“But why? The hospital you will be going to is one of the finest in the country. I’m on the board of directors, and I can assure you that both you and the baby will be getting the very best of care.”
“I know you’re right.” She glanced vaguely around the room, trying to find something on which she could focus and concentrate. Ultimately, her gaze returned to Conall. “It’s the same hospital.”
“The same hospital as what?”
She swallowed. “The same hospital I went to when I had the miscarriage.”
“Oh, my Lord.” His hand came off the back of the sofa to grip her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Sharon. It never once occurred to me that you’d still have bad memories of the place.”
“It’s silly, isn’t it? I mean, I know I shouldn’t be scared, but—” Her voice broke, and before she knew what he was doing, Conall gathered her close against him, huge stomach and all.
It had been so long since his arms had been around her, she wanted to close her eyes and soak up the sensations that came with being held by him. But now that she had started telling him of her nightmare, both waking and sleeping, she couldn’t seem to stop.
“I can still remember how cold I was,” she murmured, her face pressed against his chest. “Someone put a blanket over me, but I couldn’t stop shaking. A doctor had seen me and told me I was losing the baby and that I would have to be taken into surgery. Emergency was busy that night, and they didn’t have enough examining rooms for everyone, so they wheeled me out into a hall to wait until someone from surgery came for me. I don’t know how long I waited. But I remember people hurrying by me as if they didn’t see me, as if I didn’t exist.”
She was vaguely aware that she had begun to cry.
“It was the loneliest, most wretched feeling in the world. And then there was the pain and the blood and the cold.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, beginning a slight rocking motion with his body, comforting her as if she were a small child.
“And everything was so white. There was no color. Except for the blood. And there was no one who would hold my hand, call me by my name, and tell me everything would be all right, no one to care or even stop beside me, except the man who came to wheel me to surgery.”
He rocked her until she quieted. Then he lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. There, he took off his shoes, jacket, and tie, climbed in beside her, and held her until morning.
And that night there were no nightmares.
When Sharon came down for dinner the next evening, she was surprised to see Conall sitting at the dining room table. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”
“I was able to break away early today,” he said, rising to pull out a chair for her.
As he pushed the chair in, he leaned over her, and she felt a rolling sensation in her stomach, then a tiny fist.
As he returned to his seat, she unfolded her napkin and placed it in her lap. “I owe you an apology, Conall.”
He looked over at her. “Not that I’m aware of.”
“Yes, yes, I do. I should never have burdened you with my worries like I did last night.”
“I told you I’d be there for you when you need me, and I will. That’s a promise I won’t break.” She nodded and made an attempt at a light laugh. “I appreciate that, especially since this fear of mine is so foolish.”
He reached across the table for her hand. “I don’t think it’s foolish at all, and what’s more, I understand completely.”
“You do?”
“Yes,” he said, “and I’m going to make you another promise. When you go to the hospital this time, you won’t be afraid.”
“How can you promise me that?”
“Because I won’t let you be afraid.” He smiled at her expression of doubt. “I thought you believed a Deverell could do anything.”
“Yes, well ...”
He squeezed her hand. “Trust me.”
She still wasn’t sure she could, but there was one more thing he needed to know. “I was told earlier, and now it’s been confirmed by my doctor here. It appears that the birth canal is too narrow and the delivery will likely be by cesarean.”
His expression darkened, but his voice remained calm and reassuring. “I will be with you, Sharon. I won’t leave you. You can depend on me.”
She nodded, choosing not to share her doubts with him.
The conversation turned casual, and for Sharon, the evening passed enjoyably. At bedtime they parted, she going to her room, Conall to his.
But later, after she’d been asleep for several hours, the nightmares came again. She awoke shaking and in a cold sweat.
Without thinking through what she was going to do, she slipped out of bed, left her room, and hurried down the hall.
Conall heard his bedroom door open and switched on his bedside light to see Sharon. Her face was white, her lips colorless, and even with the distance that separated them, he could see that she was shaking.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, alarmed, sitting up. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, yes. It’s just that I had another bad dream, and I was wondering ...”
He pulled back the covers and slid over to give her room.
With a sigh of relief she crossed the room and climbed into bed beside him. She was so big, it took her a minute to get comfortably positioned, but finally she was settled, as close as possible to Conall without touching him. Lying on sheets already warmed by him, near enough to him to feel his body heat, she was content. And she slept without nightmares.
The next night, without any discussion of the matter, Conall waited until she had had time to get ready for bed, then went and got her and took her to his room.
That night and those that followed, with him lying beside her, she slept peacefully and dreamed only of him.
She hurt, she thought vaguely. Bands of pain were wrapped around her, gripping her so tightly she could scarcely breathe. If she could only wake herself up, get out of this dream.
“Sharon, what’s wrong?”
She heard Conall’s voice, felt his hand on her shoulder.
“What’s wrong, Sharon? Are you having a dream?”
She tried to tell him yes, but she was too tangled up in the nightmare. She moaned as another pain racked her body. Any minute now she’d see the blood, feel the cold.
“Wake up, sweetheart. I’m here. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”
Sweetheart. He had called her sweetheart. She waited until the pain had subsided, rolled carefully over onto her back, and forced her eyes open.
"Are you all right?” he asked.
She saw his face in the light from the bedside lamp, worried and anxious. “I don’t know. I think ...” She gasped as pain gripped her again. Instinctively she put her hand over her stomach. It was rigid. When she could talk again, she said, “I don’t think this is a dream. I think I’m in labor ... I think I have been for quite a while.”
Panic seized him, but he was careful not to let what he was feeling show. He reached for the phone and punched in the number of Robert’s room. Next he called the doctor.
Both conversations were brief, and when he hung up, he turned back to Sharon. He took her hand and held it against his heart. “Everything’s going to be all right. Do you believe me?"
Strangely enough, she did. “Yes.”
“Good, then let’s go.”
He helped her into her robe and slippers, then stripped the comforter off the bed and wrapped her in it. As if her weight were nothing, he lifted her and carried her downstairs and into the waiting car. Robert drove, and Conall sat in the backseat with her, cradling her against him. Whenever a contraction struck, he would press his lips against her forehead and murmur encouragingly to her.
She listened closely to him, drawing comfort from both his words and the gentleness of his voice. At one point she heard him tell Robert to use the car phone to call the hospital and remind them they would be arriving by the front door. She w
anted to tell him that they were supposed to go through the emergency entrance, but at that moment she had smother contraction.
She hadn’t taken any type of childbirth classes because she hadn’t wanted to ask Conall to be her partner. He was already so busy, she had told herself, but the truth was she didn’t feel emotionally up to the task of working that closely with him. She had worried that in some way she might expose her true feelings for him. Now she wished she had taken the risk. But even though she hadn’t had the classes, she had read every book she could lay her hands on and knew to pant during the contractions.
The short, quick breaths helped, but her greatest consolation came from Conall's nearness.
The trip to the hospital seemed relatively short, but by the time they arrived, her pain was mixed with an incredible pressure.
Two attendants, a nurse, and a resident were waiting at curbside with a gumey. But Conall was the one who lifted her onto the stretcher and adjusted the comforter around her. And he was the one who walked beside her, never once letting go of her hand.
She focused on his touch, his voice. When he told her to close her eyes so that the bright lights of the hospital wouldn’t hurt, she did. When he told her to hang on, that this would soon be over, she believed him. When he told someone in a voice that brooked no argument that he was going into the operating room with her, she was extremely thankful.
During the short time he was gone to scrub up and don a gown and mask, a nurse with soft hands and a soothing voice called her by name, stroked her forehead, and told her how brave she was. Sharon didn’t believe her, but when Conall returned and told her the same thing, she knew it was true.
She held tightly to his hand and drew strength from the warmth of his eyes. Then very quickly she grew drowsy and her lids became too heavy to lift.
But she still had Conall’s voice to give her strength. And soon she had a baby son in her arms.
She awoke in a room that was bursting with vivid red, blue, green, and every other color of the rainbow. She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them again. Bouquets of balloons floated close to the ceiling. Arrangements of flowers were on every available surface and around the baseboard of the room. Stained glass birds of all kinds hung at the windows, reflecting bright, joyous, colored light. She felt as if she had been transported to a magical wonderland while she had slept.
“Hi.”
The sound of Conall’s voice drew her head around. “Hi.” Her tongue flicked over her lips to moisten the dryness. “Where am I?”
He poured water from a pitcher into a glass. “You’re in your room at the hospital.”
“Really?” Her tone was soft with amazement. Then, “The baby!"
“He’s fine.”
He slid his hand through her hair and lifted her head so that she could sip the water.
“I remember seeing him last night,” she said when she was again lying on the pillow. “He was tiny and wrinkled, but he was wonderful. Have you seen him since we were in the delivery room?”
He nodded. “He’s still wrinkled, but he’s blessedly healthy, and he cries louder than any other baby in the nursery."
“He’s crying? Why is he crying?”
“I asked the same thing and was assured it was perfectly normal.”
“Who assured you?”
“Two different doctors.”
Sharon studied him. There had been a surprising lack of emotion In his face and voice as he had spoken of the baby. On the other hand, it had taken two doctors to assure him that it was normal for his baby to cry. She was a bit groggy, but she had the feeling there was something important here she was missing and should be getting.
Then she noticed his appearance. He was in his shirtsleeves, his eyes shadowed with fatigue, his jaws darkened by an overnight growth of beard. “When can I see the baby?”
“They said they would bring him in as soon as you think you’re alert enough. They’ve given you something for pain. ”
“I guess that accounts for my grogginess.”
“Would you like to sit up a little?”
“Yes, please.”
He pushed a button on a control unit. The head of the bed slowly rose, and as it did, she noticed a plump blue chenille elephant sitting at the bottom of the bed, and a tall yellow and brown giraffe standing in one comer of the room.
“Did you do all this?” she asked.
“Well, I happened to be passing the gift shop—”
Her mind wasn’t that fogged. “When?”
“When?”
“You haven’t left my side, have you? There was no gift shop.”
“Actually, there’s one downstairs.”
“You arranged for all of this days ago, didn’t you?”
“Well ...”
“Thank you, Conall.”
“For what?”
“You kept your promise. You were with me every step of the way. I never once felt alone or cold or afraid. I can’t thank you enough.”
He took her hand, and for a heart-stopping moment their eyes met and held. For an instant she could have sworn she saw a shading of vulnerability in the cobalt-blue depths. Then he was releasing her hand.
“You’re welcome,” he said briskly. “Would you like me to ask a nurse to come in and help you freshen up?”
“That would be nice. Then I want to see my baby. ”
“Good. I’m glad you feel up to It.” Conall rose and started for the door.
For some reason she panicked. “Walt.”
He stopped, rested his hands on the rails of her bed, and gazed down at her.
“You’re coming back, aren’t you?” she asked.
“I thought I’d run home and change.”
“But then you’ll come back, won’t you? You could see the baby,” she added as a temptation to him.
“Ill come back if you want me to.”
“I do.”
He hesitated. “They’ll be asking you about a name for the baby soon. Do you have any in mind?”
“Actually I had been thinking about Clarisse If it was a girl and Jacob if it was a boy.”
“And now that you know the baby is a boy?”
“I like Jacob, and I think it’s fitting.”
Pleasure briefly lightened his face, then was gone. “And what about a last name?”
“Graham,” she said, vaguely amazed he should ask.
He nodded. “I’ll send the nurse in.”
Conall had had Sharon and Jacob home just a few days before he began to worry, and by the end of four weeks he was positively frantic. She was feeling stronger with every passing day, and he knew as soon as she was fully recovered, she’d be eager to leave.
And when that time came, he didn’t know how he’d be able to go on living.
He was doing everything in his power to keep her from getting nervous about his intentions toward the baby. But it was so hard to keep his emotions neutral and not allow any of what he was feeling to show. Whenever he saw that little boy, his heart melted. He’d never known anything so tiny could be that precious and sweet, even fascinating. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops that he had become the father of the most wonderful baby in the whole world. He wanted to hold him, to talk to him, to make plans for him. He wanted to buy his son every toy in the world. But he didn’t do any of those things.
If Sharon caught so much as a glimpse of what he was feeling, he’d never make her believe he’d loved her and had been searching for her before he’d learned she was pregnant.
He was trying to be so careful with her, not pressure her in any way. But he made up his mind. He wasn’t going to let her go without a fight.
He’d come up with an idea that might keep her with him a little longer and give him the time he needed to convince her to stay with him always. He just hoped she would go for his idea.
“SwanSea?” Sharon said a few days later, casting a glance at Jacob, who was sleeping contentedly in his cradle nearby. “You want us to go to SwanSea?
”
“I can guarantee that the trip will be very easy on both you and Jacob, and of course we’ll check with the doctor before we leave. I think you’ll be able to recuperate better there. Fewer interruptions, staff at your fingertips, that sort of thing.”
“But I have all of that here.”
“Yes, but I still think SwanSea would be better for you, the baby—for the three of us. After all, that’s where Jacob was conceived. I think it’s appropriate that he at least see it before ...” He trailed off, furious with himself for even suggesting that there might be a time when she would leave. “And the truth of the matter is, I could use the rest.”
Now, there was a reason that made sense to her. Lately he had been looking drawn and pale, and she was worried about him. There had been times when she wondered if having Jacob and her living in his house was getting on his nerves. But here he was, suggesting that they all three travel to SwanSea together. She’d be a fool not to jump at the opportunity, she decided. She didn’t know how much time she had left with him.
“I think you’re right,” she said. “It’s a good idea. Let’s go.”
“I’ll make the arrangements. Oh, and I have something for you.” He handed her a small package he’d managed to keep out of sight.
“A present?” she asked, excited. "Is it for Jacob?”
“No, it’s for you.”
She cast him an astonished glance, but then quickly unwrapped the box, lifted the lid, and pulled out a Hummel figurine. It was of a small, apple-cheeked boy and a frog, curiously surveying each other.
She grinned. “I love it.”
“I know Jacob promised you he wouldn’t scare you with spiders and frogs, but I have a feeling it won’t stop him from playing with them. ”
“I’m sure you’re right.” A warmth welled Inside her at his thoughtfulness, but she wasn’t quite sure how to put what she was feeling into words, so she said what was in her heart. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said softly.
Ten
As the car carrying Sharon, Conall, and Jacob swept up the drive, Sharon leaned forward in her seat to better view the great house that had made such a vivid and unusual impression on her during her previous visit.
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