by Todd, E. L.
Her lips stopped moving and she just breathed into my mouth. “Oh yeah.”
I thrust into her harder. “Come for me.”
“I am,” she said as she bit her lip.
I pressed my lips against her ear. “I love you.”
“I’m yours, Jared. Completely.”
I moaned.
A small yell escaped her lips as she finished her moment. I didn’t hear Becky again so I assumed she abandoned her request for breakfast. I thrust into her harder and felt the orgasm start. It burst from my balls and ignited.
“Ellie.”
“Yeah.”
“Ellie.”
“Come on. I want all of you.”
I continued to come. “I’m giving it to you.”
“Yeah.”
When I was done, I pressed my forehead against hers, catching my breath. She looked into my eyes while she breathed heavily. Then she kissed my forehead and rubbed her nose against mine. The intimate touch made me melt.
When Becky banged on the door again, Elisa sighed then climbed off me. I moaned at the loss of her warmth.
“I’m coming, honey.”
I covered my face as I realized what just happened. Now I made things more complicated. I couldn’t be in this relationship and I just made the break up even harder for both of us. I knew what Elisa was trying to do. If we slept together, made love, then spent time with her kids, I would give in because I couldn’t live without her. It was a brilliant plan.
I rolled out of bed then dressed myself. I hoped Ethan and Sadie weren’t home. I didn’t want to explain myself to them. I wasn’t sure what the kids would think when they saw me. They would probably be confused.
Elisa opened the door and Becky came into the room. When she saw me, her eyes lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July and she squealed.
“Uncle Jared!” she dashed to me then wrapped her arms around my legs. “I missed you.”
I closed my eyes and felt the tears bubble. I kneeled down and wrapped her in my arms, hiding my face from her view. I held her for a long moment and fought against the tears. I missed her and Tommy so much. I never thought about having kids, and now I had two of them. She felt so small in my arms.
Elisa watched us with a smile on her lips.
I regained my composure then pulled away. “How are you, beautiful?”
“Good! I made more paintings. Mommy let me put them everywhere.”
I nodded. “That’s where they belong.”
Tommy came into the room. He stopped when he saw me. A smile stretched across his face but he said nothing. He ran to me as fast as he could. He almost fell forward but I caught him in my arms. “Where have you been?” he cried. “I couldn’t find you.”
My eyes started to moisten again. Damn. “I’ve—just been busy, man.”
“Cars aren’t fun without you.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. My life was empty and meaningless without these kids. I finally pulled away and stood up.
“I want breakfast!” Becky said.
Elisa smiled at them. “Alright, alright. I heard you.”
“Then why didn’t you come?” she asked.
Her cheeks blushed. “I was busy.”
Becky and Tommy walked down the hallway and went into the kitchen. Elisa and I followed right behind them. I followed the same routine that I did before we broke up. I sat in my usual seat at the table. The children spoke to me while Elisa cooked.
When Ethan and Sadie walked into the room, they both flinched. I felt my heart fall. I didn’t want to be seen. Sadie and Ethan sat down and looked at me but didn’t comment, which I was grateful for. I assumed their silence had something to do with the kids.
Elisa served breakfast and we ate in silence. Normally we were talkative during the meal but it was awkward that morning. Ethan and Sadie were curious what my presence meant to the relationship. Elisa smiled at me from across the table, acting like everything was fine. I sincerely hoped she didn’t assume that we were back together. She tricked me, disabled my alarm, then seduced me. I’m not blaming her—I should have been stronger—but she still brought this on. Her last defense was the kids. She knew how much I loved them. Perhaps if I was still willing to leave her, I might stay for the kids. I had to harden my heart and not think about that. I still couldn’t forget what Elisa did to me. I wasn’t one to hold grudges, but I couldn’t stand the idea of getting hurt again. Perhaps sleeping together didn’t mean anything to her, but that was a promise to me—a sign of her love and commitment to me. She had lied to me and broke my heart. I couldn’t do that again.
When breakfast was finished, Elisa cleared the table and washed the dishes in the sink. Like usual, I helped the kids from their booster seats and led them to the living room where their box of toys were. Ethan and Sadie sat on the couch and stared at me. I avoided their look. When I couldn’t stand the stares any longer, I went into the kitchen.
When I approached Elisa, I opened my mouth to speak but she kissed me instead, silencing me. I relished her embrace for a moment before I pulled away.
“I should go,” I whispered.
“No.”
My eyes softened. “Elisa, I’m just going to say everything that I already said.”
She closed her eyes for a moment. “You belong here with us. Please don’t go. Last night and today meant nothing to you?”
“Of course,” I said quickly. “But I didn’t want any of that to happen. You’re the one that disabled my alarm and climbed on top of me. I wanted to avoid all of that.” She looked away. “I should have stopped it but I was too weak.”
“Well, keep being weak.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I can’t trust you, Elisa. I said that already. You aren’t ready for a relationship, and I’m too hurt to be patient with you.”
“I am ready. I’ll marry you today if that’s what it takes to convince you.”
I sighed. “That isn’t how I would want it to go.”
“Jared, please don’t do this.”
“I hate hurting you and I’m sorry for that, but—we’re over.”
She looked away from me then stared at the dishes in the sink. I said nothing for a long time while she composed herself. The kids and her brother were in the next room. I knew she wanted to hide behind a mask. “Then go,” she said. She didn’t look at me.
“Are you going to walk me out?”
“No,” she whispered. “I’m not going to watch you leave my life forever. I can’t do it.”
I felt the tears under my eyes but I blinked them back. I hated hearing the despair in her voice. It was worse than hearing her cry. I came up behind her and kissed her on the back of the neck. “I’ll always love you, Ellie.” I stepped away then walked through the living room without looking at anyone. I didn’t say goodbye to the kids. I couldn’t. It was too hard.
When I closed the door behind me, I broke down again. The tears fell down my face in waves. I shouldn’t have stayed overnight. I shouldn’t have made this more painful for the both of us.
16
After a few days, I realized the pain was never going to go away. I would always suffer without her. I wanted to turn to Sadie but I couldn’t. Now I felt like she was more of a family member to Ethan and Elisa than she was to me. Everything reminded me of Elisa and I hated it. I couldn’t do this anymore. I picked up my phone and pressed the send button.
My mom was enthused like she always was. “Hello, darling! How are you? I haven’t spoken to you in a month.”
“I’m good. You?”
She immediately noticed my despair. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m just getting over a cold.”
“Oh. I thought you sounded different.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’s new with you?”
“Nothing. There’s actually a reason why I called.”
“And what is that?”
“Do you k
now of any job openings in London?”
“What kind of job openings?” she asked hesitantly.
“Business related.”
She couldn’t contain her excitement. “Does my baby want to move to London?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
“I’ll ask Roger when I see him. He works for a magazine. And if not, I’ll check at work. With your credentials, I’m sure we can find you something.”
“Sounds great.”
“I’ll give you a ring when I found out.”
I sighed. “Mom, you aren’t even British.”
“I live here, don’t I?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Bye, baby. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We hung up.
I didn’t want to do this but I didn’t see any alternative.
My phone rang again and I grabbed it, hoping it was my mother. It was Layla.
“Hey.”
“Wow. What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“You sound dead.”
I sighed. “I’ve been better.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I usually told Sadie everything, and if not her, then Alex or my dad. I couldn’t talk to any of them about this. “Actually, yes.”
“How about some coffee? We’ll have girl talk.”
“This isn’t gossip hour.”
“But it is.”
I laughed. “Fifteen minutes?”
“Yep. I’ll see you at Queen’s Coffee.”
“Okay.”
I hung up then grabbed my jacket before I walked out the door. When I arrived at the café, she was already sitting in the corner. I didn’t order anything to drink because I wasn’t thirsty. I hadn’t been craving anything in a while. The past three days blended together like a single blur. I had never been more depressed in my life.
“So, what’s up?” she asked.
“I’m moving to London.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s random.”
“Not really.”
“Job offer?”
“More like job seeking.”
“Don’t you work on Wall Street? Did something happen?”
“My job is fine. That’s not why I’m leaving.”
“It’s because of that girl?”
I nodded.
“And why are you moving to another country to get away from her? There are plenty of places within the country you can choose from.”
I sighed. “Nothing will remind me of her there. We’ll be in different time zones. I’ll never see her or anyone that reminds me of her.”
“What about your family? Your friends?”
“I can’t be around them either. My sister is my best friend but she’s engaged to this girl’s brother. I feel like I’m not even related to her anymore. I can’t talk to her about anything. It’s a conflict of interest. And I can’t tell her anything because she’ll tell Elisa.”
“Elisa?”
“That’s her name. I just need to leave. I’m never going to move on unless I do.”
“How long? Forever?”
“A year—maybe two.”
“Well, you might meet someone there and never move back. That’s always a possibility.”
“I really doubt that.”
She was quiet for a moment. “When are you going to leave?”
“As soon as my mom finds me a job.”
“Does she live there?”
“Yeah. I’ll probably stay there for a while.”
“Are you going to tell Elisa or your sister?”
“No. They’ll just try to stop me. I want to be around my sister again but I can’t do that with the way I feel. I want to get over Elisa before I move back. I don’t want to make everything awkward. I want everything to be okay.”
“And the only way you can do that is in another country?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn. You got it bad.”
“You have no idea.”
“She’s so lucky.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Well, I have family in London.”
“Really?”
“Yep. My dad is British.”
“What are the odds?”
She shrugged. “I can come with you and show you around for a few days. You probably need help moving anyway.”
“You would do that?” I asked incredulously.
“Yeah. I have some time off. And we’re friends, right? Since you confided in me, you must not have anyone else.”
I laughed. “It’s not that. I can’t tell anyone close to me because they’ll tell someone else and it will get back to Elisa. I’m afraid if she tries to stop me, she’ll succeed.”
“That makes sense.”
“Layla, I have to make this clear.” She stared at me. “If you’re doing this just as a friend, that’s great, but if you’re hoping for something more, you’re wasting your time. I’m not emotionally or physically available right now. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She smiled. “Thank you for your honesty. I do want something to happen with you and I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.”
“Please don’t wait. I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready to move on.”
“Sleep with me.”
“What?”
“Let’s go back to my apartment and get it over with.”
“That’s romantic.”
She laughed. “Rip off the bandage, Jared.”
“Do you really want me to sleep with you if I’m thinking of someone else the whole time?”
“No matter how long you wait, you’re going to think of Elisa during your first time. It doesn’t matter when it is or who it’s with. And I’m okay with that. It will help you move forward. Trust me.”
I said nothing for a long time. “No—I can’t do that.”
“Just try.”
“No. I slept with Elisa a few days ago. I can’t sleep with someone else so soon. That’s just—unacceptable.”
“You slept with her?”
I nodded. “She climbed on top of me and I was too weak to stop it.”
“You’re not doing anything wrong, Jared.”
“Please drop it,” I whispered.
She leaned back in her chair and looked at me.
“You’re gorgeous, Layla. That’s obvious. And you’re awesome. You’re funny, sweet, caring, easygoing, kinky, everything I would want in a girl. If things were different, I would probably be in love with you already, but that’s not reality. The truth is, I love someone else even though I wish I didn’t. Please don’t take it personally. The only reason I’m not taking advantage of you is because I’m heartbroken and crippled.”
“I know, Jared. It’s okay. You don’t need to explain.”
I nodded.
“But I still want to go with you to London.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It will be fun.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
My phone rang in my pocket. When I looked at the screen, I saw my mother’s name.
“Hey,” I said.
“I have wonderful news, baby.”
“What is it?”
“Roger has an opening for a business executive for the office. Are you interested?”
“The hours and the pay?”
Weekends off, and you’re off at four. It pays forty five thousand pounds.”
“No. That’s not enough.”
“In the states, that’s roughly ninety thousand.”
“Oh,” I said. “Then I’ll take it.”
“Yay! That’s wonderful. When can you get here?”
“Well, I need to put my two weeks in and move.”
“You can’t wait two weeks. I was thinking a few days at the most.”
“You’re right. I’ll figure it out. When is the interview?”
“Roger said that’s unnece
ssary with your credentials and experience. My baby went to Harvard.”
I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me.
“So, you’re sure about this?”
I was quiet for a moment. I didn’t see any alternative. I needed to get over Elisa and I couldn’t do that when we lived in the same city. “Yeah.”
“I’m so happy! Let me know when you’re leaving. And you’re staying with me, of course.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Goodbye, honey. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
She hung up then I returned the phone to my pocket.
“Well, it’s official.”
“You’re really doing this?”
“Yep.”
“When?”
“As soon as possible.”
“Well, let’s get packing.”
I felt my heart accelerate. “I guess.”
Layla and I grabbed a pizza and went back to the apartment. We started to pack everything while we drank bottles of beer and ate pizza directly from the box. She was almost like one of the boys. It was a shame that I was in love with Elisa. Layla was someone I could really like. Although if Elisa hadn’t broken my heart, then I wouldn’t have met Layla to begin with. The whole situation sucked. Of all the women in Manhattan, why did I have to fall in love with a widow with two children who still wasn’t able to move on? I have the worst taste in women—seriously. Suzie was just a psychopath and Elisa was a heartbreaker. I had serious issues.
Since I wasn’t taking any of my furniture overseas, I just packed my belongings. I didn’t have a lot of things to take with me. Just my clothes and accessories. I would sell all the extra stuff to the landlord so he could rent out the apartment as already furbished. It was just easier that way.
When we were done, Layla and I watched television on the couch. She snuggled up next to me but I didn’t push her away. I made it clear that I didn’t want anything to happen between us. She understood my reservations.
Layla laid her head on my shoulder then wrapped her arm around my waist. “There’s nothing wrong with cuddling, right?”
“I guess not,” I whispered.
“Good.”
When the movie was over, I looked at Layla. She was asleep. I picked her up then carried her into my bedroom, placing her on my bed. After I shut the door, I lay on the couch and tried to fall asleep. I kept thinking about Elisa. It broke my heart that I wouldn’t see her again for over a year, but my heart broke even more when I thought about seeing her. It was a catch-22. She would probably be hurt that I didn’t say goodbye, but I didn’t have a choice. It had to be done.