“Slow down,” I advised. “Don’t do anything rash just yet.”
“What the hell, Tylar? Do you mean to tell me that if you caught Trey with his bare ass up in the air slamming his dick into some random chick, you wouldn’t beat a fast path to a lawyer?”
“Trey would never…”
I realized how that sounded to someone who had never considered that her husband was capable of such an act of betrayal either.
“Excuse me, Tylar; I don’t mean to burst your happy balloon here, but don’t you think that I had that same kind of trust with Ian?”
“I’m sorry. Yes - of course you did. I’m just totally shocked by this. I mean, you're right. You had every reason to trust Ian just as much as I trust Trey. Is it possible that he was just caught at a weak moment? Is your marriage worth saving? What about counseling?”
“I can’t exist in a marriage where my trust has been shattered. Maybe some women can, but to use your line: I don’t roll that way.”
She started sobbing again. I hugged her and listened to her as she ranted and raved and then cried again.
“Do you want to stay here with Trey and me for a few days, Gina? You know, maybe if you just put some time and distance between you and Ian, you can get some perspective.”
“Why do I need perspective?”
“Well, because you know Ian has to come home sooner or later at some point when he feels you've cooled off and aren’t likely to pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him.”
For the first time I saw a flicker of amusement cross her face. “No, Ty, I need to be at our condo. Ian might change the locks and then I'll be shit out of luck.”
I knew that Ian would never do that. So did Gina. Deep down inside, Gina wanted some type of explanation from Ian, something to assure her that his infidelity wasn't about her sexual prowess or attractiveness. “Do you want to stay and have dinner with us? I mean, Trey doesn’t practice family law, but I’m sure he can recommend an attorney at his firm if that's the path you really want to take.”
“Thanks, Ty, but I don’t think that I could handle having the Hot Nazi feeling sorry for me. He might actually be pleasant to me and I know that would piss me off. My emotions are just too raw right now. I'd appreciate you speaking to him and getting a referral for me.”
“Of course I will! I'll be here for you just as you've always been there for me. Have you talked to your mom about this?’
“No way. I asked Aunt Becky to do it. If you thought I had an East coast temper, you should see my mom’s! It’s better if she hears the news from Aunt Becky.”
Gina and I finally had lunch, though she didn’t eat much. She was totally destroyed by this and I'd have been the same way, had it been me.
Trey was home promptly at six. I'd just started dinner. He found me in the kitchen and pulled me into his strong arms, holding me tightly. I was totally out of sorts with the day that I had.
“How are you, baby?” he asked.
“Bad day all around,” I said. “Were you able to find out anything more about Jean?”
“Not really,” he replied. “One witness said it was a late model SUV and appeared to have out-of-state license plates. He said it was as if the driver swerved to make sure that he hit Jean. It makes no sense.”
“I’m still in shock,” I said. “What if she doesn’t pull through?"
“Hey, don’t think like that, honey! Jean's a strong woman. I called her daughter Cathy this afternoon and the doctors are very optimistic that she'll recover.”
“I hope so. I feel so guilty. I’m not sure why.”
Trey pulled back from me, tilting my chin upward to kiss me softly on the lips. “Sweetie, you've no reason to feel guilty about anything. It was a random act of some sort. It has nothing to do with you or me, okay?”
I nodded but I wasn't convinced that he was right. Something about this had my stomach tied in knots of fear. There was something personal about it, though I wasn’t sure how it could possibly be linked to Trey or to me. “I have more bad news, I’m afraid.”
Trey looked over at me, taking a peeled carrot from the cutting board to snack on as he waited for the news.
“When Gina came for lunch today, she was devastated. She caught Ian in the act of cheating with one of his young female employees. She's beside herself. She asked if you'd represent her in divorce proceedings.”
“Hmmph,” he grunted, “I'd be more inclined to represent Ian—pro bono.”
“What?” I snapped. “This isn’t a joke, Trey. Gina is destroyed over this.”
“Oh, come on. You don’t think in Gina’s own way she hasn't emasculated him over the years? It was just a matter of time before Ian discovered that he had some balls.”
“What the hell are you saying? Do you actually think that there's any excuse for cheating?”
“I didn't say that, Tylar. Look, let’s not argue about Gina and Ian’s business, okay?”
I didn’t answer him, continuing to peel vegetables for our salad.
“Where’s ‘Chubbers’?” he asked, clearly wanting to change the subject. Trey had taken to referring to her now as "Chubbers." I didn't care for the nickname. My baby was at a healthy weight.
“Don’t call her that,” I reminded him again, wiping my brow with my forearm. “She’s in her crib napping. I put her down about an hour ago. Can you look in on her?”
“I’d be happy to do that,” he said heading down the hall to check on Preston. I knew he would end up waking her up. Several minutes later, he reappeared cradling her in his arms.
“Tylar,” he said in a serious tone.
I looked up at him from where I continued chopping up carrots for our salads. Preston gave me a dimpled grin from her vantage point against Trey’s chest.
“I changed her diaper just now. What’s with the rash that she still has on her bottom? Why aren’t you doing anything for it?”
I didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the stress over what I'd just learned about Jean; or maybe it was Trey’s cavalier attitude about Ian’s cheating on Gina, or maybe it was the repetitive nightmares that I'd been having about losing Preston. All I knew was that, in that nanosecond, I lost it.
“What the hell?” I screamed, startling both Trey and the baby as I slammed the knife down on the chopping block.
I saw Preston’s little face scrunch up in tears; her thumb went immediately into her mouth. She buried her face into Trey’s chest and whimpered against him. Trey gathered her closer to him as if he was protecting her from me—the enemy. This was so unfamiliar to her. It was unfamiliar to all of us.
“I take good care of my baby,” I hissed. “Who are you to tell me otherwise?” I pushed past Trey and Preston, tossing the dish towel I'd wiped my hands with back behind me where it floated to the floor.
I didn’t stick around to watch as Trey’s face took on a totally different persona. I heard him start the automatic timer on Preston’s swing and imagined that he'd placed her there so that he could deal with me. I was glad, in that moment that I'd fled the room for my own safety. I found my solace in our own room, flinging myself on the bed. My body was racked with sobs and tears. It was only moments before Trey was there on the bed, sitting down beside me. He observed my meltdown. He did nothing, letting me sob for a while. He probably figured that was my ‘just desserts’ for losing it out there in front of the baby.
“Tylar,” he finally implored in a soft and sane tone, “what the hell is going on?”
I sat up and looked at him, brushing the tears from my face. I gathered courage from somewhere in the depths of my being. “I can’t take it when you say that I’m not a good mother,” I choked, still fighting tears. “I love that baby more than life itself. Don’t you get that?”
He was watching me quizzically, almost as if he thought I'd gone off of the deep end. “Sweetie,” he said softly, “I wasn’t criticizing you in any way, shape or form. This is all new to me too. It was just that when I changed her diaper, I was kind of…well, taken aback at the ras
h she has going on. I didn’t mean to accuse you of not taking care of her properly, I swear.”
I was still sobbing, letting all of my fears and tension release for now. I felt better in doing so. I'd needed this release. My only regret was that my husband and daughter had witnessed it. I hadn’t wanted that at all.
“Trey,” I said, sighing heavily, “This has been a very tough day for me. I’m shaken because of Jean and what Gina is going through, but I’m also worried about Preston.”
“Baby, it’s just a rash,” he started.
“No, not just the rash,” I explained tentatively, “You see, I’ve been having nightmares about Preston. It’s as if I can’t keep her safe. There’s nothing more definitive than that in my dreams, but it has me worried.”
“Sweetie,” he started, “you're a new mom, but I promise you that you're doing everything right. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Trey was just not getting it. He didn't realize the depths of my concern and my fear for her. He didn’t know just how worried I'd become. He was staring at me now. It was that look I'd seen before as if he expected me to crumble into a million pieces. Our reverie was broken by the sound of the baby crying. It was her hungry cry; I recognized it. I felt the ‘letdown’ in my breasts. My milk was coming in and my breasts were full and begging for release.
I couldn’t handle nursing her right now. I couldn’t deal with the closeness that came with nursing my baby girl.
Trey watched as I did nothing after hearing the sound of her cry. He left the room and promptly returned holding Preston, bringing her towards me and holding her for me to take. I took her from him tentatively.
She recognized my touch, my scent, my nearness. I held her close and she immediately started nuzzling against me. She wanted her fulfillment from me; I wasn’t prepared to give it to her right now. I was starting to have fears and apprehension where she was concerned. Trey was watching me, his face not bothering to mask his concern at my impassiveness towards the baby. He'd never seen that before. I was suddenly afraid to be close to her; I was too attached. What if she wasn’t here for the long haul? I pulled her from me, handing her back to Trey.
“There are bottles in the fridge,” I said my voice shaking. “Will you please feed her?”
He took the baby from me and immediately she started kicking and fussing in protest. I heard him murmuring softly to her as he took her down the hall towards the kitchen where he would heat up a bottle of my breast-pumped milk and feed her before she went down for the night.
I quickly changed into a nightgown and crawled into the safe comfort of our bed, not wanting to think about anything but falling into a deep, dark sleep. My wishes were granted. I didn’t want anything to do with my baby, for now. It just wasn’t safe.
Chapter 6
I'd been sleeping for a while when I heard Preston fussing again from her bedroom. I felt Trey get up and leave our bed, returning in a couple of minutes with Preston in his arms. I pretended to sleep, never opening my eyes. I felt Trey lower himself down onto the bed, and fumble with my nightgown trying to lower the neckline in order to place Preston next to me so that she could nurse. I rolled my body away from them into a tight ball, leaving him and my hungry baby staring at my back. I heard Trey curse softly under his breath as he left our bed. He returned a few moments later with Preston and a bottle. I could hear him coaxing her to take the bottle as she fussed, wanting my breast instead.
Tears stained my cheeks as I did nothing to remedy the situation. Trey was finally able to persuade her to take the nipple of the bottle into her mouth. I heard her finally start sucking away on it hungrily. What kind of a piece of shit mother was I?
I fell back into a restless and troubled sleep. My dreams haunted me; the one I had this night was the worst ever. I dreamed that I was wandering around a cemetery by myself; I was tired, hungry and totally disheveled. I had no clue where I was or how I'd gotten there. I tripped over a branch that had fallen from a large oak tree in the cemetery; rain was pounding down around me in torrents. I tried in vain to get my bearings in this dark, wet cemetery. On the ground, crawling inch by inch after my fall, my hands frantically searched to find something stable. I finally grasped something that felt human, or at least previously human. I scooted up towards what I'd been touching with my hands. It was cold and unyielding. My eyes finally adjusted to the dark and I could make out the features. I shrieked in fear and in disgust.
It was Jean.
Her features were distorted by decay. Her skin was dark brown and textured like leather. I found the strength to raise myself up and onto my feet. I wanted to run as fast and as far away as possible from what I'd just discovered. I felt the bile rise up in my throat. I stumbled over a flat gravestone and sprawled once again onto the ground of the cemetery; the rain was pelting against my skin from all directions.
I blinked my eyes, trying to get some focus against the raindrops, which were mercilessly assaulting my face. I was now belly-crawling through this unnamed cemetery looking for any exit out of the nightmare. My hand brushed against another flat headstone that felt smooth to the touch. The raised mound of dirt on this side of it reflected a fresh grave. It was a tiny grave. There was an outline of an angel engraved into the headstone. I stared into the face of the angel, and then lowered my gaze to see what was encrypted in the marble:
Preston Michaela Sinclair
Beloved Daughter of Tylar & Trey
Rest In Peace Our Little Angel
I felt the scream rise up in my throat. The next thing I heard was it echoing across the cemetery. It was a plaintive wail. The sound of it made my own skin crawl. My baby was gone…my precious angel was gone forever. I'd failed to protect her. My screams went on and on. I saw no reason to stop screaming. I wanted to die screaming.
“Tylar!”
Someone was yelling my name. I felt a hand slapping me across my face. It stung like hell. I felt the tears rushing down my cheeks. A light flickered on overhead. My eyes immediately squeezed tightly shut to shield them from the light. My pulse slowed. I became aware that I was no longer belly-crawling through a cemetery, but was, in fact, in my bed. Trey was looking down at me, his eyes wide with alarm and fear.
“Trey,” I gasped. “Where's Preston?”
“She’s in her bed in her room,” he stated.
I quickly threw the covers back and launched myself out of our bed, making a mad dash for her room. I flicked the overhead lights on once I was there and crept up quietly to her crib. I watched as her swaddled little body slept, noting the rise and fall of her stomach as she breathed life. Trey was right behind me in the doorway. The look of alarm was apparent on his face. Did he think that I'd do anything to hurt my baby? He stood in the doorway watching me as I leaned over the rails of her crib and gently lifted her up, placing her gently against me. I kissed the top of her head over and over again. My tears were still flowing.
She squirmed against me, yawning and stretching in my arms as I cradled her and rocked her gently. I took a seat in the nearby rocker, lowering my nightgown to expose a breast as I cuddled her next to me. She latched onto my breast within seconds, gently sucking and kneading them in contentment. I loved her so much. I didn’t know how long I sat there rocking my beautiful baby girl before I felt Trey lift her from my arms and place her back into her crib; drawing a blanket up to her waist and turning her overhead light out.
He came to me holding his hand out to help me from the rocker and gently led me back to our bed. I crawled beneath the comforter, snuggling up against him as he found his place beside me. I felt Trey’s hands against me, removing my nightgown, lowering my panties as his hands urgently plied my sex.
I grew wet for him as I always did; pressing my body up against him, hungry for a release that I knew only he could give me. Trey wasted no time on foreplay. Our coupling now required no foreplay. It was simply one of need and fulfillment. We'd lost our connection for a brief period of time and we both needed it back.
/> He was hovering over me now, his throbbing erection poised above me, waiting for entrance. I opened my body and my heart for him as he plunged within me again and again. I felt pleasure and pain at the same time; I deserved both. I loved my husband and I loved my daughter more than anything else on earth. For some reason, I'd become ungrounded with the fear that something unexpected was threatening our family bonds.
“Are you ready, baby? Are you ready to come for me?”
I loved his sweet voice; I loved the way that Trey loved me and made love to me. I loved the way that Trey fucked me when he knew that fucking was what I needed. “I’m ready, baby,” I breathed, grabbing his tight ass and pulling it in towards me.
He was mine for now. I wasn’t sure about forever because I had no point of reference on that. I'd known plenty of people who had promised forever, but it had just never come to be. For now, he was mine. This was mine. Perhaps that's all that I could ever hope for. I knew that, no matter what, I'd do everything within my power to protect Preston with my last dying breath.
Trey came with a vengeance at that moment, and so did I. We screamed in pleasure, calling out each other’s names in passion and in love. We clung to one another out of love and need. He was my rock just as I was his. Preston was the bond between us that would never break. She was his gift to me and my gift to him. She was the better of us both and we knew it; the result of our perfect coupling.
Trey collapsed beside me; he was spent, his breath ragged and shallow as he relaxed from our lovemaking. “Tylar, I love you so much,” he breathed, kissing my face, my neck, and my lips warmly. “Please, let me in.”
I was puzzled by what he'd just said to me. Not the part about loving me—he told me that often. I was puzzled about his final comment about letting him in. I pulled back from him, searching his face in the semi-darkness of the room, looking for a hint.
“Trey, I love you,” I whispered against his chest as my face lowered to him. “You're always with me,” I said, hoping that this somehow satisfied his need to be let in.
Shadows and Dreams (Dream Series Book 2) Page 5