NerdsareFreaksToo

by Koko Brown

  A muscle jerked in his cheek, as if he were struggling not to laugh. “Why haven’t you returned any of my calls? Have you replaced me already?” He placed his hand over his heart and moaned and whimpered loudly. An older couple standing at the end of the aisle looked at them curiously.

  “Stop it. You’re going to make them think we’re doing something naughty.”

  Leo’s tongue glided slowly across his bottom lip. “If I can’t convince you, how can I do any better with them?”

  Before she went up in cinders and smoke, Roxanne changed the subject. “Speaking of being replaced, where’s Vicky?”

  “She decided to wait outside since I was only going to pop in and pop out.”

  Roxanne gulped, dreading the truth but wanting to know the answer. “Are you here to buy condoms?”

  Not taking his eyes off her, Leo shook his head. “I have plenty of those at home and a couple in my wallet. I saw you come in here and wanted to say hello. We’ve never gone this long without speaking.”

  “Ah, sorry about that.” Roxanne reached up and scratched her temple. She’d forgotten she was the guilty party. “Things have been really crazy at the boutique.”

  Leo nodded as if in understanding and then turned toward the wall, giving Roxanne a view of his drool-worthy profile. “It’s been crazy at the office as well, but I still found the time to call.”

  Roxanne winced. He was making sure she knew she’d messed up royally.

  “Do you need any help?” And just like that, good old Leo swept her transgression under the rug by changing the subject.

  Hiding a grin, Roxanne turned. But her smile wobbled and fell away as she faced what she immediately dubbed The Great Wall of Dildos. There are just too many to choose from!

  “Confused?” he asked. “Don’t be. They’re all hung according to size.”

  “You said hung,” she snickered.

  Leo’s gaze met and held hers. “Is that what you want? Hung, I mean?”

  Roxanne subtly crossed her booted legs at the ankles. It didn’t help. The pressure only increased the tingling between her thighs. Unable to help herself, she began to sway toward him…

  Inhaling a shaky breath, Roxanne abruptly reached out for the nearest thing she could find—a metal bar attached to The Great Wall. Her added weight caused the fixture to break from the wall, dumping electric-blue cocks onto the store’s wood floors.

  Before she could even bend, Leo dropped down and scooped them up.

  “Thanks,” Roxanne breathed, her eyes drifting over his ass as he straightened. His buns were so hard she could probably crack an egg on them. What was wrong with her? She was panting after him like a neglected wife with a pool boy.

  “Don’t mention it,” he said, sliding them on an empty prong above her head. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  As he turned back to her, Roxanne eyed his crotch. “W-what size are you?”

  It’s official. I’m worse than a neglected wife. I’m a puma on prowl during Fleet Week.

  Leo must have thought the question odd as well, because his eyes widened and he looked at her as if she’d grown a second head.

  “Let me get this straight—you want a dildo the size of my cock?”

  “I’m seeing this guy who’s about your height,” she semi-lied. “So I was thinking—”

  “That cocks come in one size per height?” Leo interjected.

  Knowing full well this had nothing to do with Constantine, Roxanne quickly returned her attention to the wall before she could blurt out a confession. Taking a random guess, she reached up and plucked a size-five cock from one of the prongs. “Is this close?” she asked, holding the dildo out to him as if it were nothing more than a box of cereal.

  Leo shook his head. “Not even. Follow me.” Roxanne’s mouth rounded in awe as he led her farther down the aisle. “You need about another three inches. Do you know what color you want?” Leo stopped in front of a display of monster cocks that made her slightly lightheaded.

  “I, ah, I guess I…” Roxanne choked on her words. Leo didn’t even try to help her. He just stood there, his ice-blue gaze boring into her. Each passing second washed over her like a tsunami, suffocating and causing her head to swim. Before she knocked down the entire Great Wall, she edged past him. Eyeing a flesh-colored dildo, she yanked it from its bracket. “What about this one?” she asked, holding it between them like a shield.

  Leo cocked his head. He glanced at the wall and then back at the dildo in her hand. “Close, but not quite. The head and the shaft are too narrow.”

  Tasting him already, Roxanne licked her bottom lip.

  Leo stepped closer, invading her personal space. With nowhere to run, Roxanne had to hold her ground or risk slamming into The Wall. One cock shower was enough for one day. Heat rolled off him in waves, igniting her body and sending her blood rushing through her veins like mercury.

  “You know,” he said slowly, edging even closer. “If you want my cock, I would love to give you the real thing.”

  Before she could respond, Leo slipped his hand around the nape of her neck and tugged her toward him. For the longest time, he didn’t say anything, just rubbed the sensitive area beneath her ear with the pad of his thumb. A light touch, but the effect went all the way to her soul.

  “What about Vicky?” Roxanne had to ask. They’d broken up two years ago and not once had he hinted at crossing that bridge again.

  “You weren’t returning my calls. She called me earlier today for some advice on buying a new computer…one thing led to another and—”

  “Hey, baby. I thought you were just coming in to say hello to a friend and you’d be right out?”

  Leo stepped back slowly. “My best friend,” he corrected. “I was and I did. You remember Vicky, don’t you, Roxanne?”

  Roxanne glanced at the picture-perfect blonde. “I remember Sticky— I mean Vicky. How ya been?”

  “Better now,” Vicky said, her eyes practically devouring Leo. “Now that I’m back with the only man I’ve ever loved.”

  Roxanne wanted to puke.

  “Can we go now? I hate these places. They’re so seedy.” Vicky squeezed her eyes shut and a shudder racked her thin frame. “Sex shops were invented for the desperate and the needy.” Vicky giggled. “Ha! That rhymed.”

  “Yeah, it did,” Roxanne mumbled. Feeling ten times worse than she had a minute ago, she edged past Leo. “Enjoy the rest of your date.”

  “We’re no—” he began.

  “We will,” Vicky interrupted.

  She smirked as Roxanne swiftly passed, gripping the dildo to keep from punching her in the kisser.

  “I’ll call you,” Leo shouted after her. “Make sure you pick up your phone.”

  “But don’t wait up for it,” Vicky called.

  The woman’s tinkling laughter followed Roxanne to the cash register and continued until she was out the door.

  * * * * *

  Roxanne tried to rid her mind of seeing Vicky in Leo’s arms, but she couldn’t no matter how much she tried. In truth, the two of them hugged up together would be etched in her memory until the day she died.

  But why? She and Leo had double-dated often. She’d even set him up with a few of her girlfriends. Of course, if any of them moved on him today, she’d scratch their eyes out.

  Roxanne’s steps slowed. If she couldn’t see the writing on the wall by now…

  There was no other explanation for her jealously and inexplicable anger.

  She was in love with Leo. And she’d gone and pushed him into the arms of another woman!

  Groaning loudly, Roxanne smacked her hand to her forehead. She could feel a migraine coming on. She always suffered one whenever she messed things up royally. And this debacle was the size of Buckingham Palace.

  Maybe she could right the wrong. Leo hadn’t seemed too immune to her in the store, even when Vicky interrupted them.

  Making up her mind, Roxanne did an about face. She’d barely tackled two blocks
, so hopefully Leo and Vicky would still be in the area. With Kandy’s collared sheep sign in her sights, she swerved in and out of pedestrian traffic.

  Only to come skidding to a stop. “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.”

  Normally she would have shaken her head and hollered “get a room” to the young couple trying to suck each other’s lips off. But this time, all she could do was stagger over to the nearest building to catch her bearings.

  Standing on tiptoe, her arms wrapped around his neck, Vicky kissed the living daylights out of Leo. And he looked like he was enjoying it. So much so, he needed to keep himself upright by holding onto the door of the yellow taxi idling next to them.

  Roxanne’s heart sank. I guess one woman is as good as another.

  Turning away swiftly, she latched onto a suitable backup plan. She pulled out her cell phone and in quick order, sent Constantine a text.

  She knew she was taking the low road, but she figured she deserved some kind of solace. If she found it in the arms of another man, so what? Didn’t her grandmother always tell her a woman should have a spare?

  Roxanne walked quickly back toward the train stop. Her tummy rumbled loudly. She’d never been able to handle a broken heart on an empty stomach.

  She glanced down at her watch. If she hustled, she could make the next train and catch Gino’s before they closed the kitchen down for the night. Grease and tomato sauce could heal any broken heart. With only five minutes before the train arrived, Roxanne picked up her pace. As she ascended the stairs at the train stop, her purse vibrated.

  Constantine: What’s up, Hot Rox? Curiosity finally killed the cat?

  Despite feeling swamped with regret over Leo, she smiled at Constantine’s use of the pet name. He’d started using it right after they’d had online sex. She punched in a reply with trembling fingers.

  Roxanne: I really like you and I want to take the next step—and that’s hard to do if our attraction to one another can’t stand the light of day.

  Constantine: I don’t have any doubts, but since I know you do, we could meet someplace public. How about dinner? Are you free tomorrow night?

  Roxanne sagged in relief. Considering her luck this evening, she’d almost expected him to blow her off.

  Roxanne: Sounds good to me. Can you meet me at Riodan’s on N. Dearborn?

  Constantine: Isn’t Riodan’s a bar? Wouldn’t you like our first date to be someplace more romantic?

  Roxanne: Any suggestions?

  Constantine: The Geneva in the Dorset Hotel.

  Roxanne’s eyes widened. Ever since she’d relocated to Chicago to attend Northwestern University, she’d fantasized about eating at The Geneva, one of the finest restaurants in the city. Given five forks by the Chicago Daily Times, The Geneva was inaccessible to the average Joe. You needed to save up several weeks’ salary to afford one of the restaurant’s a la carte dinners.

  Leo had offered to take her, but she’d turned him down. She’d wanted her first time dining at The Geneva to be with a lover or significant other. And now it would be.

  Roxanne: The Geneva sounds great! See you there tomorrow at 7:30 p.m.?

  Constantine: Already counting the minutes.

  So was she. She was also ready to lay to rest her incessant thoughts of Leo—once and for all.

  Chapter Five

  “Hey, cool breeze. How did things go the other night?”

  Leo had too much respect to laugh in Salvatore’s face. The old guy tried his best to be hip. Unfortunately, he was still forty years behind the times. Leo slowed his jumping to measured hops to lessen the loud thwacking of the corded jump rope before he spoke. “Everything went like clockwork.”

  A slow grin lifted the corners of Salvatore’s thin lips. “I told you I knew women. So, when’s the engagement?”

  “No engagement and no wedding. She only wants to be friends.”

  Still smarting from Roxanne’s rejection, and more than a little confused after their run-in at the sex store, Leo looked away from Salvatore’s slack-jawed surprise. “What do you mean she only wants to be friends? You just said everything went like clockwork.”

  Suddenly losing his appetite for a good, punishing workout, Leo stopped jumping completely. “She was like putty in my hands.” Literally, Leo mused remembering her body moving over him as he spanked her. “But she stopped me before we could do anything else. Instead of admitting she wanted me, she pulled the friendship card and decided to find someone more compatible online.”

  Salvatore looked as if he was about to croak. “Online? Like from Amazon?”

  Leo started looping the rope around his hand. “No. She signed up on a matchmaking service.” Not really the truth, but a man of Salvatore’s age couldn’t handle the truth.

  Salvatore scratched the back of his head, pushing his wool paperboy hat forward over his brow. “I know this is none of my business, but doesn’t that seem a little whacked?”

  Leo grinned. “Not really. I know dozens of people who’ve found love online. And some of them ended up happily married.”

  Salvatore looked dubious. “Any of them still married?”

  “Every single one.”

  “I don’t know your Roxanne as well as you, but something about a computer matching her up with a total stranger doesn’t sit well with an old-fashioned codger like me.”

  “Didn’t you tell me your great aunt fixed you up with Pier?”

  Salvatore’s face softened. Pier Cipriani had been the love of his life. The pair had been married for more than forty years before she passed away three years ago. “Ah yeah, but that’s different.”

  Leo walked over to the nearest wall and hung the rope on a hook. “If I remember correctly, the two of you exchanged letters for six months, sight unseen. And five days after she stepped off the train from New York, you were married.”

  Salvatore nodded absently, his thoughts most likely somewhere in the past. Leo envied him. Salvatore Cipriani had married his best friend.

  “I still don’t trust what you young people call technology,” Salvatore said, sitting down on a nearby bench. “She could meet some stalker, or even worse, a murderer. Aren’t you the least bit concerned she’s meeting other men? Ones she can’t even pick out of a police lineup?”

  Leo sat down next to Salvatore and placed his hand over the old man’s in an attempt to comfort him. Leo loved him as much as his own father.

  “You kids and your silly pride,” Salvatore grunted. “Don’t come crying to me when you end up the best man at her wedding.”

  “It might be too late. I think she’s already met someone.”

  Salvatore balled his fingers and began to swear in Italian. By the time he was done, his cheeks were flushed from exasperation. “I know there’s no talking you into something, but for my peace of mind, if you’re not going to pursue her, make sure she meets this guy as soon as possible. All this man-of-mystery stuff is crazy and better left for the movies or some soap opera.”

  “How can I warn her when she won’t even answer my calls?” Leo palmed the back of his neck. “I don’t want to see her with anyone else…I’m in love with her.”

  “How about you tell her what you just told me?”

  “Tell her what?”

  “That you love her. It’s different than just telling her you want to be her lover. And the sooner the better. I want grandchildren I can stuff with baklava and take to the zoo.”

  “You already have sixteen grandchildren, and one on the way.” Salvatore started chuckling. Soon they were both laughing together. “Do you even know how to make Baklava?” Leo asked.

  “No.” Salvatore coughed a little as he chuckled. “But for you, the Greek son I never had, I’ll learn.”

  “I’ll hold you to that.”

  Salvatore pushed himself up from the bench. “And I’ll hold you to squaring things with your Roxanne. If you don’t, there won’t be a need to learn how to make baklava.”

  * * * * *

  Twenty-
four hours came sooner than Roxanne had hoped. She was a bundle of nerves as she ran the brush through her hair for the hundredth time, more from sheer anxiety than actual vanity. Her dark hair floated around her shoulders thanks to an insanely hot Dominican blow-out, and her nails now sparkled like blood-red rubies with a fresh application of her favorite nail color, Sex Kitten. Her makeup was photo-shoot perfect and her brown skin glowed from the peppermint-sugar scrub she’d applied in the shower. It was shown off to advantage in the off-white, vintage negligee she’d paid too much for. Despite the exorbitant cost, Roxanne knew she’d made a good choice. The sweetheart neckline made her girls look even perkier, while the ivory silk falling in soft folds to the floor accentuated her curves to bombshell proportions.

  If looks could kill, she could commit premeditated murder before the sun came up, or at least bring a man to his knees.

  But will it be the right man?

  “Stop doing this to yourself!” Frustrated and tired of warring with her conscience, Roxanne stomped out of the bathroom and into the sumptuous hotel room. Before taking a shower, she’d worked up a fine sweat achieving the room’s romantic atmosphere.

  A dozen vanilla-scented candles were placed strategically around the room and Sade’s latest CD played on the iPod stereo. As a final touch, she’d ordered a bucket of champagne, which sat perched on a table near the window.

  Roxanne glanced at the clock near the bed. Constantine would be here any minute.

  Upset over finding her mind preoccupied by Leo all night long, she’d taken drastic steps. Deciding to skip dinner, she’d instructed The Geneva’s maître d’ to send Constantine to the front desk, where he’d receive a key and further instructions to meet her upstairs.

  “If everything goes according to plan, I’ll have a new lover before the night’s through.”

  Roxanne frowned. Why had her plan sounded so much easier on paper?

  With each tick of the clock hand, Roxanne grew more anxious. Before long she started to pace. Better to wear the carpet thin than her nerves. “Constantine’s not exactly a stranger,” she rationalized. “And this isn’t technically a one-night stand since we’ve already had sex. Sort of.”