by Todd, E. L.
“So, how’s Sadie?”
“She’s good.”
“Anything new with her?”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if Sadie was planning on telling her that she was engaged. I knew she didn’t want her there. “Uh, no.” I was pissed at my sister but I would still cover her ass.
“And your father?”
“Why do you ask if you don’t really care?” I snapped.
Her eyes widened. “I do care.”
I didn’t meet her gaze and continued to eat.
“Jared, our divorce was the greatest thing that happened to both of us. He and I are both happy. I still love and respect him.”
I knew my dad wasn’t happy. He was lonely. I spent as much time with him as I could but it was never enough. And he never moved on because he still loved my mom, for whatever reason.
I pushed my plate away. “I’m going to bed.”
“Jared?”
“What?” I placed my plate in the sink.
“I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“I know, Mom.”
“Good night, baby.”
“Night.”
When I went into my bedroom, I finally turned on my phone. My message box was full. I didn’t feel like listening to any of them. I was glad it couldn’t hold any more messages. I wished I could just delete them without listening to them.
I called Layla. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“What time do you leave tomorrow?”
“In the morning.”
“Oh.”
“You sad to see me go?”
“Yeah,” I said with a smile.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“You can’t stay for Christmas?”
“No. The holidays are the busiest time of year for us.”
I laughed. “That makes sense.”
“We can still Skype.”
“I would like that.”
“Or you could you just come home with me.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Have you talked to anyone?”
“No. My message box is full so they must be eager to get a hold of me.”
“Yikes. That’s going to take a while to go through.”
“Yeah.”
“Has your mom talked to them?”
“Sadie calls every day.”
“And what does she say?”
“I don’t know. I always leave the house.”
“You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I know. I just want them to accept the fact that I’m staying.”
“It sounds like you’re afraid she’ll convince you to come home.”
“Maybe.”
She yawned. “Well, I should go to bed.”
“Me too.”
“Are you coming to the airport with me?”
“Yeah. I’ll go before work.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Bye.”
I hung up then turned off my phone again. I stared at the ceiling, unable to think about anything but Elisa. Did I make a mistake going there? If I was so in love with her, why shouldn’t I just be with her? Maybe I should give her another chance. But then the doubt came back. I had to stay strong. She would just hurt me over and over again. I had to stay strong.
Perhaps I was more depressed because Christmas was coming. I fantasized about waking up with Elisa in my arms then making love to her quietly. The kids would come to the door and demand to open gifts. We could sit under the tree, drinking hot cocoa as we watched their eyes light up in joy. When the tears burned my eyes, I closed them and started to count to a hundred. When I reached the eighties, I fell asleep.
18
I took Layla to the airport the next morning. I walked with her as far as I could go without a ticket. She and I stood together until her flight was called. We didn’t talk about anything important, just random things that came to mind. She stared at me the whole time with pity in her eyes.
“Have a safe trip back.”
“I would call you but your phone will probably be off.”
I smiled. “I’ll turn it on when I get back.”
“And leave it on. It’s been a few days. It’s time to deal with it, Jared.”
“You’re right.”
“Obviously.”
“Don’t get cocky.”
“Too late.”
I smiled at her. “Thanks for coming with me.”
“No problem. What are friends for?”
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. When she pulled away, she placed her lips over mine in a gentle kiss. Initially, I was immobile, but I responded to her affection a second later. I wasn’t thinking. It just happened. It was soft and wet. When she pulled away, she smiled at me. “That will have to hold me over until the next time I see you.”
I didn’t say anything.
“Jared, you’re mine as soon as you’re ready.”
“Why do you like me so much?”
“Sometimes you just know.” She turned around and walked toward the gate. I watched her with a sad expression. An amazing girl loved me and I didn’t feel the same way. I hated this. I wished that Elisa didn’t hurt me, or that I was over her. I didn’t think I would ever be over her. I loved her like crazy. I wanted to punch something.
I left the airport then took a cab to work. It was quiet around the building. I stayed in my office and worked throughout the day. Every once in a while, I would open my wallet and stare at the picture of Becky and Tommy. When the emotion overcame me, I closed it and returned to my pocket. I needed to stop doing that. It was just making me sadder. I went there to stop thinking about her, not to stare at pictures of her kids—my kids.
There was a knock on my door. “Come in.”
A tall man came inside. He had brown hair and a strong frame. Even though he was in his forties, he looked healthy and strong. “Hello, Mr. Montague. I’m sorry I haven’t come by sooner. Been rather busy.” He had a strong British accent. “I’m Roger.”
I stood up and shook his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for the wonderful opportunity.”
“Well, you’ve been a great worker so far. I’m glad that your mother recommended you.”
I smiled. “My mom exaggerates my qualities sometimes.”
He laughed. “Don’t all mothers?”
I nodded. “True.”
“Do you have any questions or concerns? Anything I can help you with?”
“No. I got it figured out. But thank you for the offer.”
“So, your mom tells me you have a sister. What’s she like?”
I opened my wallet and showed him a picture. “She’s an annoying pain. That’s about it.”
He laughed as he looked at the picture. “Beautiful girl. She looks like your mother.”
I shrugged. “I try not to let it go to her head.”
He smiled. “Let’s have lunch this afternoon. I would like to get to know you better.”
I felt like I would betray my father if I spent time with my mother’s lover, but I couldn’t turn the guy down, especially since he got me the job. Also, he was really nice. “That sounds great.”
“Wonderful,” he said as he clapped his hands. “Let’s go at noon.”
“I look forward to it, sir.”
He nodded. “Call me Roger.”
“Will do.”
He left my office then disappeared down the hallway. I concentrated on my work until lunchtime came around. Roger appeared at my office door right on the hour.
“Ready to go, Jared?”
“Yes,” I said as I rose from my desk. I saved my document then followed him out the door.
“So what sounds good?”
“I’m not a picky eater.”
He laughed. “I’m glad you aren’t too similar to your mother.”
“For Thanksgiving every year, she would only eat a s
alad and a side of beets.”
“She’s a bit odd.”
“A bit?”
He laughed. “But I love that woman.”
His declaration made me uncomfortable. I was still on my dad’s side.
“How about the deli?”
“I like sandwiches.”
We crossed the street and entered the small shop. They had an assortment of sandwiches and a collection of teas. When I tried to pay for my food, Roger put the cash on the table and paid for both of us. Now I felt like he was kissing my ass. I didn’t like it.
We sat down at a table by the window. He sipped his tea while he ate his lunch. The weather outside was gray and cold. I hadn’t seen the sun once since I had been there. The city was beautiful, but dark and ugly at the same time. I guess I was just spoiled with the moderate snow of New York City.
“So do you have a woman in your life?” he asked.
“No.”
He nodded. “You’re a good looking guy. You’ll find the right one easily.”
I said nothing. I hated talking about my love life with people, especially people I hardly knew.
“I’m impressed that you went to Harvard. I feel like I already know you. Your mother never stops talking about you two.”
“Really?” I blurted. It didn’t seem like she cared for me or Sadie.
“Yes. She always says how much she misses you. She always wants to visit but she’s afraid you don’t want her to.”
“She never told me that.”
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I chewed my bite of sandwich and looked out the window.
“I’m really glad you’re here, Jared. Your mother was so excited when she told me you were coming. I don’t think she’ll ever let you leave the house.”
“Then I’ll have to sneak out.”
“You very well may have to,” he said. “I don’t have any kids of my own but now I wish I did.”
“Have you been married?”
“Once. She passed away a long time ago.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It took me a long time to get over it but I did eventually.”
I leaned back in my chair then wiped my mouth with a napkin.
“I’m thinking about asking your mother to marry me.”
“What?”
“You sound surprised.”
“I just can’t see her getting married. She’s had a different boyfriend every year.”
He smiled. “Perhaps I’m the right one that can tame her.”
I said nothing. I didn’t know my mother well enough to say what she wanted.
“So, how do you feel about that?”
“What do you mean?”
“About me marrying your mother?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s her life. She can make her own choices and decisions without my consent or approval. It wouldn’t make a difference if she gave me hers when I got married.”
“Sometimes people are uncomfortable when their parents get remarried. That’s all I was asking.”
“My parents have been divorced for seven years. That’s plenty of time for me to accept it.”
He nodded. “So I have your blessing to ask?”
“Of course. I want my mom to be happy.”
“Thank you. That’s all I wanted.”
We finished our meal then returned to work. When I was back in the office, I thought about the conversation we just had. Even though I felt like I was betraying my dad, I realized it didn’t make a difference. My mother would remarry anyway, and my dad was better off without her. She didn’t love him so it really didn’t matter.
When my work day was finally over, I went to the pub and had a beer before I walked home to the townhouse my mom owned. It was nice because it was right in the midst of the city. I didn’t mind walking but I still wasn’t used to the chilling cold. It was even more bitter than winter in Manhattan.
When I walked inside, my mother looked at me. She was on the phone.
“Okay. He’s right here.”
I held up my hand, knowing it was Sadie, and turned away.
“Jared!” she yelled. “This is important. Something has happened.”
I stopped and looked at her. “What?”
She held the phone to me. “Talk to your sister.”
I pushed it away. “No. You can tell me.”
“Jared, just talk to her. Please.”
After I stared at the fear in her eyes, I took the phone and held it up to my ear. I didn’t say anything for a long time. I heard Sadie whimpering. I knew she was crying. I’m sure she wanted to apologize for everything and beg me to come home. I didn’t want to listen to it.
“What?” I snapped.
“Jared?”
“Get on with it.”
She stared to cry harder. “It’s Elisa.”
My heart fell. “What? What happened? Tell me. Is she okay? What’s going on?”
She started to mumble incoherently through her tears.
“SADIE! Speak up!”
“She’s in the hospital.”
I started to hyperventilate. “Is she okay? What happened?”
My mom covered her face while she watched me.
“She was mugged then beaten. Someone took her to the hospital. We just got here.”
I felt the walls cave in. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t take it. “Is she okay? Is she alive?”
“I think so.”
“You think so? Tell me!”
“I’ll tell you everything as soon as I find out.”
“The kids, are they okay?”
“They’re fine.”
“Were they there?”
“No.”
“Ethan?”
“He wasn’t there.”
“Then what the fuck happened?”
“I don’t want to say.”
“TELL ME!”
They found her near your building,” she whispered. “We think she was looking for you, hoping you were still in the city.”
Tears fell down my face. “She went out by herself in the middle of the night?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.” The tears kept falling. “This is all my fault.”
“Are you coming?”
I wiped my tears away. “I’m leaving now.”
“Okay.”
I dropped the phone on the floor. I stared at my mother but didn’t really look at her. My mind was racing with the speed of light. I dashed upstairs and grabbed all my stuff then headed to the front door.
“You’re leaving?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“But what about your job?”
“I don’t care.”
“Wait until the weekend. There’s nothing you can do for her.”
“Bye.” I slammed the door behind me then jumped in a cab. I told the driver to take me to the airport. I stared at the wet streets and thought about Elisa. I couldn’t believe this was happening. If I had said goodbye before I left, she wouldn’t have looked for me. If I just answered my phone, I could have spared her. I loved her so much, and now she’s in the hospital because of me. She must have been so scared. I should have been the one protecting her. I failed her and the kids. I just wanted to die.
19
The next twelve hours were agonizing. I had to wait to catch a flight, and when I finally got on one it was delayed. I was wound up so tight that I could’ve killed someone. My legs wouldn’t stop shaking as I waited and waited. When the plane finally took off, I was stuck in a chair for eight hours, suffocated by the thoughts of Elisa. Her brother was going to kill me when he saw me, but I didn’t care. I deserved the beating of a lifetime.
When the plane finally landed, I practically pushed an old lady out of the way just so I could get off the plane as fast as I could. I grabbed my luggage from the collection stand then whistled down a cab. That drive felt just as long as the plane. When the hospital came into sight, I jumped out
of the halted cab, forgetting to pay the driver and grab my luggage.
When the cab driver caught my attention, I threw a fifty at him then grabbed my bags and dashed to the entrance.
“Elisa Benedict. I’m looking for Elisa Benedict,” I said, out of breath.
The receptionist stared at me for a moment before she looked in her computer. “There’s no one here under that name.”
“Yes, there is! Check again!”
She leaned back at my ferocity.
“Please check,” I said hysterically.
She looked again. “I’m sorry, sir.”
I screamed.
“Jared!”
I turned to see Sadie looking at me. “Come on.”
I raised an eyebrow then followed her. “Where is she? How is she? Is she okay?”
“She’s fine,” she said as she grabbed my arm. “Keep your voice down and stop yelling.”
We entered a small private room. I dropped my bags on the ground then went to the bed. She was lying there, asleep. Her face was purple and bruised. She had a cut on her lip and her arms were dark with bruises.
I broke down. “No, no.”
I leaned over her and pressed my forehead against hers. “I’m so sorry, Ellie. I’m so sorry.” I kissed her forehead and tasted my own tears. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly. When she didn’t wake up, I got scared. “Ellie, wake up. Please wake up.”
“Jared,” Sadie said. “Let her sleep.”
“Why isn’t she waking up?”
She stared at me. “She hasn’t woken up yet.”
“What?”
“She hit her head.”
I sat up and looked at her. “Are you telling me she’s in a coma?”
“No. She just hasn’t woken up yet. Don’t try to wake her.”
I sat on the edge of the bed and held her hand. I stared at her face and felt my world crumble. “Where are the kids?”
“Ethan has them.”
“Do they know?”
“No. We don’t want them to know. They think she’s out shopping.”
“For a few days?”
“The kids believe it. That’s all that matters.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m so sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Shut up. Yes, it is.”
“Jared, no, it’s not.”
I didn’t respond to her comment. “Did they catch the bastard?”