Traitorous warmth curled deep within her as she remembered what it was like to lie in Ash’s arms and feel his mouth on hers. She banished it. Making love with Ash would cause more problems than it would solve. She wasn’t going to lose her heart again. She was not going to become that gullible girl who believed heroes really did exist.
Instantly she was awake, cursing herself for not insisting on her own men or at the very least a woman companion.
‘And you, where will you sleep?’ she asked, narrowing her eyes, searching for a loophole in Ash’s intentions.
‘With my men. I prefer to sleep outside these days.’ A dimple flashed in his cheek. ‘Unless you have a better idea... I await the invitation, my lady. If you feel so inclined, you must speak and save us both a cold and lonely night.’
‘I sleep alone.’
‘Some other time, then.’ He rubbed a hand across his chin. ‘I gave you my word. It should be enough.’
A hot tide flowed up Kara’s face. He had known what she was thinking. She hurriedly straightened her pinafore dress. ‘You used to enjoy your creature comforts. It surprises me that you give them up so readily.’
‘A roof over my head, a full belly and a halfway decent cloak.’ His lips curved up. ‘Yes, they are luxuries rather than necessities. I’ve done without them in the past and survived. Tonight will be no different unless someone takes pity on me.’
Kara put a hand on her hip. This teasing Ash she could handle. The other Ash when he was being kind or spoke about his experiences as a sell-sword, that Ash was a stranger. ‘You seek to mock me when I was only curious why you were so willing to give up basic comfort. I deserve better than that.’
He tapped a finger against his mouth before smiling. ‘Curious. A start, I suppose.’
Kara blinked. ‘A start?’
‘You have to care about something to be curious about it.’ He clasped his hand to his chest. ‘A tiny crumb of comfort from my lady as I lie on the cold ground.’
Her heart flipped to be called his lady. She hardened it as a memory clanged from years ago. ‘I know that trick from years ago. I am my own lady.’
‘Alone until you say differently.’ He sketched a bow and his eyes twinkled in the dusk. ‘I will be here when you wake, even if you should wake at noon.’
Kara tilted her head to one side. ‘And this morning’s little demonstration? The need to leave like the Valkyries were at our heels? What was that about? Showing Valdar you had claimed me?’
‘I like to know who my enemies are and how they will strike.’
‘Do you know them?’
‘Now I do.’
Kara walked with as much dignity as she could muster to the hut. Inside her something ached. The new Ash was every bit as dangerous to her heart as the old one had been.
Ash struck a spark and lit a reed, holding it above his head. The light threw shadows over the nearly bare hut.
‘The roof appears solid enough to keep the damp off for the night. And no large animal appears to be making this its home.’ He gestured towards an old pile of leaves. ‘I regret I can’t do better for a bed, but it is better than falling asleep in the saddle and getting hurt.’
‘You needn’t make any concession for me.’
He laughed. ‘You’re beautiful when you are angry. So fiery and full of passion. But I like my women rested.’
‘Stop trying to change the subject.’ Kara concentrated on the makeshift bedding. ‘I don’t belong to you. I never have. We might be married, but I am no slave to do your bidding.’
He came over to her and laid his hand on her shoulder. ‘I can only apologise for the boy I used to be. I should have waited until the spring to leave. I was wrong and I paid a high price.’
Something melted inside Kara. His eyes in the dim light had become pools she could drown in. She wanted to lean her head against his shoulder and draw strength. There were far too many reasons why that would be a bad idea.
Memories assaulted Kara’s brain. Thousands of images of Ash being kind that she had deliberately forgotten. She shook her brain to rid it of them. What was in the past had to stay there.
She curled her fist. She refused to go back to being the girl who expected her hero to solve all her problems. She didn’t require a hero. She required someone who would pull his weight. ‘All that is in the past.’
‘That is the trouble. Lie to yourself if you must, but don’t expect me to believe it. I can always tell when you are lying, Kara.’
She thought about how she had waved him goodbye. ‘Not always.’
‘I came back, Kara. And I intend to show you that I can be the right sort of husband for you.’
Summoning all of her failing energy, she turned her head. ‘The sooner I sleep, the sooner we leave this place.’
His hands let her go. She stumbled away from him towards where he’d piled the leaves up. It wasn’t much, but it would be far more comfortable than sleeping on the bare floor.
The little gesture showed Kara he had changed. The old Ash would have expected her to do that. Something tugged at her heart. Maybe Hring had exaggerated Ash’s faults. Maybe she had been mistaken.
‘Bravado serves no one.’ He cleared his throat. ‘And if I think we are going too fast, we slow down. Do you understand?’
‘I’m hardly some fragile glass bead. I can take a faster pace. I want to see my son. Rurik is the light of my life.’
‘Tell me if you feel the need for a break. My talents fail to include mind reading, more’s the pity. Our son will want his mother to return home safely. We both know what it is like to lose mothers through accidents.’
‘I’ll remember that.’ She screwed her eyes up. She’d forgotten how Ash’s mother had died—returning to Jaarlshiem. A wave of sheer exhaustion hit her. ‘I want to sleep, Ash. You were right to stop. I’m sorry if I seemed ungrateful earlier. I hate to admit any weakness.’
‘Progress of a sort—you see sense in my actions.’ He started to go towards the door, then halted. ‘Shall I bring you some supper in? Or do you wish to sup with my men? It won’t be fancy, but it will be filling.’
She shook her head quickly. The thought of food made her feel queasy. Sharing an intimate supper with Ash was folly in the extreme. Her defences were down. It would be easy to give in to that little voice in the back of her brain which kept whispering that she wanted to be held and Ash was the man to do it. She needed to keep Ash at arm’s length tonight if she wanted to retain an ounce of self-respect. She wanted a man who would be more than a memory. She wanted someone with whom she could share her life.
All she really wanted to do right now was sleep, a deep dreamless sleep so she’d wake refreshed and they could reach Jaarlshiem tomorrow without her slowing them down. Once there, it would be much easier to keep a distance between her and Ash. The last thing she wanted was for her body to overrule her brain.
‘I need sleep more than food. I’ll eat before we leave in the morning, I promise.’
He nodded, accepting her word. ‘Pleasant dreams.’
‘I rarely dream.’
His lips brushed her forehead. ‘A man can hope.’ With that he left the hut.
Kara pressed her hands together. Being angry with Ash had been easy when she thought him dead. And when he returned yesterday, she had clung on to her anger easily. But when he was like this, she found the unwanted memories crowding in of Ash’s kindness or Ash behaving in a way that made her breath stop.
Once he’d been her idol, but he had taken advantage of her, using her as a way to follow his dreams. Her heart had shattered into a thousand shards when Hring had recounted his betrayal. She could still hear the women’s laughter as they told her one by one the things Ash had done or said to them. All the while Hring had looked on, triumphantly expecting her to give up her son. She’d hel
d Rurik tightly in her arms, vowing to remember every last word and never to be fooled again.
She had listened to her heart once. She had to listen to her head now.
‘I gave up all my dreams of you years ago.’
* * *
His lips came closer, teasing her senses to wakefulness, even though she knew instinctively it had to be a dream. His tongue tip circled and touched her eyes, lips and throat.
She was far too warm and comfortable. His tantalising scent filled her nostrils, making her feel secure and safe. For far too long she’d been on her own and struggling.
He ran his hand down her back, pulling her closer so that their bodies collided before he rained kisses down on her mouth, her eyes and skin.
Sweet kisses, mind-numbing kisses, kisses which caused her body to ignite and burn. Wet and hot. She looped her arms about his neck and returned his kisses, opening her mouth and allowing him to drink from her and she supped from him.
His lips trailed their way to her earlobe. Suckled and tugged. With each new onslaught, the ache in her body grew higher. His hand slipped lower, teasing her, rubbing her breasts, cupping them and pulling at her nipples.
‘Have you been waiting for me?’ His voice rasped in her ear. ‘Have you missed me? Are you ready for me?’
She drew her arm tighter about his neck and her body arched towards him, aching and ready. She wanted this. She wanted this joining.
‘Never leave me, Ash,’ she whispered against his lips. ‘Stay. Stay with me this time. Promise me.’
But he was already fading into nothingness. Gone when she needed him the most. Leaving her empty and aching.
Chapter Seven
Kara woke with a start. Her body throbbed from her dream. Sweat drenched her skin. The dream had been so vivid and real, one which she had not had in a long time. Years ago, she used to have erotic dreams about Ash, but all that had stopped after she gave birth to Rurik, after Hring had explained the truth about why Ash had married her and how little he really thought of her.
Yes, she was attracted to him, but attraction wasn’t enough. Not this time. She’d grown up and knew there was more to a marriage than a meeting of bodies at night.
Seven years ago she had found every excuse for his behaviour, believing he did care for her and his words were more than pretty phrases. After Rurik’s birth, Hring had paraded Ash’s discarded women in front of her. Each had confirmed Hring’s words. In the end she had felt dirty and used in a way she’d never considered before.
Her idol had turned out to be base metal rather than gold. And she’d sworn no man would ever have that sort of power over her again.
Kara hugged her knees to her chest. Hring’s sole purpose had been to punish her for defying him over Rurik. He had raged that Ash never cared about children or people and that he would never accept a weakling as a son.
Having met Ash again and seeing how much he wanted to meet Rurik, she had to wonder if Hring had twisted things. It would not be the first time. Deeds, not words.
Ash had left before and he would leave again. She should never forget that. What was it that his man had said—sea water ran in his veins? How long until the sea and the lure of raiding called him again? That was real, not whispers on the wind.
She could not count on Ash to be there when she needed him, for anything. She learnt from her mistakes.
She turned her head and saw that someone had placed a piece of hard bread and cheese beside her head. Whoever it was had also put an additional cloak over her. She moved her arm and a rich spicy scent enveloped her.
Ash. Who else? A lump formed in her throat at the thoughtful gesture.
After taking several mouthfuls of food, she wrapped the additional cloak tighter about her and tried to get her body to relax. The faint scent of expensive spice tickled her nostrils and she worried about the dream returning. Or, worse still, starting to believe the little gestures meant something more.
The hut remained cloaked in darkness. She stared up into the blackness and started to make lists of all the things which she’d have to do once they reached Jaarlshiem. Mundane practical things like seeing to the wool carding, making sure the apples were properly stored and the livestock had enough food for winter. Tedious tasks, but ones which made the estate prosper.
If she kept her mind on the real practical things, she wouldn’t start believing in fantasy again.
Once they had returned to Jaarlshiem, it would be easier. She would be in familiar surroundings. Rurik would be there to distract her if she found herself at a loose end. There was rarely time to breathe, let alone dream.
She straightened her clothes and strode over to the door, pushing it open. The drizzle of yesterday evening had given way to a clear autumn sky. The last few stars hung in the rapidly greying sky. Her breath plumed in the very early morning light.
The sell-swords slept in the cold half-light. Indistinguishable lumps. The campsite was at peace. No one had even bothered to post a guard, despite Ash’s earlier words. Kara rolled her eyes.
A movement made her turn and she saw Ash returning, obviously having been for a swim. Droplets of water fell from his hair, turning his tunic translucent. Kara shook her head, trying to get the last remnants of her dream from her brain.
He hurried over to her. Up close, he was even more intoxicating. A single drop of water hung in the hollow of his throat. Her fingers itched to capture it.
‘If I had known you were awake, I would have asked you to join me.’
‘To join you?’
‘In the lake. Bathing. All is quiet. I’ve taken the last guard duty of the night along with Saxi.’
‘Saxi?’
‘One of my men. He is resting now that I’ve returned. The early hours always trouble me. But I remembered the lake over the crest of the hill and went swimming.’
Ash’s words painted pictures in her brain of them in the lake, playing and splashing. She rapidly averted her gaze and concentrated instead on a twisted pine tree.
When she felt her heart calm, she risked a glance at him. In the dim light, she saw his eyes twinkled with mischief. He knew what pictures were in her head!
‘It is...not the right time of day for that,’ she stammered, pressing her hands against her gown.
‘A pity.’ He tilted his head, sending a soft spray of water over his shoulders and chest. ‘Let’s hope the next time I ask, it is the right time of day.’
It was never going to be the right time of day, Kara silently vowed. To go swimming with him would mean giving up her hard-won independence as she knew precisely how it would end. The memory of when he had taught her to swim invaded her brain.
Kara put her hand on her throat as the silence grew between them. She couldn’t stand here tongue-tied, thinking about touching Ash.
‘I had the food you left. Unnecessary, but welcome,’ she blurted out.
‘Good. I can’t have you feeling faint or weak. You will slow everyone else down. You need to think about others.’
‘I will get your cloak.’ Kara swallowed her quick retort. Fighting solved nothing. ‘You must have been freezing without it. There was no need to do that. I was quite comfortable with what I had. Remember for the next time.’
His eyes instantly hardened. ‘I have other cloaks. No hardship. Without rest, you are a liability. I’d do the same for any of my men if they were exhausted.’
‘Of course. I hadn’t thought.’ Kara shifted from foot to foot, feeling like a young girl again. She had once again rushed to the conclusion that Ash had done something for her benefit when it had been nothing of the kind. She ruthlessly squashed the feeling. She’d done nothing to be ashamed of except perhaps to be ungracious. How many times had she told Rurik off for doing the same? ‘Thank you all the same. I appreciated it.’
‘
The water was wonderfully refreshing.’ He gestured towards the lake and it was clear the subject was closed. ‘There will be time if you would like to bathe before we depart for Jaarlshiem. It will refresh you. I promise not to peek...much.’
‘No!’ She put out a hand and slowly lowered it. Ash’s expression showed her quick refusal amused him.
‘I will be fine. I am fine,’ she said, pleating her dress through her fingers. ‘Perfectly refreshed after my night’s sleep...and the food.’
‘Indeed. I thought you might have had a disturbed night, which is why you are up so early.’
‘You are up early, as well,’ she countered, balling her fists. ‘Stop this false concern.’
‘There is nothing false about it.’
‘I will be able to keep up today. Will you?’
‘My ability to stay in the saddle has never been in doubt.’
‘You have been away for seven years so I must take your word for it,’ she said with crushing dignity.
A smile played in the corner of his mouth. ‘Put me to the test. But why won’t you swim?’
‘I’m anxious to get home and see my son. My saddle needs checking. I hardly want to be accused of holding everything up as I was yesterday morning. Swimming will have to wait until I have time to spare.’
He dipped his head. ‘You used to enjoy swimming. Every chance you had once I taught you, you went swimming. I remembered that about you when I was in the lake. Funny how simple things come flooding back once the key to memory is found. What happened to that fearless girl?’
Kara curled a fist. He only remembered now. What he meant was that he had not thought about her while he was gone. She kept back the words asking him how many times he had swum in a lake over the last few years. ‘I grew up.’
‘And forgot what fun you used to have. Does my son swim?’
Kara hesitated. Swimming had to wait until Rurik was older. She’d argued with Hring about it on the day he died. She dreaded to think how much she’d worry when Rurik finally did learn to swim. ‘He is only six. Far too young.’
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