‘They are safer with you, you mean.’
‘Nothing will happen to her or our son. They’ll remain here. It is why I brought you lot.’ A muscle jumped in Ash’s jaw. He knew what he was doing. He had played this sort of game before in Viken, but never for such high stakes and never with anyone he’d cared about. ‘Now are you ready to fight again?’
‘Bed her and tell her in the afterglow. Women love to feel protected. My wife did. You should have more children. Your son is a credit to you both.’ Saxi pushed back on his helm. ‘It would give us a chance to recover if you did bed her. Think of it as a favour to us all.’
Ash rolled his eyes. He’d been naïve to think the entire hall didn’t know of his sleeping arrangements. But the last thing he wanted was advice on wooing his wife. ‘She needs time. Seven years.’
‘She is worth fighting for, Ash. The good ones always are.’
‘When I need your advice, I’ll ask for it.’ Ash raised his sword. If he kept fighting, maybe his dreams would cease to be plagued with a beautiful blonde who had blue eyes to drown in. ‘Shall we have at it again? Or are you getting too old?’
Chapter Twelve
Kara breathed in the sweet air of the stables. All about her the horses stomped their feet. For once she was all alone.
She did her best thinking when she was around animals. Her dogs sat in the corner of the stable and waited for her to be finished. She picked up a brush and started to work on the nearest horse, a simple enough task, but when she was done, she knew she’d feel steadier and more able to cope with her increasing desire for Ash. Desire rather than deep feelings. It had to be. She couldn’t entrust her heart to him a second time.
‘Why are you never where you are supposed to be?’ Ash asked, coming into the stable as if her thoughts had conjured him. The horse gave a whoosh of air, but continued to stand placidly. ‘I’ll wait until you are finished, but I do want to speak with you.’
Kara concentrated on brushing out the horse’s mane, teasing out several burrs, rather than glancing up towards where he stood in the doorway. When that was done, she moved away from the horse, slightly surprised he remained there. ‘I like working with horses. I always have. Thora knew where I was.’
‘I didn’t.’
She put the brush down on a bench. ‘Do I have to inform you every time I change a task?’
‘No, it is just...’ He rocked back on his heels. ‘I missed you and I wanted to tell you that you were right. Your salve has helped my leg. I wanted to wait until I knew for certain. Thank you. I didn’t want you to think me ungracious.’
Her heart thumped. He missed her. And her salve had helped. ‘I’m pleased. Can I see it?’
He knelt down and slowly lifted his trouser leg. A great scar ran down the back of his calf. The muscle had healed knotted and twisted. ‘You see why I said nothing would help. The knee was injured, as well.’
‘If I may...’ She knelt beside him and touched his scarred flesh. Her fingers worked with sure purpose. She could feel the knots easing under the pressure. ‘It will improve further with a regular massage.’
‘You do have a healing touch. Are you offering?’
‘Perhaps.’
‘Then I accept.’
The air hung between them—sweet and still. The temptation to lean into him and lift her lips to his nearly overwhelmed her. Kara rapidly rose and pretended to be busy, picking up her brush again. ‘How did you know where to find me?’
‘You always used to go to the stables when you were upset.’ He rolled down his trouser leg and gave a crooked smile as if he hadn’t noticed her pulling back. ‘We made love once on a bed of straw because I found you in here after my father had been cruel about a stew you made. It cheered you up. I wanted to make sure you weren’t upset.’
Kara laid down the brush with a trembling hand. It bothered her that he remembered that time. She’d cried against his chest until he’d lifted her chin and kissed her soundly. But making love, as enjoyable as it had been, had not solved her problem with Hring. Ash had departed five days later, knowing she wanted a buffer between her and her father-in-law.
‘I’m happy. Rurik is doing well. The farm is prosperous. Why should I be unhappy?’
‘You failed to mention me being here. Much remains unsettled between us.’
She toyed with the brush. ‘Rurik is very glad to have a father, his real father, at long last. He has really blossomed.’
He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close. His breath laced with hers. ‘But I want to be a true husband as well as a father.’
His mouth descended on hers. Darkness and hunger calling to that banked fire deep within her. The point of his tongue teased her lips, parted them, penetrated deeply and then retreated.
She gave up her mouth with a sigh. Her hands buried themselves in his hair, holding him there as their tongues indulged. Each touch of his tongue sent the flames inside a little higher until she felt like she was being consumed. His mouth moved slowly over her skin to her earlobe. He captured it and suckled, tugging and pulling.
His hands roamed over her back, pulling her closer so that her body collided with his hard planes, leaving her in no doubt of his arousal. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.
Slowly he lifted her skirt, running his hand down her white thigh. Then slowly his fingers advanced towards the heart of her fire.
‘Ash,’ she murmured, not knowing if it was a plea for him to stop or to continue.
He sank to his knees before her. ‘Let me...’
Somewhere a door slammed and the sound of shared intimate laughter floated on the breeze.
Kara froze.
‘Not here,’ she whispered.
‘Where, Kara? When?’ Ash’s voice sounded like he’d run a mile.
She twisted out of his grasp. Her face burnt. She had behaved worse than a mare in heat, worse than whichever of the women lay with the unknown man.
Ash regarded her with a puzzled expression. ‘Talk to me, Kara. Tell me what is wrong.’
‘I want time, Ash.’ She smoothed down her skirt. Her skin protested. ‘You rushed me the last time and look where that led us.’
‘Where? We married. We had fun together until I left.’
‘If you can call it a marriage.’ Kara snapped her fingers with greater bravado than she felt. ‘A few weeks and you were gone.’
‘We’d known each other for years.’
‘We had known of each other for years. I was the girl with stars in her eyes and you were the boy who could do no wrong.’
‘I always liked the way your eyes shone and how you made me feel better about myself.’
She concentrated on the hollow of his throat. ‘A little over a year and I was a widow as far as anyone knew. You now want to saunter back into my life and turn it upside down.’
He put a finger under her chin. ‘You have no idea how deeply I regret that happening. It is impossible to change the past.’
‘Didn’t being away from your wife bother you? Or did you find some comfort like that man is doing?’ She put her hand over her face. ‘Ignore that. I promised I’d never be like my mother.’
He put his hands on her shoulders. His hold was different this time. ‘Kara, I’ll be honest. I tried not to think of Jaarlshiem, Raumerike or even you. It made the horrors of my life easier to bear. Make no mistake, there were horrors as I watched my friends die and then had to survive with only my wits.’
Kara’s breath caught and she willed him to say more.
‘Returning covered in shame was impossible. You wouldn’t have wanted me as a husband. But there were no other women. I was a married sell-sword seeking to regain his honour, not a berserker seeking a few moments of peace between some unknown’s thighs.’
Kara rolled her
eyes.
‘You asked,’ Ash said steadily. ‘You deserve the truth. I tried not to think about you. But I have come home and everywhere I turn I find memories gathering. I do want to try again when you’re ready.’
‘Ash,’ she said, pushing her hands against his hard chest before his mouth descended again. If she gave in now, there would be far too much unsettled between them. Ash appeared to believe that having sex would settle everything between them. It only complicated things. ‘Your father explained about the other women. He had me meet them and hear their stories. He had them list how you made love to them—what you liked and how you seduced them.’
‘My father did what?’ His face became thunderous. ‘It is well he is dead or I would rip his misbegotten heart out. He had no right.’
‘He wanted to break my spirit over Rurik.’ She shut her eyes, seeing them again—all much more beautiful than she. ‘And he nearly did.’
‘That was my father using everything in his power to get his own way.’ He lifted her chin so she had to look into his eyes. ‘He should never have done that. I never married any of those women. The only woman I wanted to marry was you and I married you. I came home to you.’
‘But those women told the truth,’ she said tonelessly, wrapping her arms about her waist. She wanted to bury her face against his strong chest and cry. Somehow, she’d hoped for more. Somehow, she’d hope he’d deny it.
His arms fell to his side. ‘From here on, you will have to be the one to ask for my mouth before I give it.’
‘To ask?’ She blinked.
‘Forcing you is the last thing I desire, Kara. Undoing the past is an impossibility as much as I might wish to. I want you, but I don’t want you accusing me of seducing you. It works both ways. If you want to be kissed, you will have to ask, not provoke me or imply, but ask.’
‘I am not sure what you are saying...’
His eyes turned serious. ‘It is your move in the game we are playing. Make it. Stop hesitating. Stop playing it safe. If you want to make a break from the past, so be it. You take charge. See that it doesn’t have to be like it was. You bear some responsibility for our old marriage as well as I. I am willing to change. Are you?’
She lifted her chin and summoned all her dignity but her insides knotted. Ash couldn’t be right. She had always tried to behave in the correct manner. She wasn’t avoiding her feelings. She refused to suffer a second heartbreak over the same man. ‘I will take your advice under consideration.’
* * *
Kara stepped back from the loom she had just threaded. The wool was all spun and now came the interesting part—weaving the cloth. It was time she started taking responsibility rather than mooning over Ash or hiding away with the animals. Ash had been right about that yesterday. She was avoiding her responsibilities.
Thora and the other women were hard at work on their looms or spinning the last of this year’s wool. For too long she had neglected her duties in favour of watching Rurik and Ash training. Her dreams last night had been particularly vivid and concentrating on the tasks that needed to be done rather than watching how Ash moved as he trained Rurik was an attempt to get her mind back on a steadier course.
She was attracted to Ash. That much was clear, but she wasn’t prepared to risk her heart again. He had carelessly trampled all over it once. She wanted to be certain she could keep her heart safe if she was going to stay in this marriage. Once she’d given everything and had nothing in return. It had to be more than desire on his part.
‘There you are, Kara. Hard at work as usual.’ Ash appeared in the doorway. His hair gleamed and the light from the doorway made his shoulders appear very broad and his hips narrow. The sight did strange things to her stomach.
‘Have you been looking for me?’ she asked, striving for a neutral tone as her heart knocked against her ribs.
‘You failed to turn up at this morning’s training session.’
‘We are behind with the weaving.’
‘There was something I wanted to discuss with you about Rurik. It won’t wait, so the weaving will have to.’
Disappointment stabbed her. She had to stop thinking he was searching her out because he wanted to spend time with her. He had told her that it was up to her to make the next move, but he was here. She had to take it as a good sign. ‘Go on.’
‘Tell me first why you didn’t show up this morning. The truth this time.’
‘Rurik informed me this morning over breakfast that he was a big boy and didn’t need his mother looking after him.’ She crossed her arms over her stomach. Keeping the subject to Rurik was far safer. She had no wish to continue their conversation from the stables out here where people could hear. ‘Six and already he has no time for his mother. I listened to him and stayed away.’
‘He needs his mother. He adores you.’
‘You are being kind. I dare say your scheme to pry Rurik away from Virvir is working. Instead of quoting Virvir, he has now started quoting Saxi.’
‘Excellent news.’
‘Is Saxi the right sort of man for Rurik to look up to?’
‘Saxi is a good man and a good warrior.’ His face became sombre. ‘He had three children until they were killed by the Franks. His youngest would have been about Rurik’s age.’
Kara concentrated on the loom. She hadn’t even considered that the big warrior might have had another life before this one. Ash had done a kind thing. ‘I’m sorry for his loss and I’m sorry I doubted you.’
‘An apology. Will wonders never cease?’ His blue eyes blazed. ‘You have done a fantastic job with that boy. He is a son any man could be proud of and I am grateful that he is mine.’
‘Was there something else you wanted to see me about? The weaving waits for me,’ she said quietly.
‘I want to take Rurik hunting. Properly. He needs to learn. Saxi agrees with me. He used to take his eldest at this age, but I need to make sure he is eased into it.’
She put her hand to her mouth. Hunting. She didn’t even want to think about the possibilities for Rurik to get hurt. Her father had died in a hunting accident. ‘He is far too young. Hunting is very different from the control of a training yard.’
‘He must learn.’ Ash’s face became alive with barely concealed passion. ‘He has real skill with the bow and arrow. It needs to be cultivated, rather than ignored.’
‘Can’t he just shoot at targets and learn that way?’
‘He needs a challenge. Something to completely occupy his mind.’
‘He has been sneaking off to see Virvir again?’
‘No, that has stopped, but some day they will meet and Rurik needs something he can brag about.’ Ash put his hand on the loom. ‘Leave your weaving and come with me, Kara. Now.’
‘An order?’ Kara gestured about the room. Hunting and Rurik were two words which sat uneasily together. She knew Ash was correct, but she wasn’t ready to allow Rurik. Ever since their conversation in the stables, every time Ash searched her out, it was to do with Rurik rather than their relationship. It was frustrating in the extreme.
‘A request.’
‘You can see how much needs to be done.’ Kara struggled to keep her temper. Why did this have to be settled this instant? ‘With Gudrun gone, we are one woman short. Thora is training her niece, but the girl is clumsy with the loom. She is far more interested in discussing the merits of various warriors. Words won’t keep men warm come winter.’
‘One afternoon. This afternoon.’ His tone left no room for objection. ‘You will scarcely notice the difference. You always hated weaving, Kara. You complained bitterly about it when you were little.’
Kara put her hand to her mouth. He would have to remember that! After her mother died, her aunt had arrived to look after the house for her father and had insisted that she learn to weave properly rather than l
ooking after animals. ‘Do you know how much I have to do? Winter is coming. It waits for no one, not even you.’
‘I want to show you what I plan to do when I take Rurik out on his own to ease your nerves. You will get more done if your mind isn’t constantly occupied with worry.’ His eyes held hers. She made the mistake of looking directly at them and tumbling into their blue depths. ‘I want you to feel secure with Rurik’s training, rather than having every possibility prey on your mind. I know what a vivid imagination you have. If you are not completely satisfied, then I won’t mention the idea to Rurik.’
Kara’s heart constricted. The offer was very unexpected. Ash was doing this for her to ease her mind rather than simply taking Rurik or building Rurik’s hopes up. She had to meet him halfway. She had to trust him with this small thing.
‘You want me to go hunting with you? Alone?’
‘Tracking is perhaps the better word, learning to distinguish various tracks and follow the best ones.’ He gave a half-smile. ‘You used to beg me to take you on every expedition.’
Kara put her hand on her hip. ‘You used to delight in taking me the hardest ways.’
‘But you never gave up.’
‘That’s right.’ Kara’s stomach tightened. Before Rurik, she went along with everyone’s ideas and didn’t complain. She always tried to see the best in everything. ‘I’m a very determined woman.’
‘Come with me for the afternoon.’ Ash gestured about the room where several other women worked. ‘Leave this to the others. Say you will go. You and I, like the old days.’
A tide of warmth enveloped her. Ash wanted to spend time with her. Alone. ‘So I can know what you intend with Rurik.’
‘Precisely.’ His smile spread across his face. ‘I promise no harm will come to you. Nothing will happen that you don’t want to. I won’t make you fire an arrow to kill a bird.’ He named several other incidents from long ago when she had been allowed to tag along, only if she did what he said.
‘I never complained,’ she answered stoutly.
‘It would have been better if you had. It is impossible for me to know what you are thinking if you keep it to yourself.’
Return of the Viking Warrior Page 18