“You’re never a bother, Win.”
Winnie shifted in her seat. It was a somewhat jerky move, what with the new cast on her foot. But hopefully, it wouldn’t be on for much longer. The doctor had examined her most recent set of X rays and proclaimed her to be healing nicely. Her new cast was smaller and lighter and now allowed her to bear a bit of weight on it. “I’m so happy to be more mobile,” she said.
“I hope you don’t overdo it.”
“I won’t. Besides, I’d rather have sore arms from hopping around on crutches than continue to feel isolated. I didn’t care for that one bit.”
“I bet you didn’t. I can’t imagine you ever being happy to sit on the sidelines.”
“That would be me, for better or worse.”
“Now that you’ve gone to the doctor, where would you like to go now?” He grinned. “I am at your mercy.”
Winnie blinked. Oh, when he said things like that, he almost sounded like he was in a courting frame of mind. But she knew he wasn’t really. Playing it safe, she said, “I don’t care. We can just go home, if you’d like.”
“I’ll take you home.” He paused. “I have to make a stop first, though. Are you in a hurry?”
“Not at all.” He smiled at her blunt answer, right about the time when she wished she’d have learned to watch her boldness.
“I have to stop by my office, but then I was hoping you might like to get a bite to eat.”
A smarter woman would be more watchful of her heart. But no matter what her brain might be telling her, she couldn’t ignore her heart—being in Sam’s company made her happy. “Yes, let’s go to your office. I’ve been curious about your place of work.”
“All right, then.” With a few turns, Sam pulled into the parking lot in front of a wide array of red-bricked buildings. “This is where I work. There are some benches outside; I can walk you over to one while I run to my office.”
“Is your office on the second floor?”
“No, it’s on the first.”
“Then, I’d like to go inside and see what you do.”
“It’s not fancy,” he warned.
“Good. I’m not fancy either.” She felt deliciously warm when he smiled at her joke.
Looking a bit awkward, Sam finally nodded. “All right, then. Off we go.”
He helped her out of the car, then led the way. Students were everywhere. Two girls looked at her curiously, then walked on the grass so she could continue on the sidewalk. Winnie gave them a friendly smile.
Everywhere she looked, Winnie spied something new and interesting. Each building they passed was constructed of dark red brick, black-trim framed windows. Matching black doors marked each entry.
Gardeners had been busy. Flower beds of cheery begonias and brightly colored petunias decorated the spaces between the buildings. And then there were the statues. Every few yards, another bronze figure dotted the landscape. She stopped in front of the one closest to them. “Who’s he?” she asked.
“I don’t recall exactly. He’s one of the founders of the school. There are statues all around the campus.”
“It’s a remarkable place,” Winnie murmured. Everyone looked so interesting and studious. “This is where you went to college, yes?”
“Yes. They gave me a full scholarship.” Looking around fondly, Sam stopped for a moment. “I’m glad you’re here, Winnie. For somehow I’ve started to only think of this campus as my place of work. I forgot all about my first impressions.”
Sam clasped her elbow as they approached the two wide cement stairs that led up to the main doorway. “Have a care, now,” he murmured as she struggled to find just the right place to position the ends of her crutches.
He hovered around her, making sure she was stable, then curved an arm around her side to help prop open the door.
When they went in, Winnie caught a glimpse of two bulletin boards before being ushered into a musty-smelling office.
Right away a voice greeted them. “Professor Miller?”
“Afternoon, Zach.” With a smile, Winnie turned to the man. But for a moment, she couldn’t help but stare at him. He had multiple piercings in his eyebrows and one circular silver loop on one of his lips. But what was most surprising was his hair—it was a short, spiky bright red—the color of watermelon in July.
To her surprise, he was staring back at her with just as much curiosity and interest. “Who are you?”
“Winnie Lundy.”
“Hi. Hey, I like your hat.”
“Thank you.” Cautiously, Winnie touched her kapp to make sure all her hair was still neatly in place.
Sam stepped in between them, breaking the inspections. “Zach, Winnie is a friend of mine from back home. Winnie, please meet Zach Crawford. He helps me try and keep this place organized.”
“Hello,” she said, nodding her head.
Zach darted a look of amusement toward Sam. “Did you grow up with Professor Miller?”
“Jah.”
“Jah?” A smile passed over Zach’s face. “I love your accent. So, you two are friends, huh? What was he like as a kid? Super smart? A know-it-all?”
“I’m not sure what a know-it-all means, but he was always terribly shmeaht, I mean, smart. Even when we were in school together.”
“No kidding? I didn’t think you two were the same age.”
“Oh, Samuel’s older, but we Amish have many grades in one building.”
“Like in the olden days, huh? Was it hard to—”
Sam rapped his knuckles on Zach’s desk. “That’s enough questions for now, don’t you think?”
“Oh! Yeah, sure.” Nodding toward Winnie’s pale cast and crutches, Zach said, “Hey, I’m sorry about your leg.”
“Danke.”
“How’d you break it? Driving a buggy?”
“Zach…” Sam’s voice held a warning. Winnie wondered what, exactly, he was warning his assistant about. Because they were speaking to each other so much?
When she looked his way, she understood. “I’m sorry for all the questions,” he said with a concerned expression.
“I don’t mind.” When she turned toward Zach again, she was amused to see him now leaning on the desk, his chin resting in his hands. His attention was focused on her, and his expression was filled with honest curiosity, not anything mean-hearted.
“I hurt my leg in a fire,” she said. “A bad one.”
“No way.” Zach’s eyes widened. “Where was it? Your house?”
“Oh, no. It was in our barn, in the middle of the night. I hurt myself trying to get some goats out.”
“Wow! I never met anyone who raised goats.”
“They’re gut pets, I’ll tell you that. But they are ornery and eat most anything.”
“I’ve heard that. My cousin raised pigs. Now, they do eat everything. My cousin Jamie said they got out and ate a whole Jell-o salad. Their noses were bright red!”
Winnie chuckled. “Zach, a pikk’s naws, I mean a pig’s nose would be a snout, jah?”
“Oh. Jah.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “I only came in here to check on some things. We won’t be long.”
But Zach didn’t seem to care about his schedule at all. “There are some notes for you right here,” he muttered, before turning back to Winnie. “How did you put out the flames? Blankets? Buckets of water?”
“Ach, no! The fire trucks came, of course.”
“I didn’t know you all used the fire department.”
“Oh, sure. We Amish use the fire department, just as anyone. We’ve all helped put out fires, too. We like to help each other, you know?”
“That’s nice.” Pointing to her leg, he said, “But you still got hurt?”
“Yes. A board or somethin’ knocked me out and my bruder Jonathan had to pull me to freedom. The whole episode was scary, I’ll tell you that.”
Sam threw up his hands and walked away. “I think I’ll bow out of this conversation while I can. I’ll be right back, Winnie.”
“Have a seat,” Zach offered, not looking dismayed in the slightest by the way Sam had spoken to him. “Would you like a cup of tea or a glass of water?”
“Yes, danke.”
Zach looked delighted to hear her speak. “Danke? Does that mean thank you?”
Sam poked his head out of his office door. “It does. Winnie, you don’t have to drink anything.”
“I can speak for myself, Samuel. It is my leg that’s hurt, not my mouth.”
His own straightened into a thin line. “Obviously.”
Oh! Why was he acting so strange? Was he nervous for her to find out things about his life at the university…or for Zach to find out things about his past?
Zach brought her a glass of water, which she sipped on just as the phone started ringing and a crowd of students blew in the door.
And blew was exactly what their arrival seemed like! The group of four boys and three young women were loud and boisterous, and moved in a pack. Each one was wearing a combination of shorts and T-shirt, some with big, clunky sandals…others with tennis shoes.
With barely a look in her or Zach’s direction—who was on the phone and writing down notes anyway—they rushed toward Sam’s door.
And then Winnie got a real opportunity to see what Sam’s life at school was really like. Without even a pause at the threshold, they scampered through the opening and almost without drawing a breath, peppered him with questions.
Across from her, Zach turned away and started typing something on his computer, still talking on the phone. The kids, obviously vying for immediate attention, just kept getting louder and louder. They shot questions Sam’s way that Winnie didn’t understand.
It all sounded very foreign and yet exciting. Winnie sipped her water and just listened to the commotion around her. Just as Zach lowered the phone, it rang again. The door opened and shut, and more students wandered in and out. Somehow they’d all known that Professor Miller had arrived and were obviously glad to see him.
Sam, for his part, seemed to treat them all with the resigned patience of a put-upon big brother, offering advice and instructions with humor and a touch of steel.
Now she understood the choices he’d made. A college setting was where he belonged.
After a good thirty minutes, Sam ducked out of his office again, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry, I never intended for this to take so long.”
“I enjoyed sitting here and watching everything. It’s lively.”
To Sam’s dismay, Zach let out a bark of laughter. “It’s always this way when Professor Miller is here.”
“Why is that?”
“He’s a popular professor. Always has time for the students, which they really appreciate. And he’s so amazingly quick and smart. He reads all the latest journals and studies and can analyze their pros and cons really fast.”
“That’s wonderful—gut, Samuel, jah?”
“Zach’s making more of me than he needs to.” Carrying a satchel stuffed with a bunch of blue packets on one shoulder, Sam bent down to help Winnie with her crutches. “Let’s get you on home.”
“Hope you’ll come back and visit, Winnie.”
“Danke, Zach. I’m sure I shall. It was good to meet you.”
Zach was still beaming when Sam escorted her slowly out the door. After negotiating herself down the stairs with Sam wrapping a hand around her waist in case she lost her bearings, she turned to Sam. “This was fun.”
“I’m glad you visited. Would you still like to grab something to eat before we head on back?”
“Sure.” As she approached his truck, she wondered what his life was going to be like years from now. Would he ever find a woman who would make him happy? Would he one day settle down here, forever?
The thought of Samuel once again having a life she was not a part of made her blue. She’d miss him something awful.
When he opened his truck door, she gratefully accepted his help getting in.
“Winnie, are you okay?” he asked just before he closed her door. “You look like you’re about to cry.”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just thinkin’ about how different our lives are.”
“Not so different, not really. Inside, I’m still the same Samuel Miller you used to play basketball with.”
“We’re different enough. I’m Amish. You are not.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “That is true.”
Winnie’s outspoken nature got the best of her again. It hurt too much to keep everything she was thinking inside. “Sometimes when I think about you gettin’ married and staying here, away from our community, it makes me sad, Samuel.”
For a moment, he looked stunned. Finally, he spoke up. “The truth is, Winnie, when I think about that, I get sad, too.”
“Truly?”
He nodded. “But see, inside, in my heart, I just don’t see myself getting married here. It’s not going to happen.”
Not going to happen. His pronouncement felt like a crushing blow. He wasn’t thinking about marriage? Ever?
And here she’d thought she’d come to mean a lot to him. She’d completely misread his feelings—and she’d done just what she’d been trying not to do—imagine the two of them with a life together.
“I actually have been…”
But she’d heard enough. “If you don’t mind, I think we better get on home. I betcha Katie could use some help watching the girls.”
“Don’t you want to get some lunch? We could talk some more…”
“No. I’m not too hungry. And…I’m kind of tired, too.”
“Did I say something to upset you?”
Oh, she yearned to tell him everything. How she’d been thinking about him so, so much. How she desperately wanted things to work out for them, one way or another. But at the moment, it was terribly obvious that could never happen.
“Of course not. You’ve been a wonderful friend, driving me around. I’m grateful for your friendship.”
“All right, then,” he murmured, not looking too happy.
Winnie pretended to sleep the rest of the way home. It was easier than pretending her heart wasn’t breaking.
She couldn’t deny anymore that she’d really begun to hope that they might’ve had a future together. For a little while, she thought maybe they had a chance. Instead, all that happened was that she’d gotten her heart broken again.
Chapter 15
Sam didn’t understand what had happened. One minute, Winnie was excited about visiting the university and his life. The next, she was talking about him being married. When he’d tried to ease her worries, she’d just looked hurt and disappointed.
“She was near impossible, Eli,” he complained, practically the moment he walked into the kitchen.
Looking up from his plate of baked chicken, canned fruit, and carrots, Eli looked confused, “Who is?”
“Winnie. I don’t know what she wants.” He held up a hand to stop the incoming question. “And before you ask if I asked her, I did. Asking for her to explain herself didn’t help.”
Pulling his plate toward him, Eli grunted. “I see.”
“Do you?” From the moment Sam had entered Eli’s home and interrupted his supper, he’d been talking up a storm. What a change from their usual routine. Now it was Eli who was doing the nodding and Sam who was pacing and running his mouth.
Eli pushed back his chair and walked across the kitchen to wash his plate and neatly set it in the drying rack. After that, Eli pulled open the back door and led Sam outside.
Together they walked out toward the edge of one of the fields. Sam shared a smile with his brother when they saw their accomplishment. In the fading sun, rows and rows of freshly tilled soil lay before them. It had taken days of hard work to prepare the land for planting, but now it looked beautiful to Sam’s eyes. There was something about land that had been cared for that gave it a special look. Healthy and fresh.
He breathed deep, enjoying the scent of freshly tilled soil. Yes, it was a
strange scent to enjoy, but it smelled wonderful to him. It was why no matter how much schooling he’d done—he needed the land as much as it needed him.
“So, Winnie Lundy’s got your heart. That’s an interesting thought.”
Looking sideways at Eli, Sam commented, “You know, I never actually said that.”
“Come now, Samuel.”
“All right. Yes, I suppose she does have my heart, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Why’s that? She’d make any man a wonderful-gut frau.”
“She would, but…I’d have to move back here. Do you think the Lord really guided me to all that learnin’ just to travel back here?” To Sam, that seemed kind of a waste of time, though he supposed that was putting things a little harsh.
“But the two of you would make a good go of it. Perhaps she’s your reason to come back to us,” Eli stated practically.
“Everything isn’t so easy. I’m a college professor, remember?”
“I haven’t forgotten.”
Something in the way Eli said that made Sam wonder if maybe he’d concentrated too much on his job over the years and not enough on family and relationships. Feeling defensive, he murmured, “My work at the college is important to me. I can’t help that.”
“I know.” Together they walked slowly back to the house. “Perhaps we could speak to the bishop. Maybe he would let you still work, at least sometimes. Then you could have Winnie and your college.”
But that seemed wrong. It would be selfish to try—he’d be putting his schedule and needs before his family’s or his faith.
Besides, Samuel knew that attempting to juggle both worlds and his job and the needs of a wife wasn’t an option. The life on campus was too worldly, and seemed to be getting more so each day. Students came to college full of excitement and information about the newest, fastest ways to do things. In spite of his best intentions, he’d gotten caught up in their excitement.
In contrast, the restrictions of the Amish way of life would make a daily transition difficult at best. He could make himself sick by trying to do justice to each facet and most likely would never please both groups.
Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven Page 13