by Todd, E. L.
When the front door opened, I felt my heart lurch out of my chest. Ethan stepped under the porch light and I felt the depression descend. She obviously had said no. When Elisa appeared behind him, I froze. I just stared like an owl sitting in a tree. Sadie nudged my arm and snapped me out of my reverie. I approached the beginning of the stairs with my hands in the pockets of my coat. I didn’t get any closer.
Elisa stared at me but said nothing. I held her gaze for a long moment.
“Come in,” Ethan said.
I looked at him then back at Elisa. “Are you sure?”
She nodded.
I followed them up the stairs then stepped inside the parlor.
Ethan looked at me. “I think you two need some privacy. Sadie and I will take the kids. Have a good night.”
I stared at Elisa’s beautiful face and felt my hands sweat. This was really happening. She was giving me a chance. Neither one of us said anything as Ethan and Sadie grabbed the kids and their belongings. Elisa kissed them both on the head before they left. When the door was closed, she checked to make sure it was locked twice before she turned to me.
We said nothing for a long time. It wasn’t awkward—just quiet.
I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry that Ethan bothered you about this. I didn’t mean to pester you. I’ll leave you alone if you want me to. I promise.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t want you to leave, Jared.”
“Okay.”
She looked at the floor but said nothing.
“I want you to know that I don’t expect anything from you, Elisa. I just want to spend more time with you. We can take this as slow as you want. I’ll never touch you, kiss you, or make a move toward you until you’re ready. You never have to worry about that.”
“Okay,” she said quietly.
We said nothing for a long time.
“Well, since you don’t have the kids tonight, you want to go out to lunch?”
“Actually, I already ate.”
I smiled. “Then let’s get coffee.”
She nodded. “Okay. Just let me grab my coat.” She walked down the hallway and returned with a red peacoat. The color looked nice on her.
“You look great.”
“Thanks.”
I opened the door then ushered her out before I closed it behind us. She locked it then checked the handle twice before she finally walked away. We walked down the street a few blocks. Elisa was constantly aware of her surroundings, always looking at every person who walked by and everyone in our vicinity. She tried to be discreet about it but I noticed it. When we reached the small coffee shop, we walked inside.
We walked to a booth in the corner. It was quiet and secluded, allowing just the right amount of privacy. Music was playing in the background but it was so quiet that I could barely hear it.
When she sat down, I looked at her.
“What can I get you?”
“Just an Earl Grey tea, please.”
“Sure thing.”
I walked to the counter and ordered our drinks then returned to the table.
She dabbed the teabag in the hot water before she pulled it out. She liked her tea weak.
“How was your day?” I asked. I was really nervous. I couldn’t think of anything better to say.
“It was good. Tommy got into my underwear drawer and threw all my delicates around the house. Ethan was beet red when he saw them on the couch.”
I laughed. “That’s a little awkward.”
“Yeah,” she said with a chuckle. “How was your day?”
“It was okay. It’s a lot better now.” Her brown hair curved around her face and highlighted her cheekbones. She had the most beautiful smile. Her lips were always turned up slightly so it looked like she was always smiling or smirking. She was beautiful. When I found myself staring, I looked down at my coffee.
She smiled. “Are you helping Sadie pack?”
“I’m trying to avoid it as much as possible.”
“Yeah. You don’t want to get into her delicates drawer.”
I laughed. “Definitely not.”
“Are you happy for them?”
“Uh, I wasn’t at first but now I am.”
She nodded. “I was skeptical in the beginning too but when I saw Ethan with her, my doubts disappeared. He’s never been in a relationship before so I’m surprised he rushed into an engagement so quickly.”
“Yeah. I just don’t want her to get hurt.”
“Ethan won’t hurt her.”
“I know.”
“How do your parents feel about it?”
“My dad is ecstatic,” I said with a laugh. “He loves Ethan—always has.”
She smiled. “That’s cute. What about your mom?”
“She doesn’t know.”
She raised an eyebrow. “She doesn’t know that her daughter is engaged?”
“We aren’t close to her. In fact, we don’t really like her.”
“Oh?”
“She abandoned all of us to pursue a job in England. She broke my dad’s heart.”
She nodded. “That must be hard.”
“Yeah. Sadie and I became closer because of it.”
“Tragedies usually bring you closer together.” She looked at her tea and avoided my gaze. I knew she was thinking about her husband. “Jared, I want to ask you something.”
“You can ask me anything, Elisa.”
She looked at me. “Why are you so interested in me? I’m a widow with two young children. I don’t have a job, a college education, or any skills. I’m just a woman with a lot of baggage.”
I stared at my hands, twisting then in my grasp before I looked up. “I’ve never thought about it that way.”
She said nothing.
“I just don’t see that.” I stared into her eyes. “I see a beautiful woman who’s an exceptional mother. She lives for her kids and would do anything for them. She’s smart, kind, and strong. And she has a smile that makes me weak.”
Her eyes softened.
“I think you’re amazing, Elisa. I thought it the first time I saw you.”
“But do you really want to be saddled with an instant family? I’m not assuming we are going to get married or anything, but it is a possibility. There’s no way that any single guy would want that.”
“To be honest, I’ve never thought about having kids before. But I love your kids. I think they are a little crazy sometimes but they are sweet and adorable. I would be honored if you chose me as a partner to raise your children.”
She said nothing.
“But I would like to have kids of my own eventually, if you were willing, of course.”
She rubbed her fingers on the rim of her cup. I could tell that this conversation was making her uncomfortable. We were already talking about having kids.
“There is no specific reason why I want to be with you, Elisa. I just do. It’s unexplainable and unreasonable, and it isn’t dependent on any quality or trait. It just is. Therefore, it’s unconditional because none of the variables can change. I just know that I want you.”
She nodded. “That’s very sweet.”
“It’s how I feel.”
She sighed. “I’m never going to stop loving my husband. He’ll always own a piece of my heart. I know I can make room for you but he’ll always be there too. Don’t you want to find someone where you would be first in their heart?”
“It doesn’t bother me that you still love your husband. I know I can never replace him but I know I can make you and the kids happy. I’m willing to be patient and understanding to all of it. I wouldn’t have pursued you without considering all of that.”
“But wouldn’t it be easier to find someone that wasn’t so much work? You could have whoever you wanted—any girl off the street. Any alternative would be better.”
I gave her a hard stare. “Are you done trying to get rid of me?”
She looked away.
“I’ve made up my mind. I wa
nt you, Elisa. There’s no doubt of what I want. Now the real question is, do you want me? Are you trying to find an excuse to keep me away? We don’t have to do this. There is no pressure. If you want me to leave you alone I will.”
“I’m sorry, Jared. I didn’t mean to sound that way. I don’t want you to leave.”
“I want to tell you something about myself. I’ve been around a lot. I’ve been with all kinds of girls. I’ve been in a few relationships, and I’ve had countless one night stands.” She looked at me. “I’m tired of all that. I want someone that makes me feel something—makes my heart beat. That’s you, Elisa. It’s been you since the moment I saw you. I’m in this for the long haul. We can take this as slow as you want. I’m a patient man. I will wait.”
“I—I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything. Just stop trying to scare me off.”
She smiled. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.”
She took a deep breath.
“And I meant what I said. I will never pressure you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I want to make you as comfortable as possible.”
“I know, Jared. You’re a good guy.”
“Ethan wouldn’t let me date you if he thought otherwise.”
“That’s true.” She drank from her tea then returned it to the table. “So what happens now?”
“We start dating?”
“Okay.”
“Don’t get too excited,” I said with a smile.
“I’m sorry. I’m just not used to this.”
“It’s okay. It will get easier.”
“Okay.”
“Can I take you home now?”
“Sure.”
We rose from the table then left the coffee shop. When we walked down the street, I placed my hands in my pockets, making it clear that I wouldn’t touch her. When we reached her apartment, I walked her to the door and watched her stick her key in the lock.
“Have a good night,” I said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving?” she asked sadly.
“Unless you want me to stay. I just didn’t want to make any assumptions.”
“Actually, I would prefer it if you stayed—at least until my brother comes home.”
I smiled. “Of course.”
She walked inside and I followed her. She locked the door and checked it twice like she always did then moved into the living room. It was obvious that she was always scared. I wanted to console her but didn’t know if it was my place to say something. Perhaps it was too soon.
When she sat down on the couch, I moved to the adjacent one so I could keep my distance. I knew the best approach with her was being as unthreatening as possible.
“Anything good on television?” I asked.
She grabbed the remote and turned it on. She left it on a comedy show. I didn’t stare at her so I wouldn’t make her self-conscious.
“Where’s your apartment?” she asked.
“Uptown,” I said. “Not too far from here. You and the kids should come over sometime.”
“Yeah,” she said with a nod. “What do you do when you aren’t working?”
“Not a lot. I’m either at the gym, hanging with my friends, or being pestered by my sister.”
She smiled. “I pester Ethan. I feel bad because he has his own life, but I can’t help it. I’m really glad that Sadie is so understanding of the whole situation. I know most women wouldn’t agree to live with his sister and her kids, even if it is just temporary.”
“Well, Sadie really loves him and I know she loves you too.”
“She does?”
“And the kiddos.”
“I’m going to have an amazing sister-in-law.”
“And my brother-in-law is pretty cool.”
“I think so.”
I looked at her. “Not to make things awkward but I’m not going to be seeing anyone else during this—relationship—just in case you were worried.”
“I know, Jared.”
“Okay,” I said as I leaned back.
We watched television for a while and just enjoyed each other’s presence. I felt like we were hanging out as friends—not on a date—but I didn’t mind. I knew this was how it would be for a while. Whenever I stared at her lips, I thought of other things that weren’t appropriate and I shook them away. I looked at her hand on the remote and saw that she still wore her wedding ring. It didn’t bother me but I knew it would if we got serious. I hoped she would remove it eventually.
The door unlocked and Ethan and Sadie stepped into the room. Both of the kids were asleep in their arms. Without making a sound, they moved down the hallway and put the children in their beds. When Ethan came back into the room, he looked at Elisa. She smiled back at him.
“Have a good night?” he asked.
Elisa nodded. “We went out for coffee.”
“Cool,” he said with a nod. Sadie emerged behind him and wrapped her arm around his. Her engagement ring sparkled in the light.
I rose to a stand. “Well, I should get going. Thanks for taking the kids out.”
“No problem,” Ethan said.
Elisa rose to her feet and walked with me toward the door.
Ethan and Sadie moved to the couch and cuddled together while they watched television.
I looked at Elisa. “Thank you for spending the evening with me.”
She smiled. “Thanks for not letting me scare you off.”
I laughed. “You’re going to have to try a little harder than that.”
“I think I’ll throw in the towel.”
“Good.” I put my hands in my pockets and looked away.
She stepped closer to me. I wasn’t sure what she was going to do. She stared into my face. She looked beautiful like she always did. The slight curve of her lips always made me think of other things. “Thanks for being so patient with me.”
“I’ll wait forever for you.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck then hugged me. I wasn’t expecting the touch at all. I flinched. I pulled my hands out of my pockets then wrapped them around her waist. I pulled her against my chest and took advantage of the opportunity to smell her hair. It smelled like coconut. Her waist felt so small in my arms. I enjoyed holding her. It was more intimate and meaningful than all my sexual transgressions. It actually meant something to me. I didn’t want her to leave my arms. I liked having her there. Feeling her breasts against my chest made me think of her in sexual ways but I stopped those thoughts. If we ever slept together, it wouldn’t be for a very long time. I shouldn’t start thinking about it too soon.
“Good night,” she whispered.
“Good night, Elisa.” I pulled away then opened the front door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay. I look forward to it.”
I smiled at her before I walked out.
4
When I got off work, I had twenty text messages from Sadie. I didn’t have to read them to know what they said. I ignored them. I would just go by the apartment on my way home.
When I knocked on her door, she opened it immediately. “Why haven’t you responded to any of my messages?” she yelled.
“Because I was at work!”
She rolled her eyes. “You have a lunch break.”
“And I can only read so fast. You sent me at least twenty messages.”
She pulled me inside then shut the door behind me. “So what happened?”
“Nothing.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Nothing?”
“She and I talked. We are going to start dating but we’re taking is slow.”
She clapped her hands together. “I’m glad you figured it out.”
I raised my hands. “We have a long way to go. She’s still scared. I had to spend an hour trying to convince her that it was a good idea.”
“Well, she hugged you. That has to mean something. She held you for a really long time. The touch definitely wasn’t friend
ly.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I think it did.”
“When are you going to see her again?”
I shrugged. “Whenever she wants to see me. I don’t want to suffocate her by showing her how obsessed I am.”
“Don’t play it too cool either. Women don’t like that.”
“I’ll contact her every day but I’ll let her initiate stuff. If I try too much too fast, it will freak her out. And the holidays are coming. That’s always a hard time of year.”
“I guess that makes sense.”
“I understand what she needs. Let me handle it.”
“So you’re sure about this?”
“I’ve never been more sure in my life.”
“How awesome would it be if you guys got married? We could all be related.”
“It’s actually kinda weird.”
“No, it’s not.”
“No, it is.”
“Have you told Alex?”
“No, I haven’t had a chance. Are you ever going to talk to him?”
She looked uncomfortable. “If I go near him, Ethan will kill him. If he goes near me, then Ethan will kill him.”
“So in either case he dies?” I couldn’t hold back the smirk on my face.
“Yeah.”
I sighed. “Give him a break. He was being an idiot, but I put him up to it. Don’t punish him for it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “It’s not me. It’s Ethan.”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s way too controlling.”
“I would be livid if the same situation was reversed.”
“But would you flip out like him?”
“Not to the same extent, but pretty close.”
I turned toward the door. “I’ll see you later.”
“Are you going to call her?”
“Stop gossiping like we’re girlfriends.”
“I’m not gossiping!”
I laughed. “I’ll see you later.”
After I left her apartment, I went to mine a few floors up. After I changed, I hit the gym and did an intense session of weights. I went to the gym often but I wasn’t always religious about it. I was already fit and tone, but I wanted to become more bulky now that I was with Elisa.
When I came home, I showered and threw my dirty clothes in the hamper. I stared at my phone for a while before I picked it up and called her.