by Unknown
“Nothing is better than sex,” I heard Madi mumble and I looked at her.
“What?”
She shrugged. “I’m feeling lonely.”
“Oh.”
“I know we’re young, but don’t you ever get lonely?”
I felt lonely because I was without my parents. Even though this was my home now, it didn’t feel like home. Not yet anyway. I wasn’t sure if it would until my parents found me.
“Well?” she asked again pulling me back into the conversation.
I wasn’t a virgin. I’ve been with a man before, a tutor of mine, about two years ago. I think my parents knew, or maybe it was just coincidence, but he never came back after that night. From then on, I only had female tutors.
“Not really.”
“Do you have toys? I’ve tried them, but they aren’t worth the money.”
“No, I don’t have toys! I um, well … I did it once myself.” I wiggled my finger. I felt awkward talking about this and knew I was blushing. The sex talk I had with my mom doesn’t count. She told me to wait until I was married and then my husband would teach me all I would need to know. That gave me a little hope for the future, and that maybe whatever it is that my parents are so worried about wouldn’t last forever.
“It lasted like ten seconds. Boring. It didn’t satisfy me at all and I haven’t had that feeling to do it again,” I shared.
“I agree. The real thing is better.”
I sighed and shared again, even though I wasn’t sure what I was talking about. “I’ve only been with one person. There was nothing there. He barely kissed me and it didn’t last long. I want someone to kiss me and pay attention to me, like what I read in all those books. I want to know it meant something to the both of us. I mean, the guy I was with jumped out of bed after we were done and we went back to studying a few minutes later. It really was horrible and I don’t even think I got off. I mean, I can’t even remember. How sad it that?” I laughed. “I only slept with him because-”
I cut myself off.
I can’t tell her without it leading to more questions. Questions I couldn’t answer. I can’t believe I said what I’ve already said, but it felt normal and natural to talk to her about sex. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance again to be alone with a guy, so I took a chance with my tutor. My mom had to leave, she never left me alone with a tutor in the house before, and I knew it was my only chance. But it didn’t feel good at all; the pain subsided but then he had come so quickly, leaving me disappointed. I learned that day, that guys were always prepared for sex because he had a wad of condoms in his backpack.
“I should have just waited for marriage like my mom told me.”
“What?” she asked.
I switched things around staying on the subject. “The next time,” I started, “it would be nice to feel wanted. I want to be kissed so hard it takes my breath away, and leaves me falling apart on the inside. Or maybe, I kind of just want to be fucked.” I shake my head, I have no idea what I’m saying but I do know how I feel. “In my books, there always doing it up against the wall. I’m curious what that’s like. My legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on my ass. I’ve always-”
“Fuck,” a deep voice said behind us and we spun around in our chairs. Rudd had his back to us as he started down the stairs.
Ohmygod!
“Ohmygod!”
I scrambled to get out of my chair and fell on the floor, and Madi made her way to the top of the stairs.
“Archer?” she called out.
“Madi.”
I couldn’t see him anymore because Madi was in the way with her hands on her hips. “Can I help you with something?”
It sounded like he grunted.
He heard me. I know he heard me.
“Ohmygod,” I repeated a few more times as I found a way to stand on my feet. I wanted to die of embarrassment. I didn’t move from my spot on the patio.
Why was he even here?!
“Well?” she prompted him to answer.
“I left the plate on the counter,” he said and then I heard the door shutting behind him.
Holding onto the frame of the patio, I tried to catch my breath.
“Breathe, Adalyn,” she said walking towards me.
“He heard me.” I sucked in some air. “Madi. He heard me.”
“Oh yes, he did.” She laughed. “So what?”
Why was everything so easy going and carefree with her!
“He’s. My. Landlord,” I reminded her for some stupid reason. “How can you be so calm?” I didn’t mean to yell, it just slipped out.
“This could be good,” she said while scratching her chin and staring off into space. She does this sometimes when she’s thinking and I don’t think I like it very much. At least not right now.
I needed to calm myself down, and quick. I needed a distraction to keep Rudd’s voice out of my head and thoughts from forming. I sprang to action and quickly put the food away. I gathered the dishes and carefully placed them in the sink. Turning the tap on scalding, I soaked the pans and poured soap into the basin. The dishes weren’t going to wash themselves, and it could be the distraction I needed to scrub away my thoughts.
“You have a crush on him.”
“No. I don’t.”
I was attracted to him, who wouldn’t be. But that was it. People are attracted to other people all the time. Plus, he was my landlord. I don’t know him and even though he’s a detective and sworn to protect people, I don’t feel like sharing my secret with him. Besides, I’m not ready to date. I’m supposed to be laying low and blending in, and dating him wouldn’t help.
“Liar,” she yelled and stood next to me and started rinsing the dishes I had put on the other side of the sink. “I know what to do! I’m inviting him to my dinner party!”
“No way.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to see him again, let alone be in the same room as him. I can’t do it, Madi. It’s too much.”
“Stop being such a baby. This could work.”
This can’t be happening.
Wait a minute. I stopped washing and looked at Madi.
“He ate my cookies.” I look at the plate on the island. “He washed the plate.”
“Even though I haven’t tried them yet, it would be a slap in the face not to eat them,” she stated.
“He likes my cookies,” I told her.
“I’m sure he likes more than just your cookies.” She laughed.
***
I avoided Rudd all week. His schedule wasn’t set in stone so I had to be careful, but I managed to avoid him. I did notice he worked more night shifts than days. I knew I couldn’t hide forever, but I was going to as long as I could. Facing him wasn’t something I could handle right now. I didn’t know how to handle the awkwardness between us.
I closed last night so I slept in this morning. When I finally got out of bed, I looked out my bedroom window to see if his truck was gone. It was. I rushed my shower, tossed my wet hair up into a messy ponytail, and got dressed. I grabbed my things and headed downstairs. Madi couldn’t find clothes for the themed dinner party, so we were headed to a thrift shop in St. George about twenty miles away.
My back was to my car while I locked the bottom door. It wasn’t the best idea because I didn’t even see him coming. I only felt his presence. I froze with the key in the lock and said nothing.
“Adalyn.”
Even though he sounded irritated, just hearing his voice sent chills down my spine. I shivered from it.
“Um, hey,” I said in a high-pitched weird voice that I didn’t even recognize.
I finished locking the door and pushed my sunglasses down over my eyes. This way I could just pretend to be looking at him while planning my escape.
I turned around and my eyes immediately found his chest. He was so close I could smell him. He smelled like fresh cut wood mixed with something that had my head spinning. His scent was intoxicating and I knew it was something I could eventually get
used to. I didn’t hear him cutting wood though, so maybe he just always smelled of it.
I said nothing.
He said nothing.
Awkward.
I didn’t realize I was biting my lip until it started to hurt. I let my lip go, and dug around in my purse for some chap-stick to help keep myself distracted.
Why is he just standing here?
“Next time you make cookies, I’d like another plate.”
Then he left. Walked off to the sheds that held the wood.
Was that a complement?
He wanted more cookies?
Was he being a jerk or was that him being nice? I never made eye contact, so I wasn’t sure what his voice held.
My dad worked outside the house and rarely talked about work. He worked with computers and was in an office most of the day, alone. My mom was a stay at home mom. She home schooled me, and I guess made sure I didn’t leave the house. They said they trusted me, just not everyone else in the world. They said it was full of horrible people, who did horrible, unforgiveable things. And they had to keep me safe from that. I heard the same thing, the same excuses, over and over, as the years passed.
That was my life for so long, and now it wasn’t. I was in this world alone. I had no one to protect me from the horrible people, and no way to determine who they were. I had to keep myself safe and figure out who to trust.
I watched Rudd Archer walk away purely out of confusion. Before he could turn around and catch me staring again, I rushed to my car and left.
Chapter 3
I haven’t seen Rudd since our little run in on the porch. I ended up making cookies three times since then. I’d leave the plate in front of his door, and the empty, cleaned plate would be waiting for me the next day at the bottom of my steps. For the last batch, I decided to switch it up and make chocolate chip cookies, and since the secret ingredient was also in them, they were just as good. Plus, I needed some for our dinner party tonight, so it worked out well.
The Hippie theme had won after we found the perfect clothes from the St. George’s thrift shop we visited. I had on a tie-dye tank top and bell-bottoms. They were actually cute and quite comfortable. I tucked the rich, dark brown pigtail braids behind my ears and the tails fell in front of my shoulders. This new hair color has grown on me, and I actually prefer it to my natural color now. The only downside is having to color it a few times a month so no one can see my natural color growing out. I completed my hippie look with a small purple ribbon, which I pulled across my forehead and tied in the back.
I didn’t look bad at all and Madi had almost the same outfit on, but she left her curly hair down and put the ribbon around her neck.
Jack and Jill came like Madi said. So did Tera, Harry, Hillary, and Mark.
Tera’s nineteen and her parents own the diner, which is also where she works. Harry was the man that had retired from the hardware store. If it weren’t for him, I might not have a job.
Hillary and Mark were a couple. They graduated with Madi. Hillary mostly takes care of her sick mother, but also works part-time at the hardware store. Usually the days I have off she’s working, so I only see her in passing. Mark works out of town for a construction company four days a week and comes home for the other three days. He lives with Hillary and her mom.
Madi put a red tablecloth over the table before setting the food. She used her new pure black dining dishes so everything matched. Jack and Jill brought some kind yellow flowers and we cut them down and put them in a vase in the middle of the table.
The food was an absolute hit! Everyone loved the chicken, and Madi gushed that I made it look so easy to make the incredible meal. My chocolate chip cookies were almost gone as soon as we put the platter out, and everyone asked what my secret was.
Unlike the first party, I was actually enjoying myself, we all were. Hillary was very quiet, like me, but she was paying attention to the conversations. Jack and Jill were my favorite. I still couldn’t get over their names. It’s just the cutest thing. They were sweet to each other like my parents were. They also offered me a discount off my first flower order. No clue why or who I'd get flowers for, but sometimes if nice to do something for yourself, so I agreed to swing by the shop on my next day off.
“So where did you move from again?” This question came from Harry. He had the best hippie outfit on. I think they were his original clothes.
“Out east,” I replied.
“Where out east?” he pressed on.
I looked at my plate of food. “New York.”
“You’re from New York?” Madi asked.
“Yes.”
“People,” Madi said putting her fork down.
“What people?” I asked.
“Some said they heard you were from Maine. I also heard Florida, Georgia, and North Carolina.”
“I told you I was from New York, Madi.”
“Sorry. It doesn’t matter. You’re here now, that’s what matters.” She pats my leg under the table. “I’ve always wanted to go there; especially to see the tree.”
That was a sweet thing to say.
“I saw it a few times,” I told her. My parents did take me places, just not often and not for long periods of time.
Maybe I should have asked them more questions, been nosey. I should have insisted and tried harder. Maybe they would have changed or let me out of the house more often. But at the same time, it was normal for me. I knew nothing different. Until now. Some days are better than others, but today I’m really missing my parents for some reason.
Harry reached for another cookie, and when I looked back up, he was still staring at me. It was like he could hear my thoughts and it made me nervous so I tried to ignore him.
“Maybe someday we could go together, Adalyn.”
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to go home again. I looked at Madi and smiled. “Maybe.”
“So why here?” Harry asked then took a bite of his cookie.
“I was sick of all the people; I wanted to experience a small town.”
“But here? You’re a long way from home.”
I looked at Madi, maybe for some guidance. I was unconformable and didn’t know why he was asking all these questions. I was getting nervous. Maybe he knew something I didn’t.
She set her wine glass down and opened her mouth to say something, but jumped in her chair instead. Someone was knocking hard on the door. She mumbled to herself while walking to the door. The dining room was on the other side of the living room, and because of the open floor plan, we could all see the front of the house. I looked around the table and everyone was watching her.
“Madi.”
That voice.
This can’t be happening. She promised she wouldn’t invite him.
I also turned to watch.
She put her hands on her hips. “Archer.”
“You do this shit on purpose,” he stated.
“What shit?” she snapped back.
“That shit.” He pointed in our general direction and Madi looked over her shoulders at us.
She made eye contact with me and then a huge ass grin broke out on her face. I knew Rudd couldn’t see me because I couldn’t see him. However, I was getting good at reading her and I didn’t like the thoughts that could possibly be rolling around in her head right now. There were eight occupied chairs at the table. She had better not do what I think she’s about to do.
“You know who called,” he told her.
Madi snapped, “The music isn’t even on! Do you hear music, Archer? Because I don’t.”
“Calm down, Madi. He called about the car parked in front of his house.”
“And this is a police emergency?” she asked incredulously.
“No. But I was in the area when I got the call from Margie.”
“I thought you worked nights?” she asked.
He ignored her. “Move the car or he’ll call all night.”
She threw her hands up in the air in defeat. “He hates
me. I swear to God that man hates me, Archer. I mean, it is really a crime if someone parks in front of your house!” She spun around and stomped back to the table to sit down. She tossed back the rest of her wine and started rubbing her temples.
I turned back to Rudd who was still filling her doorway. He wasn’t wearing a police uniform, but dark jeans, boots, a light blue tucked in plain T-shirt, and a white ball cap hat that had Police written on it in black block lettering. I could see his badge and his gun sitting on his hip. Seeing him with his gun and badge made me feel safe. I think that is why I smiled at him. He, of course, only stared back.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
I couldn’t see Madi, but I could feel her eyes on me. I can’t believe I invited him to eat after refusing to let Madi invite him.
He kept eye contact. “I’ve got some shit to do.”
“Adalyn cooked!” Madi yelled before he could even blink let alone leave.
He continued to stare, and I added, “I made all of it.”
He nodded and walked through the house, leaving the door open. Madi grabbed the plate with the mozzarella chicken and gave him the last three pieces.
Everyone watched as he took the plate and never broke eye contact with me. He managed to pile some potatoes on his plate along with some corn, but he skipped the salad.
The entire room was quiet, or maybe I was just so embarrassed and tuned out I couldn’t hear them. My cheeks were on fire, but it was as if he was challenging me and I couldn’t figure out why. I wasn’t going to break eye contact first.
He grabbed a fork, and moved towards the door, finally breaking eye contact. “I’ll bring the plate back Madi, and don’t forget to move the car.”
I sighed and brought my attention back to the table. Everyone was staring at me. I slouched into my chair and took a sip of my wine, refusing to look at anyone. Now I was uncomfortable and wanted to leave.
“That was intense.” I looked at Jill but didn’t say anything.
“Right,” Madi confirmed. “I think they like each other. She calls him Superman.”
“Oh my God, Madi, shut up,” I whispered. “And I don’t call him Superman.”