Sophia smiled. ‘It’s for your wedding. Giles and I both see the way things are with you and Jonathan. We don’t have daughters of our own, and it gives us both…’ She drew a shaky breath. ‘ I mean, the thought of you using it to get married gave us so much pleasure.’
‘But I’m not getting married. J-Jonathan and I haven’t even s-spoken of it,’ Rose stuttered.
‘But you will, my dear.’
Rose thrust the envelope back at Sophia. ‘I’m sorry. I really can’t take this. There isn’t going to be a wedding, whatever you might think.’ Her throat was clogging with tears and she could barely speak.
‘Don’t you believe he loves you? Is that what you think? Or do you think he won’t marry you because you have some misguided idea about class? But, my dear, Jonathan’s mother was the same and it didn’t stop his father from marrying her. And back then people did make more of it.’
It was all too much. The funeral. The Hiltons’ kindness. That a couple she barely knew had been thinking of her even while going through the most horrible and sad time. Knowing that her days with Jonathan were about to come to an end. She couldn’t bear it.
‘I’m sorry,’ she managed. ‘I really have to go.’ And before she could disgrace herself by breaking down completely, she fled.
Chapter Ten
ON WHAT was to be their last night together, although of course Jonathan had no idea that it would be, Rose suggested they spend the night at his house near Cambridge. It was where they had first made love and the place she had been happiest in all her life.
If Jonathan suspected something, he gave no sign of it. In fact, he looked as if he was up to something. There was a hidden air of excitement about him that Rose had never seen before. Her heart was cracking with the unbearable realisation that this could be the last time she would ever be in his arms.
‘We can pop into to see Mary first, if you don’t mind. She’s back at work after her time off and I want to check she’s not doing too much.’
‘Of course,’ Rose agreed. The doctors at the hospital had diagnosed angina but with some changes to her diet and some additional gentle exercise they were hopeful she would live for many years yet.
They found Mary ensconced in her kitchen domain. The older lady had lost a little weight and was delighted to see them.
‘Jonathan and Rose! Thank you for coming to see me.’ She sent Jonathan a mock severe look. ‘Although how you smelled my baking all the way from London is anyone’s guess.’
‘Is Father here?’ Jonathan asked Mary, after hugging her.
‘He is. Thankfully without that woman. She seems to have been chucked. Thank God he saw sense before it was too late.’ She dropped her voice. ‘Why don’t you go and see him? He’s always talking about you, you know. Telling me how proud you make him and how very proud your mother would be.’
Jonathan smiled awkwardly.
‘So he keeps telling me. This new father is taking a bit of getting used to,’ he said. ‘I wonder what brought about this change.’ But the look he slid Rose told her he knew about their conversation, although until now, he hadn’t mentioned it.
‘Ah, my dear boy. It makes an old woman happy to know that you two have made up. He loves you, you know.’
Jonathan shuffled his feet uncomfortably. ‘And I him, Mary. Now, any chance of us raiding your kitchen for some food? I’m going to steal Rose away for a private dinner in my cottage.’
His look sent bitter-sweet memories ricocheting around Rose’s head. More than anything she didn’t want to waste a single moment that they had left.
‘Can’t you stay for dinner? Your father would love to have the company.’
Jonathan looked at Rose for agreement and when she nodded her head he said, ‘Okay. I suppose Rose and I will have plenty other times.’
Blast Lord Cavendish and blast her interference, Rose thought briefly. But wasn’t this exactly what she’d engineered? Jonathan wasn’t to know this was their last night.
Dinner seemed to go on for ever, although Lord Cavendish was surprisingly amusing company. It was good to see the two men, so alike, sharing jokes and later their memories of Clara. It seemed astonishing to Rose that Jonathan knew so little about his mother. Lord Cavendish included Rose in the conversation, making it obvious that his interest in her was genuine.
Finally, when it was almost ten o’clock, dinner was over and Jonathan made their excuses.
Once inside his house, he reached out for and brought his mouth down on hers as if he were drowning and she were a life raft. Although Rose wanted nothing more than to be naked beside him in his bed, there was another memory she needed to leave him with. A memory she hoped that when she was gone he would recall and know deep down that she had loved him and her leaving hadn’t been her choice. She wanted to sing to him one last time, so that one day in the future he would understand why she had acted as she had.
She disentangled herself from his arms. ‘I want you to sit there and not move,’ she ordered.
Bemused, Jonathan wasn’t having it. ‘No way. Right now I want you too much to keep my hands off you.’ And then he was kissing her again and Rose was lost. She gave herself up to him greedily, wanting to burn every part of him into her soul.
Later she lay in his arms and he looked at her through half-closed lids.
‘I love you, Rose,’ he said huskily. ‘And I’ll go to my grave loving you.’
Rose’s heart sang. But she couldn’t say the words he longed to hear. If she did, he would never stop looking for her.
She forced a laugh. ‘Wow! That’s a surprise. I had no idea you felt that way.’ She slipped out of bed and started to get dressed, avoiding his eyes. If he saw her eyes, she knew her anguish would be plain to see.
She sensed his puzzlement.
‘Is that all you have to say?’ He leapt out of bed and came to stand behind her, wrapping her in his arms. ‘Don’t you get it? I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to do me the honour of becoming my wife, Rose.’
Rose wriggled out of his grasp. ‘But I don’t want to marry you. I’m sorry, Jonathan, whatever we had, whatever this was…’ She indicated the unmade bed with a sweep of her hand. ‘For me it was just an interlude. Some fun. I’m going back to Edinburgh. My life is there.’
‘Going back? You can’t. What about us? Even if you don’t love me now, I know you feel something.’ He pulled his hand through his hair. ‘I can’t be wrong. Everything tells me I’m not wrong.’
She forced herself to continue dressing.
‘I’m sorry, Jonathan, I could never marry someone like you. All you’re really interested in is having a good time. When I marry…’ Her voice cracked and she breathed deeply, knowing how much she was hurting him. ‘It will be to someone who knows that there is more to life than having fun. Someone I can respect.’
‘My God, Rose, I know I’m not the kind of man you would have wished for yourself. But I love you. I can change. No more parties, I promise. I didn’t tell you but I’ve taken a part-time job at the local hospital. I’m going to complete my surgical training. It’s what I always wanted to do.’
‘What about your uncle’s practice?’
‘I’ll employ someone else to keep it on. You’ve made me realise that I need more in my life. What I had before I met you was meaningless. Empty.’
‘You shouldn’t change your whole life around because of me,’ Rose said sadly, ‘especially when after tonight I’m no longer going to be in it.’
She turned and looked him directly in the eye. She knew the tears would come later. But she had to hurt him now, even if it broke her heart.
‘I’ve had a good time, Jonathan. You showed me a different side to life and I’ll always be grateful to you. But it’s over. I’m going back to Edinburgh and there’s nothing you can do, or say, that’ll make me change my mind. I don’t love you and I never will.’
Jonathan’s green eyes turned cool.
‘You�
�ve been stringing me along all this time, haven’t you?’ he said bitterly. ‘None of this meant anything to you, did it?’ He pulled his jeans over his hips. ‘Well, I can’t say I haven’t deserved to be taken for a ride. God knows, I’ve hurt others. Now it seems it’s my turn.’ He laughed sourly. ‘And the irony of it all is that I’ve spent all my life not believing that it was possible to love one person for the whole of my life. Until you showed me that that was exactly how my father felt about my mother. I guess at least I have you to thank for that.’
Rose recoiled from the look in his eyes. She longed to put her arms around him and tell him the truth. But she couldn’t. If she touched him, she’d be undone.
He slipped his shirt on and picked up his car keys. ‘I think I should take you home now.’
Chapter Eleven
ROSE lay on the hospital bed, feeling groggy. The premeds were taking the edge off her anxiety, but couldn’t quite take it away. She wondered if these few minutes would be the last she would know.
‘You can still change your mind,’ her mother whispered. Behind the forced smile, Rose could see her terror.
Rose smiled faintly. She reached for her mother’s hand. ‘I’ve made up my mind, Mum. I’m going through with it.’ Her head had been shaved where they were planning to operate. Knowing that they would do that, she had gone to the hairdresser yesterday and insisted they crop her hair. She hardly recognised herself. And not just because of the haircut. Her face was gaunt, her eyes haunted. She wondered what Jonathan would think of her new hairstyle. She closed her eyes. She could see him clearly, his smile, his eyes. She could almost taste his skin. She pushed the image away. She couldn’t think of Jonathan. Not now. If she did she might not have the strength to go through with it; she might just persuade herself that whatever days she had left were better spent with him. But she knew she could never risk breaking his heart.
‘Please let me call him.’ It was as if her mother could read her mind. She had begged Rose to let Jonathan know, but Rose had held steadfast. Instead, she had written the words to the song she had written for him, and asked her mother to give it to him should anything happen to her. Her father was at home, refusing to say what might be his last goodbyes to his only child. His doctor had advised him against coming to the hospital earlier, worried that the added strain would set him back.
‘I’ll be there when you wake up,’ he had said before she left for the hospital. He had held her and kissed her hair, murmuring words that she remembered from her childhood.
‘We’ve been through this, Mum, and you promised.’ Rose squeezed her mother’s hand. ‘And if something happens to me, if I survive the operation but am brain damaged, remember you swore you won’t tell him. I’d rather he remembered me how I was.’
‘But…’ her mother smiled weakly, ‘…you’re going to be fine. Everything is going to be just fine.’
All too soon, they came to take her to Theatre. Rose could hardly bear the pain in her mother’s eyes as they kissed for what could be the last time. Then she was in Theatre and the anaesthetist was asking her to count backwards from a hundred. Now she allowed herself to think of Jonathan. To bring his dear face into her mind, and as she drifted off, she imagined his lips on hers.
Jonathan was restless. Since Rose had left him, nothing could distract him from the thoughts and memories of her. He couldn’t bring himself to attend any of the parties or lunches to which he still got invited. All he wanted was Rose. The only thing that kept him sane were his patients and his work. If it hadn’t been for them he would have gone stark, staring mad. Several times, more often than he cared to count, he had considered jumping on a plane to Edinburgh to go searching for her. Maybe he could still persuade her to come back to him. He just couldn’t believe she didn’t love him, even a little bit.
Picking up his car keys, he made up his mind. He would call in on her parents. See how her father was doing. Maybe he could get an address out of them. At the very least, he could be where she lived. If he couldn’t be with her, being where she was until recently would be the next best thing.
Half an hour later, he rang the doorbell. A taxi pulled up behind his car. After a long pause Rose’s father came to the door. He was still leaning on his stick, but Jonathan was pleased to see he seemed to hardly need it. The droop to the side of his mouth had also improved. All in all he appeared to be making a good recovery. But it was the look in his eyes that shocked Jonathan. Never before had he seen him look so sad, or so frightened, not even when he had first met him.
‘What is it?’ Jonathan asked. ‘Is something wrong?’ His heart was pounding like a runaway train. Had something happened to Rose? Please, God, no.
Tommy shook his head despairingly. ‘I’m sorry, Jonathan, I can’t talk to you at the moment. My taxi’s waiting for me.’
‘Where’s Rose’s mother? Why isn’t she here? Something’s wrong. Is it Rose?’ He blocked Tommy’s path. He had to know.
‘Please, Jonathan, I don’t have time for this. I need to get to the hospital.’
‘The hospital?’ His alarm was growing stronger. There was no way that Rose’s mother would let Tommy go by himself. There was something wrong. He knew it. It took every ounce of his strength not to shake the fragile man in front of him. Tommy looked at him steadily. ‘She made us promise not to tell you. I think she was wrong, but I promised her.’
‘Just tell me where she is.’
‘I can’t. I need to get to the hospital, but if you were to follow the taxi there, I couldn’t stop you, could I?’
Jonathan read the message in his eyes. It was all he was going to get and it would have to do. But as he followed the painfully slow taxi through the thick London traffic, his mind was whirling with images he couldn’t bear. His Rose. Dead or dying. Here in London. Why had she told them not to tell him? He didn’t care. All he wanted was to know that she was all right. If he knew that, he could live the rest of his life without her. As long as he knew she was in it somewhere.
His fear almost threatened to crush him as the taxi pulled up outside the London Hospital for Neurological Sciences. Little clicks were going on inside his head. The sadness in her eyes. Her refusal to talk about the future. That song she had composed. What had the last line been? All my tomorrows are wrapped up in you today. What hadn’t she been telling him?
Fear clutching his throat, he abandoned his car on a double yellow line—he couldn’t care less if he never saw it again—and caught up with Tommy. He placed his hand under his elbow.
‘She’s here, isn’t she?’ he said flatly.
Tommy simply nodded. Something squeezed Jonathan’s chest when he saw tears glisten in Tommy’s eyes.
‘Is she alive? Please, you have to tell me that.’
‘I don’t know,’ Tommy said slowly. ‘She’s in Theatre, having an operation for a brain aneurysm. It seems it’s the same thing that caused my stroke. The doctors knew it was the hereditary kind, so they screened her for it.’ His voice cracked.
‘And they found something?’ Jonathan could hardly breathe. It all made sense now. Terrible, heart-breaking sense.
‘She’s being operated on today. I’m here to sit with her mother and wait. We don’t know if she’ll survive the operation.’
‘Survive?’ he could hardly force the words past his clenched jaw. ‘Of course she’s going to survive.’ But try as he may, he couldn’t completely remove the fear from his voice. ‘It’s Rose we’re talking about. And the woman I know is a fighter.’
When Rose opened her eyes she thought she was dreaming. Either that, or she had died and she was in heaven. But as soon as he spoke, she knew this was no dream and that she was very much alive.
‘Hey, how’re you feeling?’ His eyes looked different somehow. Almost damp. As if he’d being crying. Which was ridiculous. Jonathan didn’t cry.
‘I’m alive?’ The words were all she could manage. A vague memory of her parents’ faces, their eyes bright with tears, swam into her head.<
br />
Jonathan slipped a hand under her shoulders and helped her take a sip of cold water. It tasted like nectar. She was alive and she could hardly believe it.
‘The operation went well. Even better than the surgeon hoped. You are going to be fine. You have to take it easy for a while, but after that you can do whatever you want.’
She still couldn’t quite believe what he was telling her. She wriggled her toes. That was good. Then she stretched her fingers. Movement there too. She could move, she could speak, she could see and she could understand.
Her eyes were growing heavy. ‘You found me,’ she whispered, before she let herself give in to sleep.
He was still there when she opened them again. He was watching her, as if he couldn’t bear to tear his eyes away from her.
‘Hello, love.’ Her mother’s voice came from the other side of the bed. Beside her was her father. They were smiling and holding hands. Her mother stood and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Welcome back to us.’ She stood back and let Tommy come closer. Rose watched a fat tear slide down his cheek. Rose had never seen her father cry before and her heart ached for him.
‘My child,’ he said simply. ‘My baby girl. You are going to have a long and happy life. Thank God.’
‘We’re going to leave you two alone for a few minutes,’ her mother said. ‘Jonathan refuses to go home until he’s sure you’re okay.’
She swivelled her head to look at him. His face was grey and he was unshaven. How long had he been here? Had she imagined seeing him earlier when she’d first come round?
‘Don’t try to speak,’ he said. ‘You’ve been sedated since the operation and you need time to rest.’
‘How long?’ she whispered.
‘Two days. Two of the longest, hardest, scariest days of my life. How much worse for you and your parents to have lived with this for all these weeks.’
He touched her cheek with his finger. ‘You need to sleep now. But when you wake up, I’ll still be here. I’m never going to leave your side again.’ He smiled sadly. ‘No matter what you say. You’re stuck with me.’
Prince Charming of Harley Street / The Heart Doctor and the Baby Page 16