I shut the laptop satisfied in a good days work, I knew Joshua would see my fee was paid into my offshore account so I wasn’t worried about that. I headed for my bedroom intent on having a read a smoke and a nap.
I woke around one and headed upstairs for lunch, I tossed a can of tomato soup in a bowl with some milk and water and chucked that in the microwave. I sliced up some bread and buttered them while my coffee maker gasped out my latte.
After lunch I sent the council job to the printer then tossed the senator into the fire and threw in a match, did I mention not leaving evidence lying around. After I pinned the new job to the wall I stood back with a sigh and tried to figure out how I was going to kill an ancient rogue vampire.
Even young vampires are hard to kill, but the older they get the stronger and faster they get, which made killing this one a serious problem. In short order I had a germ of an idea which involved a close range ambush, it needed me to be at close range because as soon as a vampire heard the twang of a crossbow it would move at hyper speed to avoid the bolt.
After feeding he liked to visit a coffee shop to wash the taste of blood out of his mouth, vampires owned pretty much all the blood banks in the world so they didn’t need to feed directly from humans This was a good thing as once they started feeding they always drank to the last drop.
Which was invariably bad for the feedee, sadly older vampires tended to start reminiscing about the good old days and went back to feeding off humans leaving a trail of bodies everywhere they went.
This meant they had to be culled, which was my job, shit. Important thing to note about vamps is that they aren’t actually dead like in the stories. They contract a virus that makes them require blood to survive but they still have heartbeats and they still use up my oxygen, also they live for a couple of thousand years before their bodies turned into something from a nightmare and had to be cared for or put down. I preferred the putting down option myself but then I’m an assassin so that’s probably to be expected.
If you ever want to become a vampire just bite one on the arse, the virus is carried in their blood.
I sat down on the floor and meditated for a while to clear my head and slow my rapid heartbeat. My chances of surviving this were fifty fifty at best and I was starting to panic.
Roxy came in in the evening wearing just stockings garter belt and heals and plonked herself down in my lap. “Did you tell Joshua to contact me? because I have a lot of money now” she asked.
“Of course I thought you might like a holiday bonus” I said.
“Your awesome baby”
After we had played kissy face for a while and I’d tickled her pink bits she looked at the murder wall and gasped. “Oh no, you’re not going after him are you? You’ll never survive”
“I find your lack of faith disturbing” I said in my creepiest voice. “No choice it’s a creepy council job” Roxy rolled her eyes at me.
“The supernatural council isn’t in charge of you, you’re a human so they have no jurisdiction over you”
“I am aware baby, but they can make things really difficult for me if I start refusing jobs from them, don’t sweat it honey buns I have a plan” I said.
I carried her down to my boudoir where I proceeded to distract her with my magic penis.
Chapter Four
Saturday
I was making breakfast in the kitchen in the morning for Roxy who was still in bed when the fangster who was my regular contact with the council popped into a chair and grinned at me with way too much fang showing.
I really need to find a witch who could ward this place for me.
“So Mr Sampson, have you come up with a plan yet?”
“A tentative one but I think it should probably work” I replied. “you want a coffee?”
“No thank you, if you wouldn’t mind telling me your plan I will try to help in any way I can” He asked.
“Ok, I’m planning to hit him at the coffee shop. I’ll wait just inside the door with my crossbow, as soon as he opens the door I’ll shoot him and hopefully end him then and there” I replied.
“You might do better to shoot him through the door” he said.
“It’s a solid door, it would slow the bolt too much”
“Allow us to replace the door with something flimsier, we’ll also buy the shop so we can remove all the customers” he said.
“Ok I’ll set up some micro-cams outside so I don’t shoot some civilian looking for a brew” he nodded.
“This might work now, I’ll go and get this organised now” with that he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
I took Roxy’s breakfast down and served her, her pancakes in bed, I kept some syrup back so I could drizzle it on her tits after she’d eaten. We spent most of the day in bed, I was beginning to think she didn’t expect me to survive tonight.
I leaned over Roxy and snagged a lick of her nipple on the way making her shiver happily, I grabbed my tablet PC we were in our third or fourth break from shagging each other senseless. I brought up the holiday site I had been looking at earlier and showed it to Roxy “What do you think?” I asked.
“Where is this? it looks nice”
“Bora Bora, I’m gonna book a holiday there, wanna come with?”
“Shit yeah, oh god I’ll need to buy some new outfits, lucky I got that bonus money” she squealed happily.
“Dunno about you sweet cheeks but I’m planning on spending most of the holiday naked with my dick swinging in the breeze” I said with a cheeky grin.
She fucked me senseless a couple more times before she finally let me catch a nap before business.
Around nine that night we got up and Roxy helped me dress, pretty sure she was saying goodbye in her own way. Although she knew me well enough not to try and talk me out of it, at least I knew she’d take care of Sam if I didn’t make it home.
As soon as I arrived at the coffee shop I stuck a couple of cams outside to cover the approaches and the door itself. I stepped inside with my crossbow and took a seat near the door to wait.
A short while later a figure approached, he had his head down so I couldn’t see his face. Come on asshole look up, finally he did just as he reached the door, I lifted the crossbow up to my shoulder and fired as soon as I lined up.
Well that’s not good, he swayed aside as soon as I fired, next thing I knew he was through the door bits of plywood flying everywhere and he had me by the throat. Fuck, “So they send a mortal to take me down, interesting” he leaned in and his fangs dropped down ready to tear out my throat.
At that instant a white oak stake popped out of his chest spraying me with his thick black blood. Well that’s never gonna wash out.
The Fangster from this morning stood there grinning at me as Count Chokula collapsed. I was more than a little disappointed that he didn’t turn into a pile of ash, but as I said earlier vampires aren’t really dead or even undead. A couple of servers came over and carted him off, no doubt to be chucked in the crematorium, these guys were a bit like the mob where as they had the means for getting rid of inconvenient bodies.
“You owe me a new t-shirt, buddy” I said to Fangster.
He handed me a package, I took it and looked inside, it was the same t-shirt I was wearing. Shit this paranormal crap creeps me out, “So I was a distraction then” I said with little patience.
“I apologise, Mr Sampson, but this was the only scenario we could see working” he replied with a shrug.
“Ok, I guess it all worked out in the end” I said with a sigh “I’m off to Bora Bora for a couple of weeks have a good one dude”
“A moment if you will, as an apology for this inconvenience I would like to offer you a limousine ride to the airport and the use of our corporate jet for your holiday”
“Cool, that’s pretty decent of you” as a vision of me and Roxy joining the mile high
club bounced around inside my head.
“Think nothing of it Mr Sampson, we do owe you after all, oh your holiday starts tomorrow we have taken the liberty of booking and paying for the two weeks for you, please be ready for the vehicle at eight am” with that he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Fucking supernatural bastards.
I raced home to share the good news with Roxy, fuck I hope I still get paid for this job, even though I didn’t actually kill the evil fucker.
Roxy was waiting for me at home in a baby doll nighty and silk stockings, gotta love her confidence, either that or she was waiting for the pool boy. I told her about tomorrow as I carried her down to my bedroom so I could radish her. If you are unfamiliar with that process then you’re probably not a Black Adder fan.
Chapter Five
Sunday
We got up extra early so I could drop Sam off at Joshua’s place and grab some breakfast at the diner. We were waiting outside my place at eight for our limo which in typical vampire fashion was right on time. The driver loaded our small amount of luggage into the trunk of the stretch limo and we were off on our adventure. We had a quick fuck in the back of the limo just to get in the mood for our holiday then reached the airport as we were getting ourselves straightened out in the back.
The driver loaded our stuff into the plane as we settled into the leather seats of the Lear jet. A trolley dolly came out from the back with a tray of champagne and we toasted each other already in an excellent mood even before we got sloshed on expensive bubbly.
The stewardess was doing a lot of unnecessary bending over flashing her tiny g-string at us while we taxied into take off position, As soon as we were in the air we got busy joining the mile high club with reckless abandon. The stewardess came out as we were taking a breather and gave Roxy a thorough kissing and a bit of a fondle, way cool I always enjoy a three way, and I bet there aren’t a lot of people who had done that a mile in the air.
Later, we lay on the one the couches trying to catch our breath as the girls lay in each others arms smiling happily while I had a bit of grope at both of them.
A little while later the pilot announced our imminent arrival at the island so we straightened our clothes and buckled in for landing.
There was another limo waiting for us at the airport and the driver quickly had our bags loaded while we settled in the leather seats in back, we made out for a while too shagged to go the whole hog. When we arrived at the resort the driver carried our luggage into the reception area and went to leave, I tried to give him a tip but he just tipped his cap at me smiling with a tiny hint of fang and strolled out the door.
I really need to fly vampire air more often.
The receptionist called over one of a half dozen lads standing by to carry our bags and we were soon settling in to our luxury room.
I stripped down to my skin poured myself a large vodka tonic dumped in a handful of ice and grabbed my bag of weed from my luggage. Yet another advantage to vampire air no customs inspections.
I stepped outside and lay down on the sun lounge and rolled a large joint, Roxy joined me carrying a couple of salted glasses and pitcher of Margaritas and joined me on the lounge.
She was just wearing a bikini bottom and a smile which I had the first of off her in short order and the other spreading rapidly so we could start our holiday with a bang.
A little while later a local gal sashayed down the wharf towards us, she was cute as a button and definitely a LBFM (Little Brown Fucking Machine).
“Good morning sir madam, I am Wohoona I’ll be your personal maid for your stay here, is there anything I can get you, fresh towels, massage oil, a blow job perhaps”
Wait did she say that or was it me, I waived at the table while noticing Roxy was staring at her with that look which normally presaged flying panties and loud groans.
“Would you care for a Margarita” I waved a hand at the table.
“Why thankyou sir I believe I will” she bent over the table and poured herself a drink. Roxy took the opportunity to run her hand up her silk clad thigh, she stood up with her drink and pushed back against her hand she sculled her drink had her clothes off in seconds flat and was crawling all over my girlfriend in no time.
As I settled in behind Wohoona I thought to myself, two three ways in one day, I wonder if Hefner had days like this.
Chapter Six
Sunday
Two Weeks Later
We climbed the stairs on to the Lear jet, both thoroughly shagged and more than a little smug about it. We were met by the same stewardess as our first trip and she was all over Roxy as soon as were settled in our seats. I put on a brave face and joined in even though I was pretty tired from two weeks of three way fun with Wohoona.
I was going to need another holiday, alone in a rest home while they force fed me energy drinks and vitamin supplements after this.
We eventually made it home and the driver tipped his hat and drove off as we made our way to the elevator and down stairs.
Roxy was still grinning from the flight and made her way down to my bedroom for a long nap. I went to the garage and fired up my Mustang convertible and drove to Joshua’s place to collect Sam, who probably hadn’t missed me at all.
Joshua was waiting for me at the door, his security was pretty tight and he knew as soon as I turned into his street. Sam was waiting for me behind Joshua and he actually seemed happy to see me so I gave him a big pat and a belly rub.
“How’s the old guy been doing Josh?”
“A bit mopy the first couple of days but he’s been ok for the past week and a half” he shrugged.
I made some nonsense noises at Sam and he grinned at me happily.
“Come on in the kitchen dude, I’ve got a couple of jobs laid out we need to discuss” he said.
We wandered into the kitchen closely followed by Sam, Joshua poured us both a couple of coffees as I sat down and pulled one of the files over. Joshua handed me a coffee and I took a sip, he tended to make his coffee a bit on the strong side but I needed the caffeine hit so took another sip.
The first job was a wise guy that was getting pushy in someone else’s territory. The method required was loud and messy, typical mob hit, they liked people to know they were not to be fucked with.
So a remote detonated car bomb was my preferred method for this type of job.
The second job was a wolf shifter that had gone feral. The only stipulation was quiet, the council tried hard to keep the supernatural out of the news, so a long range rifle shot would be best for him. You do not want to get up close and personal with a pissed off wolf shifter.
They are fast, incredibly strong and have way too many teeth.
I decided to do dog boy first as he was killing innocent people and the occasional deer, so he obviously had to go.
The witch that was selling love potions to college kids would be second as cheerleaders were getting fucked without permission, I believe they call that rape although considering the cheerleaders were crawling all over these dickheads it was a bit of a grey area.
Luckily the love potion wore off after a couple of days unfortunately the memories didn’t fade and we had some traumatised kids at the college and one very angry teacher.
The council were stepping in and wiping minds and making sure everyone had taken morning after pills so the kids could get on with their lives, but she needed to go as well. Witches weren’t hard to kill as any castings took a lot longer than a bullet.
I gathered up the files and headed out to the car, Sam hopped into the driver’s seat and put his paws on the steering wheel. “Very fucking funny dickhead” Joshua was doubled up laughing at the door. Sam liked to copy things he’d seen me do, luckily he hadn’t tried to pork Roxy yet, I didn’t think that would end well.
I shoved him over and slid into the driver’s seat and we took off for home with Sam drooling down the
side of my car.
As soon as we got home Sam pushed the button for the garden level while I selected the kitchen, I figured Roxy would need feeding by now so started making a platter of ham, cheese and tomato toasties.
After feeding the beast and letting her fuck me senseless in thanks we slept till mid-afternoon when I got up to organise the evening’s wolf hunt.
I had a quick shower before heading down to the armoury, I pulled my tranq rifle from the wall and a couple of rounds which I filled with animal tranquiliser. I would need some bait for the trap and a live deer would do the job nicely.
Then I grabbed one of my hunting rifles down with a night scope mounted, it was a 5.56, supersonic rounds meant the slug would reach the target before the sound so he wouldn’t be able to dodge the bullet. The slugs had been drilled and liquid mercury poured in before resealing with a soldering iron. This caused maximum tissue damage when the mercury burst out of the slug and sprayed through the victim. It was a guaranteed kill with each shot, even if you didn’t hit a critical spot the bastard would bleed out from the damage.
I pulled a small hatchet down from the wall with a hammerhead on the back end, I would need this to build my shooting blind.
That should do it for weapons so I went up to the garage and collected the last of my supplies, some short planks and nails for the blind then some bears piss and pine scented spray that would hopefully hide my scent.
I had everything laid out on the workbench when Roxy strolled in wearing one of my short kimonos, I pulled her in for a kiss and an arse squeezing till she was all gooey in my arms. “Another job baby?”
“Yep, I shouldn’t be long why don’t you exercise your girly bits and make us some dinner for when I get back” I said with a grin.
She punched me in the ribs, ouch . . . bitch.
I bent her over my Cobra and made her love me again, I left her sprawled over my car smiling happily to herself and tossed everything in a large duffel and tossed that in the back of my truck. I was on my way while it was still light. I parked in the National Park where the wolf had been hunting and grabbed my bag from the back before heading off into the forest.
Assasins Code Page 2