“What a time you all must have had.”
Henry treated Anna to a rare smile. “We sure did. We were constantly running through chores to play kickball or some such.” He paused. “Lately, though, few of us have seen Samuel. He moved on, you know. Though we have lots in common, Samuel chose a different path.” A dab of worry appeared between his brows. “I always thought he was happy to be living among the English. I hope Winnie isn’t finding his views too strange.”
“Well, it’s certainly nice he’s been so attentive. I know it’s eased both Katie and Jonathan’s minds to have him nearby.”
“Like I said, he’s known Winnie for many years.”
“But they haven’t seen each other much since Sam left the order. Why is he being so attentive? It seems out of place for him to be so concerned with Winnie’s health.”
“I don’t think so. Katie’s worrying about Mary and Hannah, Jonathan’s got his work at the lumberyard and the cleanup at his place, and Eli’s got Caleb and spring plowing,” Henry pointed out practically. “Samuel, on the other hand, is right there. Even if he’s not Amish, I’m sure he feels just as strongly as he ever did about being near family.”
“Well, I’m probably reading too much into things. But I couldn’t ignore how Winnie reacted when we brought up how much Sam was visiting. What if something wonderful was happening? What if they’re falling in love? Winnie’s had such heartache, not being able to find her right partner…”
Henry stopped tugging on a dandelion and frowned. “Lieb? Between Samuel and Winnie?”
“Don’t act so surprised!”
Henry looked at her sharply. “I think smelling all this peppermint has gotten to you. They wouldn’t be in love. They couldn’t. Samuel’s no longer a part of our world and…”
“Sure, they could,” she interrupted. “Stranger things have happened. Look at you and me.”
“I don’t fancy being thought of as strange.”
Anna looked at him sharply, then grinned as she caught his joke. Feeling better, she continued with her dreams. “I don’t know, Henry. Just think, there’s poor Winnie, stuck in the hospital with nothing to do. And Sam visits her all the time. Seems like the perfect time to grow a friendship.”
“It’s the perfect time to wish there was somethin’ else to do besides sit in a drab hospital room, mark my words about that.”
“Maybe…but maybe not.”
“Ach. You have your head in the clouds, Anna Metzger. You need to be thinking about your wedding and our life together. Not Winnie and Samuel.”
“But what if—”
“Nope. It won’t.”
As he leaned close to kiss her, Anna smiled. Well, Henry could deny it all he wanted, but Anna knew there was more on Winnie’s mind than just injuries.
“Anna?” Henry whispered as his lips brushed her jaw.
“Mmm-hum?”
“Stop thinking and kiss me back.”
That, at least, was something she was very sure she could do.
Now that the pain from the burns was subsiding, Winnie felt more at ease. Not only had it been hard to focus on anything other than finding relief, but the enforced time lying on her back had made the hours go by so slowly. She’d also hated being connected to so many tubes. It was embarrassing to have to ask the nurses for help to do most anything.
It had been difficult, feeling so terribly vulnerable.
Now that she wasn’t on so many pain medications and her head was clear, Winnie’s mood had brightened considerably. She could visit with whoever stopped by in her usual manner.
That was a good thing. She liked feeling in control and being aware of her surroundings, especially in an unfamiliar situation like the one she was in now.
Hospitals most certainly were not the place for her, though everyone had been as attentive as possible. The constant noise outside her door was jarring, as was the pungent smell of disinfectant. In addition, someone came to see her at least once an hour, to check her vital signs or to give her medicine.
At least the people who worked there were nice. The doctor, Dr. Sullivan, was mighty kind, too. He seemed to understand how scared she was, and he not only checked her injuries but stayed an extra moment or two and talked about things.
Now Winnie knew all about Dr. Sullivan’s two grandchildren and his love for hiking. They’d begun to talk hiking trails around the area. Winnie had even promised to write him a list of her favorite spots up near Lake Erie. All of this had been much to his assistant’s annoyance, Winnie was afraid. The younger Dr. Merchek was a man who kept a strict schedule and doled out smiles like expensive rewards.
Though the other patients she’d talked with complained bitterly about a constant stream of visitors, Winnie had become appreciative of it. Otherwise, she knew she would have caught herself worrying about Jonathan, Katie, and the girls, or wishing she could do something—anything—to try and help them out.
But of course, her only job was to try and get better and listen to what the doctors said.
Restlessly, she pressed the button on the television remote and watched the screen. A pair of women seated on a bright blue couch were talking about their children. One was terribly upset—it looked like no one could comfort her.
When a man in the audience yelled at them, Winnie pushed the channel changer. Oh, but she would never understand why so many people discussed their problems with strangers!
She’d just found a game show when a knock came at the door.
She looked up expectantly. Even a shot would be a welcome distraction from her boredom.
“Are you up for company right now?” came a muffled voice from behind the door.
Her heart got all fluttery. In quick order, she shut off the TV. “Sam?”
Cracking the door open, he poked his head in, his lovely light brown hair a mussed mess as usual. “Yep, it’s me again. Do you feel like some company?”
“Don’t even ask such a thing! I’ve just been sitting here wondering what to do with myself.” Quickly she straightened the sheets around her waist, adjusted her bed a bit, and vainly wished she’d asked the morning nurse to help her smooth the hair under her kapp. Her hair most likely looked like a bird’s nest. “Please, come in.”
“Wondering what to do with yourself, hmm?” Kind hazel eyes looked her over and twinkled. “You must be feeling better.”
“I am. Well, I am, a bit.”
“That’s good.” He smiled as he shrugged off his tan canvas jacket and restlessly pushed back a portion of his straight brown hair that seemed to always want to cover one side of his forehead. “I see you’ve mastered the remote control. Are there any shows you like?”
Sorry that he’d guessed what she’d been doing, she pushed the black contraption farther away from her. Though he most likely wouldn’t care that she’d been watching TV, she felt ashamed that she had done so. “Not so much.” Wrinkling her nose, she added, “Much of what they talk about I don’t understand.”
“Because of the technology? I imagine information about cell phones and iMacs are hard to understand.”
“Oh, no, I understand technology. I may not use it, but I’m fairly interested in all those gadgets. No, it’s everything else that I find confusing. Yesterday I found three shows on ways to diet and exercise. Woman after woman talked about ways to change. I don’t understand why so many people are displeased with the way God made them.”
“That’s because you see things a little more clearly than most. I’ll bring you a book or some magazines next time I visit, if you’d like.”
The fact that he talked about coming again made her happy. “Danke. I do like magazines, especially the gardening and cooking ones.”
“I’ll bring you as many as I can hold.”
“I’d like that very much. I mean, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t. Not at all.” As he took the chair next to her, Sam said, “I spoke with the nurses before I came in. They said you are doing better.” Looking her ov
er, he said, “Are you, really?”
“I am. Now I only have one needle in me, from this IV bag.” She held up her hands for inspection, feeling so much freer than she’d felt since she’d arrived at the hospital.
“That is a good thing.” He frowned at her arms, decorated with more than one or two purplish marks. “It’s a shame you got so bruised, though.”
“I’d rather have bruises than more bandages. They’ll fade in time.”
“Did the doctor tell you any more news?”
“Not anything of use. He reminded me of the fact that I’m going to have a difficult time walking around and doing my chores. He said the bones in my foot are going to take their time to heal.” Remembering the conversation, she added, “First I am to be in a wheelchair. Then, if I’m very good, I might get to only have crutches for five weeks.”
To her delight, Sam laughed. “I better warn Jonathan! He already says you hate to slow down. You’ll be a dangerous woman in a wheelchair.”
“Not so much. Besides, I imagine I’ll be slow for quite a while, I’m afraid.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“Maybe.”
“It is. And, listen, you must promise to use that wheelchair as an excuse to be a lazybones.”
“Perhaps—but that’s not who I am—or who I want to be.” Winnie tried hard to not think about why she even cared about what Sam thought of her. For the last few years, she’d practically given up on love. When she was a teen, the boys used to tease her because she was so skinny and tall. Later, other boys had complained about her outspoken ways. And though she’d learned to be a bit more patient and to curb her tongue as well, there often seemed to be other areas where she had felt lacking.
All of it had taken a toll on her confidence.
Samuel shifted, propping one brown suede boot on a metal rung of her fancy electronic bed. Quietly, he murmured, “So, who do you want to be?”
“Just myself, I suppose. That’s enough, jah?” She hoped he wouldn’t hear the lie in her voice. In truth, she wanted far more than the person she was. She wanted to be married and start her family. She wanted the things she’d always yearned for but never seemed to be able to grasp.
“It’s definitely enough. You’re glikklich, did you know that?”
“Why would you say I’m lucky?” His comment surprised her almost as much as his use of Pennsylvania Dutch.
Sam resituated himself, flopping an elbow up on a knee. Somehow he always managed to look completely relaxed—even in such a stark hospital room. “Me, I’ve never been that happy with just myself. I always have had too many goals, I suppose.”
“Such as?”
“Oh, nothing worth mentioning right this minute. It would put you to sleep.”
“You’d never put me to sleep.”
When his eyebrows rose, she felt her cheeks heat and thought quickly to save herself from embarrassment. “I mean, I’ve been given so many medications, it’s hard for me to sleep.”
“That’s to my benefit, hmm? Now I don’t have to worry about keeping your attention.”
When he flashed a grin, she smiled, too. Winnie tried to convince herself that the only reason she was smiling was because she wasn’t sitting alone anymore. The job was fairly tough to do. Sam Miller conversed with the easiness of a person who was confident with himself and his world.
That confidence made her feel completely giddy and a bit off kilter. He looked at her the way she’d always hoped a man would. The way Malcolm, her pen pal in Indiana, never had.
But he is not here to see you. He is here to check on you as a favor to his brother, she reminded herself.
As the silence between them lengthened, she became more aware of how close he was sitting to her. Of how much she’d been thinking about him without meaning to.
Only a brisk ding from the nurses’ station down the hall broke the spell. “You can tell me about your dreams. I’d find them interesting. What are some things you’d like to change?”
But Sam still looked uncomfortable. “Nothing today.” Before she could respond, he spoke again. “Now, no more about me. I’m supposed to be asking you the questions.”
Well, she could be stubborn, too. “I refuse to answer any more questions.” Remembering a bit of advice her mother had once relayed to her, Winnie said, “Tell me about your life with the English, Samuel.”
Leaning back in his chair, he looked at her a little more closely. She met his gaze and felt a little spark of something special pass between them.
Awareness?
She knew what it was—it was the feeling she’d hoped to feel with boys as a teenager. It was the zing she’d ached to feel for Malcolm but never had. Now, here it was, unbidden and bursting with surprise, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.
Oblivious to her thoughts, Sam shifted again. “There’s not so much to tell.” He shrugged. “You know most everything. I work at the agricultural college.”
She was interested in more than just his occupation, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. “Come now, Samuel, there’s a lot to say about that job, I imagine. What do you do there?”
“This and that. I teach. Mentor students.”
Oh, getting him to talk was like pulling teeth! “What do you talk to the students about?”
“Their futures.” With measured words, he added, “English kids have so many options I think that sometimes they don’t know what they want. I try and help them focus.”
His statement caught her attention. In a way, she couldn’t help but feel envious. Oh, she’d never had huge desires to accomplish great things. But it did sound intriguing to have so many opportunities at her fingertips. And to even have someone with experience to guide her, why that sounded mind-boggling. “Are you successful? Do they…focus?”
Samuel laughed, a deep, rich sound that floated through the air and lodged in her heart. “Sometimes. Not everyone’s future is easy to figure out, you know.”
“I imagine. What else do you do besides work with students?”
“I spend a lot of time in the fields and gardens, experimenting with soil composites and fertilizer.” His voice warming, he said, “Lately, I’ve been trying to promote our Amish ways to everyone else. Too many people want to substitute science with what works. I don’t always trust the results, you know?”
“Do people listen?”
“Sometimes. Organic produce is fairly popular right now. People are interested in our natural ways of insecticide and our practice of composting.” Folding his hands around a knee, he said, “Just the other day, we studied how earthworms break down soil and help root expansion. Oh, sorry. I forget that not everyone is interested in worms and dirt.”
“I am.” But in spite of her best intentions, she yawned. “I mean, I’m interested in your take on things, especially with other people’s interest in the Amish. Their curiosity makes me smile. So, our old ways are new now?”
Chuckling, he nodded. “That they are. But some would say that is how things always have been—people are adopting techniques that were always there, just forgotten.”
“I’ve noticed that at my shop. I’ve met many people who now are appreciating the smooth lines and fine workmanship of master craftsmen.”
“I’ll have to visit your shop when you get better.”
“It’s not mine, of course, but I do enjoy working there.”
“What else do you enjoy? Gardening?”
“I do. Not like you, but I do like getting my hands dirty and producing something. I’m not much of a person for cooking or sewing, but I do enjoy a day in the garden.”
“So you garden and work at an antique shop.”
“Yes. And you work and…do what?” she prompted, wanting to know more. Sam intrigued her, pure and simple.
A shadow fell over his eyes. “I work and read mostly. Hike and bike. Every now and then I watch a movie.”
“I’ve only seen a few movies. One time we stayed in a hotel and my parents let us
watch Cinderella on the television. I saw a few others when I went over to an English friend’s home.”
“Maybe I’ll bring a movie for us to watch tomorrow.”
“I’d like that, if you have the time.” She took a chance. “That is, if you don’t have a date or something.”
He visibly started. “A date? No. I, um, don’t date much.”
“I’m surprised.” Samuel Miller was a handsome man.
“You shouldn’t be.” A ruddy blush colored his cheeks. “I…I sometimes wonder how I fit in, if you want to know the truth. A lot of the women I meet are from different backgrounds. Sometimes I feel like I am speaking Deutsch, our views are so crisscrossed. They think my ways are old-fashioned and quaint.”
“I heard some women don’t even go to church.”
“No, they don’t. Some have far different values than I do. Even though I left the Amish, I don’t think my heart did.”
“That’s a terrible place to be,” she said softly. “I would imagine it would be hard to straddle two worlds.”
“I’m not trying to straddle, just fit in. But I wouldn’t say my path is ‘terrible.’ It’s difficult, but it is the path I’ve chosen. I chose to leave the Amish in order to further my education. Because I chose to leave, I must also live with the consequences.”
“But don’t you wish things were easier?”
Samuel considered her question for a moment before shrugging. “Sometimes. But, Winnie, truthfully, I don’t pray for things to become easier. Instead I pray for patience. God never promised us an easy life, and I don’t think I need an easy life—just one I can feel good about.”
“I hear what you are sayin’. And you’re right. Even in the Amish community, people have struggles.” Taking a chance, Winnie dared to reveal a bit more about herself. “Last year, I wrote to a man for quite a time. I thought he and I might have a future one day. But when I went out to Indiana to visit him, I found we didn’t suit each other after all.”
“And you were disappointed?”
“I was. I…I never told my family, but I knew as soon as I saw Malcolm that I’d never fall in love with him. There was nothing about him that struck my fancy. But I tried to pretend there was a possibility.” Winnie felt her cheeks heat. At the moment, she would have given most anything to run out of the room. Never before had she admitted how hard she’d tried to make things work with Malcolm. It had been difficult, indeed. “After three weeks, I gave up.”
Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven Page 4