turning your back on everything you were familiar with. It was like leaving home all over again.
And when we’d returned, miserably sulking, my dad had been there to assure me. I wanted to believe him. I convinced myself to believe him.
“Your mate always comes around.” He grew quiet, his gaze focused off in the distance. “You can’t avoid fate.” A soft sigh escaped him. “And you can’t possibly run forever.”
I wanted him to be right because my longing for my mate doubled on school grounds. In a matter of days, I became observant of the time, focused on reaching fourth period, where I knew I would see her.
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