by Sariah Skye
I felt as if I were punched in the gut—again. “What? Come on, Finn…this can’t be. Right? There’s a solution of course!”
Finnian looked away, his expression obviously upset. “As of right now, I don’t see anything. But I will keep trying.”
I sat up, ramrod straight to glare directly at Finnian. “So…you’re saying that because of this—this spell that it will attack any foreign genetics, or magic. Is that what you’re saying? You’re really saying this? That I will never be able to give my mate a baby, successfully?”
My grandfather cried out. He covered his face with his palms, whimpering. “Oh dear gods… I had no idea. I am…I am so sorry.”
“This has to be a mistake!” I exclaimed, clutching at my hair tightly, hoping the pain would distract me from the news.
“Afraid not. I’ve been researching the spell in detail over the past few weeks. I thought this may be a possibility, but I thought there was a probability that Leorah’s innate magic could protect the baby. When she became pregnant, I was relieved; it appeared to be doing just that. But now…” Finnian’s scratched his forehead. “I cannot tell you how much I regret telling you this. But I will never stop trying to fix this. You have my solemn promise!” Finnian leaned over and grabbed one of my hands, squeezing tightly. His eyes flickered between a nervous yellow and a deep blue of despair.
I squeezed back, trying to offer my appreciation but in all honesty, I had none. I managed a weak smile before releasing his grip.
“I…” my grandfather began.
I lifted my hand, indicating I wanted his silence. “Look, I know this wasn’t your intent. But, you did cast this spell. Regardless…” I grumbled audibly. “Please just…leave for now.”
“Leorah…” Reluctantly, my grandfather swallowed his words, and turned to leave the room silently, leaving only Finnian and me behind.
I looked to him with both appreciation and expectance. “Finn…do you mind? I just…need time alone.”
Finnian’s face was empathetic, but not in agreement. “I will leave, but you should not be alone.”
I scoffed. “I’m fine. Okay? Just fine.” I forced a false smile to prove my point. “See? Just fine!” I insisted, through my grin.
Finnian shook his head. “You’re not fine, Leo. You’re anything but fine. You just lost something near and dear to you and I gave you some horrible news. If you’re anything but distraught, you’re kidding yourself.”
I sniffed dismissively at him. “Oh, well there wasn’t really anything much there, right? Just a clump of cells?” I snickered, not believing the words fully but attempting to put on a brave face. “As for the rest of it, I know you. You’ll figure it out.” I added a mirthful chuckle for good measure. “And, hey—whatever you were planning to keep us in a time warp or whatever, good news! Don’t need to worry now! That should take some worry off you!” I said, my voice bitter and biting.
Finnian clenched his eyes for a single moment. “I will fix this…somehow. There has to be a way. But if not…” He looked away biting his lip.
I waved him off. “Well? Go to it.”
“Leo…” He protested.
I thrust my pointer finger out, towards the door; the force of my magic involuntarily flinging the door open. “Just go!”
He stood reluctantly and crossed the room. “I will go…but someone else will be here shortly. You shouldn’t be alone.” He said nothing more as he disappeared out of the room.
With a wide fling of my hand, I shut the door forcibly behind him, and I was left alone with my feelings of misery.
Alone.
I was alone now. Truly alone. There was no life inside…and there never would be, as long as Maxxus and I were together.
Unless Gabriel and I decided…
I laughed bitterly. “No…I can’t do that to him.” No matter how many times I tried to picture a child of his and mine—I couldn’t.
But I could picture all variants of Maxxus’ and mine. His beautiful blue eyes, and wide smile. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed. Perhaps my hair color. And she would be loved beyond belief.
There would be no child. Not now, not ever. I insisted Finnian could fix it but, deep down I knew he couldn’t. He’d never stop trying, sure. But this spell was strong; so strong it altered who I was down at a cellular level. Gave me crazy powers and unusual wings. Gave me the ability to hopefully squash the Shadows.
I guessed that was all I’d be good for. Even with my restored memories, things weren’t the same. I remembered Maxxus, I remembered my family but some of the memories felt like movies; like I were on the outside, looking in. They were me but almost like another lifetime.
The time I spent now, with Maxxus was as real as I’ve ever felt. The times I spent with Gabriel, and Daniel and our whole little ragtag group—that was friendship. That was family. Even if we weren’t blood, we were fated family. Fated to be together by magic, by destiny.
But as much as I adored them, nothing would ever feel fully like home without that baby that I longed for, and that sense of normalcy.
Nothing about me was normal. That was clear.
And clearly, nothing ever would be.
I sniffled, swallowing light sobs that were stifling my throat. My eyes stung with the weight of tears that wouldn’t escape. The sobs echoed through the empty room, bouncing off the walls; reminding me again that I was alone.
My hands found my lower belly, and I longingly ached to feel the presence that had been inside, only hours ago. I wasn’t alone then. Even if there was no one else in the room…she was with me.
She.
I didn’t know for sure, but somehow I knew the baby had been a girl. My daughter. Our daughter. Our daughter that would never be.
I shook my head, angry at myself for allowing the indulgence. There was nothing that could be done, now. She was gone from my body, alive only in my heart now, and my memories. What little memories they were. I’d forever wonder what she would have looked like…what sort of magic she would have had.
“Stop, Leo…before you make yourself crazy.” I needed a distraction. I fumbled next to me on the nightstand for my phone, shoving aside an oil lamp before my fingers lingered over a swath of soft fabric.
My heart sank deep inside as I grasped it and pulled it towards me; it was the onesie Kiarra had bought for her.
“Future Starfleet Cadet,” the words read in blue. I fingered the words on the front of the garment, that auntie Kiarra had been so excited—if premature—to give me and secretly I was so excited to put the baby in it.
I gripped the fabric tightly in my hands and pulled it close to my heart. A sob escaped my lips as I took another glance at the tiny outfit.
Feeling suddenly angry, I balled it up in my fists and with frustration I chucked it across the room, with a scream.
With that, the tears that I’d choked back, along with the emotions, escaped the dam, like the floodgates were open wide and I let out everything. The anger. The sadness. The despair.
I flung myself on the bed, curling into the fetal position with my nose buried in my knees as I sobbed, screamed, and cried out.
I didn’t notice when someone arrived in the room, but I felt two pairs of strong arms wrap around my legs and shoulders. I caught the scent of cinnamon between sobs and knew it was the brothers, Gabriel and Daniel.
“Let it out Leo…let it out.” Gabriel whispered.
And I did. They held me and I screamed. I cried. I swore. They just held me as I mourned my loss and the future I’d never, ever have.
Chapter 31
I wasn’t sure how long I cried for. I cried and sobbed into my pillow, as Gabriel and Daniel clutched me for dear life, gently stroking my hair as it mussed against my face, wiping away the tears as they streamed down my face.
I cried until I could no longer cry, not because I was no longer sad but because my body was too weak to cry; I had no more tears. But, the brothers just sat there, patiently, lett
ing me scream, sob and carry on without complaint.
“Feeling better, Leo?” Daniel questioned in a small voice, when I finally lifted up my head. I blinked at him through swollen eyes and blurred vision, barely noticing the tear stains on his own cheeks myself.
I shook my head side to side. I didn’t feel better—at all. I felt alone, and betrayed. Once again, betrayed by magic, by a spell that was supposed to make me all-powerful, but once again took away my choices as well.
I bit my lip at the thought. Our choices. Mine, and Maxxus’.
My heart crashed into my stomach when I thought about him; he didn’t know this yet. He was still out there, thinking we could try this again. I clutched my hand over my mouth as I felt a sour feeling reside in my throat.
“Leo?” Gabriel asked, appearing worried.
Gabriel.
Maxxus and I weren’t the only ones the genestatem spell affected. I raised my eyes and gazed at Gabriel sadly.
His expression was stoic, but the worry lines were fully embedded on the sides of his mouth and forehead, making him look older than in his late-twenties. He had no idea yet that this spell would affect him as well.
I swallowed a lump in my throat. “Um, Daniel…can you leave us for a bit? I need to talk to Gabriel about something.”
Daniel cocked a brow, slightly, but didn’t question. “Sure, Leo. I’m going to see about tracking down some grub for you, okay?”
I shook my head. “I’m not hung—” I started, but he interrupted, pressing a fingertip to my dry lips.
“Not having it. You have to keep up your strength, either way. Keep yourself healthy and you two can get going on putting another baby in there, right?” Daniel smiled impishly, patting my now empty stomach.
My breath caught and I stared at him woundedly. He quickly pulled away and his face fell. “Oh shit, Leo…I’m sorry. That was really fucking douchey of me to say. I know you’re sad but—”
I held up a hand, stopping his apology from going further. “Dan, I get it. It’s fine. On second thought, I’d really love some fresh rolls or something, and some really strong coffee. Do you think you can find that?”
Daniel snapped upright, looking determined. “If I have to go through twenty portals and the ends of the earth to find it, it will be done.”
I smiled, despite myself. “Well, pretty sure you don’t have to go further than the kitchen, but thanks for the offer.”
Daniel grinned. Before he left the room, he turned and said to me once again, with complete seriousness: “Leo, I really am sorry. I can’t say that I understand what you feel—or Maxxus—but I know it must hurt like hell. I only made that damn comment because you’re healthy and can try again, it’s not hopeless. But I realize you need time to…well…say good-bye.”
“I know,” I said, trying to force myself to look appreciative. Only, it was hopeless after all. Maxxus and I would never have that family I always wanted.
Daniel blew me a quick kiss before leaving the room, and I slowly turned to Gabriel.
He immediately cocked a brow, looking suspicious. “Why do I get the feeling you’re about to tell me something real bad?”
I sighed. I tried to speak, but looking into his concerned brown eyes I faltered. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him that he, too, wouldn’t ever be able to have children because of this damn spell.
I tried once again to speak, but hesitated. Gabriel frowned, reaching over to grab my hand. “Just spit it out, Leo.”
I exhaled loudly through my mouth. “I don’t know how to say this…”
A look of panic washed over his handsome face. “Leo?”
“Well, see…Daniel is wrong. We can’t just have more. The spell—the genestatem spell—had an unforeseen side effect. Or maybe it was foreseen, I don’t know. I just know that it’s another thing that my grandfather didn’t anticipate,” I dared to glance at him. I still held his hand and I squeezed, hard, trying to give myself the power to rock his world—and not in the good way.
“You can’t get pregnant again?” he asked, tentatively. With his free hand he pensively scratched at the dark stubble along his jawline, frowning intensely.
“Oh, I can get pregnant again…apparently. But the chances are good—very good—that it will never take. I’ll always lose it because….because…” I clamped my mouth shut, looking away from his curious expression. “Well because the damn magic was cast on genes. Any unfamiliar genes to the magic will be…purged.” I gasped at myself, saying the word. Such a harsh way to describe the body eliminating unfamiliar magic.
Gabriel furrowed his brow, confused. “I’m not sure I understand.”
I groaned in frustration, dropping his hand and clutching the roots of my hair, frustrated to get him to understand.
“The magic was cast on two bloodlines. Anything but those two bloodlines coming together will result in…well…” My lip trembled as I tried to explain to him.
“Well what?” He asked, confused. After a moment, his eyes widened. His mouth widened in shock. “Oh. Oh! I think I understand. Because the baby’s genes had half of Maxxus in him—or her—the magic eliminated it, and you lost the pregnancy.” He gasped. “Oh my god, Leo—that’s, that’s reprehensible!”
I nodded slowly in agreement.
“I figured that it was the stress that caused you to lose the baby—not this damn magic again!” Gabriel growled, sounding much like a foreboding dragon as he stomped to his feet and thundered across the floor, sparks flying out of his clutched wrists as he grumbled. He pulled his hands into his chest, looking sheepish. “Sorry.”
I gave a strained smile. “Maxxus does it too, except with earthquakes.”
Gabriel chuckled. “I’ve noticed. So, while you’re carrying the baby, the magic will attack at the foreign genes, is that right?”
I nodded slowly. “That’s right.”
“Well…that’s bad but it’s not the end of the world.”
My gaze snapped upward, surprised. “What?”
“No—human couples have problems with fertility all the time. Not sure why, really, but lots of them have problems. Science always intervenes. There’s in-vitro fertilization, surrogacy—there’s lots of ways to help have kids, and lots of times they’re successful. If, expensive,” he said with a wry snort. “But you don’t have to worry about that. Like Evie said, sometimes there are biological things that happen even to Mythos. I bet you tell her, and she’ll have a million solutions.”
“I…” I stopped again. He still wasn’t understanding. “Well, maybe, but I’m not sure if even those will work.”
“Why not? It makes sense, and it sucks but it’s not the end of the world. There’s—” he continued, before I cut him off.
“I can only have kids with one person!” I blurted out, panicked. I gave him a wounded look.
He winced, taken aback. “What…do you mean?” he stammered.
I sighed. “The spell was cast on both of us, Gabriel. It prevents anything but our magic from coming together. We could have kids together—but Maxxus and I, cannot.”
Gabriel appeared as if he’d been slapped in the face. “I…what? No…that cannot be.” He turned away and began pacing across the floor. “That can’t…”
The tears stung my eyes, once more, as I watched him come to the same realization that I did. That the magic, cast on us so long ago, was once again controlling us—determining who we should be with. How we should love and what we were to do with our lives.
Magic wanted things a certain way. This magic, anyway…despite what the heart wanted.
“Gabe?” I called his name, hesitantly.
He slowly spun around. I was expecting his face to be raw and red with the fury of anger but instead, tears flowed openly down his face.
“It…makes so much sense now.” His voice cracked. “I knew something had to be wrong. I told that in my younger years I stupidly wasn’t so careful. I thought Cassie and I would stay together, so I didn’t think it mattered. Bu
t…oh my god.” He slumped to his knees on the bed, and gazed at me with his eyes shining with sadness, brimming with hopeless tears. “I’m…so sorry.”
“I don’t know how it works, I mean…you don’t carry the baby but maybe it just makes it way, way harder for you to conceive,” I said. “Maybe there’s still a chance for you, with the right treatment. Or maybe it won’t be a thing at all, because if you married someone fully human with no magic. But me?” I laughed drily. “Not so much.”
“What sort of treatment? ‘Gee, doc, I had some awful genetic spell cast on us, and I can’t have kids with anyone but one woman…is there something you can do? Put some pixie dust on my DNA, or something?” Gabriel snorted, shaking his head angrily.
“Maybe she’d be fine. Maybe since it’s not in my body, but someone else’s, the genes would be stronger than the magic or something…” I suggested. I wasn’t sure if that was the case, but seeing the pain in his eyes was unbearable. I just wanted him to feel better.
Gabriel frowned. “No, Leo…even if it would work, there was no way I could afford that.”
“Well, you don’t know! Perhaps your future wife is a big CEO somewhere!” I said, forcing a laugh.
Gabriel howled with laughter. “Yeah…don’t think so, Leo. Good one though!”
I patted his arm. “Gabe, I’ll find the money. Not sure what it costs in human dollars, and if we have enough comparably but, Finnian has means if nothing else. We’ll find a way to make it happen.”
“What about you, though? You deserve to have babies with your hus—mate.”
I shrugged. “Just another thing magic has taken from me. Just like my memories and years with Maxxus we should have had.” I laughed, mirthfully.
“I thought you remember everything that happened with your family, now?” Gabriel questioned.
“I do, but it feels like it happened to someone else, you know? Like watching a movie years ago, and then forgetting about it and seeing it again years later. You know you’ve seen it, you barely remember it and it just feels…off.”